Monday, December 31, 2007

Move on asstard!!!

So my mom and Lori told me that they both received calls from dip shit telling them happy holidays. Ok, first off, who the fuck calls out of the blue their ex's relatives around the holidays? Doesn't he have his own family to deal with? Oh yeah, he does, but he doesn't give them the time of day. Instead it's more important to try and keep tabs on me almost 2 years AFTER I dumped him. Seriously, does this strike anyone as being a little psychotic? I don't go around calling his family or his coworkers or anyone he knows. What a douche bag! Anyway, I'm guessing he still keeps tabs on me via myspace or something, so here's a not-so-subtle message. Move on asstard. We're not getting back together. Ever. You were a douche then and you'll probably be a douche till you die. Jesse and I are married now with a son on the way, and there's no way in hell I'd ever leave what I have now to go back to what I didn't want back then. You're a fat loser and no one wants you. Stop talking to my family and get on with your life. I got on with my life, why can't you. There's a reason you're almost 40 and still single living in that shit hole in Malibu. FYI, you're a disgrace to Malibu. When people see you at parties they wonder who invited the fat guy in shorts and sandals in the winter. You're not cool. The only people who would remotely find you interesting are people online who have no idea what your pathetic little life in your pathetic little room with your pathetic little records on your pathetic little computer are really like. Why not try and buy some friends or a life with Daddy's inheritance money??? Till then, stay the fuck out of mine... by that I mean QUIT TALKING TO MY FAMILY!!! Do you think they don't talk to me? I know this shit. Give it up ass wipe!

That's all I got.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The Lowdown On Christmas

Let's see where do I start...

Friday morning they had this breakfast shebang for us at work. Then after that, I got picked up by the husband and hung out at home for a while before he took me to the airport, where I was dropped off and took a plane down to LAX. The plane was really crappy in my mind, a little Horizon shuttle, that felt like the wings were gonna break off when it was hitting the air. I got in and was lucky enough to get the Flyaway at 9:30 and get into Van Nuys around 10:15 give or take. From there, we made a pit stop to Tommy's. And then I went to bed.

Saturday was spent at Sea World. Not much to say there. Ray rays. Mu mus. Lots of walking. Fudge. Yeaaaaahhhhh. Long drive home. I peed every two seconds and it was pissing Lori off. On the way home we made a pit stop in Carl's Jr. in this total scumbag area cos I really had to pee and I was hungry. Then, it was back to home and off to bed.

Sunday we met with Danielle and had breakfast at Millies. Then we went to the mall. I got all sorts of new preggo clothes. Then we came home, wrapped presents, got a pizza and did the Christmas thing... opening presents, etc. Then it was off to bed.

Monday I went to my grandma's house and met up with some old time family members I haven't seen in ages and a day. Had some German food and then had to go to the Flyaway to go back to LAX to get home in time for Christmas. They were all out of Flyaway busses so there was some other bus. Normally, they ask what flight you're taking so they know what terminals to stop at. This guy didn't. I didn't know what terminal to get off at so I asked him and he was like "Figure it out." No one knew what terminals they were supposed to get off at and he was complaining and finally was like "There's 60 something airlines out here, I don't know which terminals to stop at!" He was a total prick with a David Bowie haircut and sweet ass aviator glasses. What a shame.

I eventually got my plane and flew home. The guy sitting in front of me looked like Cousin Larry on Perfect Strangers and his friend had a silver fox mullet. The guy sitting across from me had these beat up ass old white tennis shoes with those early 90's curly cue laces and some Kirkland's Finest jeans. When I got off, there were these two old fatties waddling in front of me and they realized Jesse was waiting for me and they moved over and let me through and I met up with my Booger husband.

We got home and hung out for a few minutes and then went out to get our Christmas dinner supplies. Everywhere was closed. But we were lucky enough to hit Save Mart (ex-Albertson's) and managed to get there as they were the only grocery store open at that hour. It was 15 minutes till 9:00 and they were getting ready to close. We got our goods and headed out with our dinner supplies. Yay!

This morning, I woke up and uploaded our pictures from the weekend in LA. Then, Jesse woke up and we did our gift exchange. This is the first time Jesse's ever had to do any sorts of "gift shopping" for me, and I gotta admit, I'm so lucky he has really good taste and pays attention to things I like. He got me a preggo coat, this cute grey knit hoodie sweater, this green sweater I am totally enamored with, and some Bath & Body Works stuff, including new sleepy time bath salt. We had a nice morning.

Later Phil joined us and we went out to our shooting spot for some Christmas shooting. Some douchebags with their dirt bikes pulled up and were like "Are you guys shooting out here?" and we were like "Yeah." And they asked how long we were gonna be out and we said "a little while." They look at us and were like "Well, you're gonna fuck up our ride!" then they drove off. We weren't out there that much longer, maybe another 30 or 40 minutes and then we packed up. Just as we were getting inside the car, a sheriff pulls up. Jesse goes up to him to see what's up and the guy draws his gun on Jesse and then starts telling us to get out of the car, put our hands up, etc. We get the royal pat down, my pregnant self included, by a male officer, which Phil told me later legally they should have waited for the female officer to come out and pat me down. She came later. But preggo here, had to pee like crazy. Lulu was freaked out and wanted her mommy. They ran our plates, our drivers licenses, and the serials on the guns or something and of course everything comes up clean cos we're not breaking any laws. Basically guy officer was cool to us and was like "You're out 1000 yards like you're supposed to but, I only came out here cos someone called and complained." Basically, if it weren't for those mommy's boy douchebags complaining, the sheriff never would have come out. But officer dyke-o, who showed up later to "frisk" me, which she never did, pretty much came over and was being all smart assy with us about whether we had hunter's safety classes, or how we should go to the ranges and pay $6 to shoot. I inquired if the signs they have at the base of the area were outdated then, that is, the signs that say "shooting permitted 1000 yards, high power rifles 5000 yards." She said there was a "no shooting sign" and I corrected her on it and she was like "oh, that sign is old." I felt as if she didn't even listen to the question I asked. Then she tries to be cool with us talking about how they have been dealing with a lot of not safe issues lately with accidents of bikers, people drinking and doing drugs while biking, and how they found a dead body out here, etc. Last I recall that kinda info was supposed to be confidential information, but who knows. Anyway, they pretty much seemed pissed off to come out cos it was like a waste of their time to come out but they had to go cos someone called and it was their job. Jesse's new Glock had dirt on it as if the guy put it on the floor and he was really pissed. Anyway, we were pretty upset over all that.

We got home, the guys cleaned their guns, I made them some appetizers and then got started on dinner. I made our ham dinner and took a bath. Anyway, that's the end of Christmas. By this point my back hurts and I'm just tired.

Saturday, December 22, 2007


1. Last night I couldn't sleep. It was as if my sleep was some sort of progressive symphony of not-happening. Opening: I get into bed around 10:20 PM. I lay down on my side and hear thumping downstairs. Always with the thumping. Although this isn't thumping of building cabinets or redoing the piping, it's thumping like drumming along to some circus music. This goes on till about 10:40 PM and then stops. Finally I fall asleep. 12:00 AM, I am awaken again by severe pain in my abdomen. I attribute this again to growing pain, and maybe even the case of raspberries I ate earlier in the day, although it is low by the baby and not high in my tummy, so my theory of growing pains still holds true. I am on my side and hold my tummy. I whimper in pain. I look for my Tylenol and see it but don't open it because that requires too much work and that kind of work would just cause me even more pain, plus the pain that would follow from drinking the water. So I roll over into a crouched on my knees bending over position and lay that way for a while, hoping that the feeling of my tummy hanging down will ease the pressure and pain. And it did. The pain then traveled to my legs, which fell asleep from being in my squat pose. After that, I rolled back to my side and proceeded to go back to sleep. Around 3:30 AM, I woke up again, this time due to the fact I couldn't sleep from flying home. That stress of knowing I would spend the whole day practically doing nothing all till it was time to get on the plane. It wears me out. Finally I was able to sleep and in the end, I woke up slightly earlier, around 7:09AM instead of the now recent 7:45AM.

2. I get to work and we have breakfast. Not like oh someone brought in bagels or something, no I mean BREAKFAST. We got the pastries, the fruit salad, the southern style potatoes, bacon, sausage, and a lady making fresh omlets of your choice. I had an onion and cheese omlet. Then there was an array of breakfast drinks from orange juice, tomato juice, apple juice and the usual coffee and teas. There is quite the surplus of food left over and the sad part is it's getting trashed tonight. I may have Jesse take home some sausage and taters for him to enjoy tomorrow morning before he does my Christmas shopping.

3. The reality of the fact I am going home today has set in. I don't look forward to traffic, the 405 or the usual assortment of LA assholes, but I do look forward to going home, going to Sea World and seeing my ray rays, and for some reason I look forward to seeing the Izzy Ball Ball Ball. I just saw her holiday pictures and she looks so cute and fluffy. Plus I'm all excited about getting new clothes. Yay!

4. Jesse claims he's going to do my Christmas shopping this weekend. I'm so glad I got everyone's shopping done early. It was tricky for me to shop for Jesse without a car, but thanks to McGangsta and some others, I was able to collaborate his shopping and get it done and over with. There was no way in hell I'd just let him get one present to open for Christmas. Plus, thanks to the internet, a lot of my shopping was simplified and sent straight to my office. Sure, I may have had to pay for shipping costs, but if you ask me, being able to find that one hard to find thing that no one else seems to have, paying that shipping cost is worth it's weight in gold! On that note, I really do love online shopping. I've had very good luck with it over the years and will continue to use it for the purposes of being able to find those weird oddball rare presents or the hard to find things. Speaking of which, I am a little worried Jesse is doing my shopping this weekend. I know how much he hates shopping and malls and they are going to be swamped with lots of people and everything is gonna be all chaotic and amuck! Although I will be shopping Sunday with my mom so, yea, same difference...

That's all I got. I'm gonna eat my fruit bowl more and continue peeing like it's going out of style...

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

God gave me feet and a gun...

I've got this burnin', burnin' urine feelin' inside me... ok haha... Don't tell me you've never wanted to sing part of Tainted Love with those lyrics instead... But seriously, today I had burning pee which in my few years of living tells me something is wrong. So I decided to go to urgent care after work. Jesse worked late and I wasn't up to going right away so I got Couch .38 and walked down there a little later. I got there around 6:10 and was seen within a few minutes. I was the only one there, odd for someone who recalls urgent cares back home where there were usually 30 people and a 2 hour wait. Amazing. Anyway, after peeing in a cup (tangent: I wrote my name on the cup and wrote PEE CUP and drew a little picture of a smiley faced person peeing into a cup on it haha.) My results showed I did in fact have a urinary or bladder infection, same thing if you ask me, different thing if you ask a medical professional. Also, another weird thing, I lost 2 lbs, which weirds me out, cos since it's been a month or so since I've been to the preggo docs and instead of gaining weight, I lost. It weirds me out a little, but I know weight sometimes fluxuates, but doesn't it usually go gain weight, don't gain, gain? I don't think it's supposed to go gain, gain, lose...

Anyway, after that, I walk to the other side of the neighborhood and go to CVS and get my medication. I also pick up some other crap. Finally, around 9:00 I get home. Best part of this all is that I have insurance again. This means it only cost me $25 to see the doctor and my pee-fixer-pills were only $15. I know it still ran me $40 tonight, which means I had to cancel getting my hair colored Friday, it still beats paying that $150 I paid back in September when I didn't have insurance. Whew. It still hasn't started to snow yet, which disappoints me. But I'm happy other than that.

The end.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007


I've been having this anxiety lately of wondering if I'll be a good mom or if our son will like us. I keep worrying that I'll do something wrong or that our son will always cry cos he doesn't like us or something. I've also been afraid a lot lately. I guess it stems from the anxiety and turns to fear. I keep worrying that something will go wrong when I deliver. Like Jesse won't be around to take me to the hospital or something. I dunno. Then I'm worried because sometimes occasionally I feel little kicking and moving and sometimes I don't. I feel like we won't find a name. I really want to get a name picked out soon. I know we have 5 months but still, most people have a name by now. I hope we're not crappy parents. I hope everything works out. How the hell am I gonna know when to change the diaper if I can't smell!?

Child at heart

Whilst flipping through the channels to find something to watch tonight, I noticed some Christmas programming on. The movie: Olive, The Other Reindeer. I've never seen this show. I may have heard about it vaguely in the past. I'm surprised at how amused I was with it. I find it sad sometimes that I get enjoyment from simple kids programs. I know as an adult I should like comedies and dramas and action flicks geared towards adults with more sophisticated themes, but in all honesty, I do enjoy children's movies once in a while. I still take great pleasure in watching animated movies both for the simplistic sheer enjoyment factor and the craftsmanship that goes into making it. But more so for the entertainment purposes. Sue me. I think it's perfectly fine for an adult to watch a kid's movie occasionally for some lighthearted entertainment. Life is difficult as it is. Why complex it more with movies you need to think about?

Monday, December 17, 2007

Oh no, that shit ain't gonna fly...

We haven't had a downstairs neighbor since October when the tweakers got evicted/disappeared. I guess Friday night we got new downstairs neighbors. They're these Mexicans or some sorta Spanish speaking people. I'm already keeping my eye on them because of their shifty ways. They move in at night. Most people who move do it when it's bright outside. They decided it would be wise to move in around 8:30 PM. Ok, benefit of the doubt situation: maybe they work late. Saturday they are not visible all day. We go out and notice a makeshift leash: a fat shoe lace with a noose on one end and the other end is tied to the metal handrails. There is a bike on the floor and a bike chain, but they are not chained up. So they are quiet all day yesterday and then decide to do what sounds like redo the piping or something. Once again, after dark, there is more banging and thumping. They seem to enjoy doing home repairs or rearranging the furniture between the hours of 8:30 and 11:00 at night. Today, after I get back from church and grocery shopping, I come home and our floor starts to rattle. Then comes the onslaught of circus music. At first I think it's a car driving by. Then, I put my ear to the kitchen floor and hear it is indeed coming from below. Ok, there's rules to the Wilson place. You don't just show up here and act like you own the place. You're renting. You have no rights. You don't just move in on a Friday and start blasting your shit music two days later. You don't move in here and start putting all your crap out front. I'm waiting for the day my pregnant ass trips on one of their hazards on their front yard, which can potentially injure myself or my unborn child, and I can go after their asses as well as make a fuss to the property management that I might want to go after their property insurance to take care of my damages. They'll evict their asses faster than you can say AYE AYE AYE!!! For now there's only two of them in there. But I've seen it start off with two and then uncle Paco moves in with his lady and then she's pregnant and they're in between jobs and then the relatives from Juarez move in and suddenly there's 10 people living in a 1 bedroom apartment. Then you get all these shady ass visitors coming in. Next thing you know your car gets broken into or you have shit stolen from your car like tires or parts. These people better not be here long. They're gonna be a definite nuisance. As I've seen with the last 2 tenants of unit A, I'm guessing they're from another line of apartment hopping criminals. Yea... that shit ain't gonna fly in this place. Hopefully they don't make it past the winter. If that's the case I'm hoping Jesse and I can get a new place by the time our lease is up. I'll feel bad for leaving Mark and Debbie and Ralph behind but you know, you gotta do what you gotta do and we're not gonna raise a child in our living room. Unlike some people, we have standards and don't think that's ok...

Thursday, December 13, 2007


Yesterday when I got home from work there was a message from the nurses to call back and speak to them. Thoughts raced through my mind as to why they'd want me to call and speak to them that they couldn't just leave a message over the phone? Was it urgent? What could it be? Then I thought, maybe it had something to do with my triple test I had on Monday. But what the hell is that test for? I know they test something but what. So I look it up and it says it is used to rule out possibilities of birth defects. Granted when I see this my mind freaks out. The last thing any parent wants to learn is that their child might have down syndrome or that they need to do extra test because there's a possibility that their test was inconclusive. So I go to bed last night relatively freaked out. Then on top of all of that, I feel really sick. I have the most god awful upset stomach and to make matters worse, the Tot seems to know when my tummy hurts cos he thinks its funny to kick or hit it. Haha, good one, little guy. Mommy finds that hilarious. Especially around 2:00 AM on a work night. So after he decides that my stomach is no longer a fun thing to play with, I finally can get to bed. But by that point, my abdomen hurts... really bad. Like super cramping no matter which way I lay it still hurts painful. So after about an hour of flopping around trying to get comfy I finally fall asleep. Then I wake up and I throw up because I feel so sick from heartburn and pain and god knows what. It sucked. Then I finally got to work and called the nurses expecting the worst, but it was ok. All they wanted was for me to go see the lung specialist and let me know there was traces of yeast infection bacteria in my tests and to keep an eye out for that and if I get one it's ok for me to use Monistat. While the yeast infection thought annoys me I'm just glad my child is safe.

Do you know the muffin man? Or where he gets his supplies from?

There is a person who likes to get things from the trash. Because of this I have a theory to never trust anything they offer food wise. Well, this morning they come in and give a present of a blueberry muffin... which oddly is not blue, but a greyish greenish color. Very creepy. The look alone is enough to turn one off from eating it but knowing of their food gathering habits, that right there stops me. So it's sitting here at my desk, staring at me, creepy little thing. I fear eating it because it might make me sick.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Hello, Mr. Teague-Tot!!!

There will be another gunsmith in the family. With daddy's mechanical knowhow and mommy's artistic abilities, perhaps you will design the next great assault rifle... one can only dream...


How can anyone NOT like Dio?? I mean, seriously. He's like 100 million billion times cooler than Ozzy. Ever. He's almost as cool as Halford...operative word being almost. Every time I hear his short man of a voice, it makes me want to put on some sort of fur pelt and my fringed moccasin boots and get my sword and join him in his quest to battle mythical evil medieval creatures. One can only dream. My fantasy is that Dio dresses like that on an every day basis. Like he rolls up to Christmas dinner with the family like he's dressed in the Holy Diver video, or like drives to work in an early 90's Toyota or something and gets out and walks in and sits at a desk and checks his voicemails and emails in that outfit, or like goes grocery shopping like that. I mean, seriously, how great would that be???

I mean, come on... do you really need a visual aid??? Sigh... ooohkay...

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Incompetent Boob

Jesse was in the shower and called me over to ask me a question about some old archived photos I had on cds and upon my return back to the computer, I went to sit. I did this in my normal fashion of right leg in front of chair, left leg moved up at a 45 degree angle to tuck under my right leg, proceed to sit and thus be happy, right? Well something was off. Not sure what, but in my attempt to sit I went from the first part fine, but then upon the but to seat part, something went wrong. I instead of going backwards somehow went sideways and crashed into Jesse's computer. It was 3 part procession ending with me on the floor and in all sorts of pain. I assume bruises will appear tomorrow. From the depart, I hit the monitor and then trickled down to the tower and then down into the milk crate holding the tower and finally to the floor. Not fun. Afterwards, I felt completely stupid. I didn't know what happened, then when I realized what did, I didn't know why. I still don't know why. All I know is I feel like some sorta incompetent boob... and my back aches.


A few nights ago Jesse came home from work with these marinades. I thought they were like soak meat in this ruckus, cook, eat, yum. Nope. It's a super cool marinade! It has the sauce, comes with meat injectors and a spice topical cover. So I'm making the cajun marinade tonight on some chicken. Just injected it with some yummy love, let it soak in the marinade and sprinkled the spices on top and baked it. I can't wait to eat it in front of our Christmas tree! Although I gotta admit, our tree looks pretty sad cos there's no presents under it and no Christmas village. Oh well. Jesse says he's gonna do my Christmas shopping soon. Hopefully he utilizes the Christmas list I composed to help in figure out what to get. Poor guy seemed rather in the dark cos I'm one of those super hard to shop for people. I am fortunate enough to not have that problem with him as him and Lori are the two easiest to shop for people on earth. I know he will be a very happy Booger this year. Very happy. I can't wait! Anyway, back to cooking...

Friday, December 7, 2007

Good Morning Snow (Extended Version!)

Yesterday the weather reports said it was rumored to snow at night and in the morning. I question the accuracy of these reports as so far 90% of the time, the Reno meteorologist don't know crap and are way off. I went to bed around 11 something after looking outside to see no snow. As stated earlier, they said it would start around 9. All we had was rain and cold. Around 1 AM, Jesse rolled in for bed and said "Boogs, its starting to snow." Too tired, I smiled at the confirmation and went back to sleep. Around 5 AM the radio was going in and out and this threw me off and I woke up. Remembering Jesse's comment from 1 AM and the predictions from the weather channels and websites the days before, I thought, "Let's see if this snow ever came down." I go to the kitchen and look out the kitchen window and much to my surprise, the streets are WHITE!!! I go back to the warmth of our bed with Jesse and Lulu and tell him "I got my wish. It's white outside." A few seconds later, Jesse gets up and looks out our bedroom window. He tells me to open the blinds so he can get a better look. So at some 5 AM this is what we saw from our bedroom window:

Then, I get this idea to call my mom and tell her about our snow because she had the audacity to call me one time at 7 AM just to "talk", so I thought, why not. My dad got the phone and I had him wake my mom up. I told her it was white outside and then she left to pee or something and I hung up. After that, I got dressed and followed Jesse's suggestion of taking Lu outside so she can play in the snow before everyone wakes up.

We took her outside and this was her second experience with snow, but first experience with a larger amount of snow. Last Friday we were lucky to have 1", but today we had about 4".

She walked around trying to get her business done, because she did not want to be in the cold wet white stuff too long. Because of all the snow, she couldn't figure out where her normal bathroom places were, so she had to sniff out a place to go...

And then she went...

After that, we took a family picture in the snow around 5:30 AM and went back inside to eat breakfast and get all sorts of toasty.

I know Debbie will really love these pictures because it'll make her all sorts of homesick for New York. Don't worry Oso, you'll be home again :) On that note, I leave to make Jesse a bagel and say I love you Reno and your snow! I think at this rate I will get my white Christmas! :D


I always thought pugs were adorable but ever since we got Lulu she's pugged her way into our hearts. I've easily become drawn to pugs and pug culture. I want pug socks. I want pug salt & pepper shakers. I want pug cookie jars. I want anything pug. I love my pug!

Current Gripes and Compliments

1. I really like the soap in the bathroom at work. For the longest time there was only Purel and I hate that crap. Then, someone decided to buy us soap again and they got this milk & honey soap. It's so nice! It makes my hands feel soft and smooth and that's a huge pro since the weather up here is super dry and cold. Not super cold yet but very dry.

2. We won't be able to get a home when our lease is up. My credit isn't good enough. Technically if we save up and pay a lot of crap up it can be built up but for how long they check, we'll be better off waiting another year. On that note, I've been looking at larger apartments and townhouses. I found a nice townhouse for rent that's only $225 more than what we pay a month now. However, for what it is, it's a nice deal. Laundry on site, gated community, really nice interior, pets ok. So, hopefully when our lease is up or near being up we can submit an application to them or something. It would be nice to live somewhere with laundry on site. It'd be a lot easier than going to the lavandaria, I'll tell you that!

3. Last night were the JDRF awards dinner. Our company picked up 3 awards. It was pretty cool. We got a sponsorship award for raising a buttload of money, then we got an award for our t-shirt design (yay me!), and I got a outstanding team captain award (again, yay me!) It was nice. Free food. Hanging out with coworkers outside of work. Recognition for good work for a good cause. At each table in the center they had these big red orbs. We got to take ours home. Lulu is terrified of it. It's hilarious! Then each place setting had little jingle bells on them. I snagged some of the bells and put them on the rosemary wreath Hoss gave me at Thanksgiving. Now it looks all Christmas happy.

4. I can't wait till I get paid so I can complete my Christmas shopping. Just need to take care of the parental units, the husband, and pug child. I can't wait till Christmas after the baby is born though and old enough to know about Santa and thus the magic of Christmas will return, only this time I'll get to be Santa, but I'll get to see the joy on my child's face when Santa comes and brings presents and be woken up at 5:00 am with a little one screaming in my ears "SANTA CAME!!! SANTA CAME!! CAN WE OPEN PRESENTS?!" hehe. I dunno how old they are when they realize all that. Maybe two? I know first Christmas will be blah cos the baby will only be 7 months old and not really know what's going on, or maybe they will. I think they'll get a kick out of all the bright colors and lights. But yea, Christmas in 2009 will be all sorts of fun! I can't wait! I get to hid toys at work like my coworkers!

5. I may need to eat a motivational chocolate bar today. We'll see. They've been staring at me for the past day or two saying "EAT US!" Be careful what you wish for, little chocolate bars, for you just might get what you want...

6. We'll see how accurate the meteorologists are out here. Word on the street is we're getting snow tomorrow. But now they're saying it can start as early as tonight and we can have up to 4" tomorrow morning. Wouldn't that be a treat!? I'm hoping we have a white Christmas. With my luck, there won't be any snow then, but who knows. I've never had a white Christmas before. That would make me pretty darn happy to have snow on the floor Christmas morning. Although I would not be happy if my flight gets delayed because of weather conditions. Ugh!

7. I have raviolis for lunch, but I may change my mind and get a sammich somewheres. I'm thinking maybe something from Port of Pugs or a veggie delight from Wrong Way. Perhaps Wrong Way. I will be in that area anyway prospecting Christmas ornaments for the tree and possibly a village set up? I'm not 100% on the village yet cos of Lulu. She might be like the Godzilla of my tiny Christmas town and wreak havoc all over the city. I'd be pretty sad to come home and find headless people in the living room. Ok, executive decision, no village. We'll just have a snowy tree skirt. Ugh. I will get tinsel. If she eats it and poops it out, that one's on her heh.

8. Perhaps on my journeys I will pick up some decaf tea bags. Someone's been drinking them all. Even though Inga brought them in for me so I don't have a caffeinated wired baby. I'll get a box and keep it at my desk or something or a box that's big enough for everyone. Although, sharing 50 years ago was called Communism. *snort*

9. Did I mention how much I want it to snow? I think it'll be so awesome if it snows a lot and it doesn't melt and tomorrow after work we go shooting and kill us some SNOW MEN!!!

10. Monday is our ultrasound. The suspense is killing us! 4 more days till we find out if the Teague-tot is a he or a she! Of course with our luck, it will be a totally uncooperative little shit and we won't know till birth! I dunno. Earlier I really wanted a boy. I know Jesse wants a boy. But now I'm in the mind frame I'll be happy either way. If it's a boy I can get him the little pug dog sweater. If it's a girl I can get her cute little shoes and ruffle socks. Oh the confusion. I want one of each! I've been finding really cute baby and kids clothes. They sell baby converse!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2007


Living in Southern California, you never understand the concept of cold. I recall being a child and adult in the past saying I was cold or that I was freezing to the bone, never really knowing what it meant to be that cold.

Today I went out to pick up some little things for our tree and on my way back to the office, it got cold. I mean it went from feeling nice and brisk cold to intense chilling cold. It felt as though I had walked through the dead. It was freezing! And I know it's only going to get colder.

It's rather odd because so far, even though the temperature says it's a lot colder up here than it's been down in California, it hasn't really hit me as being as cold as it claims to be. I mean, we've had lows in the teens and highs in the thirties and forties as of lately and it hasn't phased me that I'm freezing my ass off yet like I used to feel back home. Who knows? We must have a really nice little heater in our apartment or something.

Creative Writing Time: Elfermative Action

Elfermative Action

People remember 10 Christmases ago when the storms were so bad, the night of Christmas Eve, Santa came into the work shop as the elves were loading up all the toys and announced, "Elves, reindeer, I have some bad news. Due to the weather, Christmas is canceled!" Everyone frowned and moaned and then he looked over at Rudolph and his glowing nose and suddenly blurted out, "Scratch that! It's back on! Rudolph! You saved Christmas!" Therefore it was back on.

That had be the biggest scare in the North Pole ever. The thought of Christmas being canceled. However, last year, was the worst.

Santa came into the shop around Thanksgiving and announced, "Elves, I have some bad news. Due to setbacks in the economy, I'm afraid I'm going to have to do some lay offs."

The elves were confused. What was a lay off? What's an economy? They knew nothing of the business world, as all of them had been born into Christmas Toy manufacturing. Their parents made toys, their parent's parents made toys and so on. That was all the elves knew. They lived in the North Pole under Santa's care and had everything they needed provided by Santa. Homes. Food. Medical and Dental. There was even an elf 401k program in which retired elves were allowed to stay in the North Pole for years of dutiful service till death.

At this point, Santa elaborated, "Any elf who receives a random pink slip in their Christmas card this year will need to leave the North Pole. I'm sorry, I wish I could help you, but I haven't the funds to take care of you all anymore and with all the kids becoming obsessed with internet gaming, xboxes, cell phones and iPods, there is no more desire for toys. Kids want electronics and you elves are not skilled enough to create theses things. They get them from their parents now and I see a bleak future for you elves, myself and the future of the North Pole. I'm sorry."

That night was a silent night indeed. As were all the other nights up till the 24th of December when the elves all received their Christmas cards. Usually their cards would have their Christmas bonus in there, some sort of cookies or treats baked by Mrs. Claus. This year, there were no treats. It was just a card. Some elves got pink slips in their card thanking them for their service and stating Santa would give them a good referral for any jobs they tried to get and it included the address and phone number to Santa's Workshop.

Fortunately, there were only 6 elves that met the tragic fate of downsizing. There was Blinky, an older elf who had served Santa for 40 years. Jingles, an elf who was fairly new to the toy making trade fresh out of elf school. Tookie and Wookie, a brother and sister who came from a long line of toy makers. Tinkles, a very old elf and Jolly, an average elf.

Santa, being the nice man he was, told them he would give them a plane ticket to anywhere in the world they wanted to help them get started off. Upon research, the elves decided they wanted to go to the United States of America. It was, after all, the big melting pot, land of opportunities, the elves were sure they could get a decent living there. But they didn't have any form of ID to get into the US, so Santa sent them to Mexico and told them to meet up with a friend of his, Papa Noel.

Papa Noel was one of Santa's old friends and buddies. He did a lot of Santa's work in Mexico handing out toys there since there were so many boys and girls and Santa couldn't possibly be in each country at once in one night. He had friends all over the world, but Papa Noel would help the elves get into the US and find jobs.

So the elves hopped on a plane and were greeted in sunny Mexico by a fat dark skinned man who was built like Santa but wore a bright colored poncho instead of a red suit.

"HOLA! You must be the elves from Senor Santa! Come, I'll help you find jobs in America!" He then led the elves to his El Camino and put them in the back where they sat on bags of rice with bright colored blankets on top. "In North Pole, Santa has a sleigh with 8 reindeer. In Mexico, I take toys to children in my El Camino!" He honked the horn, which was set up to honk in the tune of Feliz Navidad, the popular Christmas song south of the border, and they drove off.

Papa Noel took the elves to his workshop. It wasn't as clean as the one in the North Pole. The elves looked like they were not eating well and working very hard with little sleep. "This is MY workshop! These are MY elves! And over there, is the elves burro, Paco. They like to play soccer with him and the chickens on their breaks!" At that moment, a whistle blew, signaling it was time for a break for the elves. They jumped up joyously and went out to a dirty yard and kicked around a ball made of tape. To the North Pole elves' surprise, the donkey and the chickens knew how to play soccer as well. The donkey brayed and kicked the ball with his back foot to a chicken, who clucked and bumped the ball with it's head, sending it to the other side of the yard. Even though their working conditions were different here, all the elves seemed happy and had fun. After all, smiles and fun are a large part of being an elf!

"We must meet up with Miguel. He will help you get your new jobs in America!" Papa Noel then took the elves back to his El Camino and they drove throughout town, seeing all the boys and girls playing on the streets in bright colorful clothes. The elves loved the colors but thought it was an odd contrast to the dirt roads and terra cotta colored buildings.

Soon they got to a very dark and scary part of town. There were no children on the streets, nor were there any people outside anywhere. Papa Noel pulled into a dark alley and told the elves, "Wait here." He then walked off and came back with a skinny man.

"This is Miguel!" he said.

Miguel looked at the elves one by one, carefully examining them. "Yes, yes, I see. OK!" He shuffled through a stack of cards and handed one card to each elf. "These are your California Drivers Licenses and Social Security cards. You need these to get jobs. Tonight, at midnight, meet me back here and I will take you to the border and you will go to America. After that, you are on your own."

"Why can't we go now?" asked one of the elves. "We have all we need to get jobs."

"YOU CANNOT GO NOW!" Miguel exclaimed. "It is too dangerous. You must wait till after dark."

That night, after dark, the elves met up with Miguel. He took them to a very dangerous looking fence with barbed wire. He walked along and found a hole and led the elves through. "Go, make a new life for yourself in America. It's better out there!"

The elves spent the rest of the night traveling through more desert. They complained about being cold or hungry. Some of them fell asleep while the others continued on.

The next morning, the elves that fell asleep were rudely awoken by some snarling dogs. "GET UP!" Some men in uniform were pointing guns at them. "GET UP NOW! STATE YOUR NAME!"




"What is this? Some sort of joke? Where are your parents?"

"We're not children, we're elves! We came from Santa's workshop in the North Pole." said Blinky.

"We lost our jobs because kids don't want toys anymore, they want electronic games and we can't make those." scowled Tinkles.

"We flew to Mexico and Papa Noel took us to his friend Miguel and he gave us cards to get jobs in America and, are we in America or do we need to go further?" asked Jingles.

"ILLEGALS! BORDER HOPPERS! Is this what they teach you in your elf place where you came from? That you can just go to Mexico and STEAL people's identities and steal AMERICA's money?" shouted the officer. He then grabbed each elf, handcuffed them and dragged them to his car and hauled them off to the immigration offices.

Now the other elves that kept walking throughout the the night were pressed with a new problem: they had no homes, no food, no money, nothing. Jolly saw a man on the street with a sign that read "Will work for food." He stood next to the man and made a sign on a napkin with some dirt and the man yelled at him to get out of his territory. So Jolly walked down a few blocks and became a beggar.

Tookie and Wookie thought they'd try to find real jobs instead of relying on the charity of others. After all, this wasn't the North Pole. People didn't seem as friendly. In fact, they were very mean. Tookie walked into a restaurant and asked for a job. When they asked his qualifications, he said he knew how to make toys and that he had made toys all his life. The manager asked if he had any proof of citizenship.

"What's that?" asked Tookie.

"You know, a drivers license? Social security card? Some sort of ID that says you can work here and you're legal?" said the manager.

Then, remembering the cards Miguel gave him the night before, Tookie exclaimed, "Oh, yes! I have those!" He reached into his pocket and pulled out some ID which read Jose Campos and showed a cocoa skinned man's face with dark hair saying the age was 34, weight of 130 lbs, and a height of 5'4". The manager looked at the card and looked at Tookie, then at the card again. Tookie, who was merely 20 in elf years had a soft white complexion with yellow hair, blue eyes, and was 40 lbs. tops for a whopping height of 3'.

"You can be a busboy. I'll pay you $2 an hour, cash. You'll work 7 days a week from 5 am to midnight. That's our operating hours. Take it, or leave it."

Tookie, excited by his offer jumped for joy and said "I'll take it!" Then, in a moment of confusion, he asked, "What does a bus boy do anyway?"

"They get the dishes! People eat, you take their dishes when they leave. You take them to the back, you wash them, you dry them and then put them by the cooks so they can use them again. It's not rocket science. If you can make a toy you can clean up after dishes." he then threw an apron at Tookie and grumbled off.

Wookie meanwhile was having a harder time finding work. She looked everywhere all over town. She walked and walked and finally wound up on the outskirts of town. Finally she found herself in a field of strawberries and she saw several people picking the berries. Oh how she longed to eat just a few of them. She was so hungry. She walked up to a little hut and asked the man sleeping inside, "Sir, may I have a few of your berries? I have no money or job and I need food."

The man woke up and looked down at her. "No. You can NOT have any of MY berries. You can, however, work for me picking the berries. I will allow you to stay on the land and you can have berries when you want. I will pay you $0.30 per berry you pick each day. You can pick from sunrise to sunset and take a break mid day for lunch. Anything you do needs to be on your own time, that is, after sunset or before sunrise. You need to build shelter? You do it then. You gotta go to town? You do it then. As long as the sun is up, you're on my time."

Tookie, desperate for food, took on his offer. She scurried out to the field with a basket he gave her and picked a berry, then ate a berry, picked another, and ate another, until her belly and basket were full.

Meanwhile, Jolly was not having any luck. He managed to find $1.25 in various change on the floor walking around the city and earned another $0.50 sitting in front of stores. "This stinks!" he said. He then got up and walked around town till he got to the residential parts. He saw homes and thought maybe someone would be nice enough to let him have a bite to eat. However, since it was a Monday, everyone was at work. "Maybe I can just sneak in like Santa does when he gives kids presents!" He looked around. None of the houses in the area had chimenies, so he tried to open a window. Nothing opened. Everything was locked. "How does Santa do it?!" he thought. Finally, he saw a small stone in a garden and thought, if he threw the rock at the window, he could get in. He'd break the window but he could get food. By this point he didn't care.

He threw a rock and broke into the home. Once inside, he walked around. He found the kitchen and opened the fridge. There was all sorts of food and drinks inside. He made a big juicy turkey sandwich and found a tall bottle of a drink he never heard of before: Beer. Now, another part of being an elf is a curious nature, so he decided he would see what this beer drink was all about. He drank the bottle and soon began to feel silly. He liked beer, so he had another one. Soon enough, he found he drank all the beer in the house! He wanted more beer so he tore the place apart like a maniac in search of more beer. While he was unsuccessful he did find some rather peculiar objects in the upstairs bedroom. Inside a night stand, he found a shiny gun. It looked like the toy cap guns he was used to making for boys and girls. He also found a bag of powdered sugar.

"This must be really good sugar if they're hiding it in their drawer!" he thought. And being an elf, naturally he was drawn to the sugar. He dipped his finger in it and tasted it. It didn't taste like sugar at all! He smelled it to see if it was old or stale and wound up inhaling it. His nose burned but not too long after he started to feel really excited and happy. This was a magic happy sugar you sniffed to enjoy, not eat! So he sniffed more and ran around the house with the gun, completely forgetting about the beer. Now he wanted more magic sugar.

By this time, he was so hopped up, he wasn't thinking properly. He ran outside, back to the city, lights and colors a whirl. He demanded people give him more magic sugar or tell him where he could find the magic sugar. People ran away from him and were screaming at the sight of a high elf with a gun. Suddenly, four cars with flashing red and blue lights cornered him and a voice came from one of the cars, "PUT DOWN THE GUN AND FREEZE!"

"DO YOU HAVE THE MAGIC SUGAR?" he yelled, flailing the gun around.

"PUT DOWN THE GUN NOW, OR WE'LL SHOOT!" the car voice said again.

Jolly started spinning around looking for the magic sugar when all of a sudden he passed out. Eight officers ran up to him and seized the gun, cuffing his hands, and threw him in the back of one of the cars.

When Jolly woke up, he was in a dark place, surrounded by very scary looking people. He felt very sick and was cold and shaking. He looked around and saw three familiar faces: Jingles, Blinky, and Tinkles.

"Jolly! Is that you?" asked Blinky. "What happened to you?"

"I tried to get food in the city, but that didn't work. So I went into someone's house and ate food and had beer and magic sugar and then I woke up and now I don't feel very good." he said. "What happened to you three?"

"We fell asleep in the desert at night. The next morning, we were taken away by a man with a very mean dog. They told us they're deporting us." said Tinkles.

"What does that mean?" asked Jolly.

"It means they're sending us back to Mexico or the North Pole. Now we'll never get jobs!" said Jingles.

The four little elves sulked in a corner, trying to stay away from the scary people they were locked up with.

Tookie and Wookie weren't doing very well themselves. Tookie kept dropping plates and breaking things because he couldn't reach the counters and Wookie kept eating more berries than she was picking. But that was the least of their problems.

One day, immigration officers came to their works and asked to see everyone's ID's. They got to Tookie and asked him, "Show us your ID." He handed them his cards and they asked him, "What's your name?"

"Tookie!" he said proudly.

"Says here you're Jose Campos." said the officer.

"It does? That must be wrong. Miguel must have given me the wrong card." he said.

"Who is Miguel? How much did you pay for this?" asked the officer.

"Miguel is the man who Papa Noel took us to that gave us cards and took us to a fence and told us we could get jobs with them." he replied.

"Papa Noel, huh? Peter!" the officer called to his friend, "We got another one of those Papa Noel people. Cuff him!"

Tookie was thrown into a large bus with lots of other people. Amidst those people he saw Wookie. She told him how she had been caught in the field while picking berries. They sat together till they were thrown into a big cell with scary people. They looked around and saw their four elf friends and joined up with them immediately.

Over the course of the next few months, they stayed together to avoid fights and harassment. They noticed people where they were at tended to stay together in groups based on their skin colors when out on the yard. There were the white people, the dark people, and the really dark people. The elves never saw any people like this before. Most of them were covered with drawings and looked very big.

Finally, around Thanksgiving, the elves were all summoned into a room. There was a man in a fancy suit sitting behind a large table. He spoke, "You elves are here illegally. We are going to send you back to where you came from. I know you said you came in from Mexico, but if we send you there, you'll either try to come back to the US again or you'll have a much harder time over in Mexico. So after a lot of discussion with my superiors, we have decided to send you back to the North Pole. We've contacted Santa and he said he will pick you up when he delivers toys around Christmas. You'll have to wait here another month. If he does not pick you up, we will keep you as prisoners here until we can find something else to do with you."

The elves were excited about seeing Santa again. It had been a year since they last saw him. They missed him and Mrs. Claus, the reindeer, and all the other elves. But most of all, they missed being home. Even though they had temporary homes and jobs in the US, it wasn't as good as it was back with Santa. The next month was hard for them as they waited each day till Santa would return.

Finally, Christmas Eve arrived. The elves were summoned out again and at midnight, Santa came into the prison, signed some release forms, and took the elves back to his sleigh.

"My dear Jingle, Tinkle, Blinky, Jolly, Tookie and Wookie, I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. I certainly thought Papa Noel would have taken better care of you and that you would have got good jobs and been happy in America. I didn't know it was possible for an elf to be sad or not productive. But I have good news for you all. In the last year, there were a lot of babies born and they need toys. They're too young to play with electronics and after last year, you missed Christmas, we discovered while boys and girls like their xboxes and iPods, they still enjoy toys. So you'll all be able to return to the workshop and make toys again!" Santa told them.

The elves smiled in glee and gave Santa a big hug. They got to follow Santa on his toy deliveries that night. As they were flying home, they waved goodbye to the city that was so harsh to them and fell asleep smiling over thoughts of returning to the North Pole where they would get a cookie and hot cocoa, take a bath, put on some cozy jammies, and go to bed in their little elf beds only to wake up and start making toys for next year.


Motivational Chocolate

It started with the Motivational Cookie.

A few weeks ago, Jesse took me to lunch at Port of Subs. I got a cookie but couldn't eat it after I ate so I saved it for later. As a joke, I put a post-it on it that said "MOTIVATIONAL COOKIE" and propped it on my desk. People were amused and kept asking me what it was for, to which I replied, "It's to motivate me."

Har har.

Needless to speak, the cookie was devoured in a matter of minutes and needed to be replaced one day.

Not to far down the line, I brought a Hershey's bar to work. I was going to eat it when I got a chocolate craving, but ironically enough, that never happened. So I put a post-it on there stating "MOTIVATIONAL CHOCOLATE BAR". People were amused again and asked what it was for and about, to which I said again, "It's there for motivation."

Lo and behold, yesterday, I ate it.

This morning, I was in the bathroom and when I walked out, there was a 6 pack of Hershey's chocolate bars on my desk! I picked them up and frantically tried to figure out where they came from, to which I learned they were from Shelley, for helping her get a picky client to sign a contract. She said they were new motivation for me.

So yes, I have 6 days worth of motivation staring me in the face. It's great!


So everyone keeps telling me that I need to start looking for daycare. Right. I'm not due for another 5 months, still have no idea what we're having and I already need to look!? So on a stunt of down time, I was looking on the yellow pages to see what kinda day cares are available in the area and I come across this disturbing, yet amusing, find:

Somehow, whoever did this directory listing, managed to screw it up by adding a Chinese restaurant in the mix. Yea. Wow. My words exactly.

Krispy Kreme : Not my first choice in donuts

I was all excited this morning. I went to make my daily morning decaf tea and I saw a box of donuts on the table. They were from Krispy Kreme. There were some filled donuts and then some sprinkle donuts. Not being a fan of filled anythings, I got sprinkles. They were holiday festive looking with red, white, and green sprinkles on top. Bad decision. The sprinkles felt like raw rice, hard to a crisp. The donut was too sweet. I can say I'm not a big fan of Krispy Kreme, aka Krispy Krap. Bad donuts. Over rated. I don't get the hype.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Happy Mexico Day... You're just jealous...

Today we were on Sepulveda and Vanowen in a parking lot and when we got in the car, Lowrider came on. So I turned it up full blast, rolled the windows down and cruised out. This hispanic dude at this auto shop was looking at us totally jealous cos he wanted to be cruisin listening to War instead of working. I waved hi to him and drove off. Lori was embarassed and danielle was laughing her ass off.

Then, we went to Lake Balboa and met up with Heather and Billy there. There was apparently a hispanic wedding party taking their wedding photos by the lake. They were there for like 2 hours cos that's how long we were there. But like they were in full on wedding dress, bridesmaid dresses, and men in suits. There was a professional photographer. It was pretty wild. We were talking about how shitty it must be to take your wedding pics at Lake Balboa cos like the people in the background of your photos are all gonna be dressed in street clothes and stuff and oh yea, there will be people in the background of your photos....

When we left there, Tequila came on the radio, so it was the same deal. Turn it up full blast, roll the windows down and cruise along shouting out the lyrics to the song... TEQUILA!!!!

it was a fun day.

oh yeah, not that it matters, but Grand Master Flash's White Lines is one of the best damn songs ... ever. Which is why it's my new myspace song. That and E-40 got "deleted by artist". ass!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Never ending vacuum

Somewhere in the neighborhood, I can't figure out where, there is someone vacuuming. They have been vacuuming for the last half hour. I'm not too sure how huge their house is but I am sure that however large it is, it can't possibly take more than 10 minutes to vacuum!!! I gotta headache dammit!!!

Monday, December 3, 2007

First Advent Sunday

Today is the first Sunday of Advent. Because of this I thought it might be a good time for me to go back to church. I haven't found a church in Reno yet. I really liked my old one. It was small. Not to flashy. Close to home. So on the close to home front, I found that the Little Flower Church is a Catholic church, so I went this morning to check it out. It's about the same size of St. Bridget's but instead of going back far it is spread out in a half moon shape. That sorta weirded me out but it's one of those things I could easily learn to live with. The father is this little old Philipino guy but he was pretty funny. He cracked a joke type allegory about protestants that was pretty funny. Downside it's a little hard to understand him sometimes but I could if I just listen carefully. Aside from that, the inside decor of the church isn't too flashy. They have some nice stained glass going on but that's on the north side of the building, so it doesn't pick up the sunlight too well. I suppose we can't always design in the traditional Latin Cross plan of early western churches and cathedrals anymore... Anyway, I'll probably keep going there because it's close. I suppose I should go to confession next weekend as it's been a while...

On the way home, I walked down some streets and saw houses for sale. I saw in person one house I saw online and thought was rather cute. Turns out it is a lot cuter in person than online. It has a really cool little front yard that you can't see on the pics online. I took a flyer from their seller info box. I passed other houses for sale but those ones didn't have any flyers left. I like that one house though. The neighborhood is close to the church, the school, lots of nice people on that street including an old man who had 3 labs: black, chocolate, and golden. They were all slightly overweight and very adorable.

When I got home, I was very mad at Lulu. She tore the the house apart and ate all my Tums and would have eaten my Tylenol too if she could find a way to get that open. She tore apart the bathroom trash, broke my razor, ate my chapstick, chewed on my lotion and thank god that didn't break open. She's been so good but outta nowhere decided to be a bad bad pug. I punished her then took her out to potty.

A little while later, I made a few phone calls, ate a bowl of soup and fell asleep. I woke up hearing that damn kid across the way who was all hyphy over Thanksgiving yelling at someone. I looked outside and hyphy boy was with some bitch. Then I realized his yelling wasn't like when he was yelling at us at Thanksgiving, but rather, he was having a conversation with someone. Via yelling. From his porch. Upstairs. Across the street. I wanted to go out there and strangle him. I was so tired and that nap was the best thing that happened to me all day. That shit stole it from me. By that point, I couldn't fall asleep. I was cranky and hungry. I made some pb&j and watched tv. My back hurts slightly. Nothing as bad as it's been the past few weeks but it hurts. I need more Tums. And Sprite. I should take Lu pug out to potty now. I'm cranky and don't feel up to doing anything at this point...

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Just my luck, huh?

Somewhere between yesterday practically leaving work and last night I got this really cool design idea so I plotted out my courses and began a plan of action. I worked on it last night and sent it to complete working on it some more today. I came up with, what I think is to be, a rather sweet ass cover design. But it will be a while before it is showed. I can't wait. I'm hoping the client will likey!!!

Then today I had another doctor's appointment. All is fine and well but I thought I had an appointment on Monday coming up. Turns out it's not till the 10th. Dammit! I'm going crazy here kids! None the less, I suppose it's better then. We'll see! :)