Friday, January 21, 2005


Thats right, I'm goin to Albuquerque, New Mexico! And not just for anything, it's V-Day weekend and I'm spending it with my true love: GHOSTS!!! Ya I'm goin ghost hunting in NM and it's gonna be fabulous, and even better, I'm staying at a HAUNTED MANSION!!! Anyway, it'll be the best and even if I don't see any ghosts, I'll still get to do some fun shopping and see the rattlesnake museum... fab!! I can't wait!!!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Ghosts of New Mexico

::Photos no longer available on server::

The rooms in the drawings were done September 18/19 pm/am? 2002. They were based on something I saw in a very weird dream. Some two years later I come across a bed and breakfast in New Mexico where I will be staying that resembles two of the rooms in the dream. Coincidence? I think not... We'll see what Old Town has to offer and whether we can get some closure for some disturbed souls...

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


counting down till another year passes. and yet another year taken from your life. and it happens every year bringing you close and closer to death. at least i found the perfect black dress...

Running away...

to albuquerque... its only for a weekend. i guess its not really running away if you know where im at. i just need a break away from everything. i cant hang. <<< side note >>> what the hell?!?! mood: reading (books) um if im typing a blog would i be reading? no i'd be typing... i can type and watch tv, or type and listen to music but i cant type and read!!! dumbass gen-x pseudo sophisticate show the world how smart you are by showing how stupid you still are theory proven by jenny correct once again... seriously kids, i was smart before it was cool and i got shit from people all my life in school cos of it. fuckin opportunist

Monday, January 10, 2005

Gen-X Pseudo Sophisticates

I'm feeling zesty tonight. I think I'm going to do something I haven't done in a long time and write a thought commentary thingiemabob.

Gen-X Pseudo Sophisticates
I was filling out one of those ever so popular online survey things. You know the ones—what's your name, favorite color, favorite tv show, etc. Usually they get passed around by all your friends and give you insight into trivial facts you probably already knew about them. Some people use those surveys to make themselves sound more interesting by adding hints of sarcasm or something. But there is an alarming trend in these little surveys that hints to a higher intelligence level in the people who fill them out.

Gen-X is growing up. They are growing weary of the apathetic pizza eating, tv watching, reputation they've been given. They've traded in their "burger, fries, and a drink" in exchange for expensive restaurants, sushi, and merlots. And don't even think about tv anymore because it is far too much of an idiot device for them to pay homage to for an hour or more a day. Instead they prefer books and foreign films.

Now, I know how annoying that whole stupid teenager shtick was, but this pseudo intellectual thing is even more annoying. Half the people that are out there are reading things they don't even comprehend and then when you try to have a discussion with them about things of the sorts, they sound like broken records reitterating the facts of sentences they were able to understand. Or they talk about how great the latest French film was when really its just a ripoff of a film that was made in America a year ago. (Of course, if they're as smart as they pretend to be they'll call you on the fact there are only 7 story plotlines that can ever occur.)

What's even more pathetic is Gen-X is not about original thought. They don't want to do things to broaden their horizons. Instead they do things to be cool. If someone decides it's no longer cool to be stupid, then suddenly they try to be smart. And when you take a halfwit and try to turn them into a MENSA member, it doesn't usually play off very well. Words are frequently misused and Michael Moore's statistics are often mistaken for facts. Very frightening...

So maybe this will be just a passing phase in their constantly flip-flopping lifestyles. Hopefully they'll grow old of this and feel more comfortable retreating to their apathetic roots. Sad as it may sound, some people are better off idiots.

more than one...

alissa/allyssa as a friend. confusing yes. but spelling helps me differentiate. thank god.

Friday, January 7, 2005


So this is the new year... Well it took me long enough. I have this theory that has yet to prove me wrong: the way you spend your New Year's Eve is a reflection of what the future year will be like. Needless to speak, mine was rather horrendous (sp?) one. I won't even delve into that night once again as it was complete and utter bullshit! I will say, it did make me think about a lot of things and I've decided that I'm just going to come to terms with things. I've learned to accept things the way they are and instead of bitching about it, try to make it work for me or better, whatever. Bitching, I find, is only useful in certain situations, and not in day to day events. It just makes you tired and frusterated.


California as we know it is a very liberal state. Just about anything goes. Everyone wants to be their own person or a star of some sort and it's almost unwritten state mandate that you are a member of SAG or have done something in the entertainment industry. None the less, an aspiring artist is just as much of a media whore as an aspiring actor, singer, stripper, you name it. So it is only necessary to make it to the top you study at the best institutions you can find. For me, the entire duration of my life up until 3 or 4 years ago was at the California Institute of the Arts.

I was fortunate enough to get in. Then again, I wonder how many other people they let in. After my first year there, I think I realized that it's not so much whether your art is good or not, it's how many drugs you do, how rich your parents are, how many people you know, how many gallery openings you go to and how wasted you get there. So for me, the answers were discovered after the first year: bad, none, poor, not enough, rarely and rarely.

I realized this place was way too liberal for my traditional yet quarky ways. Where then do I fit in? I'm too eccentric for standard settings, but not psychotic enough for CalArts. And perhaps that's where my problem was. Not so much in my art, but in who I was as a person.

In that liberal society where individualism and free thinking is spoken so strongly of, I felt as if I were being ostracised for doing exactly that. It was like CalArts rounded up all the freaks of California, the US, and the rest of the world, and housed them under the pretense they were getting an education in the arts. Yet with the exception of a small handful, half the teachers were as much of nut jobs as the students. Ironically enough, as I evolved as a person, I started to stray away from "their" norm, that being, I started to go corpororate, I became an individual: a responsible person amongst carefree twenty- and thirty-somethings who should have been more responsible than I was, considering their ages.

I believe there is a direct correlation between me working to finance my tuition and being told I don't spend enough time on my studies because I work too much. That showed responsibility. Apparently you can't be responsible at CalArts. You need to be the complete opposite and rely on your rich parents to send you money for tuition, supplies, food, and steal things from people to get whatever else you want because no one will punish you. And this theory doesn't only apply to the students. It applies to some of the staff members as well. After all, what responsible financial aid department would lose your loan application, then send you last year's application and then tell you they sent the wrong form and send you the correct form only to have it sit on some shelf for a week after you turned it in? Then they expect you to come up with $11,000 over a two week notice, because we all are millionaires, after all.

There is a lot of other odd coincidences that have occured since my transformation that I won't even delve into. It is sickening that unless you are an idividual in their liberal society, and by that, be a clone of your peers, you will not get far in life.

With that, I say, after 5 years on and off, full time, part time, 3 years and 1 semester of work completed, I am going to march down to that school, completely fed up, and file for dismissal. No one will care other than the fact they just lost a customer.

But enough of that crap: here's some highlights of 2004: nothing.

1. Get SCUBA certified.
2. Take down pretty girls that know they're pretty and act like bitches.
3. Travel ! Travel ! Travel! (Last year was AWESOME and I need to see more of what's out in the world!)
4. Screw CalArts and go to another school.