Thursday, December 28, 2006

Visiting Jesse and Susanville Randomness

Ok this is scattered to the best of my recollection:

Wednesday: met a trucker on the fly away who liked guns. Met up with Jesse in Reno. Had a great drive back to Susanville. Stopped off at some gunshop and met one of his teachers who we would later be having thanksgiving dinner with the next day. Stopped off at the bowling alley. Met the infamous Wes and the moreso chubby than fat neighbor Hoss.

Thursday: went to Jesse's teacher's house for dinner. Spent the day there. Snaggled Jesse's drinks whilst playing a new card game hand and foot. Tricky at first but then fun. Saw his teacher get drunk and serenede everyone there with the guitar. Did a really bad rendition of Freebird. It was fuckin brilliant.

Friday: Did nothing. Really. We watched tv and walked around the school. We saw horses and goats and then went back. Jesse had to go to work so I sat around and watched tv and fell asleep.

Saturday: Was pretty much the same. Only we gotta go shooting with Wes. The ride up was fuckin hillarious. But not as funny as the ride back. We Susanville drifted around this one corner at like 90 which was supposed to be taken at probably like 30. it was fuckin sweet. Wes drives like a maniac and i wouldn't expect any less from Jesse's friends. Kudos to his gnarly driving skills. Oh yea, that reminds me, on Wednesday night when Wes dropped us off at the dorms he totally turned all fast into the parking spot and me and jesse flew to the other side of the car cos we didn't have seat belts on. Jesse fell into Wes's lap quicker than a whore who was promised crack for a blowjob. Oh man, that was funny shit. Jesse spilled his ice and reminants of pepsi all over the car. it was mostly ice...
Back to shooting though. We shot pumpkins. All the good guns were in the shop so it was deuce deuce, Das Glock, and the .45. I never shot a .45 before but I quickly learned it wasn't too much gun for me. In fact I like the .45. So there! I gotta shoot Wes's gun that was pretty fuckin sweet. Then Jesse started shooting at rocks with Wes's gun and then they shot at bottles and whatever random crap they could find. It was great shooting fun with those two. But shooting is always fun...
After that it was back to the dorms for me and jesse had to go to work... again. It sucked. I watched tv and went to sleep.

Sunday: Sunday was a good for nothing do nothing day. We woke up around 1 and didn't do shit. Then it started snowing and I wanted to go outside so we went out for a little bit. Back to indoors. Watched some teevee. Jesse had to go to work... yet again... fortunately I had the company of Hoss's girlfriend Jen. We chatted girl chat for about 3 hours before deciding to go walk around the snow. We built mini snowmen and slid around on slippy ice spots on the ground and threw snowballs at signs. it was fun. THen Hoss came home and then Jesse got home shortly after. The four of us went outside and had a snowball fight and then visited the goats again. We looked like the biggest bunch of dorks around it was fantastic! Jesse had his helmet on, I had his civil war cap, hoss had god knows what some sorta KKK gnom knit hat, and Jen had some hunting cap. But wait! The best part is Hoss wore this wool undersuit thing but I called it his Santa Jammies and he got all booty hurt and it had the buttflap and everything and was red. ahahahah. Fuuuunnnyyyy stuff....

Monday: FANTASTIC!!!! i gotta go to gunsmithing school with jesse. it was fuckin


I told him if i ever win the lotto I wanna go to gunsmithing school too cos damn, i wish i could just up and go now but i got a job and what not. its not something i would spend my life doing as a profession but id love to learn it as a hobby. maybe i'll do it when i retire or something. we'll see. anyway after class we went out to get breakfast/lunch depending on what people ordered at this little diner called Harts (not to be mistaken with Hearts in the valley...) It was some good eats although Jen had been had with her potato soup. Apparently it was just the same as the gravy only with potato pieces and some garlic. *snort* After that we made a quick stop at Kragen and then Wes's and then it was time for me to go home. Boo :(
The ride back to reno wasn't as exciting. In fact it was rather depressing. Jesse and I were trying to figure out when we'll see each other again and I pretty much decided I would drive up for Christmas and again for my birthday, so we'll see what happens then. Hopefully I'll have enough cash to go. Flight home was bumpy as fuck and I think if i didnt have as much blind faith in captains as i do, i would have been kinda scared, but i wasn't... god bless blind faith.

So yeah, that's my trip to Susanville. I was kinda bummed that we didn't get to do more and that Jesse had to work so much but at least I gotta see him.

Susanville randomness:
They got this talk show on sunday morning called swap and shop where people call in saying stuff like "i got a used refridgerator for sale $50 or best offer call 555-2434" and then the host will be like "555-2434" or they'll be like "I'm looking for a dobermine puppy if anyone has any call Terri 555-0080" and the host says the phone number again. i totally could see myself listening to swap and shop looking for a great deal on something heh.

They got cash call up there. only its not 866-590-CASH CASH CALL CHA CHIIIIINNG. its something else. its like 877-860-CASH. i dunno. its hard to remember the number without a catchy jingle. i just thought it was wrong that it was a different number up there. go figure, right?

there's this asshole deer out there named spike who likes to give jesse's teacher shit and they can't shoot him or anything cos it's illegal so this deer runs around like he's gonna charge people. i hope he gets hit by a car or something. just not jesse's.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Guns and fashion

I've noticed a recent popularity of guns being used in fashion on clothing articles thanks to bizarre confused art fag designers. Don't get me wrong, I love guns, I love clothing with guns, I own a gun...soon to be guns. But I'm talking people who don't even like guns who are anti gun sporting tunics with guns on them because they think it's a cool "design". Well fuck that. I mean if you're anti gun, don't fuckin wear a shirt with guns on it!!! Let's look at some of these gun designs shall we??? I found these on the urban outfitters website, which is like the mecca of liberal art fag clothing:

Oh kay let's start here. Johnny Cash. Great artist. Great use of guns. Bad use of model. Do you seriously think that girl listens to Johnny Cash or likes guns? If it weren't for the fact her hipster boyfriend took her to see Walk The Line, she'd probably have no idea who he is.

Here's problem number 2: the "rock" art fagette sporting a fake vintage Guns N' Roses tee. I doubt she'd be very welcomed in the jungle. She looks like she'd be sitting at the sidelines with Cindy Sheehan protesting Bush and the war in Iraq. Nice try, rocker art fagette. We know you're just as anti gun as the last girl...

Let's see what eBay home of everything imaginable had to offer:

Oh this is bad. Sure it's a ray gun, but it's shooting STARS!!! I doubt any intergallactic bad guy would shoot stars at his enemies. He'd blast them to a lazer beamed firey death. This is ridiculous!

This angers me profusely. Guns. And hearts. Why not put glitter on it while you're at it?!?!?! Guns belong NOWHERE near hearts unless it is one of your possession and it is near and dear to yours, much as my Mauser is to me. UGh. Vile article of clothing. Deserves to be burned.

This one possesses some credibility, but the trippy hippy trails make it lose out on whatever potential it might have had. Needless to speak, some anti-gun liberal candy raver will probably wear this to their next rave. What a shame...

This one is by far the worst. Let's take a machine gun and shoot out love instead of death. Goddammit what ridiculous peacefreak drugs was this designer on when they created this and can we outlaw those drugs? When will people learn about the hearts and guns. Steer clear!!! Stay away!!! You wouldn't touch a fence that said Danger 20,000 Volts would you? So why would you put hearts near a gun, let alone worse, shooting OUT of the gun?!?!?! Somebody get me a drink...

I just have had enough of these bad design concepts of guns being used as fashion statements for anti-gun girls. If you're going to wear a gun shirt, be like me, be pro gun, know that guns don't kill people but that stupid people kill people, guns don't shoot love and hearts but BULLETS that cause damage not love, and that if you're going to wear a band shirt with guns on it, at least listen to the music of the artists you're wearing on your tee. Moral of story: don't just wear something to be clever, mean it.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Amazing discovery!!!

I discovered a new drink by accident thanks to Raul, who yesterday asked me to get him a drink that wasn't soda or juice at the liquor store. What I found was an energy drink from Arizona: Green Tea Pomagranite. It is beyond amazing and it gets me more wired than DrPepper. Ok so it's $2 a can but worth every sip. I love it and have elected it my new official drink. Yay!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Alissa got jacked, yo!!!

1. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yes and i long to kiss him again

2. What song describes your relationship status?
i dunno but i think heart alone describes it beforehand lol.

3. How much does your dog weigh?
30 lbs

4. Do you have hair in the middle parts of your fingers?
i aint no neanderthal

5. Ever waxed your legs?
i've waxed my hoohoo but never my legs. i think i was really bored cos it was like 3 am when i did it but that was like 5 years ago.

6. Earrings or necklaces?

7. Who have you talked to most today?
probably my coworkers. i see them 1/3 of my day

8. What is the oldest text message in your inbox on your phone?
my cousin wanting to meet up

9. Friend of the opposite sex that lives closest to you?
probably my boss

10. Color of your shirt?
mustard yellow. yea i pick the rad colors.

11. How many years have you been taking a language?
i took spanish for 3 years

12. Who's on speed dial 5?

13. What color is your background on your computer mainly?
its camouflage

14. Do you wish on 11:11?
pft no... but i do wish in tunnels

15. Good advice if you ever go camping?
layer layer layer.

16. Are you a bad influence?
ah yea i am a bad influence to a degree.

17. What color are your eyes?
brown eyes with a green heart

18. Would you rather have your name or your siblings name?
no i like mine better

19. Would you do anything for someone?
im a dependable person for everyone i know.

20. Have you ever been called a whore?
yea my ex pretty much called me a whore after we were broken up cos he was booty hurt.

21. Biggest success so far in life?
my career. which is my life. so i guess i have a successful life... :)

22. Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
see 21

23. What song is on?
gwar - king queen

24. Last time you didn't go to school?
ages ago.

25. Are your grades good?
were. im not in school currently.

26. Do you have any friends with benefits?

27. Would you date anyone on your top friends?
i totally do duh.

28.Does your best friend have a myspace?

29. Whose page did you last visit?
jesse's and i left him a comment one of my friends posted as a bulletin of a guy hand farting bohemian rhapsody.

30. Last time you went out to dinner?
last night w/ my dad to mongolian bbq

31. Would you rather be in a relationship that was a lie and be happy for a while or not be in it at all?
dude i did that for 5 years and it fucked me up royally. id rather be happy with no one than live a lie.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


[1] the other day i get a fraud email from "paypal" claiming my account is suspended cos it registered usage from another ip. well no shit sherlock. i use paypal on different computers. granted i'm far too smart to fall for their "click our link and verify your account". fuck that. i mean are there really people that stupid out there ??? the link to "verify" takes to a non-paypal url and i was able to log onto my account. i reported that shit to paypal. stupid fuckers. i just pity the people who fall for those scams...

[2] my room is really cold. i don't know why as hot as the heater gets it's always freezing in here. then like at some bunk ass hour it'll get hot and i can't sleep.

[3] I got Del Taco tonight cos Taco Bell has that ecoli shit going on right now. Anyway, it took a ridiculously long time for them to get my nachos together. I should have just gone inside but I was too cold...

[4] I just finished writing a letter in my book of letters. I feel sorta bittersweet for doing it but I had to write it. It brings a lot of comfort to me to know that I wrote it down. I'm not sure when or if I can ever share that one...

[5] last night when i brought my laundry home it was raining and my clothes got a little damp and i had to dry them and re fold and everything. it was annoying as hell. i feel like i wasted my day yesterday in doing so but then again seeing the argument in the parking lot and the two teenage boys be called fuckin morons for not knowing how to do laundry made it kinda worth it...

Sunday, December 10, 2006


This morning I went out on a solo land party. It was fun. I only shot off 40 rounds which was enough for me to clear my head and calm down a bit. I was feeling really nervous this morning and most of the night and couldn't sleep but shooting did the trick and it was rather soothing. I'm rather pleased with myself in the sense that I am getting better with Josef and actually able to hit targets. The best was when these two dudes were watching me and I shot and totally hit the steel plate and they were like "damn! little girl does well with a big gun!" it was pretty sweet. but i managed to fuck up my thumb. there's this sorta scuffed part of wood on josef and every time i'd fire my thumb would rub up against it and its basically raw now. i think i need to develop a mauser callus or something. anyway i took him home and cleaned him and hes all beautiful and clean now. he was happy to get out and i was happy to take him out. it's been a few months... almost 5 actually... he deserves some play. im gonna take him back out again next weekend. good times, good times. i wish jesse were there to see my improvement.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

R.C.K., you tempting bastard, you.

i don't know where to start. i feel like i am this close to losing jesse. i don't think he wants to be with me because he feels like i'm not my own person. i think the charm has faded since he broke up with alissa and i'm no longer needed as a steppingstone for him. maybe that's my catastrophic thinking kicking in. i just was emotionally blank to what jesse was telling me and i felt pain but didn't express it. my heart has a deep feeling of pain. i have the urge to vomit. i keep saying i want to move to arizona cos jesse always talks about it and now he's like "i don't want to live in arizona" and it's my fault. he says i should move there cos thats what will make me happy. that won't make me happy. i could live in a box under a bridge with him and i would be happy. i don't think he understands that. instead he sees my wanting to wait for him as me staying in a bad situation and that i should move far far away and get away from everyone and everything. why is it a problem that i want to wait for him? i love him. i want to spend my life with him. instead he pushes me away. i don't want to be thrown out. i've found my niche in life already. i feel emotionally scorn.

what i want out of life

i want to be married. i want to share my life and grow with someone who will love me and enjoy sharing their life experiences with me. i want someone who will love, honor, and respect me as will i do the same to them. i want to have dinner ready after work. i want a job where i am successful and make a lot of money or at least enough to pay the bills. i want benefits and paid vacations. i want to love what i do and get paid to do it. i want my cake and to eat it too. i want to stop taking pills to make me happy or unhappy or whatever comes in between. i want the deserts and the oceans. i want to see more of the world. i want all this and then some. i just don't know where to start...

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

boredom stolen from alissa

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

How do you feel today?
what kinda fool do you think i am? (bill deal and the rhondels)

What's your outlook on life?
delivering the goods (judas priest)

What does your family think of you?
bloody mary (gwar)

What do your friends think of you?
touch and go (the cars)

What do strangers think of you?
lady boo (throw rag)

What do your exes think of you?

How has your love life been so far?
happy death day (gwar) happy now. death day past.

How will your love life be in the future?
trouble (throw rag) im hoping trouble in the sense of bad fun...

Will you get married?
living after midnight (judas priest) FUCK YEA!!!! married after midnight maybe. thatd be kinda cool.

Will you have kids?
think you oughta know this (GWAR) lol yea think you oughta know i aint havin kids

Are you good in school?
twist (goldfrapp)

Will you be succesful in life?
bottle of wine (the fireballs)

What song should they play on your birthday?
lovin' touchin squeezin (journey) fuck yea im gonna sing this on my birfday

What song should they play at your funeral?
the horror of yig (gwar) the horror. the horror. yea kurtz's dying words shall also remain my own...

The Soundtrack of Your Life:
Now:I tonight she comes (the cars)
Later: crush, kill, destroy (gwar)

You and your best friend are:
bad bad men (gwar) pft. whatever.

Happy times:
beast in me (throw rag)

Sad times:
bone snapper (gwar)

Every day:

For tomorrow:
meat sandwich (gwar)

Also stolen from the same post...


So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, etc).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question press the next button.
Ready? GO!

1.Opening Credits: have you seen me (gwar) heh. heheheh.
2.Waking Up: shake it up (the cars)
3.Falling In Love: these dreams (heart)
4.Fight Scene: my girly ways (gwar)
5.Breakig Up: the apes of wrath (gwar)
6.Making up:surf of syn (gwar)
7.Life's Okay: je m'appelle jacques cousteau (gwar) what...the...fuck????
8.Mental Breakdown:Gonna Kill You (Gwar) makes sense...
9.Driving: any way you want it (journey)
10.Flashbacks: ram it down (judas priest)
12.Partying: world o filth (gwar)
13.Regretting: if looks could kill ( heart)
14.Final Battle: knife in yer guts (gwar) how appropriate...
15.Death Scene: just what i needed (the cars) jesus.
16. Ending Credits- wheel in the sky (journey) ahahahahahahah.

my movie's gonna be like some sorta gawd awful cheezeball metal epic saga.

my shuffle likes to pick out gwar over all the other crap i got on. don't get me wrong, gwar is the all-holy shit, but some variety woulda been nice...

Sunday, December 3, 2006

Li'l Deuce Deuce

As everyone knows, I am good friends with Deuce Deuce, Jesse's .22 Ruger Mark III. So to celebrate getting my Handgun Certificate, I decided to put one of my own on lay away. Hooray. So my deuce deuce is the exact model as Jesse's only it's stainless steel because I like the shiny. I suppose that's what separates men from women, the desire for something shiny... Anyway, here's a preview of what greatness will soon come:

Saturday, December 2, 2006


I passed the handgun safety test with flying colors missing zero...count that ZERO.... questions. Even Jesse said he missed one. Ha! I rule!

Friday, December 1, 2006


I decided tomorrow will be the day I finally take my handgun safety test. I know it's stupidly easy but I'm nervous. I shouldn't be. Wish me luck...

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


I will be reunited with my love after 2 months. Joy!!!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The camera scare

Last night I got drunk offa cider, barfed, had my mom yell at me calling me an alcoholic at 2 am and went back to sleep. This morning when I went to upload the pics from Jason's bday I couldn't find my camera in my purse. I was like "Oh god, don't tell me I lost ANOTHER one..." Fortunately I  remebered I had my big coat on and put it in the pocket. Sure as shit it was there. Whew close call. I gotta cut back on drinking a bit my body can't handle it for some reason now a days...

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Just horrible

Britney is breaking up with K-Fed. SHe dumped him via text message. Just awful...


Random thoughts

1. Two nights ago I was watching South Park and laughing out loud alone in my bed. Cartman told Kyle "Kyle, my mom took me to see Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ and there's two things I learned about Jews: they're liars and theifs. And if the Road Warrior says it, it must be true." AHAHAHAHAHAH. Then, Kyle goes to throw away his ninja weapons he bought from the fair and Cartman says, "Kyle, you won't do it. The Jew in your blood won't let you throw away something you spent $15 on..." AHAHAHAAHHAHA. THen Cartman was going to sneak past a crowd to get Butters and he used his magical ninja invisiblity skills and he gave his clothes to the guys to hold and you see him creeping across the stage buck naked and the auction goes from loud to silent and the auctioneer was like, "Kid what the HELL are you doing!?" Oh man it was funny... then Jesse called...

2. Last night I was talking to Jesse about how I loved Ninja Turtles and he argued they were faggots because there were no girls up in that joint. I argued they had April O'Neil but that wasn't good enough. I also argued they were just teenagers having fun wanting to do kung fu and eat pizza. Then we realized we were arguing about the sexuality of Ninja Turtles and Jesse said "I feel a blog comin on..." I asked him to write it but he said he didn't have time or feel like blogging as of lately so here I am... Rock you like a hurricane. *snort*

3. Today I felt a sense of accomplishment. I haven't felt good like that in a long time. I was working on this stupid art. I was gonna do it at home but I just crashed out last night so I did it this morning. It was pretty annoying and what not and sent over from a shitty file but I did a bit of cutting and auto tracing and it wound up alright. I felt good after getting it approved and printing it out. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

4. I was listening to the John and Ken show on my way back from the dentist. They were talking about Perverted Justice (fyi the people who do child molester stings by faking criminals into thinking they're going to hook up w/ a kid and then they meet some dude from tv who interviews them then they get arrested.) They were talking about the stereotypical guys: some fat guy with a 6 pack of beer who rents a room out somewhere and has a stash of porn. Hmm... sounds like some one I dated once... Come to think of it, I was freshly 19 when we met. I'm sure if Lori wasn't there he woulda tried to get me drunk and do me or something. Now that I look back that was a pretty shady situation... I'm glad I'm outta that crap...

5. So I don't have any cavities. My dentist remembered me which is weird because he was saying how I was going to go to Catalina and he had yet to go there. Odd how he remembered. But ok... I'm cool with professionals knowing me on a personal level.

6. I found my dream home online. Complete with wood paneling, cheezy bar with mustard yellow chairs, fireplace and shag carpeting. I pray its still available should I ever be able to move... I won't lie. I fantasize about domestic bliss a lot. I can't wait to settle down.

Sunday, November 5, 2006

Ups and downs

Down: lost digital camera last week.

Down: Back has been hurting all week.

Down: Back pain caused by urinary track infection.

Up: Got a new digital camera.

Up: The camera is reddish pink.

There you go kids. A week recapped in 5 lines.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Halloween night snuff

So we had all these great big plans for tonight like going to a maze and then trick or treating in northridge. But that all fell apart. Now we're doing nothing. Weeeeaaakkk.

Monday, October 30, 2006

The black widow bite

Last night we went to a halloween party at my coworker's house and i felt something crawling on my chest under my costume. I said i felt like i had somethign crawling on me but everyone thought i was crazy. Then I saw a huge black widow on me! My sister went to swat it off and it bit her. Her finger puffed up and was oozing and swelling. Other than that the party was fun. I got too drunk and wound up losing my digital camera so we don't have any pictures of the night. And apparenly I threw up but I don't remember doing so but the bathroom was a mess and my dad cleaned it. Go figure. I had a ball aside from the black widow thing. Yay. I want bacon!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Weird dream 5 : a night in the trenches during WWII

It was cold at night and all I could remember was looking up at the sky. The clouds from a previous rainfall were still covering the moon but not enough to keep pieces of light from escaping. All I could think about was how cold it was and how I could barely feel my fingers as I clenched onto my Mauser. I was too cold to even dread fighting in the trenches come morning. Too cold to know if I would even make it through the night. And even though I was freezing to death I could still only remember looking up at the sky, thinking to myself what a lovely sight it was to see the moon starting to peak out from behind the clouds. If I never saw the light of day again, I was lucky to see the sky at night, grey as ashes and calm.

* * * * * *

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Weird dream 4

Part 1.

Lori makes me go to Matt's house and Matt lives on some plantation with a bog around it surrounded by an electirc chainlink fence. All I can remember is I wanted to run away and I spent what seemed like forever running away through the bog and swimming through waters with fish and crocodiles that tried to attack me while Matt was somewhere behind chasing after me to "get me".

Part 2.

Me, my mom, my dad, and sister are at El Torrito for their sunday brunch. We walk in and there's all these people waiting to be seated but they seat us right away. Some gross fat guy gets mad and sits down at our table and takes his shirt off and is being rude and balligerant the whole time. I get up to tell the manager at this point the restaurant is now the Olive Garden and she says she cant allow him to be in and goes to kick him out. When we get to our table he is gone and rumored to be seated near by. She then goes and tells the man and his wife that she wants him to leave cos he was being rude earlier and his wife was like "You can't do this to us! This is our first time being invited to the Olive Garden!" and she was all sad.

The End

I'm amazed at how vividly I can recall my dreams sometimes.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Cholo at church

so lori and i were at the laundromat yesterday and i went to put my stuff up in the car and i heard yelling. and it was coming from inside this iglesia de evangelica next door. i looked in and there was this cholo dude up at the altar area in full on flannel yelling. then babies started to cry cos of his yelling. it was great!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I'm so excited!!! And I just can't hide it!!!

I got my vacation time approved and my plane tickets are purchased and I got my thanksgiving plans allllllllll situated and I'm nice and ready to visit my booger in 6 weeks!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

gifs and gibblets (geek moment)

for some reason whenever i convert an image to a gif, i think of gibblets. then i think giflets. ahhh....

Monday, October 16, 2006

Overwhelmed with comfort

Last night as I went to bed I was overwhelmed with comfort. I just sat in my fluffy bed and thought "damn, I'm comfortable." it was nice.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Stupid Girls

So me and Lori were at the starbucks by my house with the drive through and these stupid white girls in their CRV and they started blasting some shitty R&B and sing-screaming along to it in the drive thru while me and Lori were trying to talk at the patio near by. Then I look over and was like "WHat a bunch of fucking spazzes." It was great. They were such idiots.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Weird without the dog....

It's weird not having the pup around anymore. Today when I came home from work, by habbit, I got the mail and went to let the dog in, but she wasn't there. I ate a piece of cheese but couldn't finish it and thought, oh I'll just give it to the dog, but she wasn't there. I went to get my keys from my purse and found her leash, still wrapped up and placed inside from when I took it off of her yesterday. I don't think I can remove it yet either. Today I got my papers for Walk for Paws and I know I won't have my little buddy by my side. Maybe she'll be following me in doggie heaven. Who knows. It's just weird without the dog. I haven't adjusted yet.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Farewell to Snoopy

A few weeks ago our dog developed this bowel problem. When we took her to the vet they discovered a tumor on the rim of her butt that went inside her rectal lining and was the size of an apricot. They tried giving her some medication for a bowel infection but that didn't work. Then they tried giving her sterroids and that didn't work either. When the sterroids didn't work there was 2 other options. We would have to test for cancer and if it was cancerous they would need to see if it spread to the lungs. If so, they couldn't operate. If it wasn't cancerous they would send her to a specialist and have it cut out. Then she would be at risk for infection and lose control of her bowel muscles and have no control of holding in her poop and poop on herself or everywhere. The other option would be to put her to sleep. After a long Sunday family discussion and much tears we decided it would be best if we don't even find out if there was cancer or not and put her out of her misery. So on Monday October 9th Snoopy, our beloved dog of the past 11 years, a friend, companion, and member of the family, will be put to sleep.

Snoopy came to our household 11 years ago. From my personal experience she was my li'l coffee table buddy. I recall those rainy fall days after school taking her for walks or all the times we went places together like Nuts for Muts. We were supposed to participate in Walk for Paws this month. But now that's all a thing of the past. Walk for Paws will never happen. Everything else will remain as just memories. I will dearly miss my puffalup who I spent the last 11 years of my life with. Our whole family will dearly miss Snoopy. Who knew a dog could have such an impact on our lives.

Friday, October 6, 2006

Disc Jizzum

Today I went to get discs from embroidery cos we were low and when I grabbed the stack of discs I felt an oily residue on the bottom disc like vasoline. I ran into my office and screamed "This disc cannot be used! IT has jizzum on it!" and I threw the disc in the trash. Gavin thought it was funny and quoted me on it. I kid you not there was oily goo on the disc. It was probably from when the machines were oiled but it was a gross surprise.

The proof's in the picture!

Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Booger 3

I really miss my darling booger. Stupid things remind me of him. Like when I was trying to change my windshield wipers I thought of him cos he would be able to help me. When I watch the video of him cleaning his gun and he asks for my narration the sound of his voice nearly brings tears to my eyes. I think about him at the most random moments. We brought up Terminator 2 at breakfast the other day and suddenly thoughts of Jesse danced through my head. Not like Mugatu dancing but just thoughts of us shooting and driving around palmdale calling people hookers or laughing at 12 year olds who like mariah carrey at walmart. sigh. i'm completely alone for the first time in my life right now with my family away on vacation, lori at craigs, my friends off at their places and jesse 11 hours away and the pain is immense. i wish this week of all weeks i could just hear him say "gnite boogie i love you" more than anything else. the only thing that keeps me going is knowing you miss me and love me as much as i love you. my booger i long to see you again and two months seems like forever even though time is flying.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

One of those weird days...

Today was the strangest day. I had the feeling people were laughing at me where ever I went. I had two occasions going to rite aid where someone was laughing and looking at me and then another person was in a car and laughing while looking at me. It was weird.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Why should I hide?

I just realized, I'm being stupid. I posted a prefered blog about the night I got drunk and went into my ex's old hang out. ANyway, I don't know why I didn't make it available to everyone cos it's not like it's anything I should hide. So yea, all you guys can read it to see how ridiculous he is/was. I think of the situation and think of a quote from Grey's Anatomy "You don't get to call me a whore. When I met you, I thought I had found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared, because I was done...I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don't get to call me a whore." Wow never before has a teevee show spoken such wise words that I can apply to my life. So yea, I repaired what he broke. I'm happy now thanks for caring. :) I reccomend anyone read it to see how he tries to spin me off as some cheating whore to cover up his own abandoment issues and lack of the fact he ever paid attention to me to know we broke up a week after I dumped him only cos his coworker said something to him and then I had to reiterate the whole break up process ... AGAIN. lol what a turdball.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

A letter outside the book .2

My Dearest Mr. T -
Am I bombarding you? I just want to be in contact with you still and I feel like I may be intruding upon your time and space as if my attempts are not desired. I'm sorry if I'm being too persistent. I just really miss you. I'll try to give you more space. I'm sorry.


I'm so fuckin feelin it!!!

Dude... Exile... Kiss You All Over... I feel it. I live it. I am it. I am sooooo into this song right now. it is the ultimate romance song. I think of Jesse any time I hear it cos of the time we went shooting and he put on The Worst Mix outta curiosity and that song was the first song and his response was "YES!!!!" and he was singing along to it. Until that day everyone I knew either hated that song and thought it was lame or didn't know of it. That day when we sang along to it I felt it. I so felt it. And I know Jesse felt it too he can't lie. So yea, not only does this song make me think of Jesse, but it makes me think of what I wanna do to him so its like the ultimate song!!! I totally miss him and wanna kiss him all over till the night closes in!!!!! If we ever get married that HAS to be our song!!!!!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Booger Part 2

So I'm picking my nose and I can't help but think about my Booger and how much I miss him and want to talk to him at this very moment. I am so very frustrated cos the only way I can really talk to him would be via the stupid myspace instant messanger and that thing is such a retard!!! It takes forever then times out and it does it over and over again. I just wish I cou ld talk to Jesse right now dammit!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The Sherman Room

Tonight I was surprised by a knock at the door and who other could it be than Katrina and Danielle!!!! My long lost companions came to rescue me from the boredom of nightly drinking alone in my room. They wanted to go to dinner but we didn't know where and Katrina asked about the steakhouse on the corner The Sherman Room and I was like "Oh I thought that was a bar!" So we go in anyway and much to our surprise it IS a steakhouse...and a bar.

I already had dinner so I had a few drinks. Katrina and Danielle did not eat yet so they got dinner. For them to get some steaks and wine and my drinks it was only like $39. So the price is right for sure. Food looked good. Drinks were nice and strong. Service was decent. Atmosphere was nice and dark. Location was perfect.

So we all give the Sherman Room thumbs up. We decided to go there once a week to catch up with one another. So yes, next Thursday, we will be at the Sherman Room, talking away like a bunch of old ninnies. Oh yes, and the Sherman ROom is 80% geriatric, and the other 20% boyfriend material.

Ooh and we saw this old vet dude who totally got shell shock when Danielle was replicating gunfire with her hands and making pftt-pffttt-pffft-pfttt machine gun sounds with her mouth. Lol! He asked Danielle if "those th i ngs" fired "real bullets" refering to her hands!!!! ROFL!!!!!!! And ... and... as he walked out Katrina noticed he had a toilet seat cover sticking out of his pants. Oh man... classic. Sad cos he was a vet but classic cos dude... I need say no more.

Where do I start!?

1. I really like my black cowboy boots. I'm glad I bought them even though they were 86 somethin bucks after auction.

2. Sometimes I miss Little Truck.

3. I heard a shitty song on the radio that said some girl is tasty and they spelled it t-to the a- to the s-t-e-y. I could be wrong but I don't think there's an "e" in tasty. I could be wrong.

4. Gavin was nice to everyone all day today even though we bet him he couldn't be. I'm proud of him. Now if only he could be that way every day. He wore a tie to remind him to be nice.

5. Jesse is hot.

6. KFC chicken bowls are the shit. I don't care if people hate KFC cos they're not animal kind or whatever or cos they don't sell Kool Aide with their chicken or that the bowls look "gross", those things are damned good. The cheese on chicken is the best and damned if I've been sayin it for years, corn and gravy are the shit!

7. If I get married I want a campy and cheap wedding. Somehow guns will be involved. I always wanted guns at my wedding.

8. I need to get more long flowy skirts. They're just comfortable and I don't hafta worry about my legs being shaved or not cos you can't see them underneath lol.

9. Something hurts on my left side. I'm not sure what but it is throbbing. Maybe its just my ovaries saying "HEY! THis cycle ended lets start a new one. HAHAH FUCKER!!!"

10/ Wednesday is a good teevee night.

11. I've never wanted payday to come more than I do now. (Read: Jenny owes bill people money.)

12. I think slowly but surely my finances are getting better.

13. I wanna go fishing at the kern this weekend.

14. If I do go, that makes me 7 hours closer to Jesse.

15/ I keep thinking by the time I get my bills paid off I won't be able to find a place to live.

16. Do you ever have one of those days where you dont feel motivated to do anything? Thats been every day for me lately. I need some inspiration.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Death Wishes Version 2.0

This is a revision of my death wishes as some people may no longer be involved.

I will be burried period. I would like to be burried out in the Calico Cemetary if you can make that one happen. Otherwise any other random desert cemetary will do. Honestly, any cemetary would be fine, just don't cremate me. I solmenly swear I will come back and haunt whoever decides to creamate me for a life of eternal misery.

I require a burial travel bag to take with me a change of clothes to wherever I should wind up going, up, down, wherever. Please pack in this bag a change of socks, underwear, pajamas, some jeans, a t-shirt, a sweater, a casual skirt and something nice to wear with the skirt, make up bag, shower kit, and dress me in something nice and presentable with a nice jacket. I would also like a change of shoes in case I don't need to be so formal. Jewlery should include my daily essentials of earrings, watch, and ring. Please put my rosary around my neck by wrapping it around and placing the cross through the spare hoop end so it appears to be a double row of beads w/ a crucifix.

Other burial items will include a 12 pack of DrPepper and a small coin purse with a few bucks in change. Maybe like a roll of quarters or something. Please put this purse in my hands and have it readily available.

I would like to have two intertwining rattle snakes on my headstone as they are a symbol of good luck and protection. Don't put any lame quotes on it unless it is really that good and sums me up well. Actually if you want to put a quote on my headstone you can use any of the following: "Be good and kind before you die so your preacher won't have to lie...", "I have to live with my decisions whether you like them or not", "We can't all be winners" , "Stay outta trouble" , " *snort* ". Any will suffice.

I would prefer the whole Catholic mass shebang. I would prefer a closed casket but if you really want it open so be it. Reference pictures for make up. Usually it consists of a foundation, eye shadow/eye liner/mascara, light blush, and usually just burts bees on the lips. Depending on what you dress me in, do my eye shadow in either grey/black, browns, or greens.

Don't break the bank. If you wanna get together and have a few drinks or something and hang out that's fine. Just remember its MY death and I don't want it turning into something about you. Its about ME. Don't turn it into drama about how your life is over. I'm in a better place so just get over it. Be happy and just hang out and remember me. And everyone get shit face.


All electronic goods may go to Lori. All vinyl records will go to Jesse. Any artwork, writings, personal works will go to Jesse because he's the only person who cared enough about them to show any interest in my personal works and thoughts. I swear to haunt whoever goes against my wills in doing so. I will leave my gun and any other weapons that may eventually be purchased to Jesse unless he wishes to have my Mauser burried with me. Clothing can be rummaged through by Lori who has first choice and then anyone else. Whatever isn't taken shall be donated. Same goes with any of my other posessions. All my fishing equipment shall go to my parents. I leave the Herp in possession of Lori or Jesse, whoever wants him, should the snake still be alive at the time. Any items in questioning shall be up to dispersal by my parents, however, Lori will always get first choice in anything that is in questioning.

Ok these are my revised Death Wishes. Thanks! A few things may change.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Current annoyance

I would say things were over between me and Matt back in November 2005. That was when I realized the spark was gone and never coming back. But stupid me thought I'd give it time (shit I did that like 4 years prior to this) but things were over. I officially ended things when I realized I was having way too good of times with Jesse and that there was something in him I wanted to pursue and that it wasn't just one sided. So I made the vast life decision of cutting off a 5 year relationship and it ended just like that. There was that awkward 2 weeks where he tried to contact me and I ignored him till he finally got the point and also realized it was over.

Current annoyance: my mom had lunch with Matt today. Granted this is 3 months AFTER we broke up. I have shut Matt out of my life because I have no desire to be with him, be back together with him, or get my stuff back from him. I told him he could trash my posessions cos I wanted nothing to do with him. Instead he drops my "things" off at Lori's. Then he has lunch with my mom. I don't mind the dropping things off so much cos Lori wanted to give some of my old belongings to Craig's son. No problem there. It was brief and what not.

My problem lies with my mom. She goes on meddling with relationship issues. I have this theory she wants me to be back with Matt but the thing is it's NOT going to happen. I do not love Matt. I love Jesse. I want to be with Jesse. I want to spend the rest of my life with Jesse. I've felt something for Jesse since the day I met him. There was a spark between us that could not be ignited because I was with Matt. I did not feel that way when I met Matt. I felt pitty. I stayed with him because of pitty. If Dr. Laura ever heard of my relationship with Matt she would have told me what an idiot I was, but I learned on my own after 5 years when I got enough self esteem and nerve built up to realize that I do not need to be with someone because I feel bad for them because that only makes me unhappy.

I found happiness in my one eyed gun totin' friend, who even questioned why I was with someone who didn't make me happy. And I remember the day Jesse asked me and the passionate anger he had as he spoke to me as my friend, but as someone who cared about me enough to be concerned about MY happiness and well being. I remember when we were driving from gun shopping after work on June 5th (a Monday) after we had had lunch earlier in the day. He bought me a book on guns. I thought it was really sweet of him and I appreciated his thoughtfulness. But that day there was something more realized. That maybe this friend cared about me more than my so called boyfriend did. So it wasn't a matter of how to dump Matt, but a matter of when. That day I made up my mind I did not want to be with Matt anymore. And sure as shit, I broke up with him seven days later.

Thing is, its been three months. I haven't tried to contact Matt, he hasn't tried to contact me. I like it this way. I am beyond happy with Jesse and enjoy being treated like a person again rather than an object. I spent the last 5 years as an object and its nice to be a person again. I know I just stated that twice two different ways but it's an important thing to me. Anyway, I guess my happiness isn't important to my mother. What's important to her is that I am with someone who can support me financially, like someone who has just come into an inheritance. I don't care if Jesse is broke right now and in school. I was broke and in school once. I don't care if we have to pay with pennies to buy gas or food because I love him.

With Jesse I have my quarky friend who I always got along with and I have my lover who treats me with compassion and there is just this sense of honor and respect for one another and we've always have had this click. Even as just friends we somehow were always drawn to each other because of common interests. I remember when we first met years ago the topic of guns came up and from that point I knew we would be good friends. And we were. And still are.

The best part of Jesse is that I have no secrets with him. He knows everything that's happened in my life, and being his friend before we were together, is the same thing. So it's not like with Matt where it's like surprise, I'm a perverted deviant who will treat you like shit. There are no secrets. Everything is at face value and I like it that way. We share a comfort with one another that I havent had with anyone else. He's my peer, my companion, and my love all in one. I can't even express my love for Jesse. He knows it. I guess as my friend and lover he knows me enough to know how I feel without me having to say. But it is truly nice to have someone of his sort as my man. I love my Jesse. And I am annoyed that my mother would want to try and destroy what I have, that being my happiness, to see me with Matt again. Much to her dismay, it won't be happening. On my end, I do not want that. And on his end, he doesn't think it would ever work out.

So to that, I wish she would quit meddling with Matt and just give Jesse a chance because he is not a bad guy. He makes me very happy and I highly enjoy his companionship.
The end.
I love my Jesse!!!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

What happens in Vegas...

So this weekend I was devirginized from Las Vegas because of a wedding. In the past I've said I'd go and never do but this time because of said events I forced myself to go for Sophia and Mike. Friday night we get in around 9:30. Jesse calls saying his flight was delayed and he won't be in till like 11:30. So Lori and I get all dressed up and head on down to the casinos. I get a call a little later on from Jesse saying he's there and we find him and it was one of those moments where we embraced each other after a month apart. Very dear. We then procede to the room where Jesse puts his stuff away and we return to the casinos. It was pretty dull so we headed back up to the room. Lori called later from her room wanting to eat and so around 2 am we headed down to a restaurant. I had some of the best bloody mary's there that ive had anywhere so that was cool. then we went back up to our rooms around 3 and crashed out.

Saturday both lori and myself were rudely awaken by a call from our mom wondering what we were up to at 7 and 8 am. After that i was restless and couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to go back down to the casino. I thought i'd give lori a call to see if she wanted to go too since she seemed to be enjoying the stupid slot machines so much. So I head off to her room and wait about an hour while she gets ready and finally we head down to the casinos. Lori wanted to see some of the other casinos but i said first we eat so we treked down to the local IHOP next to our hotel and ordered breakfast. I called Jesse to see if he wanted to join us and sure as shit he did so I ordered some food for him and he showed up just as the food got there.

After IHOP we got on the Deuce (no not a giant turd but a two story bus) and headed down the strip. First stop: Paris. First and last stop anyway. we were so confined by time we only had enough time to gamble there for a little bit and sneak in a drink. after that we headed back on the deuce to the hotel to get ready for the wedding. now the night before i got my nails done in the valley and they chipped so bad cos the nail polis was so cheap that i had to get them redone. i went to this expensive ass spa something josef with an f and got them redone just in time. of course i still managed to fuck up my nails while getting ready damn me. Jesse and i spent like 5 minutes trying to get my bracelet to close , that was a task! then lori came over and i had to do her hair. after all that ruckus it was time for us to leave to the wedding. we got stuck in bad traffic but i suggested we do valet parking which was a good call on my behalf. we then got lost inside the rio but were able to find the chapel and we were only like 15 minutes late. fortunately the ceremony seemed to be running late as well.

the wedding was very nice. short, sweet, and to the point. not like those long ass wedding where its like a whole mass and ceremony. everyone looked stunning in the wedding party and elizabeth did a superb job hemming up everyone's dresses. sophia's dress was very elegant and mike and the guys all looked super fab in their tuxes. it was a very nice wedding.

following was the reception. jesse, lori and i stopped off at the bar with phil, joey, and jason for drinks while waiting for everyone else to get out of the photo session. after hanging around there for a while we booked it up to the restaurant and waited there some more. we took some pictures got more drinks and all kinds of good stuff. then once everyone was there we had dinner. it was great cos we were telling all sorts of off-color jokes on our end of the table in between discussing weddings. it was an odd combo but fun none the less.when dinner was all situated sophia threw the boquet and yours truely caught it. looks like that means i gotta get married soon, huh? anyway the best part was when mike threw the garter and George jumped up to try and get it and katrina kicked him in the butt and was like "EEW GEORGE THAT'S YOUR SISTER!!!!!" ahahhahaahh. after the wedding half the party went to sophia and mike's room the other half just left to go walk the strip and do whatever. we went back to our hotel and crashed out.

we were supposed to shoot machine guns the next morning but that didnt happen. i was disappointed in that but jesse promised if we go back to vegas again we would do it for sure. so yea, we better go back to vegas jesse! we spent the remainder of the morning at a buffet where lori porked out on crab legs and me and jesse had like a piece of beef, champagne, mimosas, and desert. i guess we weren't as hungry or something. who knows. lori all had like two plates of food and cake hahahah. she was like "im gonna get my grub on" and these black girls kept looking at us. i think they thought lori was mocking them or something. heheh.

after brunch it was time for jesse to leave. we walked him out to the front and he hopped in a cab and just like that was gone again. i was very sad to see him leave me again but i know i will see him once more in november. lori and i stayed around a little longer to gamble and hit the gift shops for things for craig and rene. then around 3:30 we finally left and got home by 9 cos of butt ass traffic on the 15.

so i need to go to vegas again when i have more time to see things and do things. i had a good time i just wish i had more time. so yea it was fun. there were a few things that happened there that will stay there though lol.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

A letter outside the book!!!

My Dearest Mr. T-
You made a comment a few nights ago not wanting to be compared to someone and I dont believe I was comparing at the time, simply telling a tale of why I hate deer. Even still, it's hard to tell any story from the last 5 years without that person coming up. It's weird because it seems like I go to tell a story of some sorts and yet I have no words come out of my mouth. Like I want to reflect on my past, yet I have no desire to speak of it. I try to find ways around it but really, there isn't any way to go about it. Until I met you, there was no life back then. You are so much better in so many ways but most importantly you make me happy. Even though I'm sad and miss you right now you are on my mind and just the thought of you makes me smile. I feel like I have been given the gift of life with you, as if that one night I was reborn. Life would never be the same again, everything was black and white and now it is in brilliant colors. That which was complex has been made so simple, so clear. Today you made me feel so loved with the words you wrote. Every day you surprise me with new ways of showing how much you care and every day I welcome them with open arms, sometimes even waiting and anticipating what you may do next. I will never compare you to anyone else because you are such an anomaly, worthy of your own pedistal. I don't mean to make you out to be an object, but if you were one, you would be the shiniest most exhuberant object in existance. Trust me when I say you have made me a happier person just in your presence. Even when I met you just talking to you would make me smile. You are one of those people who has a natural gift of bringing happiness to others. I am so lucky to have you and I mean it when I say I love you. I could ramble on and on about how dear you are to me. Instead I will make it short and sweet. I love you my dear. You have changed my life forever for the best. Thank you!


A letter outside the book!!!

My Dearest Mr. T-

You made a comment a few nights ago not wanting to be compared to someone and I dont believe I was comparing at the time, simply telling a tale of why I hate deer. Even still, it's hard to tell any story from the last 5 years without that person coming up. It's weird because it seems like I go to tell a story of some sorts and yet I have no words come out of my mouth. Like I want to reflect on my past, yet I have no desire to speak of it. I try to find ways around it but really, there isn't any way to go about it. Until I met you, there was no life back then. You are so much better in so many ways but most importantly you make me happy. Even though I'm sad and miss you right now you are on my mind and just the thought of you makes me smile. I feel like I have been given the gift of life with you, as if that one night I was reborn. Life would never be the same again, everything was black and white and now it is in brilliant colors. That which was complex has been made so simple, so clear. Today you made me feel so loved with the words you wrote. Every day you surprise me with new ways of showing how much you care and every day I welcome them with open arms, sometimes even waiting and anticipating what you may do next. I will never compare you to anyone else because you are such an anomaly, worthy of your own pedistal. I don't mean to make you out to be an object, but if you were one, you would be the shiniest most exhuberant object in existance. Trust me when I say you have made me a happier person just in your presence. Even when I met you just talking to you would make me smile. You are one of those people who has a natural gift of bringing happiness to others. I am so lucky to have you and I mean it when I say I love you. I could ramble on and on about how dear you are to me. Instead I will make it short and sweet. I love you my dear. You have changed my life forever for the best. Thank you!



for god knows what awful reason i've been struk with a plague that causes me to vomit after i eat. i thought it stopped last week but oh no no no. it came back with a vengence post taco bell today. maybe it was just the taco bell, but still. it sucks. i hate barfing after i eat cos it makes me feel bulemic and even worse i get mad at the fact i wasted money on food that is just coming right back up. it angers me profusely. on a side note today i got an email that made me feel so unbelievably loved i'd be in better spirits if i weren't feeling queazy. happy sigh. :)

Friday, August 25, 2006

Life is better in a free state

I need another trip to arizona soon. I'm thinking a road trip is on the way for a weekend or so. I'm not sure when but I gotta go. I need me some desert time asap. I think the tranquility would play a nice trick on my mind to fake it into thinking things are ok right now. My mind is so screwed up right now. I know things will be ok I just feel so broken down. Maybe it's stress or lonliness or a combo of both but I feel like I've hit an all time mental low and my meds are faking me out to be like "no you're ok get over it wooh! pep talk!" but my body knows different. Hence all the barfing and not wanting to go anywhere, do anythingness. This is horrible. I need to be stronger.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

The Mile Challenge

So to try and occupy my time I've been working or going to the gym while Jesse's been gone and yesterday the following occured:

a  buff latino guy steps onto the tredmill next to mine and asks, "Hey do you wanna take 'The Mile Challenge'?"

I ask, "What's the mile challenge?"

he responds "If I win, I get your number."

To which in my bitchy way I say, "NO!"

He then leaves. Fucker didn't even have the balls to continue running a mile next to me after being denied. He coulda laughed it off and been like "just kidding" and ran. Wuss.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I- I- I solated

I feel oh so very lonesome. Like my life has taken on the lyrics of a pathetic country song. My love has gone away. But he'll be back again someday. Doot-doot-doot-doot-doot. I feel so isolated from everyone and everything even though I have seen my friends and done more this weekend than I've done in months. Why do I feel this way? Why did that last line remind me of something that could have come from nookie? Sigh. Shuggie. Man I need to get laid...

Write the letter, but don't send it off...

I've been writing too many letters lately. Geez. And blogging in livejournal. Double Geez. Geez. Geez.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

stand by your man

i just spent a good deal of time looking at pictures of jesse. god i miss him so much! i cant wait to visit him!!!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

The Last Supper

Last night I had a dinner date with Jesse as a sort of last dinner before he left. He had a Denny's craving and I was at work late so it worked out being that its so close to my house. While there we contemplated robbing the place and whether we could get away with it or not. We over heard some scumbags talking about places they'd take a chick on a date and one guy said "I'd take her to Redondo and eat on the pier and then you can walk around and look at the shops and stuff. Then when i drop her off I'd kiss her and stick my tongue down her throat." I shit you not. Vile. Then when it came to ordering time, I wanted soup and they didn't have any dammit. So I got buffalo chicken strips and a salad with 1000 island dressing. THe guy comes out and gives me buffalo chicken strips with 1000 island dressing. Not meaning to sound like a bitch I asked for my salad, but Jesse said I told the guy. "Can I get salad with my dressing?" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :::tilts head back and laughs::: sigh. Ok. Anyway, he corrects my order and the food was pretty shotty. Jesse asked to try one of my chicken strips and was like "Is that Tapatio on there?" refering to the sauce. Heh hehe. Afterwards, we went to the park and sat on the playground for a while contemplating the last few months together and what not. Oh, haha, backtrack: when we were in Denny's Jesse was joking around with me when the guys were talking about date locations he was like "Take her shooting!!!" hahahaha. Shooting. Sigh. I hear some scumbags outside... Anyway, it was a fun night as always. We agreed we had a lot of fun before we started dating. And we still do. Only difference is now we get shuggie. Heh yea shuggie. Happy sigh. Can't wait to see my man again. I am so proud of him and I love him to pieces. And I'm sorry if I sounded like a bitch to you when we used to talk on the ph one Jesse lol. I love you!

Monday, August 14, 2006

I picked a good Booger

A few months ago when I jumped into everything, I had fears that maybe people were right and it was a bad idea. But time went on and we created memories, even before everything there were memories like sitting at Las Fuentes just because you were in town and wanted to hang out or the night we stayed up listening to space ghost farts and hell burps for an hour laughing hysterically at 1 am, not caring if we would wake my parents up on a work night.

But to me it was more than just having good times and being friends enjoying life, it was a breath of fresh air, a wake up. You made me see life through my own eyes instead of behind the jaded eyes of others. You made me realize I was my own person capable of making my own decisions. You never treated me like I didn't get it or undermine my abilities to do things. You gave me back my confidence. I chose to be with you because I loved the way you treated me: like a person. I also loved how uninhibited we were around each other. Everything went and no one was safe, not even each other.

I remember the first time you took me out shooting and I set up our revolution picture and accidentally put your Ruger on the ground in a moment of "great photo op!" blindness and you said if I were your wife that would be a beatable offense and I laughed. I guess even before we were ever together there were always little hints that we would somehow wind up with one another.

I look back onto tonight where we were laying in bed laughing about god knows what and you spittled on me when you snickered and I wiped it on your shirt only to lead onto a spit-wipe-spit-wipe conetest. I know I can never find someone I will be able to joke around with like that. Ever.

You are so special to me my dearest Booger. I love you. I love being around you. I will miss you dearly and it still hasn't hit me that Thursday you will be gone. I keep thinking, oh I'll talk to you online and see you Saturday. Only this Saturday will be different. This saturday when I go out to Landcaster, it won't be to see you and that saddens me. I look forward to November when I will see you again, although these next few months will be lonely and I will miss you dearly.

All I can say, though, is we will make it work because we want it to work. I know because I picked a good Booger.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Couldn't be uphill forever...

So this is what depression is like on medication. Its not too horrible but I still have it. I feel like I have become isolated from everyone I love. Like I try to reach out and no one wants to grab on. Its a horrible feeling because I feel like I need friends right now and I have no one. I feel completely empty and there isn't a damned thing I can do and no medications in the world can fix it. It's not chemical depression like the past but situational. I feel like I have no one and it seriously saddens me. Was it me? Am I not a likable person? Did I do something to piss the world off? I don't understand. I feel like my life is broken or breaking up right now.

Wednesday, August 9, 2006

gavin up to no good...again.

gavin goes to the back in screen print and plays this song by this spanish pop group RBD (pronounced reh-beh-deh) anyway the song was written for the world cup and sounds like a hybrid of spice girls backed by the backstreet boys and a mariachi band to a techno beat. yea fun, right? anyway he plays it and everyone stops w hat they're doing and is like what is this shit and get mad at him. i told him he's gonna have slashed tires or a gang of people wanting to beat him up after work. it was hillarious. the chorus goes mexico mexico something something something si fuerte mexico mexico something something something that rhymes with fuerte. hahahahahaha. im laughing so hard right now i hurt.

Tuesday, August 8, 2006

Phil Grossman

I had an energy spurt and decided to go to the gym for a late night work out. Whilst on the treadmill, I get a call at 10:00 PM.

Voice: Is this Jenny?

Me: Yes? Who is this?

V: Do you remember me?

M: Do I know you?

V: It's me, Phil from Oakpark.

M: I dont know any Phils from Oakpark.

V: Yea we met a few weeks ago. You gave me your number.

M: I don't think Iw oulda given anyone my number. I have a boyfriend.

V: (starts to cry) Aaaaahhhh nooo Jenny!! Do you do xanax and get drunk a lot?

M: No that's not me. You have the wrong number.

V: But I know it's you jenny!

M: Look, I can barely hear you I'm at the gym

V: (ANgry) You're at the gym!? IN front of all those people!?

V: (in tears hysterical) You don't understand were just friends. Its not like that. Fuck! I need a friend right now.

M: I'm sorry I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you should call one of your friends.

V: I don't have any friends!!!

M: Well that's not my problem. Sounds like someone played a cruel joke on you using my number and name which pisses me off cos someone is pretending to be me and using my info to reject people. So I'm equally pissed.

V: (Hysterical crying and screaming.)

M: What's your name again?

V: Phil Grossman. From Oak park.

M: Ok Phil, tell you what, let me get a pen and paper from the front desk and I'll get your number down. (gets a pen and paper from front desk) Ok so what's your info?

V: Phil Grossman. 818 ***-****. I'm from Oak Park.

M: (Bitchy) Ok look Phil, you just did a stupid thing. I don't want you calling this number again. You got the wrong Jenny. I'm blocking your number from this phone so don't even try to call back! (click)

Mr. Grossman ruined my workout.

Sunday, August 6, 2006

Weird dream 3

i had th is dream and all i remember part was jesse and i were in a hotel and i was trying to keep the door locked to keep the house cleaning out and jesse had a gun with him *duh*. the next think i know they stop trying to come in and a laser sighter comes in and is shining on jesse's shoulder and i was like "GET DOWN!!!" and they start shooting in the room at him. then, he's having a shoot out with the room service chick and the janitor who are downstairs and jesse asked me if i wanted to tr y shooting at them lol. i was like "NO!!! WE GOTTA LEAVE!!!!" it was so intense my heart was racing and my rapit heartbeat caused me to come out of that dream. hahahaha. so weird.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006

Gonna finish my degree finally...

I had an epiphany today on my way home from work: I need to finish my degree. Why? Cos I'm sick of knowing I have so many units and am so close to graduating (like 2 years of after work schooling pretty much.) Anyway, I know it's gonna be tough, but I can do it! I really want to get my damn degree. I figure I'll just take my general ed at Valley and whatever classes I need to finish up I'll just do at CSUN. A degree is a degree. At this point, I'm not very discriminatory as to where I go, I just want to complete my education. So that's one of my goals. I registered at valley today so we'll see what happens from here on out. Yay me! Procrastinating has only done so much for me, I need to learn more!

Over/Under Foot in mouth

so today gavin says i look like someone and that we are twins. i joked around that i had a jacket and about 40 lbs less. gavin then stated the person who is taller and fatter than me is closer to my weight than 40 lbs. frank said he thinks the person is over 40 lbs. gavin, who got caught with his foot in his mouth, tries then to talk his way o ut of this stating that he doesnt think im fatter than i am but that the other person is skinnier and im the constant. this was included with a chart he made as a half-assed attempt to save his ass from sounding like an asshole. i told him it's too late he said what he thinks. my face hurts from laughing at his attempts to recover. my conclusion: gavin thinks i'm fat and frank is hot.

Friday, July 28, 2006

that's right, its a diary blog... sorry kiddies.

if someone asked to take you back without any questions at all, i wonder so if you would go and leave me there to fall. i know it is a weird question but i ask myself this sometimes especially after what some people say all the time. sometimes it just eats me up inside. did i do the right thing? am i doing the right thing? does that person still love you? i wonder. i wonder if im just a pawn in your game to win her back like everyone has told me. if so i wonder how it is i could be so blind and stupid. i just pray to God that you love me like you say you do. i pray to God that there wont be some huge karmatic bite in the ass to me for my past wrongdoings. please tell me you love me so and mean it when you say it. i know we're good friends but i feel theres so much more and i know you know it too. i pray you love me as much as i love you.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Phone bullshit

So I need a new phone cos mine is royally kaput. Sucks ass. Now I'm getting a new phone...again... its not the phone i had but a different one so it better be NICE!!!!

Technology goober

I've been having shit for luck with technological devices lately. First my computer shits out on me, then today I'm so discombuberated that I put my cell phone up on my futon and it fell into a glass of water. I've been keeping my eye on it the last few hours to see that it works and so far its been ok with a few minor tweaks I'm sure will be fixed once the water all dries up inside. its such a hot day im sure it will but i worry now about rust. i dunno. i feel like such a sloth today like i am sick and i cant manage. im just glad i didnt go to work cos i cant even fathom what kinda fuck up id do if i went in this state.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Proud Gun Owner

Today I can call myself that. Hooray! I woulda said something yesterday but myspace was being a bitch.

Saturday, July 22, 2006


On Sunday I ordered ammo for this upcoming SUnday's Land Party with Josef and I get a ups delivery for today. I come home at lunch to sign for it and wait but no one comes. I find out after I get back to work that I missed ups by two frickin minutes!!!!!!! Now I'm waiting to see if I can pick up or what's goin on. Otherwise I'll hafta wait till Monday to get it w hich won't really help me out seeing as Sunday is when I planned on going shooting!!!! DAMMIT!!!

Friday, July 21, 2006

confessions of a night owl (hoot!)

[1] honestly i said i would go to sleep half an hour ago and i question whether i will go to sleep soon. for some reason i am full of random thoughts and they all wanna come out but the little pink pill is telling them WAIT IN LINE TILL ITS YOUR TURN. heh. [2] im still upset about my computer crashing. [3] i am convinced there are a bunch of spiders living in my room in dark areas. i keep finding them crawling on my walls and killing them as i spot them. the worst was the one that just floated down from the ceiling by my computer and i had to get two shoes to put it out. heh. [4] the herp has been acting weird lately. at night hes out and about in the house of herp and he tries to dig these holes. i dont get it and i dont like it. [5] i just remembered that i was going to mention my picking of my scab. its all itchy now. there might be a scar. thats cool scars add character. i can be like "this is where i fell playing paintball!!!" [6] jesse has really helped me get over my fears of paintball. i remember the first time i went with lori, craig, and rene i was scared shitless and only played like 2 games. then when i went with jesse he kept making me play. the last time we went i volunteered to play in games with him but i had to stop after idiot me fell and injured myself in the last game. after that i just was physically challeneged hehe. [7] i want things to pick up at work. seriously, its so slow right now. the days seem to lag and take forever to end. when you're busy the day goes right on by. besides i hate not being productive it makes me feel useless and feeling useless makes me depressed and i could go on and on with where this goes but thing is i hope it picks up soon. [8] i am going to start drinking dr pepper again. i cant help it. im an adict. i quit a while ago and then started drinking here and there again. i think i may go back to drinking it regularly. like the at least one daily. [9] im a really selfish person. i dunno what sparked this thought but i've realized lately that i have very little consideration for others. i don't get it. i feel like when i say thanks to a person it feels forced or insincere like i normally wouldnt do it but i do it cos thats what everyone else would do??? i dunno. sometimes i just feel like i expect things of people. i know, im horrible, right? hahah. i dont think so. [10] i'm getting my gun on saturday. thats in 2 days i believe from now? im not sure how this works its like almost 1 am now. part of me is really excited and part of me is worried. the worry is in the i hope i can find a nice case for him and not be too expensive and that he works well and makes it home safely and i still know my parents might not be thrilled with the fact i want to keep him at my bedside, but i cant expect to hide him away in a closet. im paying $200 for him, i want him to be seen dammit. [11] i still feel like i fell off the face of the earth. like literally i feel like i haven't heard from too many people lately. i made the attempt to reach out and i got some responses which was cool but its so hard to get people together to do something now days cos everyone is busy with this or that on their agendas. its difficult. [12] im really sad that jesse is going to school in august instead of september. its cool for him cos he gets to start his classes earlier and im sure he's excited about that but i'm just gonna miss him. sigh.

bridges are for burning!!!

Bridges are for burning


Good song, no?

I feel like I've burned my share of bridges and stepped on my share of toes, but honestly, I've been in those shoes before and I know what it feels like. This song somehow makes everything seem ok. Like at the end of HOBO OPS where the kids mom is like just watch these commercials... sure, this doesnt fix any problems, but it sure does a good job of pushing them under the rug. Its like one of those things that comes along and makes you think "Hey, I'm not such a evil person after all!" Hooray for false senses of happiness!!!

ice in the drink

i feel like ive been walking around with filler but no substance in my life. my days are routine and pretty predictable which is fine with me but theres some days where i question my passion in life. like am i at it? have i found it? is this what i want out of life? what i have now? or is there something else? its weird. i hear about people going to school for things and they're going after their dreams and passions and i realize i went to school for my so called passion only to learn i hated it and found a new quicker passion because i'm all about the quickie hah hah hah... i feel as if ive gone back to happening through life again and im starting to wonder if i am growing bored of another passion or if this is merely a phase brought on by a slow period? i am full of so many unanswered questions. maybe there is substance which causes the curiosity?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

ctrl + z

Tonight my computer went hari-kari and I had to do a complete system recovery. Not restore, recovery. I couldn't even get on to restore. Bastard. I wish I could just hit ctrl+z and make this night never happen. I lost all my old pictures and files from the past year. Fortunately most of the better pics I saved online so yea. But still... sucks ass. Its gonna take me a good deal of time to recover from this...

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Fugly Fish R.I.P.

Fugly Fish passed away this weekend of unknown bloat. He was found this morning floating around in his own filth. Fugly died the way he loved to live: in his own filth. He was a dirty fat fish who enjoyed his life flopping around his tank looking for food. May he find peace in fishy Heaven. You were a good fish, Fugster. May you rest in peace.

Monday, July 17, 2006

The great wipeout of '06

Today Jesse & I went to paintball. Things were looking good. I managed to get up to some dad/kid combo and take them on execution style, however they failed to call themselves out and wound up shooting me. The adreneline rush from that left me winded a good deal afterwards but I managed to pull myself together for another round. The second time was on the Columbine field. That was a long tedious battle, which I was eventually shot out followed by Jesse. The heat had started to get to me, but I refused to go down a quitter. The next round was back on a larger field. Right as the battle began I ran to cover, but fell to a bloody death as I tripped on my own two feet in an attempt to run quickly whilst shooting at the enemy. I fell on my weapon and it felt as if someone had socked me in the stomach. The left side of me caught most of my fall but wound up getting scraped up. I had blood covered in dirt which I rinsed with water. It looked kinda gnarly but it looks way better now but still hurts where the bruise is. I think I fell on a rock or something cos its a nice straight cut/scrape. I'm proud to say I too got a little too overzealous and managed to wipe out in an activity.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Exactly 1 week...

Next Saturday I will be bringing home the newest member of the family, Josef with an F. My darling Mauser. I can't wait. One week to the date!!!

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Shelter Dump

So today as I'm coming in to work I see a big white bus SAN FERNANDO SHELTER or something of the sort. It is not picking up the local vagrants to shelter them though. No, this bus is dropping OFF a new lot of vagrants!!! So now there's like 5 new bums walking around our street. I'm not sure where they'll wander off to but it's sure nice to know that the homeless shelters use our street to dump off the homeless after they spend the night at their shelters.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Not a second turn lane!!!

So I'm coming home Sherman Way as usual and I'm by the 405. I'm in the right hand lane, which is coincidentally next to the designated right hand turn lane for the freeway. I hate hate HATE with a capital H when some dumb fuck comes in the right lane and thinks they'll pass up traffic and magically get in last minute, (I also hate on the 405/101 north/west split where that happens as well, but another blog to that one...) and they think they'll breeze on by everyone waiting patiently cos they lack patience and try to sneak in at the last minute. Of course you always get someone who is like I don't think so asshole and doesn't let them in. Or you get the stereotypical run of the mill assclown who thinks they're better than the rest of the world and stays in the right hand lane the whole time only to at the last minute make a right hand turn onto the freeway. Dammit! I hate it! It's not a double turn lane over there. Those buttwipes always result in me missing my green light, but allow me to lean on my horn and vent out the days frustrations calling them every name in the book till they're completely out of my sight. From what I can see, the special "designated" turn lane is to prevent people like me from missing my light. Ok use the damn turn lane it's there for a reason! It's solid cos you gotta stay in there to make your turn, NOT from the lane to the left of it which is for straight moving traffic. Just cos there's two lanes of traffic on the freeway doesn't mean the right hand straight lane is for the second turn. There's no straight or right turn arrow there. It's just STRAIGHT. STRAIGHT YOU IJIOTS!!! Geez. The only reason there's two lanes on the onramp is cos if you look on the OTHER side of the street, the left hand turn lane to get on happens to be a real double turn lane. Stupid people. Stupid moron drivers. I hate them. Grrrrr. They almost made me miss my auction stupid idiot. Ok I'm gonna stop now...

Outbid my ass!!!

I have this unhealthy obsession with ebay and snipers. I consider myself one as I lurk around auctions last minute after maybe posting a set amount I'll go up to, then, if I really like the item, I'll go back and watch it in the ending minutes. Today's item: some vintage black cowboy boots. I know, you laugh, but wait till you see them, I guarantee all you will be jealous of my completed color trifecta of cool boots (brown, burgandy, and now black.) They have the cool wooden heel from the 70's like my Capezio and Dingo boots, but they're not as tall as I'd like them to be, but still they're a badass black boot. Anyway, some shmuck decides to up my $40 to $70 something in the last 30 seconds before closing. Touche. I will not let this newbie with zero feedback outbid me on MY boots. I play hardball and shoot up to $100 with seconds to spare. Sure as shit, I win the auction. Of course, my desire for these boots and worse, my unhealthy obsession with NOT being outbid by a newbie in the last few seconds, leaves me with a bill of $84... probably $100 after shipping costs. Are these boots worth it? Probably not, but pride was at stake here. I won. I came out on top. I didn't take no for an answer and schooled the newbie on how REAL ebayers play hardball. Lesson learned. I feel real badass right now and even moreso knowing I'll look even more badass in my black cowboy boots...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


What's up with the newest corner vending fad of selling coconuts and fruit? What ever happened to the standard elotes and snow cones??? Is it this new health fad epidemic spreading throughout the country???

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Random Musings...

1. To celebrate my new gun, I would like someone to make me a cake. Congratulations On Your New Gun! chocolate with chocolate frosting. Maybe some sprinkles.

2. I really hate when people wear exercise clothes as daily clothing. That being all forms. Track suits, warm ups, jerseys, game uniforms. I don't get it, I don't like it. I do like Tony's Kobe Briant jersey though...

3. Vegans and sex. Vegans refuse to eat or wear anything that is from an animal, so I wonder: do vegans give blowjobs and if they do, do they swallow or is it considered anti-vegan to do so as its animal product?

4. Permanant jewelery. I was asked if I ever take off my watch and I said yes when I go in water. Today I showed someone my watch tanline and they said to smell my watch and that it probably smells really bad. I told them I had no sense of smell.

5. The lack of sense of smell is a handicap and a gift. My mom yells at me for turning on the stove and leaving the gas running with no flame. She says I should get an electric stove cos I'll kill myself if I have gas cos I can't smell it. On the other hand, Jesse asked if I could smell the gun cleaning chemicals and of course, I couldn't. No surprise there...

6. I've been drinking a lot of water lately, yet I've been getting really bloated. Normally I get bloated when I drink DrPepper. Hmm...

7. I fear the size of the cell phone bill this month. I imagine it will be astronomical and I will be yelled at. Fortunately I'll be able to cover it... I hope...

8. Why is it the people you want to see most are constantly the farthest away from you? And you always long to see them at inconvenient times?

9. There's nothing worse than having no money... unless you have money and your bastard of a bank put a hold on it and you can't touch it for two weeks then there's nothing worse than having money and not being able to spend it.

Monday, July 10, 2006

A rude awakening...

nothing wrong with spending the night with your significant other. no rules say it's illegal and only some would find it immoral. i realized this at 4:50 am this morning. i went to go pee, granted i was fully dressed in jeans and not one, but two tank tops. i walked out ever so quietly not to disturb anyone from sleeping. then i see this head on the floor next door sitting there as if it were waiting there all night to relay their personal message "it's not nice of you to sleep in there with him." to which i said "sorry" and walked to the bathroom. this dwelled upon me as earlier in the night there had been a crude comment about staying in a motel 8 heard from outside the door amongst bitching and arguing between that person and their daughter. all i can say was it was pretty fucked up. i'm not their daughter, the "him" is not their son, he simply rents a room out so why should this person be so fuckin concerned about my doings??? it certainly was a rude awakening. one so awful words cannot describe how i felt, i
was awake the rest of the morning simply laying in bed playing out the scene over and over again in my head till now. i really have to pee and i dont want to go for fear of seeing this person and induring their criticism again. i know i'm not a bad person but by god, this lady sure the hell made me feel like one. damn.

Sunday, July 9, 2006


Today I filled out my gun paperwork. On the 22nd of this month I will have my gun. Hooray for Mauser!!!

Friday, July 7, 2006

I Call Bullshit!!!

So yesterday I get a message relayed to me from Matt via my sister. Some kinda bullshit about how he better not see me at concerts, not to go to his work, and basically to have no contact with him. Once again even after we break up he seems to be undermining my maturity level thinking I am so stupid I would stalk him or something with the intent of making him heartbroken and miserable. I call bullshit. I'm not the one calling his mom or his brothers and sister trying to win them over with fabricated pitty stories or lie about being cheated on. I'm doing the adult thing and broke up and ended contact. If that's not mature enough for him then I don't know what is. I suppose he wants to be the one to have the last word in. Even still, in his attempts he won't take blame for his wrong doings, he passes it off on me and my "pills" or my "shrink" or my "dirtbag friend" or that I'm a "cheater". Well guess what? It's all a big stinking load of bullshit. If anyone wants to be dumb enough to believe a man who passed up sex to sit on his computer in porn chats, go ahead! If anyone wants to believe the man who said that OUR relationship would be better if we had another woman in it, go ahead! If anyone wants to believe a man who couldn't love me for me, but had to dress me up as a porno fantasy every single time we had sex because I wasn't good enough for him as me and he had to play into his porno obsessions, go the fuck ahead! Three small, but influencial reasons I broke up with him which I had decency NOT to tell HIS mother, which leaves everyone a little confused in my break up, but there you have it. There's some of the reasons. Others available upon request. Thing is, the man is stuck in a 15 year old's mentality when it comes to relationships. He'd rather be 3 hours late because he's chatting online than stop what he's doing for someone else. He's not ready to live for another and that's all the reason I have for breaking up. So if he wants to continue threatening to beat up my dirtbag friend, I'd be more than happy to get a restraining order. Its domestic. It'd be free. So for him to treat me like I'm the enemy here and the stalker, I call a big fat stinking fly covered load of hot smelly bullshit. That's my final thought...

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

beef jerkey and dr pepper

make one hell of a breakfast :)   today is a good day :)

Tuesday, July 4, 2006


So today to celebrate independence day a little early, I  called upon my 2nd to get a gun. That's right, bitches, you're lookin at the soon to be proud owner of a MAUSER (rightfully to be named Josef with an F.) Anyway, he's a kraut and damned adorable. Yea guns can be adorable. I'll have him in my posession in the next month or two. Joy!!!

On a side note, whilst gun shopping, I was introduced to a new array of interesting people: gun shop employees. They weren't like the tactical weenies who work at Turners, but like diehard gun owners. It was pretty cool watching Jessup talkin to them about guns and what not. I sat there with that blank look on my face that resembles awe that is often mistaken for boredom. It was awe.

Ok, time to stream the AM...


The Mauser is on my lap after I spent the duration of watching Toto singin Hold The Line and huggging the Mauser. I love you Mauser. Ok gun shopping today. Rah... mmm beef jerkey secret stash.... maybe we'll see more hookers ha!

Monday, July 3, 2006

Ironic twist continued

to bring an end to everything, today was my last day in catalina. it wasnt supposed to be, but once again, i toyed with fate and got screwed over sorta... *disclaimer: toying with fate in the past has not resulted in 100% negative outcomings.* anyway, there's this whole fiasco what not moral of story i get home at 10 instead of 7 or 8ish. i dont even want to recall this vacation from pseudo hell. it sucked. i wont be going to catalina for quite a while. call me spoiled, i call it a twist of fate for the worst. so till then i can only look forward to august when i go to ARIZONA!!! bASKTEBALL!! heh. inside joke...

Sunday, July 2, 2006

Goodbye cruel world, hello ironic twist...

So oddly enough, I decided to go to catalina...solo. I can say it's not very fun. I have received numerous calls from my mom bitching and moaning about random crap. Water visibility is crappy and I barely could make out 1 sheephead on my snorkel adventure. Fishing is horrible. I just want to go home. Some shmuckos kept me up all morning when I was trying to sleep in and the lights keep flickering in this internet checkpoint. geez. This may be the most unpleasureable vacation ever. I'd much rather be in Arizona in sweltering heat. Geez. Ok, I'm gonna attempt to fish if that's not too hectic. The end.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

I have to live with my decisions, whether you like them or not...

i feel like things have gone haywire since i left my ex. im happy yet everything around me seems to be broken. its like when i was with him everything was fixed but i was broken and now its the other way around. for once i am the happy one and i feel like no one wants to accept that. sometimes i feel like the world doesnt want me to be happy. like it thrives when i am down. my agony brings peace. go figure. all i can say is i am very happy now and i will get past the random turbulance i am flying through and land in a happy desert somewhere down the road. life will be good and i have faith in time.

diggin for a good booger

booger, do you love me as much as i lovee you? the words, we've said them before but i pray you love me the same, if not more. call me greedy. i call me an idealist. i know we speak of prescott and i hope it happens and i hope we live happily ever after there. i just want to know everything is right for sure. at this point there is no turning back. i pick you. do you pick me?


So apparently someone either out of act of maliciousness or amusement decided to write that I am "used up" and have "No friends" on my draw on me picture. Har har. Funny. Whoever the culprit is, it's not funny. Or at least I didn't find it funny. What the hell is that supposed to mean anyway, used up? That just made me feel really really shitty, m'kay???

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Fell off the face of the earth...

I feel like I fell off the face of the earth. People, where are you hellowwwwww??? I miss my friends!!!! I don't bite. I feel like the ghost has returned. OoohooOoooooohoooOooohOooo...

It aint a gun but it makes me happier...

Where did you take your default picture?
in jeepie

What exactly are you wearing right now?
black pants, a blue cheezeball t-shirt and no shoes

If you could go back in time and change something would you?
not sure

Name something obvious about yourself:
i'm white

Name something that people might not know about you:
i'm actually pretty sensitive and get hurt easily

What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
does mexican with leafblower making noise across the street count???

Any celeb you would marry?
alan rickman or hugh laurie

Name someone with the same birthday as you?
matt groening

Do you have a crush on someone?

Ever sang in front of a large audience?
does kareoke count???

What do you usually order from Starbucks?
light mocha

anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?

Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
sometimes. im sorta a sucker for animation stuff except for that japanimation crap.

Do you speak any other languages?
enough spanish to know how to order a beer and nachos

Have you ever ridden in a Hummer limo?
no. i hate those!!!

Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?

Chapter 1:

Middle name: Lynn.

nicknames: jen, asshole, bee, boogie, bigtoe, chia, number 2

Eye color: green if you love me haha. they're gettin there.

Chapter 2:

Do you live with your parents: yea

Do you get along with your parents: not lately

Are your parents married/separated/divorce: together

Do you have any siblings: older sister

Chapter 3: Favorites

Season: i liek fall cos everythign dies and it has the best fashion

Shampoo/conditioner: garnier

Chapter 4: Do You

Sing in the shower: no

Write on your hand? eew no

Call people back: yes

Believe in love: been there, done that. :P

Sleep on a certain side of the bed: im almost ocd-ish about the location where i sleep. i always need to sleep closest to the door. go figure.

Have any bad habits: picking at my cuticles till they bleed lol

Chapter 5: Have You Ever

Taken painkillers: yea

Gone SCUBA diving: no they wont let me >:( bastards

Been stung by a bee: lol yes!!! im allergic. last time i got stung my finger swelled up and i got sick and missed 3 days of work cos i was so sick from the evil bee venom.

Thrown up in a restaurant: hahahah i barfed at sushi dan. ask raena.

Been to overnight camp: wtf?

Had detention: nope

Been sent to the principal's office: nope

Chaper 6: Last..

Person to call you: matt. awkward. not ready to talk yet.

Person you hugged:

Person you tackled: i dont tackle but i had a dream i got in a brawl at the maul

Thing you touched: my cell phone.

Thing you ate: a hot pocket

Ventangilist .5: Walking Ghosts

As we hit the almost 3-rd week mark, I learn new things:

1. my mom is meddling in my business.
2. matt's mom is meddling in my business.
3. suddenly no one is talking to me anymore.
4. matt is calling again.

Now, I'm not sure exactly how all this plays out but I am sure that everything is somehow intertwined with the whole meddling mothers, of which, while concerned need to let their kids take care of themselves. I have a horrible stomache ache and headache and I feel like I can't get anything done cos no one will let me just do my thing. Everyone has to put in their two cents. My anger lies mostly towards the mothers. I feel they're overstepping bounds which they should not have crossed in the first place.

Seriously, I would be better off if I were a ghost walking around the world invisible and oblivious to my surroundings. Unfortunately I'm not and I hafta deal with all this crap one way or another. Help!

Monday, June 26, 2006

As if the day couldn't get any better...

So we embark on a trip to Wally World (not the ghetto one with the homeless section but the 24 hour one). First sight: a colored lady with a cart of watermellon, some sort of canned goods that looked like baked beans and an array of other random crap in none other than the bead aisle. My guess is she was hunting for hair accessories down that aisle. Jesse made some sort of comment to look at her cart and as we walked by she said "Jesus loves you both and God bless!" We ran down another aisle and started laughing hysterically. What she really meant to say is there's a special place in hell for the both of us. (Side note: the peacock is sqauking!!!! It sounds like a dying giraffe!!!)

Second sight: I was talking to my cousin and shortly after getting off the phone with her we see these little 12 ish somethin hispanic girls and the one says "I love Mariah Carey" all loud and me and Jesse start laughing because we both heard it and knew it!!! Then I hear "What are you laughin at?" from one of the girls as we kept going and laughed even harder. Jesse didn't hear it which sucks cos that made things even funnier.

Ah Walmart. Proved to have better sights than the maul. What a fun day!


Ah Sunday! What better day than to go out cruising around in Jolly Green than to go to Fatburger and check out the local array of freaks that inhibit the AV Maul! On our way up we spied two young girls, maybe of high school age, walking along a long stretch of road to some destination unknown. Now the last time I saw a woman walking along a long stretch of highway out here, Jesse informed me she was a hooker, because that's the only person who would walk those areas and that the hookers were notorious for lurking along a certain road. So, I took what I learned before and applied it to the present situation and yelled at the girls "HOOOOOOOOOOKEEEEEEEEERRRRSSSS!!!!" It was a classic moment. Later on, after our trip to the Maul and Fatburger, what luck! We see the two same girls again! Jesse was like "AAAH!!!" and like clockwork we both stuck our heads out and yelled, "HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The two girls had a look on their face of "Why is this green car calling us hookers!?!?" It was a magical moment to live on in my mind forever. Classic. Pure classic!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Jean Claude Van Dammit!!!! Ventangalist .4

I anticipated crap when I got home today. First off some shmuck is parked in my spot under the tree. Then as I try to relax, I hear all this BOOM!!! CRASH CLUNK THUD BOOM!!! almost sounds like someone firing a gun next door or something but then the drilling starts. So there's like no silence for my darling headache. It's ass. anyway, yea. I'm gonna bail. this is ass.

wildwood flower

ok week 2 has ended. its been 2 weeks since ive left matt. he was a horrible person and just not right for me. reasonings being he was addicted to porn and the internet. ok im addicted to the internet but i can also break away when time comes to interact with real people. anyway, i feel bad cos he still calls my sister and inquires about my whereabouts and according to her isn't doing very well (not eating, not going to work, etc.) it sucks but he needs to move on. when you think about it i wasn't really the worlds greatest girlfriend and he only saw me like once a week and when i was over he was online anyway so why all the pissing and moaning, right?

on that note, i have moved on since. he's not getting me back and i dont plan on going back. life has a different route for me. i've toyed with fate and am interested in the bumpy ride called the future. i am an adveturer at heart so i anticipate these new changes, good or bad. so far things have been mostly bad but from outside. on the inside i've never felt better. i am enjoying life, which matt should be doing too. he should go out and be with his friends instead of cooping himself up and being miserable.