Saturday, December 6, 2003

I hate the holidays

Welcome to December! Sigh. This is supposed to be a happy time of the year, but things aren't looking too great right about now. Work is totally busy and crappy. It's not looking any better. School is almost over and I won't be able to go back next semester cos I can't afford to. Plus I've been learning things about people I know that just makes me feel sooooooooo much pain and worthlessness. It's just weird, you know? Technically, my neighbors should be gone by next Wednesday. Christmas is sneaking up on me. I feel kinda overwhelmed. I'm trying to lose some weight for Vegas. I've been planning this trip since last year. But anyway, back to the depressing part. Since I'll be taking yet another leave of absence, that means another year and a half before I can finish school. I guess I'm at that phase in my life where other people I know are graduating college now. They're gonna get married probably. They'll have houses and nice cars and nice things and I'll still be in school taking eight million years just to get my BA and then when their rich parents pay their student loans off in 2 years or whatever, I'll be spending the rest of my life with bad credit and too many loans against my name and not enough money and I'll have my stupid art degree and be living at home with my parents busting my butt so I can visit a boyfriend on the weekends because chances are I'll never get married and I'll never be out of debt or living away from my parents. AGH! I hate the holidays! What's worse is in 3 months (I guess... December...January...February...) yea 3 months, I'll be 22, I still won't get a proper Valentine's Day! Agh! Did I evern mention that I never had anything special done for Valentine's Day? All my life I never had a boyfriend or anyone do anything special for me for Valentine's Day. THEN, when I did get a boyfriend, the first year we were together, we were going to go out on my birthday, Feb. 15th, which was a I think a Friday and celebrate then because neither of us wanted to go out on a Thursday night. So, as I'm getting ready to go out with him, my best friend calls me and is hysterical because her boyfriend dumped her the day AFTER Valentine's day, yea my birthday. So I spend the weekend consoling her pretty much. So that fucks up my first possible Valentine's Day. The next year I got salmonella and not only could I not celebrate Valentine's Day, but I COULDN'T EVEN GO OUT DRINKING!!!! And what happened to all those people who were like, "We'll go out later!" WHERE ARE YOU?! WE NEVER WENT OUT!!! Maybe this year will be more hopeful. Maybe I'll get a Valentine's Day, or get to go out drinking, or maybe I'll get hit by a car and get killed and not have to worry about all this petty crap. AGH! stupid gay holidays...