Thursday, December 30, 2004

Musical survey stolen from Mr. Ames

Music Survey 1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by? haha... GWAR... dont laugh. serioulsy. 2. What was the last song you listened to (voluntarily)?: wesley willis "im sorry that I got fat" at work today... i was trying to explain his music to someone... 3. What's on your CD player right now? the killers 4. What song would you say sums you up? none that i've heard of yet. i have songs that sum up moods im in but not my life story... 5.What's your favorite local band?: not really. dont do local bands anymore. sorry kids. 6. What was the last show you attended? discharge at the malibu inn.. haha. marquee read i shit you not "hickory smoked bbq.... discharge" 7.What was the greatest show you've ever been to? probably like back in 98 when i saw ducky boys w/ dropkick and swingin utters. it was afun show so i'll say greatest yea... 8. What's the shittiest band you've ever seen in concert? oh man, ive seen so many! god i cant even remember half of them they sucked so much ass!!! 9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of? theres a few bands i like but the messages are a little too lefty for me. im not too cool to pass up good music when i hear it though... 10. What's the most musically involved you have been? played piano for 8 years, had a guitar but moved it to the bf's house, um, did some record sleeves and labels and art for a few bands, and flyers. mostly i did the art stuff for people, never the performing stuff... but i do have some piano trophies heh. 11. What show are you looking forward to? once again, dont lie... SIR MIX A LOT and YOUNG MC at malibu inn january 8th!!! 12.What is your favorite band t-shirt? my GWAR shirt!!!!! i still have that while i threw out all other band shirts... well no i kept the really red shirt i screened. 13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day? barry kooda... hes a nice guy in texas ... havent heard from him in a while though... 14. What musician would you like to hump for a day? none really.. i dont date musicians 15. Metal question - jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes?: what are cracker jack clothes? <--- i think they're like dork cruster clothes evan. but jeans... 16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?: is it a sin to not have much exposure to the following? 17. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie?: wtf!? 18. Blackjack or solo Michael Bolton?: how about when Jim Carrey pretended to be MB on in livin color and his head blew up when he hit the high note and caught on fire and everyone was trying to grab pieces of his hair???? 19. Does Primus suck?: Y'know I could never get into them. 20. Name 3 flawless albums: Gwar - Scumdogs of the Universe Killers - Hot Fuss tie : Metric - Old World Underground Where Are You / Lady Tron - Light & Magic 21. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek? i dont think these questions equate to a geek status... 22. What was the greatest decade for music? ooh thats a toughie. theres so much progressing in the history of music. maybe like influencial years or inventive but i cant say greatest cos a lot of great stuff is going on at all times... be more specific... 23.How many music related videos/DVDs do you own? i think 2... id hafta check... 24. Do you like Journey? in moments of secrecy... 25. Don't try to pretend you don't!: see 24 26. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?: movie soundtrack? people actually buy those? 27. What was your last musical "phase" before you wisened up?: i was "punk" till i broadened my horizons. now im just nothing and im happy that way.


So today I rearranged 3 little photo albums into 1 bigger album and surprisingly it didn't get full! Fortunately I have over 2 years of memories that have yet to be printed! Hahah...

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Pretty people make me laugh!!

I love how all the pretty people of the world think they're so fucking pretty it hurts!!! I wonder if they realize what a bunch of tools they are??? Seriously if they didn't exist I would die of boredom!!! "Maybe one day I can be pretty and have no content but everyone will see how pretty I am and think I have it..." Pftss... SHA RIGHT!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

I'm gonna love me some ray rays!!!

Hell yea!!! Saturday I'm bookin it to Sea World to get some last minute ray ray love before my fun card expires... and I need another ray ray stuffed thing for my office or somethin.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

I'm not hung over, I'm getting a cold!

Happy November! What's sad is one of my bosses reminded me that sometimes you forget to update sites after telling me about how he saw mine. I guess everything will now be put into perspective at work *snort*. This must explain my 4:00 meetings in the bathroom (although 4:00 came early on Friday hahahahahah!!!!!!)

Anyway, I'm still too lazy to go back in and edit the rest of the site. Sorry kids. I thought I'd just post some news so the world still knows I'm alive.

Went to a show last night. It was all good. Had a couple drinks. Thought I was hung over this morning, but I'm just getting sick (I got a fever yo!) I'm supposed to go out with the girls tonite but I may hafta leave early and get some sleep.

Later tators!

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Most people over 21 grow by gaining weight. I grew in height... I am now a whopping 5'5"!!! HAhahahahahahah!!!!

I was in the kitchen and I told my dad I thought it was funny that I was taller than him and he said "thats cos youre wearing those fuckin high heel shoes" I was like "dad I'm wearing house shoes, they have no heel".

Great stuff...

Saturday, October 2, 2004


my [old] site is 3 years old already. when did this happen!?

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Sunset Junction...

Everyones writing about it.... ya I went. Me and Alissa went and saw the Unicorns. I'm jealous that I didn't have their hot pink leisure suitesque outfits. But whatever. Some girl asked us if we supported gay marriage and I got mad cos the night before some chick hit on me at Ralphs and I was wondering if I put off some sort of lesbo vibe??? It was good fun. That was the only time in my entire life I had to draw a map back to the car so we wouldn't get lost on surface streets. Good times... good times...

Monday, August 23, 2004

I'm not a film critic, I'm an art student...

Life is happening... too fast sometimes. I've been in a funk cos I haven't been able to enjoy it really. And when I do get to view life, it seems the pieces I get are the shitty ones. Grrr! Anyway, I was able to say I did get a good little weekened in. I went with Amaf to that festival shindig in Silverlake this weekend and we rocked out to the Unicorns in all their Canadian glory. We shopped. But Amaf got me back and I saw Open Water. I advise people with ADD and mental disorders to not see it as you'll be bored. I was disappointed with the ending greatly, but then realized this morning that Open Water was actually a really good movie because it got me thinking a LOT about life and how I would be in that situation. Needless to say, I would have a LOT harder time losing my husband, which makes you wonder how close they were as a couple to begin with, and I've gotten beef from a lot of people who have said it's a terrible movie and that the dialogue sucked and the acting was crappy, etc. Go ahead and insult, I still believe it has merit. Given, I'm not a film critic, but I'm an art student, and I'm used to critique and theory, which is a LOT more than I can say for the average person, so you wouldn't get it anyway. HA!

Thursday, August 12, 2004

The Best quiz!!!! Random guy....

1.You will marry him and produce five children,
although one will be mentally retarded. You
will be a house wife, and he wil own a music
store. Your love for eachother is immense and
nothing can bring you apart.

Which random guy will you marry? (.pics.)
brought to you by Quizilla HAHAHAH!!!! This is probably the best quiz i took to date...

I'm Freddie dammit!!!

You are Freddy Krueger, from "Nightmare on Elm
Street." Nice sweater.

Which Horror Movie Character Are You? (Many Options)
brought to you by Quizilla And I'm a Rebel!!! POWER TO THE JENNY!!! blackpanther
You are a Radical. Right on!

What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


So today is a happy day even though it's busy. My company has officially gone "corporate". Yay! I get better benefits and 90 days after September 1st, its 401Kville!!!! I'm so jazzed!!! But ok, time is flying like a mo-fo!!! I'm goin back to school soon. So as always, if you want to donate money, click the paypal link on the home page... I seriously need this cash!!!

Oh yeah, and amidst chaos of the past few days, I had a horror with my website due to alcohol induced stupidity.. My bad for posting my web info in chat!! HAahah! Ok, so lesson learned: drinking and computing is not safe. Had to have my password changed and my computer wasn't recognizing it and then my ftp went crazy and I had to reinstall and 3 or 4 days later life was good again. So kids, don't drink and computer. It's not safe.Till then... be safe and crazy!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2004

I'm an asshole!!

I am one of those people that love to hear the sound of their voice. That and my lousy attitude make for a mixture as toxic next-day-mexican-dinner-ass-drip.

The test never lies....

Global Personality Test Results
Sensate (43%) moderately low which suggests you tend to be analytical, unemotional and objective.
Perfectionist (73%) high which suggests you are very organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious but possibly not very spontaneous and fun.
Extrovert (33%) moderately low which suggests you are quiet, introverted, and aloof.
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Tuesday, August 3, 2004

No pleasing anyone...

I've come to that conclusion. I realize I say things that I see as harmless statements, yet, for some reason I always get angry responses? I'm a nut for details and people find my details offensive or wrong. Mark Twain said (about humor) that it's not good unless someone is offended. Well, given, anything in life isn't good unless someone is offended, even with that which is totally positive. Example: let's say someone says "I like Fred Durst. He's a good singer!" Ok, maybe that was a bad example, but anyway, there are people in the world who do not like him, his music, or maybe they just have some sort of personal vendetta against him or the person who made the comment. Given, a totally innocent and kind remark has offended someone who does not share the other person's beliefs. Does this make the person who made that comment a bad person? Who knows. Based on that statement no one knows. Maybe upon a first read of that statement you would make a judgement on that person based on your own personal feelings and not read further into things, or care to investigate more to make a thorough judgement. But point being, someone will be offended. It has come to my conclusion, then, that no matter what anyone does, even if they are the nicest person in the world, there is someone out there that hates you or will be offended by your comments, kind or not. I have never tried to make anyone happy. I don't hate people at random, only idiots. And honestly, I know I can be quite the idiot at times, and yes, I do get mad at myself! I insult, compliment, critique, etc. people left and right, and this is because I am aware of the fact people do the same to me and so I see no harm in doing so. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. Yours may not agree with mine. In fact, I've realized that about 70% of people I meet do not agree with my views on anything. I won't even discuss politics with friends for fears of making enemies! So to anyone who has ever been curious, this is my clarification to my words, actions, and anythings. THERE IS NO PLEASING ANYONE.

Sunday, July 25, 2004

Sushi and meh....

It has come to my attention that sushi is WAY over rated. To anyone who says sushi is great, I only mention that raw fish is one of the number one carriers of parasites. I have had sushi before and find it not to be "all that". There is nothing spectacular or noteworthy of cold rubbery fish. Sorry. Maybe the kids now days find all the colors fun to look at. I don't know. I just know seaweed is something that should stay in the ocean and washed up on beaches and NOT in my tummy. Maybe once in a blue moon or on Fear Factor or something, eating sushi would be ok. I dunno. I just, I don't know what the huge rage is about sushi. Enlighten me....

Thursday, July 22, 2004

Open Water... it makes you think...

When the lights came on in the theatre, people walked out murmuring comments of disgust. Given, Open Water looked a lot more exciting from the commercials. Everyone thought they showed the best parts and there wasn't really much more in the movie that wasn't seen on the commercials. Although, that's where they were wrong. To any who haven't seen this movie, I advise you to not be quick to judge and that I am going to spoil this film for you right now. First off, from the commericals, forgive me if I'm wrong, but I appeared to be under the impression this couple survives. But they don't. The movie starts with a work obsessed couple packing for a last minute scuba trip. They insist they're on vacation, yet they bring their cell phones and a lap top so they can stay in touch with their work. The wife even makes a point that she has checked to make sure the hotel has internet access... It is apparent when we see the husband call his wife on her cell phone to come out to the car, that they are a carreer driven couple who probably get to have as much contact with each other via cell phones and email. Their vacation was a last minute excuse to be together. So on their vacation, we see them less as career oriented and more as your regular vacationing couple and they turn from business sharks into carefree humans you feel a little more compassionate for. They shop. They spend days on the beach. They walk along the shore at sunset. Although, we once again are reminded about how over worked they are when the husband attempts to have sex with his wife but she's "too tired". Either way, they are on a schedule once again and need to be up and at their scuba boat the next morning at 8:30 am. On their boat we learn they are more advanced divers as they discuss wanting to stray from the group and go off and do their own thing. They sit inside away from the other divers and put their stuff under their chairs before they leave. A very rude and probably drunk and frantic man has forgotten his mask and causes a big hoopla when the guide is going over the rules. He's mad that he can't go diving and is the cause of the error leaving our overworked couple stranded. So not much really happens after all this. We'll cut to the point where the couple realizes they are stuck. They think they strayed from the boat at first and see two other boats off in the distance but don't know which one is theirs. They try to flag them down but it doesn't work. A few hours pass and they spend them bickering and arguing in a dark comedy sort of way. They get stung by jellyfish and think this is the extent of the atrocities at stake. The husband then starts yelling about how its the wife's fault they did this last minute vacation because of her job and she tells him she wanted to go skiing. He tells her he's mad because they paid to do this... they paid to get stuck in the middle of the ocean. After their jellyfish experiences, little carnivorous fish start eating the wife's calf. Either they were venomous, or it was the jellyfish's stings, or maybe just all the bobbing up and down, but she starts feeling sick. She vomits in the water over her husband who is checking to see what was biting her leg. He's not sure but he says it was probably a little barracuda. The two of them take turns occasionally looking under the water at what is below them because they would rather "not" see something than see something. It isn't really too long after all of this or the stings and bites that they have encounters with sharks. Now, sharks are very keen to smells and I'm guessing that when they were stung, or bit by the little fish, or vomiting in the ocean, the sharks smelled and decided to say what's up. They move away from the vomit and bob around in a different location. It seems as if there is a big school of sharks below them because whenever they travel, there are sharks below them, and theres about three or four sharks usually within ten feet away from them at any given time. I appreciate the reality of this movie with the usage of real sharks and no stunt doubles. I can imagine these actors were horrified being alone in shark infested waters. I read they had gotten several bruise from when the sharks bumped up against them and had to wear chain metal suits like the kind you use in fencing under their scuba suits. Anyway, after their several attempts to flag down a boat, they realize they have been drifting and see a buouy not too far off. They decide that the current is drifting them to it so they relax as well as they can while seeing sharks around them on and off. Well, wouldn't you know it, there is a flock of seagulls and that implies schools of fish and shark eat fish and when sharks eat they go into a frenzy and eat everything. Before we get to this, there needs to be a discussion of Caribbean Reef shark behavior. For the most part, they are gentle to divers and will not bite or attack for no reason unless divers disturm them or they feel threatened by them. And up until this point the sharks have behaved in those manners amongst them. There was a part earlier in the movie while they were on their dive that they were even petting a shark. So back to the buouy... Now that they are near a school of fish, the sharks are in a frenzy and are biting at the water in attempts to get fish. The husband has a chunk of skin ripped outof his calf and blood is spewing everywhere. His wife wraps her weight belt around his calf to try to prevent the blood from spreading and they move away as far as they can to avoid the sharks. By this point, our two stranded divers have gone from angry with one another to a sudden concern for one another, mostly the husband to her wife. Night is falling and there is a storm. The filming of the storm was the most effective filming technique I have seen yet! I don't know if any of you have been in open waters at night, but I have and when it is night, your boat has a bright halogen light and that light will only light up about a 30 foot radius. Beyond those 30 feet it's like you're in a dark universe where the world is pitch black around you until the sun starts to rise. In the movie you only hear sound and see nothing but a black screen until there is lightning and you get glimses of the frantic divers huddling together trying to avoid whatever may be out there amongst them. Come morning, the husband is in his wive's arms and has a sudden connection to God that has not been apparent anywhere else in the movie until now. It is as if he is aware of the fact he is going to die, yet his wife tells him to stop it and that they're going to be fine. Yet around that time the day before he was telling her that they would be having a story they can tell their kids and have memories for the rest of their lives... With a new day comes new shark infestations. The husband has probably polluted the water with his blood and no matter where they go, that blood will continue to follow. They are safe nowhere. There are sharks everywhere and no boat will find them. Now around this same time, back on the land, the scuba charter is cleaning out the boat and one of the guys finds the diver's gear under the seats and remembers them and has that look of "oh shit!" We then see the frantic man run to their hotel and the manager goes in their room and it is perfectly clean and not occupied. Then the coast guard and several rescue planes and helecopters go out looking for them. Meanwhile back in the ocean, the husband is silent. There are sharks coming by again. There is this heartbreaking moment where the wife gives her husband a kiss and then lets him go. He drifts a few feet from her upon which she sees sharks start to devour him. This is one of those moments that tries humanity. It is hard enough to let go of someone but to physically have to let go of someone and watch as you accept the fact they are dead and they are not coming back and they are being eaten in front of you. It's just so hard to watch. What makes the ending scene difficult for me is the fact that within minutes after doing this, she decides she's the next and instead gets rid of her scuba gear and drowns herself. She herself has come to terms with her life and has denied God and takes her own life. There is a bizarre comparison with religion and their deaths. The man died a natural death via eating from another animal (a natural death I'll hope I never get!) although that was moreso his disposal. He probably more than likely bled to death. However, when he was coming to terms with his death he had looked to God for some sort of closure to a Christian life, or maybe for help. However his wife doesn't try to ask for God's help or forgiveness, but rather takes her life, which is a sin in the eyes of God, rather than let one of his creatures do the job for him. This makes me wonder if the film maker did this on purpose showing the wife as an Eve, she was the one who tempted the husband to go on vacation, tempted him to have sex and denied it, and allow her husband to stray from the group... Maybe maybe not? While everyone in that theatre took the movie for face value, I think it really did a great job of showing human nature and its changes and phases as man verses nature and realizes that he is not a strong enough force. When you see these busy bodies in the beginning and then see them relaxing you feel bad for them when they get stranded because they are trying to relax and yet no matter what they get stuck in a stressful situation. You really feel for these people and it's hard to watch how easy it was for the wife to let her husband go. The end is very interesting because the wife seems almost like a bad person when she dumps her husband to be eaten and shows no signs of emotional stress when she sees him being eaten after her I love you kiss good bye. It makes you wonder if she was hoping that by getting rid of him she would survive since she wasn't near his blood? And then she realizes that it is impossible. In one way, you feel really bad for her because the day before they had been arguing and she was being blamed for the vacation, and she feels guilty for her husband being bitten, but then did she resent his comments and dispose of him instead of holding on to him? If she knew she was going to take her life, why didn't she stay with her husband? It really makes you think about how you would try to handle that sort of situation and what you would do. There's so many messages about safety and life and everything in between in this movie. I was a little surprised that all those people let the ending ruin the film for them. Hopefully it made them think, or maybe they might have discussed how they disliked it and started to find something they could relate to or sympathise with in there. Who knows. It's not a movie that should be taken for by its surface meaning. It's not just a movie about sharks. And for critics to play it off that way just makes viewers leave it disgusted. Unfortunately, I don't reccomend this movie to others because they too, may be too quick to judge it for what it's worth. I'd advise a more sophisticated crowd see this as it may strike a chord in your heart and leave you with a enlightening conversation about life and death situations.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Fred Durst... asshat of the century.... plus...

Let me reflect upon those moments of walking home from BHS in the summer and seeing the heat rising from the asphalt, expecting to hear the first few notes and then "Hot town, summer in the city ...." Yeah. Then out of boredom we'd talk about how Limp Bizkit sucks so much ass and why everyone liked them. All those dumbass stoners and shit. I mean they're probably the only ones retarded enough to find any meaning in such powerful lyrics like "why did it take so long, why? did i wait so long? to figure it out, huh?" or whatever the hell it went like. Katrina's better with song lyrics than I am... she has a robotic computer memory for that shit. I'm not gonna delve into that now, though... We would discuss the likes of what goes through his head when he writes songs and how could he possibly think they're any good? I mean, really now, "I hope you know I pack a chainsaw... WHAT?... I'll skin your ass raw.... WHAT?.... and if this day keeps going this way I might, break your fucking face tonight." Really? Who the hell packs a chainsaw!? Is that like Durst codeword for a sawed off shotgun or something? Is that what he means? Or like, is he all like Leatherface with a chainsaw in his hands... or Bruce Campbell... with a chainsaw taped to his sawed off hand? I dunno. And how do you plan to break my face with a chainsaw? I can understand cut it, chop it, but to me, the word break, usually implies something that is pounded on, like with a hammer or bat or something. I just think the word break has too many connotations of "beat" in it, not so much "cut". Maybe if he said "shread" I'd cut him some slack... One key issue ws that, sometimes he would say random shit, just so he could rhyme. And it's not just him. Rappers do it all the time. Like they'll say something dumb that makes NO sense just so they can have something rhyme. If that's the case, I say, is that one line really THAT important that you need to ruin it by following it up with a absolutely retarded line? If that's the case, then I would guess the retarded line would cancel out the great line and just make it a mediocre couplet or something. Am I getting too technical about all this? I dunno. I know I'm not alone out there in the wide world of thinking Fred Durst is a professional moron.

ETA 1/13/09 11:16 PM - Katrina and I have put way too much thought into the thought processes that go on inside Fred Durst's mind. Way too much thought.

Tuesday, July 6, 2004

6 cans to sanity

I just typed this long boring rant and its gone. Damn. I drank a 6 pack of DrPepper today to keep me sane. Double damn. Damn Damn.

Sunday, July 4, 2004

I'm with Evan on this... WAMU wants to screw us all in the ass...

It's a conspiracy to get you to switch over to direct deposit. Check it: Scenario 1: After working in Santa Monica and depositing checks there for 2 some odd years and then depositing at the WAMU on Van Nuys and Roscoe, they were holding my check cos they didn't recognize my employer. Ok, so I go to the WAMU I opened my account with and changed my employer info. No prob. Scenario 2: After doing that, I go back to the WAMU on Van Nuys and Roscoe and deposit my check and they want to hold my ENTIRE paycheck for 2 business weeks because I had been overdrawn too many times (did I fail to mention this was due to the fact they held my checks before cos they didn't recognise my employer???) Scenario 3: Ok, if I cash my check at BofA and deposit cash, they won't hold that. WRONG! I'm sorry you've been over drawn too many times and we're gonna hold your cash. THE HELL YOU WILL!!! YOINK!!! WAMU seriously has it in to f y'all in the asses. Scenario 4: I get some random ass bank charges on my statements every now and then. Bank charge $11. Bank fees $7. Bank fee $9. Bank fee for what? I know that as a member of their gold checking plan, I pay $7 a month for free checking. I know if I use an ATM I get charged for using an atm, but dude, those show up as ATM FEE $12 or whatever they rack up to. What's up with these random bank charges?! And oddly I don't want to change banks cos I've heard WAMU is one of the better banks out there. Thats sad. At least it's not like BofA where I've heard multiple people say that large sums of money disappeared from their accounts and the bank had no idea of what it was and tried to say they were taking money out and not logging it.... Egh. But yea... after I switched to direct deposit: no weird charges. No unreasonable holds. No probs. Weirdness.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Hobbits and Mudbloods

My dad rented Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and I watched it the other night and the dvd was in my room. He came in just now and was like "Can I take that hobbit movie back?" and I was like, "Dad, those aren't hobbits, those are wizzards." He was like "What's the difference aren't they the same thing?" And I was like, "No dad, a hobbit is in Lord of the Rings and they're little. Wizzards are like normal people just with magical powers. Hobbits have no magical powers" unless of course it were a magic hobbit I suppose??? So he was like "Well whatever those mudluck things" apparently he was refering to Hermoine who was a "mudblood" (not a pureblood wizzard). Why the hell am I explaining this? I was just being a smartass to my dad but now I sound like a loser. HAhahahah

Thursday, June 24, 2004


Sigh. I found out today that if I wanted to transfer to the design program I'd hafta become a BFA1 again and I wouldn't get any financial aid till I was a BFA3 again, or if I were lucky get accepted as a BFA2 and take 3 years to graduate. Bleh. There's another glimmer of hope, that being, they let me take design courses while I stay in the art department and I get art credits for them. Hrmf.

Aside from that piece of ass, I was bored and dyed my hair black again after ... God... years of not dying hair? Reason being, partially, when my roots were growing in, I was noticing "lighter" colored strands... Um, greys? Possibly. My dad went grey at 28 I take on his traits mostly with hair... thick on head and rest of the body. Heh. But hey! I also got my hair cut too. I rule balls! I only paid $7 cos I had a coupon... that includes a tip! Anyway, I took these cool pics. They're kinda Cindy Shermanesque. I'm basically being the monster coming out from under the bed. *snort*

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


So today I went in to find out about transfering to the design department, given I have 1.5 years to graduate. I would have to go back to being a BFA1 and I wouldn't get any financial aid until I'm a BFA3 again!!! Or, if I'm lucky, I could get accepted as a BFA2 and work my butt off. No thanks. Admissions is going to talk to the departments and see if I can take design courses and get art credits for them or something. I hope so. I mean, its not like its my intentions to bogart their classes, I only have a year and a half.... geez!!!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Back in black...

I dyed my hair black again after not dying my hair in almost a year or so. It came out all wrong but it amuses me none the less. :) It's all calicoed like a guinea pig!!! theres splotches of brown and reddish brown and dark brown at random. I dunno. I was thinking of adding more brown to it or buying more black, but i kinda enjoy looking like a guinea wuinea. *shrug*

Bad Kitty!!!

I got mad at Baby Girl today cos she stole the Really Big Peanut. FOr those who don't know, the peanut was found in my bag of nuts at a Dodger game and it's really big so I kept it and it lives on my computer desk. She took it and I yelled at her, "No Baby Girl! Don't hurt the Big Peanut!"

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

No guns? Denied!

Ok, June has been pseudo hectic, but not like stressful hectic, but good busy fun hectic. I had a little weekend in Minnesota again. On the first day there, I went to the Science Museum of Minneaopolis or whatever it was called. It was fun. I didn't really get half the stuff they were trying to explain there but like most of it was supposed to be geared for 8 year olds but they straight up had like algabraic graphic equations and stuff there and I was like, "Ok, I'm like 22 and I can't get this right, how is an 8 year old supposed to get it?" One thing I did get, though, was the ability to make noise.

That night we bbq'd and it was all good. Then there was a tornado I guess but nowhere near us but we did have thunder. Yay! The next day I went to Mall of America and it was super fab. Apparently you can't bring guns there anymore. Lame. Later that night we went to Luce and I got some buffalo wings and a Minneapopolitain and they were playing Motorhead at the restaurant! Woo! And we finished the night by seeing Mclusky at First Avenue, which, according to Katrina, is where they filmed most of Purple Rain's concert sequences and stuff. That club was tiny as hell and funny cos you could buy a PBR there for under $3. I bought one for shits and giggles.

The next day I slept in and went back home.

Friday, June 4, 2004

sleep deprivation:sleeping :: contemplating death:dying (aka I'm a like a cell phone)

I used to think it was the caffeine from so much DrPepper, but for the past few months I've cut back greatly to the point where I dont drink any at all for days then I might have a glass or two or three at the most, but nothing harsh like I used to.

Anyway, I don't know if it's some sort of sick disorder or what, but I always think "there's never enough time in the day" and I've thought about what I would be like if I ever did any sorts of uppers in a positive and totally irrational outlook that I would be "so productive" (as if all the negative aspects wouldn't do anything to me! lol!)

But I don't need drugs or caffeine. No. See I have this weird thing where my body just naturally can stay awake for GREAT periods of time. I'm talking days if I really go at it. I've been getting to the point now where I don't go to bed till well after 2 am. I usually draw the line for computer time and "bedtime" at 1 am, which is when infomercials are on. I then spend the next few hours in bed awake (but I close my eyes because I don't want to see what happens when the lights go out.) But I sit there and think about random things. For some bizarre reason the number one issue that comes to mind isn't that of finances or family or friends or work, it's death. I sit and think about dying. I wonder how old will I be when I die? How will it happen? Will I spend years in a hospital or months or will it be quick? Will I be in a hospital prior to my death as a result of being old and having age related problems? What will happen when my family dies? What will happen if my husband dies? How will I react if my husband dies in his sleep in the same bed as me? Would I die after from a broken heart? What if a friend or loved one died as a result of someone else (ie car accident or something)?

I have this obsession with death. It happens always before I go to sleep. Sometimes my body starts to fall asleep before my mind does and I'll be lying in bed thinking of death when my breathing begins to slow down. My heart beat gets slower. My body numbs. Its like I'm in a deep sleep but my mind and everything else is totally aware of what's going on. Now, it's a VERY bizarre feeling being consious during that bodily down time because for me, literally I will take short shallow little breaths once every so many minutes (seems like anywhere between one and three minutes.) And within that time, my heartbeat gets so slow and shallow, that I can barely feel it. And in those minutes between the breaths as they get farther apart, I think, "This must be it. I must be dying now." Then, I start to freak out and I don't want to open my eyes because I'm afraid of what I'll see. I'm not too sure what I think I'll see, but I fear it. Suddenly I feel my heart rate start to speed up and my heart beats frantically. And it's funny because it takes my breathing a few seconds to get back to normal, but my heart can go from slow to fast in no time.

But thats ok.

I don't think about this every night. Just a lot and usually around certain times of the year. I think it's just some sort of anxiety related to my time in the hospital and deaths of loved one's of friends and so forth. But also a lot of it is due to the fact I would literally stop breathing when I was little and my mom told me of this when I was young and I always was afraid I would die in my sleep when I was little (little did I know then that that was how I would want to go later in life!!!)

Daryl Hannah's character said it so right in Kill Bill "Most of us don't have the privelage of dying in our sleep." So true. I've thought about what it would be like to die from a natural disaster, being eaten alive, shot, stabbed, falling off of something high, burning, you name it I've probably contemplated it. And in the same sense, after I think of what it would be like, I try to think about how I would make a split second decision to save my life. And then I wind up falling asleep.

Maybe it's not even about being productive. Maybe it IS about the fact there is so little time. I've lost 20 years of my life. I could go any day. I don't have enough time. Maybe I don't want to go to sleep for fear that it may be my very last slumber. What if everything I've been living in my life up to now has all been a dream and, what if I REALLY wake up and everything happens as if it were dejavu?

Why do I go out of my way to intentionally keep myself up so late at night, and then after designating myself a "sleep" time do I subconsciously choose to keep myself awak even longer till the point I give up and fall asleep?

I'm not too sure what the thing is with sleep or the obsession of thinking about death and dying, but it must suck to be old because I'm sure old people think about that only and frequently. I don't want to get to that point that I'm old and I think about death every day till I die. That would just be eew. Not fun.

I dunno. I kinda see this as a problem cos I think about it a LOT... but on the other hand, I don't see it as a problem because it hasn't affected my physical state other than the fact I dont sleep much.

I think when I get the time I'll stay up for a few days again and see how that helps me out. 4 years ago I found myself with a simliar problem: I wasn't able to sleep till really really late (like after 1 or 2 and I'd wake up for work around 6ish.) Anyway, one day I get this weird ass idea to see how many days I can stay up instead of saying its time for bed. I wound up staying awake and totally functional for 3.5 days. By the end of the last day, I started to feel kinda dizzy and decided, "Ok, I'm going to sleep." Maybe I'm like a cell phone. I mean, if you recharge me nightly I'll be kinda worn down the next day and die out. Sometimes I'll hafta be completely drained and then recharged in order to work right. Hmm... ok... I think I'm like a cell phone. I always knew I was something mechanical!!!

Anyway, I'm going to go to Catalina in 16 hours. I should go lay down now till I crash. Tonight... might be a night I can get some sleep. I feel kinda beat. Hey I rhymed. Im a poet! Damn I'm smooth!!!

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Snorkel adventures

I went hiking at Leo Carillo today with T and Amafamalissa, and after we went to Point Dume where I had snorkel adventures... or tried to at least...

Thursday, May 20, 2004


heh... not that that's a bad thing...

anyway last nite i was setting the alarm on my phone and realized i had a message so i checked it and it was fatima so i called her. she was asleep and i thought what a lazy oaf asleep so early...

early alright.. like almost 1 am hehe.

according to various sources, jeremy is infamous for calling at random unknown hours of the night. jeremy, if you're reading this, fool, call my ass!!! im up and no one is at weird hours!!!

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Bunk Ass Toilet

So my work has the worst bathrooms. I mean, there's a lot about my work that sucks, but the bathrooms are one of the key crap factors here. I went to the bathroom today and I had some sorta scattered poops and when I flushed, I dunno if we have those low flow cheapo water conservancy toilets or what, but like everything went down except for one piece of boom. So I waited a few seconds and flushed again and the water rised, but didn't go down. It just kinda stopped filling and gave up. So I got out the plunger and was tryin to make it go down but aside from having a bunk ass toilet our plunger is ass too. Its all like soft rubber and doesn't do a damned thing! You plunge and plunge and its like I'd get the same results with a paper plate or something. Anyway, it's a few minutes later so I try to flush again and I flush and plunge in unison and finally that little poop goes down. I swear I wasted like 15 minutes in there over all between pooping and trying to get that one piece to go down. I shoulda just left it. But then not only does that happen, but in the process of the final goodbye, the poop slid on the side of the toilet resulting in a gnarly skid that I couldn't get to wipe off with the plunger. Stupid bathroom. I hate it. I miss my old work's bathrooms.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

M A C H I N E M A C H I N E M A C H I N E M A C H I N E M A C H I N E M A C H I N E ....

Yah thats how i feel sometimes... I don't know whether to blurt out MACHINE MACHINE MACHINE via Kraftwerk or IM NOT A MACHINE a la Black Flag. Damn gina! Sometimes life is so mechanical to me. I've had this total respect for robots in the past four years or so. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved physics and wish I woulda gone that route instead but it's so hard getting a cool job in the science world unless you're totally smart and go into a specific field. i'm totally jealous of my friend cos he has this bitchin mad crazy job doing some high tech james bond shit that has to do with something of the random distribution of atoms forming a lattice structure, not sure what they need it for but its crazy stuff. he's had like over 12 publications, a phd, and a six digit salary and he's only 10 years older than me.

when i think of that i wonder like where will i be in 10 years? im hoping i'll have my student loans paid off but today i had a glimmer of hope for a few random minutes. i was working on a website for this lady a while back and quit on her and got my pay, but she emailed me this weekend wanting some art so i told her i'd do her design for $40 and she was like, ok cool. but then she emailed me and asked me for some more stuff so i bumped it up to $100 and she was like yea cool. so i think ok its not a million dollars but it's a bill. :) so i was being a little machine crankin out her art and stuff. and sometimes i just do stuff like that and think hey this is cool im getting paid to do what i like and its on my terms and i can set a price. that liberty is great. but im bummed cos come tax time i gotta claim that money. i'm not too sure how to go about doing that but i'd be kinda afraid not to and then down the line find out i owe for whatever reasons.

i just finished doing some art for someone i know and they showed their buddie who owns a hobby record label and wants me to do art for them. grrrr. i have no problem doin freebies for friends but i told them this guy better pay me hehe. i told the guy i'd give him a discount cos its their buddy but i also informed them never to do that again w/o my consent. ie, my time is money and time wasted on fun stuff can be time working on paid goods...

Tuesday, May 4, 2004


* * EARLY MORNING * * Morning!!! I just got finished listing some art of mine on ebay. But theres a few things I have listed on there that I have extras of like the Pooptopia test press prints, New Wave of Poop posters, and some stuff that I don't have listed, the Take a Shit It'll Last Longer test press prints on neon poster board (those vary in size but are like within the 8.5 - 14" range.) I have 4 of the Take a Shit prints. If you're interested in buying one, email me. There's only 4 of those and they're $10 each with free shipping. You can pay for all items via paypal, or contact me for other methods.

So across the street from me is this family. The husband is a gardener and tried to get a monopoly of doing all the lawns in our neighborhood but most of the old people out here already had gardeners so he's all pissy. He was mad at us cos we turned down his services so he was friends with our old asshole neighbors that moved and he'd plot with them stupid stuff. Anyway, the guy has these kids, two that I know of, one I question if it's his. The one kid is a little girl. She's pretty chubby. She looks like the mom. The other is this little boy who is totally blonde hair blue eyes and wears glasses white. Now I've seen some of their relatives and there are no light skinned folk there (they're hispanic and most of them are darker skinned. I think the woman had an affair or the kid might be adopted or something.) Anyway, since the guy does yard work he's home every day and his kids run around outside the house and up and down the street. The old lady across thes street with me who pimps her old Chevy Malibu to the church I go to on Sundays got mad at his kids cos they were riding their bikes on her lawn and stuff. But ok that's kinda irrelevant to my story. Anyway, they're home all day and when they're not trashing up the neighbor's lawns they have their dad buy them ice cream. I think he must spend like at least $20 a week on ice cream from the ice cream truck on them. Now, logic tells me, ok, ice cream from the truck is like $1.50 or so for one thing. Ice cream from the store is like $3 - $5 for a gallon or a box of popsicles or whatever. Financially I can see one option being a LOT cheaper than the other. Then again, maybe he buys from the truck cos if it's in the house that little girl might eat all of them at once. Anyway, I see those kids get ice cream from a truck at LEAST three times a day in the spring and summer. Its usually like once or whenever the truck comes by in the winter and off seasons. Regardless, he's financing ice cream man's child support or whatever.

Now, there's one ice cream truck in the neighborhood that we've dubbed the "drug truck". Reason being, it comes down the street every day or so and goes at least 30 - 40 mph. It never stops for anyone. It's blue with a white roof and we laugh whenever it passes by because you hear the music and it sounds all warped due to it's high speed. Anyway, today those two kids were in their front yard and I guess the ice cream man didn't come yet but they see the drug truck haulin ass down the street and they start to run after it, "WAAAAIIIIITTTT!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT!!!!" The funny thing is, our drug truck theory is even more true now more than ever. Two kids come running after the truck and it doesn't stop. Does it see them? It can't help it. They were running out to it from the moment they spotted it down the street. This pass by was intentional. That truck knew those kids weren't buying drugs and that truck obviously didn't have any ice cream for them either. So the theory that the drug truck really is a drug pusher in the disguise of an ice cream truck: true. The fact that those kids eat too much damned ice cream and maybe this will be a wake up call to them to cut back a bit: also true.

But you can believe me, I was laughing my ass off when I saw this. That's just ghetto. Hahahah...

Monday, May 3, 2004


Happy May!!! Well, I got back from Coachella this morning at 6 something. It took us almost 7 hours to get home. That's ass but it was worth it being able to see Kraftwerk in my lifetime. I won't go into all the horrible details of the drive but I took some pics of the band. I had them posted but someone brought up a very valid point about the band being top secret and the possibilities of people jacking my archive so, if you want to see them, I'll show you but only under the pretense you don't steal my images. Also, I'd appreciate if you don't go posting those images all over the place if I do show you cos dammit I don't wanna hafta take them down cos someone rips me off, you know? People suck like that.

Also I have horrible sound quality video clippets if you wanna see. Due to the fact we were right up there by them, the sound sucks. But it sure the hell didn't suck there hahahaha!!!

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Filling the holes

Today sucked. I got dental work done, i.e. I had my DrPepper hole filled. Hurts. Sucks. But tonight my sis found this little guy on our patio surrounded by our cats. Fortunately he wasn't hurt. He's going to a rescue tomorrow but I called him Squirt. Hopefully he'll keep that name.

::Photo no longer on server::

Sunday, April 18, 2004


Welp, I got back from Minnesota, eh. Anyway I had a ball. If I could do it again I'd do it in a heartbeat! But on the way back there were these little shit kids on the plane who kept crying and stuff. I'd edit them out of things heh. There's so much to the trip I'd explain but I don't feel like typing it all...and not cos I have jetlag cos I don't. I just wanna do otherthings right now heh.

I like to look at wedding dresses. They make you wear gloves at the Wedding Boutique "slash" Wedding Chappel in the mall... Can we say ghetto??? (to the chappel not the gloves lol. Who would get married in a mall anyway?!?!)

Sunday, March 28, 2004

Favors don't pay the bills

Some days I think I bit off more than I can chew. I've realized that aside from the fact I have my full time "day job", I've found myself occasionally baby sitting for my old boss (which I have no problems with... easy money!!!) but I find myself now running 4 websites, but of those only one pays. Ok, I totally know I hafta do my site cos if I don't, no one knows I exist and then I'm left without money. But honestly, I'm thinking I wish I could come up with more money. Dammit. It sucks being broke. But yes. I run my site for publicity. But I also run a site on the sly for a friend. Eew. Talk about awkward. See, the point is my time is valuable. Sometimes I think I would be very well off with a laptop. Hmm... I could see how I could be so much more productive but I dunno. Anyway, I still find myself needing side gigs. Hopefully now that I have the design section up I'll get more stuff in there. But really, I think the real point behind all this is: my bills don't get paid based on me doing you "favors". From now on, if you want something from the Jenny, you'd better be willing to pay for it!!! I'm not rich like you and the only reason I have this site is cos of a very nice anonymous person who provides my server space and I just give him the domain fees once a year. HELP THE JENNY!!!

Friday, March 26, 2004

Today is now tomorrow

With today now being tomorrow, I just finished some updates to the look of the site. I was really unhappy with the last design. What the hell was I thinking?!?!? Ha ha ha ha ha! Anyway, I think this site is more fun looking even though much of the content is the same etc. I'm not completely done though. I'm gonna edit some of the pictures and I'm working on reconfiguring the art gallery into comics, art, and design. So it's kinda in the works and what not. As usual, let me know if there's any mistakes. Heh. It's so fun now. I'm pleased. :)

I was lookin at my friend Amafamalissa's other journal thingie and I haven't seen her photos since high school. She was good then but now she's wicked awesome. Dude... did I just say "wicked awesome"? Ugh. I can't believe I just said that. Grrr stupid 1:30 am....

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Feeling like you're suffocating every 5 minutes

I dunno how many times I say it, but I really need money. More money anyway. I think I would be ok if I could magically come up with like $500 - $1000. But that's not gonna happen so meh.

I haven't really mentioned anything of the sort but like a little over a week ago, I had this weird random asthma attack. Since then I've been gettin them more frequently and heavier. Well, remember how I had all that ruckus last year being in the hospital and what not? For some reason, now when I get an asthma attack, I kinda freak out and anxiety kicks in. Anyway, I lack my oxygen and my CO2 so I'm kinda screwed. There really isn't anything more they can do for me except give me sterroids and say take it easy for the next month till the sterroids actually work. Gee, lucky me. Regardless, I spent $50 for my meds. Grrr. Seems like every year life gets a little crappier.

So I can't do anything about my health. I try to live a pseudo healthy lifestyle but its kinda hard when a good 3/4 of the people I know smoke and I work by a tile cutting factory and railroad where I'm constantly surrounded by bad particles of junk in the air. Maybe if I have more money I won't notice these things... or at least not have to hit up my parents for the cash to pay for my meds...

I went to work today after having to take the last day and a half off and it's really hard for me to work under these conditions. (Imagine feeling like you're suffocating every 5 minutes or so and then freaking out and your heartrate goes up and you cant get any air in cos you're so freaked out...) So I guess its bedrest time for me. Meh.

Thursday, March 18, 2004

St. Patrick's Day at an English Pub???

Last night was my first St. Patrick's day of going out drinking. We were gonna go to Ireland 32's but I only had $15 on me and there was a $10 cover so that would be no fun! Plus we heard there was like a 2 hour wait to get in. So we trotted on across the street to Robin Hood's, the British pub. Heh. Seems kinda lame and/or dumb going to a British pub for St. Patrick's day but meh, there was a Welsh dude there and St. Patty is originally from Wales, so it was ok. But oh man! There were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many boyfriend calls in there. I was in tears and my tummy hurt from laughing so much. I had a good time with T and Sharon Sharon. And I guess there was some guy Sharon knew there and he bought us all a round of drinks. Kudos to him. I had a few black and tans in honor of the occasion and friends, I normally greatly dislike Guiness, but hot damn, I think if I drink beers again, I'm gonna hafta stick with the black and tan cos it's the perfect blend of both worlds. Mmm mmm mmm. Ok, oh and if you ever go to Robin Hood's might I suggest the Chicken Drummies. They're damned tasty!

Oh yeah, here's a charming St. Patrick's day flash back to last year: The St. Patrick's Day Surprise!!! I saw it today and was laughing. I forgot all about that!

Saturday, March 13, 2004

I hate you and you hate you too

I dunno where to start. It's weird. I was surfing an old webpage and reading someone's journal and I dunno. You know how like sometimes you hate someone so much you want to know everything about them? Its like the greatest lesson I ever learned from reading Heart of Darkness: keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

In case you didn't notice, I guess this moved from a professional news section to a web journal like those so many people have. I'm not sure why I never changed the title from news to journal, but I guess journal has a certain stigmata to it I never wanted to take... like being called a feminist.

I am really good at holding grudges and I would never in my life want to be a feminist because some of the people I hate most claim the lable, some because they have control issues others cos they just want a lable or to fit into something. And quite frankly I don't have a clear grasp on feminism and what it means. All I know is that older women and my peers revile me for my views.

On that note, (for the moment I lost my train of thought to make sure I don't look like a tool using a word I'm not 100% sure on the meaning. I sound like a total idiot when I talk because I write probably at like a 5th grade level.)

Ah yes, I need to quit taking things so cynically. But maybe it's my cynicism that drives me to go on. I realized that I am a curious cat that's going to get killed. I keep prying my nose into places in the past trying to find as many pieces of the puzzle so I can make out a clear picture. I've learned that with just the right amount of alcohol I can get a good handful of pieces, but the rest I will have to do some detective work on. I realize that other people's lives are a lot more interesting than mine. And not like famous other people, but people I know personally or not. I just want to find out as much as I can about people. I think it's almost like a borderline psychotic trait, although that wouldn't be the first time someone called me a psycho... although the first I called myself that...

A few nights ago I realized I don't want to paint anymore. Not because I don't enjoy it. I actually have some canvas with gesso drying as we speak that needs a few more coats. I love painting. I love to do it to relax, but, I just don't like what others have to say about it not being "interesting" enough, or that it needs to be "deeper". Why can't I just do art for art's sake anymore? Is that not acceptable? I guess not in an art school. They expect more. Maybe I just haven't found the right way to express myself in a way people find it interesting. You know it's kinda odd cos that's a vicious cycle in my life. When I was in elementary school and junior high I wasn't "interesting" enough so I kinda got into counter culture and found my 15 minutes in a niche I felt comfortable in. Of course one minute later I was once again not "interesting" enough. This happened probably 5 times again up until college when I found my path and some 15 minutes later I was once again not "interesting" enough. Can we see a pattern here?

I'm overly aware of certain aspects of my life and I start to fear when it'll get close to 15 minutes in other areas. Life is scary. Yet I can happily say I am not one of the millions out there with depression, but merely a cynical awareness of my situations.

However, I will admit, I am in a very odd stage of my life with everyone around me. My sister is going to be moving out of the house for her third time. First time was... well, I won't lament on these stories because I went over them the other night whilst telling someone else online about her decisions. All I can say is that she's moved out 2 other times, both with men. Both times did not work and she wound up back home. She's been living in the living room for the past I wanna say 4 years... It's gonna be weird with her gone. The last time she moved out I didn't really care because I had a very busy social life at the time. But some four years later I realize who my true friends are even though I rarely get to see them. Although I must say, I was really pissed off that some people I had thought were my friends, don't see me the same way. So much that I hear about their birthday parties from other people and while I talked to them, they obviously don't think I'm worthy enough to hang out with them at their social gatherings. Needless to say, they are tools. I'm sure had I gone they would suggest it be my turn to play sloppy seconds to their boyfriend as if it would somehow be a privelage. Although I doubt it because I don't think they ever really saw me as being worthy of being part of their "beautiful people" clique.

This is why I am cynical and you're just depressed. I hate you and you hate you too. I guess that's all we ever had in common.

Friends close and enemies closer. Again.

And on issues of faith... at 12:56 AM it is the third Friday of Lent. No meat today. Good thing I had a big meal 4 hours ago. I feel as if I've let God down by saying I would give up fast food and soda for Lent, yet I've found myself eating more fast food and drinking more soda since the 3 days I was able to go after Ash Wednesday. I just don't have good willpower. If I did, I would be 20 lbs lighter, not have a hole in my tooth and maybe be out of school by now. Heh. It kinda makes me want to go back and read Joyce again. I know he makes a lot of political references, but I was always more attracted to the spiritual dilemas that challenged ones faith. Eh, I guess politics at that time were a determining factor, especially when people start to pay more attention to the state than to God. But on that, I remembered one of the most striking images he ever wrote was at the very end of Ulysses when Mrs. Bloom was goin on and on and she starts talking about premarital sex and mentioned putting a dab of boisenberry jam on the sheets to make the man think his wife was a virgin.

Oh no, its really early morning and informercials are on now! It's funny, all health and fitness guru guys always look the same. They have those ripped muscles, tank tops, basbeball caps, and a long ponytail. Interesting observation. * Richard Simmons doesn't count. He's just a nut! *

I got my girlscout cookies in today. It sucks cos I didn't have the money for them, yet my boss requires that we buy things from his kids whenever they sell things for their schools. I know, it's bullshit, but I hafta kiss ass with hopes I might get a raise. I guess he hired like 2 new people. One guy is totally cool cos he has the biggest truck I ever saw in my life. The other is a meathead jock type. But he keeps hiring all these new people and I'm wondering like how we can do this financially because, last I heard, we weren't doing too well with the money. But then, we're getting all these new people. Like I said, hopefully, I'll see some of that money.

Lots of people can say money doesn't bring happiness. But they're usually people with a lot of money that never worked a day for what they have and tend to underappreciate things anyway. So if I had the money I would finish school, buy a house, and try to make a nice happy life for me.

Sometimes it's hard to learn things about people with aliases. Oddly enough, I have found some things on people who had an alias. It took me forever but I found information on them. But, my fascination isn't so much on historical events in their lives, but more so their emotions towards things. Of course it's never really done out of pure amusement but rather to place myself on some sort of scale as to how I would line up in the lives of others, hoping I am higher on the pedestool. I'm supposed to be a woman now, but everyone still treats me like that dumb little girl. I wonder about others and why they were treated like women but I'm treated like the little girl. What made me different?

In the long run it's a search to find myself for the moment. I can't do the little girl thing because I am too old for that now. Now I need to figure out how to be a woman. How to do things the grown up way. Life is scary. I'll need to move out one day and give up my codependency. In order to do that I need to quit lamenting over the past and things I cannot change or ignore. I need to accept the past for what it is and was: the past. That which will not be repeated... hopefully. And despite the fact they say actions speak louder than words those are lies because the words are the things that are burned in my memories, and they always come back to bite you in the ass. Sometimes I wish I never said things. Sometimes I wish others never said things. But I always will wonder what if?

I was thinking about a guy I knew in high school and I was wondering what if I went out with him instead of my sister? How would my life be different? Maybe my life wouldn't have been any different then than it is now?

Gee, my mind is all mixed up right now. There's so much going on and my thoughts are bouncing around like readings from John Edwards, who I question, because I know if I had that gift I would not be exploiting it on tv and getting paid for it, but rather doing it for free. If that is truly an ability he has, he's abusing it. Needless to say, I would be tormented if others used me as a medium... unless it were for someone I cared for and the message were important.

Eeeew ok my thoughts are getting weird. I should go to bed cos I'll only get 6 hours of sleep. Grrrr.... G'nite kids...

Monday, February 23, 2004

Livin' it up like a rockstar

I got some stuff for sale on ebay too. Just look up sales for jennyxno2.

In the meantime, enjoy my fun pictures:

I was livin it up like a rockstar when my parents were outta town last week. Heh.

Monday, February 2, 2004

Hi, I'm a hippocrite...


Wednesday, January 28, 2004


Well! What's the point of updating so late in the month? I dunno. I guess I didn't want to let anyone down. Let's see, what's goin on... I had to take a leave of absence from school and that sucked cos they tore up my ID card. No more student discount! Boo! I went to a monster truck rally on Saturday night (01/25/02) and it was cool cos they had demolition derby instead of the gay motocross/motorcross (sp?). Moral of story: it was great.


Here's something you don't hear of too much. You always hear stuff about people saying their mechanics suck and not to trust them, etc. I don't believe that. I love my mechanic. I trust my li'l truck with Steve at Burns Automotive in Reseda. That guy's worked on my truck every time since I've owned it doing nothing but making it better for me. Anyway, over the last few days, I noticed my brake lights and blinkers weren't working, so I had the li'l guy go in today for a check up. Steve checks it out along with a list of other things I wanted him to look at and well, darn it he's such a nice guy! If I won the lotto I'd give him like $5,000 or somethin. Normally, they won't do the work unless you pay that day or the day you pick it up with a down payment if it's a high bill. Well, Steve's worked on my truck. I've spent like $4,000 on my truck fixing it up since I've had it. I had to get a stupid belt that cost $500, rebuilt the transmission at $800, got a new engine put in $4,000. So, when I have a tiny thing that needs to be done like changing blinker lights, he does them for me and says I can pay for them whenever because he really wouldn't want to see me get in an accident because someone doesn't know which way I'm going or if my brake lights aren't working.

Monday, January 12, 2004

Marketing Victim

I was watching Happy Gilmore tonite on FOX and he was doing his SUBWAY commercial so I got a craving for Subway. My mom had a full card for a free sub, so not only did I get Subway, but I didn't hafta pay. It was good. :)

Monday, January 5, 2004

You'd be proud of me today...

I threw up. It sucked cos I had Taco Bell last night and I swear I have chunks of ground beef and other taco products in my nose! Heheh. But yea, I guess I'm kinda bothered because if you recall, a year ago, I had a very long sickness start out this same way around this same time. I don't even want to remember that. For some stupid reason I was traumatized by that whole hospital experience that I kinda fear that whatever breath I take might be my last whenever I go to bed and I kinda have this fear of dying or of other people I love dying because of their lifestyles. Death. It's not cool. Ok, anyway, I think its high time I wash this sickness out.