Thursday, January 31, 2008


Jesse and I have noticed an alarming trend of the Skinemax softcore tv series being aired earlier and earlier. (Yes, I say series, as the shows they run appear to have different "episodes" based on the guide info if you actually read it.) A few months ago, we had our channels switched on us and we went from having Showtime to getting HBO and Cinemax and some other stuff. Anyway, around that time, the Skinemax shows were on around midnight or later. And I think everyone knows that when you were a kid, as in the case of my cousins, you were not allowed to watch tv after midnight because that's when all the Skinemax shows came on hahaha. So yea, a few months back, they'd start showing around midnight or later. Then a few weeks later it started around 11:00. And a few weeks later, they started around 10:00. Now they're airing that shit as early as 8:30!!! It's like they have people like my ex doing their programming or something. So on that note, I wonder how someone thinks that it's a good idea to air softcore during prime time??? I mean, I pay for cable to watch movies, not for a 4 hour block of blatant sex with bad acting. And the crap they have! Co-Ed Confidential, Erotic Traveler, Busty Cops??? Ok, the first sounds like your typical attempt at a pseudo porn type thing. Let's have some people who go to school together and have sex. And we can have that one "virgin" that everyone wants to get with... but they can't cos she's a virgin... so she'll suck your dick or something. Or what about the genius who came up with Erotic Traveler? Let's have a series about someone who goes traveling and has erotic adventures. But what should we call this series? Oh, how about... Erotic Traveler? I mean, can't you just picture the focus group for this one. The table full of writers, creative directors and executives brainstorming this one? I know I can... Or Busty Cops. Let's have some cops. But let's make them busty. And they'll arrest people in sexy situations. Maybe they could bust a mafia scandal... in a strip club... I dunno. I mean, just reading what those shows are about makes me feel embarrassed for everyone involved in making them and even more so for the network for airing it. I mean, how do you explain that to your family and friends. "Well, I graduated from Michigan State and got my bachelors in film, particularly in writing screenplays. I moved out west to get my career started and things are really taking off for me... I write content for an, um, adult series, on um, Cinemax... Uh, adult, as in, um, sort of ... pornographic... Well, there's no penetration, but there is a lot of, um, nudity, and uh, you know... sex... but we don't really show anything other than boobs..." I bet their parents are real proud of all their hard earned dollars spent towards that college tuition to see their little bundle of joy growing up to write smut series. I hope my son winds up designing guns or something useful and doesn't become one of those tools...

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Gimme my money!!!

When do I get my Stimulus refund? I need to stimulate the economy... or at least know how much I have available to help me move... possibly buy a new sofa and love seat??? A dining table set??? TV stand??? I promise I'm clever at spending...

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Cost of Living

I was talking to my friend Kevin today (before you get all pissy and think this is some bias white bigot conversation Kevin is part Spanish/Native American) and we were discussing issues of how expensive it is for illegals to do things and wonder how they can afford to do it.

Anyway, I went to the census website to get some numerical statistics on illegals and it referred me to the Dept. of Homeland Security's website. Anyway, here's some stats:

The number of illegal births from some South American countries was 8,000,000, some Asian countries 1,150,000, and basically anywhere else that didn't fit into the specific countries they listed were 2,410,000. This was an estimated number for January 2006 based on previous growth trends. For those pointing fingers and snarling about how South Americans get picked on, shut up. Your results are almost 700% higher than those of Asia and 330% higher than all the other countries not listed (not to mention some of the non-listed countries can also include other South American countries that may not have had as high of numbers as those that were listed...)

So there are some facts. Facts do not lie. They are simply restatements of the truth. Even if this is an estimated number for that year, it is based on growth trends, which are also very accurate.

On that note, let's play the math game.

How about the cost of living first!

Let's pretend there is a 2 family household of a husband and wife who live in a one bedroom apartment, both own a car, and both work 40 hours a week, 5 days a week, get paid every other week and have $40 deducted per pay period for health benefits.

Let's pretend there's two scenarios: one in which the family is legal and pays taxes and one in which the family is illegal and does not pay taxes.

Legal Numbers:
Numbers are based on a combination of the husband and wife's income.
Husband and wife both make $6/hr= $960 gross per paycheck
Husband and wife both have 10% of gross deducted for taxes= $96 to gov't for taxes
Husband and wife both have $40 deducted per pay period for insurance= $80
Husband and wife's combined net income after deductions per pay period =$784

So every month, they pay $192 into taxes and are left with a net income of $1568.

Their rent is $900 a month for a one bedroom apartment in a low income neighborhood.
Their cars are used cars that are already paid for, but their insurance is $120 a month for both of them.
The pay $120 a month for utilities.
Their gas for their cars is $160 a month.
Their groceries are $200 a month.
They have $68 left over each month, or $17 a week, between the two of them.

This is a family living at poverty level but still capable of living a normal happy life.

Illegal Numbers:
Numbers are based on a combination of the husband and wife's income.
Husband and wife both make $5/hr= $800 gross per paycheck
Husband and wife are both paid under the table so the do not have any money taken out for taxes.
Husband and wife do not pay for health benefits either since they are paid in cash.
Husband and wife's combined monthly income under the table per pay period is still $800

Every month, the gov't could be collecting $160 from them in taxes, but don't receive anything, while the husband and wife keep every penny they earn for a combined monthly income of $1600. This is $32 more than the legal family makes after taxes. While the employer is saving money, the illegal family is actually making more than the legal family.

Their rent is also $900 a month for a one bedroom apartment in a low income neighborhood.
They both have used cars that are paid for, however they are not insured or registered as they do not have proper forms of ID to get them insured or registered. They are also driving around without licenses. If they hit someone in an accident, they will flee the scene, leaving the other motorist's insurance company to pay for a hit and run and the other motorist will need to come up with their deductible, usually $500.
They pay $120 a month for utilities.
Their gas for their cars is $120 a month.
Their groceries are $200 a month.
They have $260 a month left over after paying for their bills, and are left with $65 a week to share. On the other hand, they can potentially cost the state and/or legals up to $500 or more in potential damages if they get into a car accident plus $160 in money that can be used for taxes, totaling $660. This does not include potential medical expenses.

As we can see, so far our legal family contributes a noticeable amount of money a year to the gov't in taxes. In fact, their combined yearly amount paid into taxes is $2,304. While it doesn't seem huge for one family, imagine if there are a million families living at poverty level who pay into taxes. That number jumps up to $2,304,000,000. Meanwhile, if you take the money the illegals are not paying into taxes yearly, it becomes $1,920, which also skyrockets up to $1,920,000,000.

Debt from illegals in taxes = $1,920,000,000

Let's say we need to get some medical work done.

In the case a person is insured, usually their employer pays for 50% or more of medical costs and the employee makes up the rest, which is deducted from their check. Our legal family only pays for 20% of their coverage while their employer pays the other 80%. For this example, we will say their employer pays $320 a month and the employee pays the other $80 (broken up into two, of $40 per pay period.)

The average cost to visit a doctor depends on one's copay when you are insured. It can range anywhere from $5 a visit to $30 a visit or more. The average cost of a copay is $20. Prescription drugs are the same depending on your insurance company, whether you need a generic or name brand, and whether it is covered or not. The average cost of a prescription is $10.

Legal family:
Routine doctor's visit for one family member = $20
Prescription drug for illness = $10
Total per visit and medication = $30

We'll assume between the two of them, they get sick a combined total of 4 times a year. This brings our doctor and prescription costs up to $120 a year.

Onto their employer. They pay $320 a month into insurance per employee. It is a small company with 15 employees. They pay $4,800 a month into insurance for their company, totaling $57,600 a year.

Illegal Family:
Since they do not have insurance they need to go to the ER for a routine visit =$500
Prescription drug for illness (assuming it's a generic) = $20
Total per visit and medication = $520

Again, we will assume they get sick a combined total of 4 times a year. This brings our ER and prescription costs up to $2,080. They use false information when they check in and do not pay their medical bills, not to mention waste doctor's time and space for patients who actually do have real medical emergencies.

Onto their employer. While their employer does not pay medical insurance for them, they save $57,600 a year. But assuming this employer has 15 illegal employees working for them who do not pay medical bills, it is costing the state up to $31,200 in unpaid medical bills for one company worth of people. There are several of companies in the country that knowingly hire illegals to save money, who hurt our economy both in unpaid medical costs, but also by reducing the need of insurance companies, thus cutting jobs. Assuming there are 1,000,000 jobs that do not pay insurance and have illegals working for them, our debt for medical bills jumps up to $31,200,000,000.

Debt from illegals in medical costs = $31,200,000,000

Let's say we get pregnant.

The legal family uses their medical insurance to cover costs of prenatal and birthing with their medical provider. Their copay amounts stay the same of $20 per visit. This covers costs of exams, labs, and ultrasound. For their birthing costs the pay 20% of hospital fees up to $500.

Prenatal visits (once a month for months 1-6, twice for months 7 and 8, four times last month, total of 14 prenatal visits) = $280
Blood work/labs (4 sets throughout entire course)= $0
Ultrasound (2)= $0
Birth (includes doctor/nurse service, epidural, and 2 day hospital stay) = $500
Total cost to have a baby = $780

The illegal family has no insurance. They have to pay the facility's cost per visit plus the costs of all labs.

Prenatal visits (once a month for months 1-6, twice for months 7 and 8, four times last month, total of 14 prenatal visits) $85 per visit = $1,190
Blood work/labs (4 sets throughout entire course) $250 per lab = $1,000
Ultrasound (2) $375 each = $750
Birth (includes doctor/nurse services, epidural, and 2 day hospital stay) = $2,500
Total cost to have an anchor baby =$4,540

The illegal family does not pay this money as well. The gov't eats it up. They usually have 3 or more babies, costing roughly $13,620. Based on above figures from census and homeland security there are a total of 11,560,000 anchor babies born each year. This puts us in debt $52,482,400,000 in births.

Debt from illegals in birthing costs = $52,482,400,000

So, just based off of cost of living, not including any financial aid from the gov't in the form of food, tuition, etc. our debt from illegals each year is a whopping $85,602,400,000. But remember, according to many people, they help our economy because we are saving money on paying them less under the table. The only people who save are their employers. Meanwhile, the rest of us pay for it. And this doesn't take into account the debt we rack up from what percentage of their money they sent back home to their relatives in other countries so that when they retire, they can move back home and live like millionaires.

I see that number and it is a very large number. But most employers don't pay their workers $1 less. It's usually higher. On average, most employers save about $5 an hour by hiring an illegal to do a job a legal person "wouldn't want to do". They use this excuse because no legal person would allow themselves to be exploited and make half what they should be making and have money taken out for taxes and insurance. So let's say a company has 15 people who are working for $5 less than what they should be making and being paid under the table, the company saves $12,000 a month, or $144,000 a year. Plus the $57,600 a year they don't pay into benefits, companies are pocketing $201,600 a year. That's $201,600,000,000 if you have a million companies doing it.

These are the same people who are saying the illegals don't hurt our economy. The people who pocket a little less than a quarter million a year because they're exploiting somone, cheating the gov't and cheating themselves. They're the same people who say these are nice people who want to work but turn around and treat them like slaves, and complain when they get sued for hundreds, thousands, or millions of dollars for a job that isn't done right, but at the same time wouldn't dare spending those few extra dollars to hire someone legally who is qualified to do the job right.

It falls back onto the politics of the rich getting richer, the poor getting poorer, the middle class disappearing, and credit becoming the wolf in sheep's clothing to millions of legals trying to make things work. Legals aren't getting jobs. They're relying on credit and becoming more in debt. Meanwhile, illegals are getting paid, pocketing every cent, sending it to their homelands, taking up spaces in our schools, clogging our roads with excessive vehicles, making the costs of gas go up, and all sorts of lovely things that just go to show how truly beneficial they really are to our economy.

Is it really worth it? Don't you feel like you're being cheated having to pick up the slack for someone else by paying higher taxes for someone who gets to keep their entire pay check, who makes less money than you, but because they don't pay taxes or have insurance, they actually wind up with more money than you each month? Doesn't it make you a little angry when you know you pay taxes and you go to work every day and do things the honest and legal way but you see someone who doesn't speak a word of english with 4 kids driving around in a new car with their hair and nails done buying hundreds of dollars of groceries with food stamps while you're in a beat up used car and doing mental math in your head of your groceries to know if $20 will cover all you need to get? What's more, doesn't it anger you to hear politicians say we should open the borders or create healthcare plans for illegals, people who aren't even citizens, so that they can have a nice life in America, or how there are several activitst groups who will represent these illegals should they feel they are being mistreated?

The last time I checked, the Constitution was written for AMERICANS. If you go to Mexico or Germany or Iraq or Australia or Morocco, you're not going to have American activist groups there who will speak up for you if they feel the gov't isn't treating you right there. That's because those countries treat people who are not citizens exactly like that: not citizens. No rights. What makes America different? Why should we treat others as if they are equal if they are in fact not?

While these numbers are assumptions of possibilities, the actual numbers are probably much higher. And I'm sorry but if people in Mexico want to complain that they get picked on, let it be known that they were at the very top of the statistics with the highest numerical results in terms of population of illegals living in the US as well as births. Racism has nothing to do with facts. Facts show no bias towards one person or another. They simply state the truth.

The truth is, illegals hurt our country more than they help it. That's a fact.


My Mrs. Teague social security card came in today. I filed for this thing back in October! I called in November after they hadn't sent it and it was more than 4-6 weeks and they said it was returned to their office and they had tore it up. So I asked about a replacement and they said they would check if my papers were still on file in their offices so I wouldn't hafta fill the paperwork out again or need to come in again. No one ever called me back. I followed up yet again in December and was given the direct line to the Reno social security office. Every time I called there it was a busy signal. One day, I guess it took longer than I thought to follow up, I get a letter from them stating that they had received my information regarding my card and that the one that originally went out was returned to their offices and destroyed for security purposes and that they would send me another replacement card since they had my info on file still. Thus, today I got my card. I'm so relieved it's in my hands and Social Security, even though they took a while to get back to me, did notify me of the status of my card and what happened to it and when to expect a new one and when to call again should that card not come in. And I'm definately glad it's not floating around in the hands of some illegal!!! I've said it once, and I'll say it again, I love being a Teague!


So I'm 25 weeks pregnant now. That means in 15 weeks give or take I'll have a little Teague poppin out of me. And of course I still have the same anxieties now, maybe more, than I did earlier.

Still the usual: moving, money, no name.

New ones: bodily changes.

The idea that one day I'll be sitting around or wake up with a stream of liquid coming from my boobs frightens me. I don't know why I have this really huge fear/disgust of breastfeeding. I know, it's natural. Whatever. It's still gross and scary to me.

What's worse is I've heard the horror stories of women with the cracked and bleeding nipples. I fear I'll be one of those women. Already my skin seems somewhat dried there and I'm scared of the thought of cracking and bleeding in such a sensitive area. I mean, if my feet or hands were to do that I could care less, but these are my boobs we're talking about. Its scary. And it's one of those things I can't quite convey to anyone. I mean, how do you tell someone, "Hey I'm scared that one day my boobs will start to leak and if I breastfeed, they'll get all cracked and bloody." I dunno, that's one of my biggest fears right now.

The other is like how do I know when I go into labor? How soon after I lose my mucus plug do I start? How big is this so called mucus plug? What if I'm at work or somewhere inconvenient and it falls out or my water breaks and my chair becomes soiled in the smell of birth? I mean I won't smell it but everyone else will...

I just don't know much about what happens later on and I can't find any relevant information. I'm the kind of person who likes to have control of situations. Like when I had my tonsils done, they explained everything to me, the procedure, what would happen before, during, after, and it was an interesting experience in which I was able to document all that happened. But this, this is totally different. It's like even though science is so advanced, they still have this element of wanting to keep women in the dark or something to keep it as close to the olden days or something. I just want to know what I'm in for.

My husband tells me not to worry about things or to deal with it when we get there. He's lucky. All he has to worry about is whether or not he'll be a good dad (which, seeing how he is with Lulu, I don't think that's even an issue.) Although I suppose he has just as much to worry about as I do because he doesn't know what my body or mind is going through and he doesn't know how to respond to me, what to say to make things better. While I'm in the dark, he's in the dark and outside. I suppose it's more difficult for him?

I'm curious as to how this will all end up panning out. Hopefully for the better. And on top of it all, even though I'm all freaked out and haven't even had the first kid, I'm already thinking about wanting another one and calling it quits after that. Is it wrong to think of wanting to expand a family that hasn't even really completely started to branch out yet? None the less, I can't wait till this kid is out. I want to hold him and see his father holding him and sit down with him and his father and Lulu and the four of us have family time on the couch like we do now with Lulu. I can't wait to see him and Lulu and how they interact with one another. I have a hunch she'll ball up and sleep by him and give him all sorts of pugdog kisses. Maybe it'll scare him, maybe he'll like it. I think it's good we have a little pet for our child to grow up with none the less. There is nothing in the world more enjoyable than to grow up with animals. I just need to focus more on the rewarding aspects like this than on the scary things...

Floral & fauna

Why is it the flowers I have in my office on my desk have lived almost 2 weeks now but the ones i have at home are on their deathbed? I enjoy their color none the less. I love me some flowers. I wish I could have fresh flowers at home and at work every day for the rest of my life!

On a side note, my light wont turn on and it's making me mad!

Weird dreams

Maybe it's the fact I'm due in 3.5 months but for the last two nights I've been having weird baby dreams.

Saturday Dream:
We brought the baby home and Jesse was trying to feed him from a bottle but he wouldn't drink it. When I fed him from the bottle he would. I guess this ties into how whenever I put my hand on my tummy he kicks at it but when Jesse does it he stops. Who knows.

Sunday Dream:
We brought the baby home and went to my moms house. It was cold outside but he was laying on his tummy in a diaper by an open window. When I saw him there that was the first time I had seen him and his eyes looked just like Jesse's, one hazel, one grey and cloudy. It was weird. At least he was all happy and smiling.

Monday, January 28, 2008

And as usual, another Sunday blog...

Let's see, what was all accomplished today...

This morning I made pancakes and then took Lulu to the park. She romped around for a while. I threw some snowballs for her and she had fun catching them. There were a few other people there with dogs and she made a friend with some little puppy.

After they played for a bit, I played on the swings for a little while. I don't know if it's the snow but those swings sit up high. The weather was really nice, probably high 30's low 40's. But then a wind kicked up and it looked like a storm was moving in so I headed home.

On the way back, I checked out the neighborhood. There's a few homes for rent near the park. I'll keep those in mind if they're still for rent when our lease is up...especially if they allow pets. I keep thinking that it would be nice if we could rent a home instead of an apartment. We'll see what happens when that time comes.

When we got home, I tidied up the house. Nothing huge, just surface cleaning. Straightening up the bathroom, the bedroom, living room and kitchen, washed dishes. Stuff of that sort. When all was situated, I made some grilled cheese and had some oranges and watch cable for the rest of the day and hung out with the pug dog.

At this point, Jesse should be home in half an hour or so, so I'm defrosting some pork chops. I guess depending on how soon they are done, we'll eat, do laundry, come back and put up laundry and then go grocery shopping... Or we can go do laundry, then cook, then get groceries? I dunno. I think I like the sounds of the latter. I don't like feeling rushed when I do laundry.

Other than that, I'm foreseeing a hot bath tonight, especially since my feet were soaking wet when I got back from the park this morning. It's weird. Today feels like it was one of those days that slipped out of my hands so quickly but I can't quite figure out what I all did. I guess most of it was spent walking with the pug dog around the neighborhood. Nothing wrong with that. As cold as it was when we left, it's nice to be active whilst preggo. I know I don't exercise a lot, but I think if I can go on at least one decent walk a week at this point now, that's better than none... and what better time than on a Sunday morning in the sunshine with the pug dog, no matter how cold it is. I think I hear Tums calling me...

What the fluff???

It appears somewhere between us getting home around 12:30 last night and it now being 10:15 this morning, there was a snowfall? I guess this means I hafta take Lulu to the park now. Heh. Maybe I can build some more snow men. *shrug* As much as I've grown un-fond of the snow, I have become more fond of snowmen. Oh those delightfully helpless creatures of the frozen realm! Time to get dressed and let the computer clean up spyware...

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Saturday blog (late)

1. Slept in. Woke up at 10:00 AM. This is sleeping in for me since the usual time of awakening on weekends is usually between 7:00 and 8:30 AM.

2. Rituals. Went to breakfast at Heidi's. Had my usual Vikingsholm (over easy egg, two waffles, sausage, side of bread, tangerine, hot tea and water.)

3. Went to Michael's. Picked up two 10 lb boxes of modeling clay. Browsed around to check out their gold leafing and finishes. Like the patina finish.

4. Post Michael's went to Sportsman's to sniff the gossip. And to pick up some fishing line and reloading boxes. Phil was on a 10er and told us about how he burned popcorn. Note to Phil: Pay attention to technology.

5. Rest period. Read up on clay at home. Take a short break. Get guns ready.

6. Go shooting. Create "sculptures". Jesse likes how I do art. It is fun and un-gay. I agree. I shoot a snowman. It was fun. I shoot another one. It was even more fun. It gets cold, we pack up and call it a night.

7. Transporting sculptures from shooting location to home is difficult, but we do it.

8. Unpack guns at home.

9. Pick up Wienershnitzel. It's good. We had coupons and there was this weird esp moment coming home in which we both wanted it. So it worked out pretty well.

10. After dinner we look at pictures from the day. I do some smoothing out of some odd edges on the "sculptures". Phil calls and invites us to bad casino night. We go out.

11. Phil has a really bad shirt. Scratch that, outfit. He is being loud and obnoxious as the clueless Italian coming out to the Safari show. It works. His character is like an Italian Borat. Lots of people who can't help but hear what he's saying laugh. Funny stuff.

12. We wander the Peppermill for a few hours and end up at the arcade. Jesse and Phil play video bowling.

Night ends at 12:30 give or take. Next time we go out, I say we do 70's rollerskating night or mini golf.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Why are some people such fuckwads???

Seriously, I don't understand some things in life. These things usually come in the form of on or around deadlines, but they are things that I question some people's work ethics. I mean, there's really only two kinds of people in the world: people who care about what they're doing and people who only do things for a paycheck. I believe a large part of the population falls under the latter of two evils.

Perhaps maybe some people do care about what they do but they take their time and make others suffer in the process. I mean, that last project I did, the lady cared a lot about what she did... in fact, a little too much if you ask me, to where it was just nit picking in an attempt to strive for perfection. In the end, we convinced her that what she had was just fine and to trust our judgement... which she did. And ultimately, the result, as FedEx'ed to us today, was a piece a lot of people praised. Yes, that beast turned out to be rather sexy in the end. A result of what happens when you actually care about what you do. Many hours went into that thing on several people's sides and it showed. So I can go home a very happy camper, watch some Celebrity Rehab and go to sleep feeling good tonight.

However, like I said, deadline days, people seem to either care or not care. So at this point, I'm waiting for some ads to come in from an un-mentioned company, who ironically enough work with computers. Technically they should be up to speed with everything. They supposedly sent their ads in earlier today but they never came through. They were going to resend them. And my salesman calls about the ads to find out the artists has gone home for the day, this being well after we had requested the files be sent again for a second time. Just one of those people who cares. They claim they can send them from their home. But just how late do they suspect people sit around waiting to cater to their every needs. Granted, yes, you are paying us to run your ad, but in your contract there are statements about time limitations for things. Ugggh. Basically I was told to wait till 6:00 and if they don't get back to place an old ad.

Its odd because these people think they work so hard. That their jobs are so important that everyone in the world will wait for them. But what about me? Am I not important enough for you to get your stuff to me on time so that I may go home to my family as well? Or do I not matter? Either way, it's bullshit. What irks me is that these people probably get paid more than I do.

Oh well. Tomorrow I get to go to visit the showroom of one of my favorite advertisers so I can get some ideas for their custom publishing piece. It's gonna be great! I love their work and the guy is real cool to work with. Yea, you get some shitty projects once in a while, but sometimes, God smiles down on you and throws you a bone. I can't wait to see their place. I have some great ideas in mind for them!

Thursday, January 24, 2008


Well it's hard because I'm now in that weird transitional phase between a depression down slump and a better place. Usually that transition is a weird area of feeling like blah during the day, that being, not super happy and not super sad, just there. And at night, it tends to bring on inabilities to sleep. My body is ridiculously tired, my mind is even more tired and wants to shut off, but something will not allow me to fall asleep. And the fact there was snow the other night didn't help either. That shit reflects all the light and makes it look like it's 4:00 AM outside or something, like right before the sun rises and its kinda light but not as dark. Anyway, I've just been having issues sleeping and even bigger ones waking up. Once I do get to sleep, I do not want to get up. Of course, I do wake up to pee at night. Last night was horrible too because I felt really really dehydrated before I went to bed and had a few glasses of water. And the natural result of this was peeing a lot. But around 4:00 AM I woke up to pee and had the worst heartburn. Plus I felt dehydrated still. So I had another glass of water and followed it up with Tums. Big mistake. When you have Tums and sleep on it, you wake up with the most repulsive taste in your mouth the next day that is some sort of concoction of morning breath bacteria and a creamy fruity metal taste. I'm not sure about the metal part but it reminds me of when you lick keys or a 9 volt battery minus the shock. It's vile. On top of it all, I'm tired more so because I think I'm going through another growth spurt. This morning I woke up and felt like my stomach was going to pop. It felt huge and is starting to look the part. I couldn't do any form of bending all morning, it hurt too much. Partially from this newly found growth, part from gas, and another part because I had to take a dump (which, my dumps have been ridiculously huge. The other day I straight up made a foot long! I'm glad I didn't clog the toilet at work, that thing looked like a sea cucumber trying to crawl down the toilet!) But yeah, I had issues putting my shoes on. I had issues bending over to get tupperware for my lunch and of course I had issues sitting. That went away eventually, like around 11:00 AM, but still, it sucked. I'm so tired, I don't feel like cooking anything grand tonight, plus I didn't take anything out to defrost, bad wife, bad me. I'm gonna veg and watch some tv or something.


1. Due to some new lame work policies I don't hafta be in the office till 8:30, so I get an extra 45 minutes of sleep. I also can't leave till 5:30 though. Yay. Ugh.

2. When I did get up this morning, there was white stuff outside, so I had to alter my previously picked outfit from last night to be more weather appropriate.

3. My lunch is monotone. It was all orange. I had mac and cheese and an orange. I thought I'd give it some zing and have some chocolate, but the chocolate I got out was a Krackel, also in orange wrapper. Oh well. I want more citrus.

4. I had this really good idea today to change my iChat icon to a picture of Lulu. Lori liked it so I made her one with Izzy. Now it looks like the dogs are talking to each other whenever we chat. This amuses me... a lot. Look.

You don't get that right!


We're working on the directory for an undisclosed client. Way back in October was when we started discussing the project, creating the timeline, etc. November we were trying to get bios, articles, photos, etc. They missed their original deadline by a week and they agreed it was ok to bump the project back. Originally it was supposed to drop in our papers early February, but then it was bumped back to March 3. So about two weeks ago I get photos from them and some articles start to come in. Granted we asked for this stuff like two months ago already at this point. Anyway, I've had those cds and I sat on them and finally started to rummage through them to see if there's anything useful in them. I get an email this morning stating they need these cds back ASAP, that it was hard for them to create some presentation because they didn't have any images to work with and that we've had them since beginning of January. I'm sorry, but the way I see it, you do not have the right to bitch about us sitting on something if you took two months to get us something and get mad about us sitting on it for two weeks! Of course, the guy who gave me the cds never told me that I need to have them back to him ASAP and his responses was "oopse, I totally forgot." Nice one. People... geez. Either way, I'll take my jolly ass time with these. Especially since a quarter of them are f'n dvd presentations!!! I'm not extracting files from an auto-play dvd! Screw you people! I only jump for you if you jump for me first. One of the cds they sent is blank!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

Thank you Rob Halford

For providing me musical inspiration to not pull my hair out whilst trying to do 80 things at once on a pregnant woman's 5 minute memory span. And thank you to the man who invented post-its and note pads so that I may write reminders of what I need to do and make check lists. And thank you to the man who invented Entourage so that I may utilize their calendar to set reminders of when I need to do things in case my check lists fail me or I forget to look at them.

Pregnant lady falls

Last night I fell.

I was cooking dinner. I was still in my work attire and I had on some heel boots that have about a 3" wedge and come up to my calves. I walked from the oven to the fridge to get some cheese (I was making cheeseburgers due to a really bad craving...) On my way back to the stove, my ankles wobbled, my hands flail about in the air, and I go falling, falling, falling forward, fortunately landing doggie style on all fours...

The culprit: a nylabone.

Jesse was on the phone with his friend Phil and for whatever God unknown reason decides to turn around and looked at me just as I was falling and he was like, "What the hell was the point of you wobbling around the kitchen like some sort of goofball?" To which I respond, "I fell." Then he says, "Oh, are you ok?"

Fortunately for me, I have really strong ankles... I hope. I feel fine. Nothing hurts. Nothing looks huge or out of place. Must be the support of those suede boots.

True story.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Best husband ever!!!

Jesse is going out to get me strawberries and chocolate since I really wanted some today and never went out to get any. Woo hoo!!! I so have the best husband in the world!!!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sunday Blog

Let's see... it's about 1:00 in the afternoon. I woke up at a reasonable time and made some pancakes. I sat and watched tv in between trying to get some kinks out of the computer but it's still being a butthole. Oh well. I'm pretty sure he won't be lasting another year. I'm trying to get the energy together to go to the pet store and get more wet food for Lulu but I think I feel the same way as she looks right now:

I am lucky I don't have to deal with housework today as I got that all taken care of Friday night. I do need to fix the bed and do a few dishes but nothing major. I might take a nap if I can. Sometimes I get nap ideas but they don't always pan out like I'd like them to.

I think I might try to walk to the store to get some strawberries. I've been having a hankering for some strawberries today and probably since Friday night when I saw some at the store.

Anyway, I might have a hard time getting out now cos it seems like some sort of bad Lifetime movie just started... something with some chick who gets drugged and raped by her doctor and no one believes her... shit...

Saturday, January 19, 2008

You've got to be f’ing kidding me!!!

I have 2 beefs right now. 1. Next day shipping. 2. TMT.

1. In the last 2 days I ordered two items to be sent next day air. Neither of them came in next day as promised. I contacted both companies and have had two responses. The first company apologized for the misunderstanding and said as a courtesy they would refund me the shipping costs of $20. Yay. The second company sent me basically the same info on their email in terms of what next day really meant and did not say anything about any refunds. To which I sent them another reply stating that they need to really clarify this information on their website as it is misleading and I still want my refund.

2. TMT. This lady is killing me... and Cherie. We both get a call from her this morning. Changes she wants. Each change from here on out cost $30 per page and she wants about $500 worth of nit-picky changes made. Of all the requests, only 3 seem reasonable to us. One of them is they're changing the back cover to add a sponsor who is giving them a lot of money. Reasonable. Another is a place where they swapped out some text and the footnotes are off. And the last is a chart that shifted into the text. I have no problem changing that. The rest of the crap is picky shit like "oh, let's italicize this. Let's add a new symbol for that. Let's bold this. Let's center that." We both were looking at her list of requests and were like FUCK THAT!!! She went over this thing 5 times and approved the 6th copy. There were so many things with this that she could have caught and decided all last minute to change and we're just both pissed at her. She says she doesn't mind paying the $500 to get her changes made cos she wants her piece to look exactly how she envisions it. Well why the hell couldn't you have envisioned this EARLIER!? That's where a lot of our frustration comes into play. Anyway, we've spent forever and a day on this piece of crap and it's just making us mad. It's not the piece. The piece looks good. It's the client. Sometimes clients are such high maintenance ass clowns.

On a high note, I finally set up a primary care provider. His name sounds like he's some sort of Daggo. That's cool. He does family practice so I can get the baby in with him too once he's born. I have two doctor's appointments on one day next week. That'll be exciting. Especially since Jesse's all pissed off about not wanting to do anything and rest and now he needs to take me to not one, but two doctors. I suppose I could walk...

Friday, January 18, 2008


I made black forest cheesecake last night and I've been eating it tonight and I'm so happy it's so delicious with its chocolate crust and cherry filling and chocolate curls. I think I should make another one tonight. :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

New Office

So last week I caught wind of news that I was to be moving to the building across the street. And that it would have to be done before this week. Anyway, the stars were pretty much aligned to have it set up that I move out today since things were a little on the slow side and my main project I have right now is being proofread and wont' be back till after 3:00. So I trucked all my stuff over w/ the help of the new guy Patrick, and got my computer and everything set up into my new office. I say my office because it is a room with 4 walls and a door opening (no door though) and I do not share it. For the first time in my professional life, I have my own office that is solely for me and my working purposes. I gotta admit, it's nice. Privacy. I can have my radio on without wondering if I'm bothering anyone. It's great! I just turned on my favorite iTunes station, Big R radio - all 80's metal! Hahaha. Scorpions - The Zoo is on. Great song to start things off! Anyway, its nice. .I might invest in a desk lamp to even out the light as it's coming in from the side. Wow, this is nice though, for the first time ever I'm at a desk where I'm not sitting at a weird angle! No more cramps! Tim, the guy who had this office before, painted the walls this ugly royal blue, and while it is indeed my most hated color EVER, I'm gonna leave them this way because it's relatively soft on the eyes, and it would be hard to cover it up with mustard yellow. I need to bring in an eyeglass repair kit tomorrow so I can get my cork board set up. Meh. It's nice to have an office :)

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Heartburn City, here we come...

Good God, I'll tell you what, I might not be barfing 24/7 like my mom did when she was pregnant with me, but sweet Jesus do I have the heartburn!!! It is INTENSE!!! Some days, it literally feels like everything from my stomach to my throat is on fire, that the fire was put out by pouring sand on it, then someone took sand paper and sanded all the sand away, leaving raw flesh, and for shits and giggles covered it with pepper spray. Hot stuff! Anyway, sometimes, it seems like no matter how many Tums I take it just doesn't ease the pain. I think I need to get like some sort of extreme formula Tums or something. All I know is Jesse is taking me to Olive Garden tonight. Apparently we have an ass huge one here in town that's like 2 stories tall. There's some special going on that I gotta try. Yea. That's all I got. I'm gonna loaf and enjoy it now till Jesse gets off.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Time to change my hair...

Well, August 16th was when I started the black hair with yellow trend. I say trend because I know it is time to change my hair since I have seen people copying what I started. I knew for a fact I was going to do something different, I was thinking like a chocolate brown and yellow, but then when I saw a girl working at 7-11 with the same concept as what I have but with burgundy, I knew that it wasn't an option of changing the top color, but to just change the look completely. So what am I going to do? Probably have anything yellow set to my natural color. All the parts that were black grew out to my natural color. So right now it's natural and yellow with huge roots. My hair is growing really fast since I got knocked up. Anyway, I guess it'll be nice to not worry about having to dye for a while and just focus on cuts. I might get highlights down the line just for a little bit of color but no weird colors or interesting looks for a while till all those copycats out there decide they want to go natural and then I'll need to think of something new for them to try and replicate. Sometimes the best way to stay one step ahead of the crowd is to go back to originals...

Score of the day!

To avoid this depression thing, I got dressed and went for a walk to the Petting Place to get Lulu some food. I put on Couch .38 and a coat and put on Lulu's classy coat and we walked all of the 2 or 3 blocks down the street over there. I picked up her usual bag of 17 lb Natural Balance Lamb & Rice (her favorite) and browsed their canned foods to see if there was anything good. Last time I was there, all they had was potato and duck and sweet potato and fish and she was not a fan of the fish formula. I gave those cans away to one of my coworkers. Anyway, I picked up about 6 cans, two of each: lamb & rice, chicken, and beef formulas. Then for shits and giggles I looked through their clearance toy bin. I felt bad cos I didn't get her a Christmas present. So I'm looking for something small when a big ugly green thing catches my eye. Upon further digging, I realize it is a toy made by Remington of a giant shotgun shell that is about the size of Lulu. I squeaked it for her in the store and she jumped up and snagged it and started whacking it around. Now, I would have bought it just for the novelty sake of having a at one time $10 toy for $4 that is a giant shotgun shell made by Remington, but the fact Lulu actually likes the toy and wants to play with it made it even better. So I bought it for her. The whole walk home she kept staring back at the bag, knowing her toy was in there. Needless to speak when I got home and took the tags off of it, she went to town on that thing to the point of tiring herself out. Then I gave her half a can of the beef canned food and she wolfed it down. I may need to invest in some more cans of that as she seems to really like it a lot. Yay. Good food and toy for pug dog day! Happy pug!!!

Seasonal depression

All summer long I spent waiting for the snow. It snowed maybe twice this winter. Now I want the summer back. I want back the heat so I can go back to the river and go fishing and go swimming in the lakes. I feel less inclined to be trapped indoors when it's warmer outside. Then again I also had a car at that time.

So, I am aware of the fact I tend to get seasonal depression and it's hitting right now. Every year, around this time it starts and it progressively gets worse as I get closer to two of my most hated days of the year: Valentine's Day and my birthday. Respectively, I hate them both equally for obvious reasons. Valentine's Day because I never get anything and my birthday because I usually have to put it off either a week early or a week later so that my "friends" can do stuff on the weekend for Valentine's Day with their boyfriends. Because that is so much more important. And of course then when my birthday does happen the only person who gets me anything really are my family members and my "friends" pretty much show up as if I am lucky enough for that. Even though when it's their birthdays I always get them nice gifts which I put a lot of thought into. Funny how that works out. Not even a card. Geez. Anyway, as if that's not enough, the sit and gloat about their Valentine's Days, how so and so took them to this nice restaurant or sent them flowers or some sort of crap.

I recall last year was pretty shitty actually. I was supposed to have dinner at 8:00 pm. 8 people said they would go. One of my friends was going to pick me up and take me to the restaurant and then we were going to carpool to a club afterwards. Her cousin calls me around 8:15 saying she's running late and asks who's there yet and I say I'm not even there. She agrees to pick me up. Her cousin never calls. So her boyfriend picks me and Lori up and we go down to the restaurant now around 8:30 where one of our other friends has been waiting alone outside for the past half hour. We decide to go inside and wait at the bar and have some drinks. Earlier in the evening two of my friends call and say they can't make it because of car problems. They're out in Burbank and if I were driving I would have picked them up, but I wasn't and didn't feel up to it. At least they gave me a heads up around 6:00ish. They also tried to get rides but called me again later in the evening to let me know their back up plans weren't available. OH well. Around 8:45 my cousin and her boyfriend show up. I knew they were going to be late already because they're coming out from Simi Valley. We are still waiting around for my original ride to show up. Finally around 9:00 she shows up with her boyfriend. She looks completely out of it and says she's not feeling very well cos of some new meds she's on and says "you know how it is..." Yea, unfortunately, I do. None the less, the place closes at 10 and we now only have an hour to cram in our eating. So dinner was good and all and after when we're supposed to go to the club, my cousin and her boyfriend can't go cos she works the next day, Lori wasn't going to go in the first place, our other friend who was there all alone for half an hour has homework and can't go, my original ride doesn't feel up to it, and her cousin has to baby sit in the morning. Ok, so much for my attempt at a fun birthday. Whatever. I go home with a to-go box of chicken and garlic potatoes which my dad eats sometime between the time I got home and whenever I woke up the next morning. There's nothing that makes you feel loved and important by friends who make you seem like your birthday is something they're obligated to go to.

The thing is, this isn't just last year. This kind of shit happens to me every year. And on top of all of that, my ex boyfriend didn't even know when my birthday was and I was with him almost 5 years. He always thought it was the 16th. And of course he never really acknowledged my birthday anyway. I never got any presents from him. Nor cards. Just like basically everyone else I knew. I wasn't important enough, I guess, right? Meanwhile he would brag about how he got so many hundreds of dollars of records on eBay. Ok, seriously, if you're spending that kind of money on useless crap, do you really think it'll hurt you to spend like anywhere beteen $0.99 and $3.00 on a fucking card!? Of course this was the same guy who never did anything for me for Valentine's Day, or he said he would and when the day came I'd ask what we were doing and he said "We'll play it by ear." Meaning, "I didn't make any reservations anywhere and I know everything is booked, so I'm gonna order a pizza and sit in my porn chat and watch Howard Stern dvd's." Douche bag.

I'll give Jesse credit in the aspect he tried. He didn't have money for either last year. It was his second semester of school and his funds were tight. At least he called me the day before Valentine's Day to wish me a happy v-day and b-day. He even said how he felt bad cos he had to get new boots and couldn't get me anything. I'm not gonna argue with a broke guy who needed shoes to keep his feet warm in the snow over something petty. At least he tried. Which is more than I can say for most people outside of my family.

Anyway, I know all that crap is about a month and a day away. I'm not looking forward to it, as usual. I have no idea what I want to do for my birthday, I'm assuming not cook dinner, that's for sure. I'd like just a weekend of no housework and possibly to go out and do something fun. I have no idea what, maybe a day trip somewhere or something. I just can't be cooped up in here. I don't care how bad the weather is, I need to get out. I really wanted to do the wine and dine dinner train thing, but there's no point in that one since I'm pregnant and can't wine. And how the heck do you do something romantic for a fat pregnant lady for Valentine's Day? Sigh. I hate February.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Balance is good. I have equal amounts of anxiety from work and home.

I'd say about earlier in the week I was really looking forward to this weekend. It's a long story, but I'll try to wrap it up to a short form.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job. Sometimes I just get frustrated by clients, which is why I thank the Lord every day I have a great sales staff to work with. I have my black list of clients who just the mentioning of them makes me cringe, but for the most part, they're alright. I find they are pleased when you provide them with a nice design or a cool photo 99% of the time. Rarely you get that odd 1% who are so anal retentive about things, usually the ones who want to put 5 pages of text into a little 1/4 vertical ad and then complain about why its hard to read or looks to crowded when they get their proofs.

Anyway, back when I started I was working on the Orange Book. About a month towards the end of that project I had been given the task of Custom Publishing. Basically and weird little odds and ends jobs people want to have printed, maybe inserted into the paper, whatever. The impression I get from it, any job is a possibility. So, as my Orange Book is being printed and assembled out in Ohio or Idaho, one of those HO states, Custom Publishing starts to take off. We get a job. Truckee Meadows Tomorrow. Basically it's some annual report about the Reno/Sparks area. That's all I really know about it other than the fact it used to be a 40+ page file that we shrank down to 28 pages. The past reports were pretty wordy and had a few charts and stuff. The new report isn't as wordy but is chocked full of data. All data I have to build charts for.

So the frustration really starts mid December. According to our timeline, we were supposed to get data around the 14th. So they sent us some files but they didn't edit them because they wanted someone else's eyes to do that. Reason being they had seen it so much throughout the year they were sick of looking at it and, well, you know how it is when you look at something so much it's like you just absorb the content and its pretty much visual memory of what goes where but not really paying attention to it? Anyway, it's being edited and the poor gal who's doing this process is just frustrated to heck because this thing is such a monstrous piece. But she eventually cuts some significant sections down to reasonable sizes. She then has to send them back for approval in case she's cut out crucial info, but it's ok.

A few days before the break I get these files that have been edited. I open them up and know already there's going to be problems. As stated earlier, the project was supposed to be 28 pages. Some of the sections are as long as 11 pages. This is almost half the size of the allotted space of the document_ Did I mention there's 10 different sections? The over all page count is around 70 or 80 pages of Word documents. The beauty of this mess is the charts. There's a total of 83 charts that need to be built. So let's do some math here. 70 or 80 pages of 12 pt. Arail Regular text in Word to be flowed into 28 pages in InDesign using 10 pt. Century Gothic Regular at an 80% width, minus 2 pages for front and back cover, plus 83 charts that range in size from 1/16 page to 1/2 page, plus the addition of photos throughout the sections ranging from 1/16 page to 1/2 page photos, and all chocked into a live space of oh, 8"x9", being generous here, not to mention leaving some space for footnotes. Can you feel my frustration yet?

People think my job is easy. They think all I do is take information people give me and make it look pretty. They think all I do is sit in some cushy office all day playing on a computer or something drawing pictures or something. In honor of my current project I'm doing and all the charts, here's an ironic chart that sums up what every design job I've ever done has been like.

As you can see, a large portion of time goes into the initial design and draft process and the next lengthy portion of work is that wait from revisions and making changes. So here's a little more of an in depth explanation of how the areas of this chart work:

1. Waiting for content. This is that time frame between when a project is announced and when I actually get the content in my hands. This is one of those things that is not in my control. When waiting for someone else to get me something, I can't expect it when it's said to come in. In fact, I'd say roughly 20% of the time, I actually get stuff when I'm told I'm supposed to receive it. The other 80% I get late. Of that, I'd say 30% of the people tell me they are running late on their side and will either give me a reasonable time frame in which to expect it as to not jeopardize my working time or the deadline of their project, or they will say it's running late and that it's ok to bump back their deadline. Then there's that nice 70% who just hand things off late without any explanations and expect me to get their stuff out on time (this group also has a tendency to leave me with a ridiculously short period of time in which I have to get things done. They are my least favorite to work with.)

2. Design page layouts and graphics. This is the part where I work on making things pretty. This is the part most of you probably think about when you think of what I do for a living. I won't say you're wrong because this is a crucial part of what I do. But it's not the only part. Usually, this step is where I create the document in it's appropriate size and pages. It's when I create concepts for the layout in terms of basic things from multiple columns, fonts, color schemes, graphic elements to make the design look pleasing to the eye, design covers, basically anything that pertains to the over all look of the piece. Depending on circumstances it can sometimes take longer or shorter periods of time to do. If the client is very straight forward with what they want, it's very cut and dry on my side and just create their vision. If the client gives me artistic freedom, it takes a little longer because this means I need to actually review what their project is about to get a sense of direction in terms of design (traditional, contemporary, casual, formal, fun, conservative, etc.) Quite a bit of thinking needs to be done on my part for this. Often times, when I get ideas for things, they don't happen during my paid work hours. In fact, inspiration, is much like a fart, in which it comes unexpectedly and at inconvenient times. Best ideas occur usually right before I fall asleep, when grocery shopping, and 90% of the time when a pen and paper aren't in sight. I know a lot of people flip through magazines for ideas. I'm not really of that idea. I try to avoid doing what other people are doing and I think this is what really helps play on my abilities. You don't quite know what you're going to get but it will either amaze you or bore you. This is also the step in which I flow all the contents provided by clients, sales people, or whoever. This means arranging things to fit into the allotted space, whether it be photos, text, charts, graphs, what have you. If I need to adjust kerning and spacing, that's done here. It's a very labor intensive process which usually has me pulling my hairs out trying to decipher how to make things fit. It usually takes a little creativity on my behalf, but that's why I'm the artist and you're not.

3. Clean up/fix photos. A lot of photos I get for projects usually come in really bad shape. At my old job, when I'd work on catalog stuff, I'd get pictures of things taken in people's warehouses with rooms and all sorts of stuff I'd have to clean up. Where I'm at now, we have decent photographs to work with. None the less, most of the photos are taken on digital cameras, for the most part at a decent resolution. But most of them are saved as RGB, which is fine for taking a digital photo if you're going to email it back and forth or put it on the web. But for the fine world of print, it needs to be in CYMK. This is a simple process to go in and convert and save. I usually prefer to save my images as TIFF's. That's my personal preference and most of the printers I've worked with like TIFF's and EPS's. And then if I want to put any masks on things, I do so. This can be sometimes a tedious step, but for the most part, it's not to horrible.

4. Proofing on my end. This is the step in which I go through all the tedious little ins and outs of my document before sending it off for approvals. This includes checking to make sure all fonts are consistent, headers, footers, and body copy are distinguishably different. My bold texts are all bold. My italics are all italicized. Anything that's a subscript is hanging out lower and superscripts are flying above them. I make sure my colors are all good. That there's no spot colors floating around. I run a quick complete document spell check (and when you have a multiple page document this process is a real pain in the ass as it can sometimes take up to half an hour to do!) but it's always worth the work. I check to make sure things are justified properly. That everything lines up where it should. Basically I do all my proofing on my end in terms of design and then it's out of my control.

5. Send proofs/wait for client changes. This is when the client does their proof reading of content. They go over design elements and let me know what they like or what they want changed. I've been fortunate enough to have a 100% success rate in first time client approval on visuals. I take a lot of pride in this. Granted, I see it as most people are excited just to see something they want in print and will hoot and holler at anything you show them, but I could be wrong. They could actually really like what I'm doing. Anyway, this is when the nit-picky stuff gets checked on their end for accuracy, etc. They give me changes and updates and sometimes they're pretty quick with it, other times it takes a while.

6. Make revisions/changes. This is a very straight forward thing. It gives me flashbacks to my old copy-typist days. Basically I get things in which I need to just update data, copy, and maybe someone has a new photo they want to use in place of another one. For the most part this is a very easy step, but in the case of a larger document, it can sometimes take a while to do massive edits. Sometimes all the changes get jumbled together so it can take some time. Usually this step is busywork. But at least it doesn't require a lot of thought.

7. Package files and send to printers. This depends on the printer's preferences. Sometimes it is as detailed as having to package all the elements of the document: files, images, fonts, a raw file, and a pdf. And sometimes it's as easy as just creating a PDF from distilled post script files. Sometimes they want you to send them a cd with all the info and depending on file sizes, it can take multiple cds, but a lot of them seem to be all about the FTP now days, which saves cds and gives you more time. Instead of having to get something out quicker and have it mailed or have someone pick it up, you can just transfer it digitally and have those extra few hours to work on the project. God bless the internet!

8. Go over printer proofs. Ok, so after it's at the printers, there's this nice little period in which I like to wrap up everything and clean up all the files and put them in a safe place for future reference should the need come up. Then, usually I get proofs back from the printers. In this phase, I just check to make sure the pages all line up correctly, that fonts don't do anything weird, colors are correct, images aren't pixelated, basic design proofing. Sometimes other people want to see it too. Once that's done, we give approval and the project goes into production at the printers and it's out of my hands.

9. Final copy/proof & critique. When I get something back from the printers, I go over the pretty glossy copy. And then I take into account things that can be done on future projects to make things go easier. What did I do that worked? What did I do that didn't? How can I change or avoid this later on? Mostly a process to help me down the line.

10. Non-design related work. Ah, yes, my days aren't completely related to projects. There is that small portion in which I do things that are work that don't pertain to design. Random stuff that can range from client meetings, answering emails and phone calls, arranging documents to help the flow of things, and what not.

12. Down time. And sometimes, there's these weird little spaces between things in which I actually have some breathing room. I usually utilize this time for bathroom trips, restocking on my caffeine supply, and eating an occasional motivational chocolate of sorts.

So, now that I've just wasted a huge amount of your time on my daily, yearly, life process of work, I'll get back to the subject matter at hand.

Anyway, I have started the design concept on this project soon after I met with the client. They gave me carte blanch to design. I had a concept and ran with it. It was one of those ideas that started out as one idea and sort of morphed into something similar to my original idea but totally different. Either way, I liked the result. So did they. It's a good thing I had started this fairly early because I knew roughly how much space I would be working with on all of this and even though I was pulling my hair out over the excessive content, I was still somewhat cool and collected in the sense I at least had the design concept and my only problem now was figuring out how to flow all of this.

Just before I left for Christmas, I got the final edited copy and data. A few days before that I had got the photos. I had everything I would need to tame this beast.

The best explanation I had of the beginning of flowing this was that it was, for lack of better words, a cluster fuck. There was so much going on. So much data. I had to build these charts to make them work with the design and color schemes, so I spent a good deal of time doing that. Then, I flowed the pretty charts in with the text. Midway doing this, the client wanted to have a meeting to see how things were going. I gave her what I had started and she liked it, but thought her charts were far too boring with the exciting design and got this idea that maybe it would be more fun to have some variety with the data aspect and take some of the charts and turn them into bar, line and pie graphs for some variety. Ok, making graphs isn't the end of the world. In fact, it's easier if you ask me. The only problem is the data in these charts is so extensive that when I stare at it to pick out what to use to build these said graphs, I feel like I'm staring at a wall.

Now, when I was younger, I was a very proud person. I still am for the most part, but over time I've learned that sometimes some things are out of your control and if you stress yourself out over things you can't control, you can make yourself very sick. On that note, I've learned that sometimes, it's ok to ask for help. So I asked for a way I could cut out some of the data to build these graphs, and some ideas as to which charts she thought would make for better graphs. I got that information.

A little tidbit I forgot to mention, when I had got about 1/3 through the charts, I was emailed revised copy for the charts. Apparently some of the data had changed and needed to be updated. So I had to go back in and update with the new data. There were some new charts as well. Anyway, I got this info about 2 days before one of my drafts was due. And then, there was the meeting thing, the day after that, 1 day before my draft was due, in which they wanted to change everything completely in terms of how data was to be presented.

Anyway, this stuff was earlier this week. I had been looking forward to the weekend because they would have their final draft to proof. I would go home around 3 on Friday and maybe do laundry. Then I would spend my Saturday possibly sleeping in and then going to Borders or Barnes & Nobel having a mocha or something and looking at name books with Jesse to try and figure out a name for our still-to-be-named unborn child. And Sunday I would spend sleeping and cleaning the house.

Well it didn't work out that way. They had started proofing copy I had given them at the meeting and they had all these changes. Better now than next week I suppose. So the last few days I spent building charts and updating charts and making changes to copy and pretty much a lot more time consuming than I was planning for the week. On top of it all, Jesse worked closing shifts all week and picked me up on his lunch breaks, so it wasn't like one of those nights where I could ask if he could just hang around for another 20 or 30 minutes. Friday was his day off so I stayed later. Most of this week I have been taking short lunches to do this crap and working all sorts of my ass off.

Friday was when they needed their first completed draft, cover, and back cover. I had stayed till after 6:00 and was only halfway done. I'm not a fan of being the only one in the place after dark, so this meant I had to come in today. I went home Friday night grumbling because I did not get our laundry done for the week, I didn't feel like cooking dinner, and I knew I would be going to work the next day. I was even more disappointed Friday night because Jesse suggested we go out to get something for dinner. He was in a Super Burrito mood, I was in a Napa Cafe mood. Eventually it came down to he didn't want to go out so he asked me to make some queso for him and we just eat that. I went to bed with heartburn and gas.

Today I woke up around 9:00 to phone calls from my mom, who wanted to chat. I couldn't stay on long because I had to get to work. I really wanted pancakes. We didn't have anything to make them with. Jesse took me to Jack in the Box before work to get a bite to eat. I was going to get breakfast but by this time it was 11:00 and I had seen a poster in the window for their Big Deal (2 tacos, 1 chicken sandwich, and a drink for $2.69) and I was convinced out of breakfast. My number one pregnancy love is still Jack in the Box tacos at any time of day. I can't explain this one to you if I tried, but I love those things! Anyway, we eat there because I'm very adamant about wanting to eat there and not at my desk. The less stuff I have distracting me at work, the faster I can get out of there. I'm not sure how early it was I started, but I do know the first time I checked my clock it was around 12:00. Jesse picked me up a little after 3:00. On our drive home, I asked if he wanted to walk to 7-11 and get some soda and then still go name hunting and he said ok. When we got home, I arranged some flowers I had at work, checked my email, and found Jesse asleep on the couch. Somewhere after a can of cream of mushroom soup and a phone call with my mom later, he did not want to go out.

I'm not going to be super complaining here, but I gotta say, not having a car makes me kind of depressed sometimes. For the most part, I like the fact I don't have to spend a lot of money a month on insurance, gas, maintenance or registration fees. Plus I'm not a fan of driving. But, it makes me sad because my getting out is very limited. Basically getting out for me is going to work, going grocery shopping, and doing laundry. It makes me sad that I am confined to my few mile radius. How about walk, take the bus, or ride a bike, you say? Well, I do walk. But my walking is limited because being pregnant on ice isn't exactly the best thing in the world. And being pregnant on ice while carrying bags isn't any easier. My funds are very limited. I can't take the bus because I don't have money for the bus, and even if I did, the bus schedules and routes here are so f'd up, I have no idea where they go and when they go wherever it is they wind up going. I suppose if I had a place to keep a bike, I would ride one. But we don't have any room in our apartment and there's no storage spaces for them, so oh well. Basically I can make occasional trips to Shopper's Square. Sometimes on Sundays if I feel down, I might walk down there just to say I got out. Then I go walk around and maybe look at Marshal's and see something I want and bum out because I don't have money for it or if I do have money for it, I can't fit in it because I'm pregnant.

Anyway, I was pretty depressed today around 4:00 to the point I felt if I didn't get out of the house I would break down in tears. I'm not sure Jesse really understands the concept behind this. I know he gets frustrated by his job a lot, but at least at the end of the day, when his job is done, it's done. With mine, if I don't get things done at work, I bring them home with me because I have some of the software to where I can do some things (like build charts) or do style proofing. It's just another one of those frustrations I have sometimes in which people think my job is so damned easy. It's not. And I feel like because it's art, I don't get the respect someone of a more noble field would get like a doctor or lawyer, or the sympathy someone like in Jesse's position who is on his feet all day dealing with customers would get. I just feel over worked and under-appreciated sometimes. Don't get me wrong, though, I love what I do. In fact, I think part of me even enjoys the excessive stress I go through sometimes. It makes me personally feel more important somehow. Like it's my way of saying to myself, "Yes, you are important. People do need you."

At the same time, now I have these anxieties about what will I do after I have the baby. Will I still be as dedicated to my work? Will I be one of those moms who puts her family on the back burner because her job is more important to her? I mean, I already have so much anxiety about being pregnant right now. It's real now. It kicks and moves in me, I'm getting the belly. It's no longer just a concept, it's real. In 4 months I'll be giving birth. I need to make maternity leave arrangements. I'm trying to think mentally what jobs I'll have going then and wonder if there'll be anything I can do from home. I won't be paid for the duration of time I'm out of work, and I need to pay for my health care while I'm out, but Nevada doesn't offer disability, so that's out of the question. And on top of it all, we need to move. Of course everyone has their two cents they want to put in as to how I should do things. The only person who I even care to hear about suggestions is Jesse and he hasn't really had much to say about anything. He's the easiest person for me to talk to and at times the hardest. I feel like sometimes I can't formulate the words to convey how I feel about all of this to him. I mean, I'm scared shitless about giving birth. I don't know what to expect. On top of it all, I have people telling me how it's going to be the worst pain I'll ever go through in my life, but that it's ok because it won't matter, as if this is somehow supposed to ail my anxieties? I just feel so overwhelmed sometimes. Then there's nights where I feel needy and want to lay in bed with Jesse and talk or something and he's on the phone with Phil all night or doing other stuff. I don't want to be an ass about things and demand his attention, but this whole being pregnant thing isn't easy. Its kind of emotionally draining sometimes. I just need him to be there for me when I need him. But I need to figure out how to get the strength in myself to ask him instead of just expecting him to know.

I guess I would be less cranky today if Jesse didn't have his sales meeting tonight. He got to go out with his coworkers to Bully's for free eats and a departmental meeting. I'm jealous of him so often. He's so close to his coworkers and they all get along and stuff. So a departmental meeting of that sort is fun. So on Saturday, when I have to go into work, the only time I can see him, which would be at night, he has to go to a work meeting. A cynical part of myself would have rather had him go to the office for it, not a fun atmosphere. Sure, it was work related, but it was something fun. I wish I could do something fun. Instead, I'm stuck at home. I take a bath. The hot water runs out on me as usual, by the time I get a novel idea of what I want to eat, it's around 8:40. Even if I get dressed and walk down to Pasta Mill, it'll be close to 9:00 and I call ahead of time only to find out that's when they close.

Moral of story: my weekend sucked. At least on Wednesday this project will be off at the printers and then I can move over to the other office and not have to deal with one of the reporters constantly hovering over me asking about the status of a project that's due in March with such a sense of urgency as if it's due tomorrow. Maybe next weekend will be better. Maybe then we can work on those names. I just really want a name picked out already. Everyone treats me like I'm some sort of non-caring loser because we don't have a name for our child yet. Either way, the next few months up till the point of delivery, at least I'll have work to keep my mind off of baby anxiety. Although there's always other anxieties too. I wish I could be like Jesse and just take things one day at a time, but that's never been in my nature. I tend to plan way too far ahead. I have the greatest ideas and never the commitment to bring these ideas to fruition. It's depressing.

Oddly enough, this has become one of those blogs that goes so astray from things, I started writing it at 8:48 PM and now it's 11:10 PM. I suppose my wet hair would like to be combed and dried now. On that note, I think it's time to go back to figuring out what's for dinner and calling it a night.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

I need a kiln!!!

I have this desire to venture into sculpture. I have this itch of wanting to make some ceramic pieces that needs to be scratched. I wish I had a kiln or access to one in a non-school environment so I could create the pieces I want to make for this awesome idea I have. I'm gonna try to get a project grant or something for this idea if I can... sigh. It's such a rad idea. Dammit.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Back home I wasn't a fan of baths. I was more into showers. I guess it had a lot to do with the fact there was only 1 bathroom for 4 people to share and I couldn't really just relax. But now, up in Reno, in my lovely little bathroom, I have become a fan of the long leisurely baths. Anywhere between 3 and 5 nights a week, Jesse will draw me a bath and pour my sleepy time bath salt* in there. When it's ready, he calls me and I hop in and veg out for an hour or so. Usually the course runs I fall asleep in the hot water and then wake up when the water becomes cold, upon which I add more hot water, soap up and call Jesse in to towel me off and then I get in my jammies and go to bed. Its a nice little nightly ritual. Anyway, tonight in the bath I was awaken by the cold water and I refueled. After doing so, I laid back down and felt kick kick kicking in my belly. I took my washcloth of warmth off to reheat it in the water and noticed my stomach moving. It was a rather disturbing sight. At the same time I was sort of drawn to watching this occur as it was something I've never seen before. Yea. Weird. I love bath.

* Sleepy time bath salt: Bath & Body Works Lavendar Vanilla Aromatherapy bath salt. MSRP $16.50. Available in stores and online. Good stuff. Works for real. Curious? I say invest in it. It's $16.50 well spent. You'll thank me for this later.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Don't Think I Won’t Hesitate To Shoot You

Dear Assholes who thought it would be funny to throw snow balls at our windows 5 minutes ago,

You startled me. Maybe you were playing with your friends and having a snowball fight, but the fact that you hit the window once and then hit it again seconds later harder makes me think that's not the case. That's ok. You're lucky I forgot I put Couch .38 on holster and he wasn't right at my computer side. This saved your life. Had he been readily available, my pregnant ass would have hauled down the stairs faster and been able to catch you in the act and I would have shot you without thinking twice about it. For all I know, maybe you're trying to throw bricks at my window and break it and injure a poor helpless pregnant lady who is home alone. Who do you think the cops will side with on this one buddy? And I don't know if you have a gun or not when I go down to see what's going on. You could be a potential threat to me. Perhaps you have more bricks you are going to try and throw at me. All I can say is a poor helpless pregnant lady home alone with her dog is a lot more convincing than some little hoodlum piece of shit throwing things intentionally at the second story window of an apartment out in the alley. So, if you're still out and about and up to no good, don't think I won't be looking out for you tonight. In fact, Don't be surprised at the fact my blinds are now open and I have a clear shot from you upstairs. I've had a hard week and your antics aren't exactly making things any better. Don't think I won't hesitate to shoot you. Because I will. You're luck you ran off when I couldn't find the .38. If you show up when I'm in my living room it'll be 8mm and that'll hurt a hell of a lot more than that .38 will. And trust me, from upstairs, even if you get down to the stop sign running, I've shot more than enough pumpkins this season from further away not to mention all the shooting I've done over the last year and a half with my trusty Mauser. I'm more than capable of amputating you from knee down midst run half way down the street so you can fall and I can stroll down to you at my leisure and kick the crap out of you with my trusty friend, Mr. Doc Marten. I'm sure the traction on his soles will wipe that snotty smile off your smug little face. So, think again before throwing shit at my window, be it snowballs or anything else. I will shoot you. I will kick your ass. I will not feel bad about doing it either. And I will leave you in the street so your friends can see and know that they should not fuck with the pregnant lady upstairs. And if you happen to be the little shit kids below us that are doing it, I'll see to it you not only get fucked up but that your shitty ass gold bikes do too. I'm not in the mood for stupid kid crap tonight, tomorrow night, or any night after that. Go home and behave. Goddamn kids.


The Pregnant Lady

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here...

I suppose my first ulcer or second or third or how ever many I probably have that haven't been diagnosed will be named after Chrysler Financial. They are truly the bastards that have ruined my otherwise wonderful life. We all know the story. I gave them back the car cos I moved out here and couldn't afford to pay for it. They kept the car, sold it at auction, and want me to pay some $11,000 for it. I don't understand why I have to pay for a car they got back. It's not like they lost any money on it or anything. They got it back in a nice condition. I don't get it but whatever.

So now they have their fancy pants collection agency after me for this $11,000. Originally they were going to settle with me on payments of $400 a month for the next 3 years. Wow, I'd get one year less of what I had left on it anyway not to mention $100 less off what I was paying monthly anyways. See it would actually be closer to $14,000 I owe if I did that because they'd tack on some finance charges. I didn't know you could put interest on a collected debt, but I'm not even in the mood to get into this now.

I haven't called these dipshits back because 1. I work and 2. I have an assload of deadlines right now, and 3. when I do have the time, they're closed. So I call them. They treat me like I'm some sort of deadbeat, naturally. I explained the situation how I can't afford to make what they wanted. They said they'd settle and let me pay them $9,000. I told them if I could come up with that I'd pay them, but I can't get that kind of money. The guy was like "well don't you have any family or friends who trust you that would get a loan in their name for you? or how about your husband's family?" to which I assured him if his family was willing to do something of the sort, it would be for him to go to school. On top of everything, I told him I have a baby on the way in 4 months, I'm making half what I was making in LA and not to mention rent, utilities, and day to day cost of living I need to take care of. I could afford to do $200 a month to them tops, but not $400.

On this note, the guy gets even more condescending and snooty with me. By this point I tell him how does he think I'm gonna come up with $9,000 between now and noon tomorrow? Logically the only way I could think of was to go and shoot some bankers and take their money, but that's not exactly legal. I told him earlier not to call me at work as I have meetings tomorrow and a huge project I'm working on and he said "well call us at noon tomorrow" and as if he wasn't listening to me when I said I can't call anyone and I don't want anyone calling me tomorrow. To which I finally conclude to him that I don't have $9,000, I don't know anyone who is loving enough to give me $9,000, and I don't know anyone who would sign a loan for me for $9.000 so to tell his lady who keeps calling me that she's going to hafta go on to whatever the next step is.

There's an awkward pause and then he agrees. What the shit? I mean, seriously, do these people think people in the world are made of money? Debt collectors aren't some rich hardasses. They're just middle income pricks who aren't getting laid and take their aggressions out on the people they're trying to collect from. I don't understand why my negotiation isn't good enough for you. I mean, it's not like it wasn't a reasonable offer.

Anyway, when I get off the phone with this prick, I'm pretty much sick to my stomach. I don't know why. I guess it was cos Jesse wasn't here to make me feel better or slap some sense into me. I am suddenly overcome with hopelessness and start bawling and run to the bathroom and vomit for a good 20 minutes. It gets to the point I am vomiting stuff I don't even have to vomit up like bile, saliva, blood. If the baby were connected to my guts he'd probably get vomited up too. It goes from vomiting from feeling so sick to my stomach and nervous to vomiting because it hurts so goddamn much. Then I cry even harder because it hurts so much. Whatever something or other body parts are bursting in me, causing my face and throat to burn. My eyes start to ooze little eye boogers like the ones Lulu gets only they're tinged with a pinkish reddish bloody hue, my nose is dripping blood, my throat is dripping blood. It looks like my face was getting its period or something. I'm pretty sure this isn't healthy but I'm going to attribute this as some sort of weird pregnancy side effect.

Honestly, I feel really really painful. I feel like it hurts for me to look at anything or breath and I can't even fathom the idea of swallowing water. I tried to do that to get rid of the burning vomit bile taste but was only able to gargle as it hurt way too much. I don't know how late Jesse's going to be at work tonight but I want him to be home right now. I feel like I'd trudge down to his work in the snow just so he can give me a hug and tell me everything will be alright.

I don't know why I'm so freaked out. I mean, I'm sure end of it all, they'll just garnish my wages anyway and I'll probably wind up paying them $400 a month regardless for what I owe plus back charges and interest and lawyer fees and court costs. Fuck them. If they want $400 a month from me, they're gonna hafta take me to court or something. Fuckin treating me and making me out to be some sort of deadbeat. Hey, when I was making money, you were getting paid, you fuckers. Don't even treat me like I'm some sort of loser.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Waste of day? Perhaps...

Jesse informed me last night my computer was being a tard and he shut it off. This morning I get on and it was in fact being quite a tard. And on top of it all, someone is using my email addy to spam out mortgage emails and I keep getting these bulk unable to deliver emails. Bastards. I think it's generating from Australia somewhere...

Anyway, today, after doing some diagnostic searching and what not, I discover the problem started last night around 10:31 with the addition of a nasty little spyware program called WebBuying. I have no idea how it came up or where it came from but I know it was a bitch and a half to get rid of. Most of the day was spent trying to do a system restore, which for whatever god unknown reason it won't let me do! Anyway, the pop up problem seems to have ceased but in terms of the system in general, well, it seems to be running like a one legged retard.

I did manage to get the Christmas tree down and quite frankly, I don't give a crap about how I disposed of it (chopped off the branches of the lower half and dumped the top half in a trash can. Fuck it. No one ever uses all 4 of the cans anyways and lord knows the Mexicans down stairs like to throw their trash OUTSIDE of the cans as I've seen the kid down there dump a bag of trash on the floor and not even bother to pick any of it up...

So yea, that's about all. I've been messing with the computer between messing with the tree and vacuuming. Somewhere amidst this mess I should work on washing dishes and cleaning up the rest of the house. Ugh. I'm cranky. They better not be playing that pop country shit at Jesse's work today cos the last thing I need is for him to come home and bitch about how he had a bad day...

Saturday, January 5, 2008

Storm of the century

I'm convinced the general population has a tendency to over react to things. Either that or I've never lived through a storm and this will be a learning experience...

Rumor has it, there's 3 storms coming in from San Francisco and they're headed our way. It was supposed to come in today in the form of rain and then start to snow in the valleys. Up in the higher elevations they're supposed to get snow today and they had a blizzard warning. Tomorrow we get the blizzard warning as the storm is supposed to really hit us then.

Anyway, over December there were predictions of snow but they never came. So I kept saying I'll believe it when I see it about the snow.

Well the snow is here now. It started up around 4:30. Around 5:30 it was really dumping down hard, but it's tapered off since and we look like we have about 6" here in the valley. It's supposed to continue snowing overnight and if it keeps up like this, we're supposed to get around a foot of snow by tomorrow. We'll see.

So back to people freaking out. All day long I kept hearing things on the radio and from people at work how people were raiding stores to "stock up" on supplies should they get snowed in or the power go out. It made me have flashbacks to the Northridge Quake and how all the stores in town were totally sucked dry of all water and canned goods after the quake hit because people didn't know how long they'd be out of electricity and what not. Yea... I like how people tend to over react at the slightest sign of possible danger or weather or whatever.

It's funny cos like up here, it starts to snow and people think "Hey, we should stock up, just in case" and then you got dip shits like out in Malibu who get fires followed by floods every goddamn year like clockwork and they don't think about putting up sandbags or anything till the flooding actually is in effect practically destroying their carpeting and over priced furniture. Heh.

Ok that's all I got. We might go on a walk later tonight. We'll see. I'd like to go down there and see how much snow has fallen for sure though. :)

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Ventangilist ???

As usual, the trend goes, New Years rolls around and I have nothing to do. This New Years, the exciting event of the night was laundry. Normally I wouldn't be so adamant about doing it on a Monday night, but for lack of anything better to do and the fact I had zero clean underwear, it was sort of a priority.

We get there and there's three people there. Some guy doing laundry, the lady working there, and I guess her male friend. They were watching one of those world's most shocking type tv shows. The guy kept making random commentary about it. I was kinda in a cranky mood but, whatever, take it lightheartedly.

After about an hour of washing and drying, I start on folding. I get gnarly heartburn whilst folding Jesse's clothes. Of course it wasn't fun and games waiting for the wash and drying because all the while that was happening, little Mr. Teague-tot decides he wants to punch my bladder. Now, my bladder has become his new favorite in-womb toy as he has been playing with it all morning and all evening, thus making me pee non-stop. Anyway, back to folding. After the heartburn fades, the back pain starts up. Stupid me, took my Tylenol out of my purse this morning and put it up on my desk at work. Bad move on my part. So now I'm folding clothes with a hurtin' back. After his clothes are all folded all beautiful like and placed nicely into his hamper, I get my clothes out of the dryer. This is an ordeal in itself. I have to bend over to get them out. Bending hasn't been one of my strong points as of lately, nor has squatting, or anything that remotely requires me to put any form of pressure on my stomach (yes, bending and squatting do this.) When I bend or squat, basically, it puts pressure on my stomach and then pushes everything inside up to my lungs and then I can't breathe. So, after a minute or two of mustering up an A-frame with my legs to somehow get me lower down to reach the dryer but without completely making me defunct, I get my clothes out.

I go back to my folding station and presume with my order of folding sorting. Socks, underwear, bras: left, camisols, t-shirts, sweaters: center, pants, skirts: right, pajamas, misc.: top. As I start sorting I notice that none of my underwear got cleaned. They're all streaked with reminants of bladder and yeast infections due to bladder infection medication. I'm fortunate enough to still be dealing with thus previously stated yeast infection on top of it all and desperately needed CLEAN underwear TONIGHT. So I sort everything and grab all my underwear and go to get them in a new wash cycle. Jesse's like "what are you doing?" and I explained the situation and told him I had to wash my shit. He was like "it's 9:00." as if this isn't important enough and I can go another day in my soiled underwear festering in my own crotch rot for another day as if that won't kill me. Granted, it won't kill me, but I'm sure it's not very proactive in terms of ailing thus said crotch rot. By this point, I'm pissed. Cranky. Pissed. Not a happy camper. My New Years is starting out on a very bad foot. I'm once again stuck NOT doing anything, washing and folding laundry (one of my most hated chores right up there with washing dishes), and on top of it all, the sole purpose for me even remotely going INTO the laundrymat to get my underwear cleaned, has not been fulfilled! Yea, I'm really pissed. I know it's not Jesse's fault their bunk ass machines didn't do their job yet I somehow feel like I've taken it out on him when he wants to leave, as do noticeably the people working there. However, none of that really matters to me because all I know is that I have a cesspool of itching burning cottage cheese in my vagina and no clean underwear and I don't really give a shit what anyone thinks or says because goddammit, I feel all dirty and pissed off and want my underwear cleaned NOW. I don't care if I make you miss out on your shitty New Year's dinner at the place across the street from the casino! But Jesse, who is used to the ugly world of retail, knows me as one of those customers he hates to deal with and will not let me be "that guy".

Granted, I know damned well I can wash the shit at home but I don't want to. I paid to have them washed there. They didn't get cleaned. I'm mad. And now on top of spending $1.75 to wash them, and an additional $0.50 cos we ran out of detergent, plus wasting an hour of my time cleaning and another half hour or more folding, the job at hand did NOT get done. The last goddamn thing I want to do is come home and do MORE work. I'm not in the mood for it today. You know how sometimes you feel stressed out and pissed off and like the world is against you and you want to cry? Well this is one of those moments. Oh and on top of all of that, last night Lulu pissed on our bed and it went through the comforter and every fucking sheet up there. It's like this was just insult to injury.

Anyway, we get home. Jesse puts my shit in the sink to soak in Woolite. Thanks. That still doesn't help me out and I woulda put them in the kitchen sink cos now I hafta clean that shit up before I can brush my teeth and wash my face tomorrow morning while I enjoy my crotch rot a few extra hours. Plus, I'll have the joy having that cardboard-soft hand-washed-air-dried underwear feeling. My vagina thanks you. Ok, I'm being mean again. I know you're trying to help. I'm still pissed. Understand I'm not mad at you, just at the situation. I apologize for my crankiness. On top of it all, I still have that aching back an hour or so later and I keep feeling like I'm gonna barf and it's New Years and I don't have any clean underwear.

Seriously, this is just fucked up and wrong. I know this isn't the end of the world but it sure as hell feels like it. Thanks to my lovely pregnant state in which my hormones are all out of whack and stupid little situations seem like big ordeals. I want to take a bath but if I do, I'll run out of hot water like I always do. Or if I do get a nice hot bath going and sit in there and enjoy it, I'll just hear all that goddamn thumping and bumping from the Mexicans below us. It's like their kid plays fucking handball or something in the house. I don't know what's wrong with those people. How the shit do 3 people live in a 1-bedroom apartment? It's not like this is a partial custody kid who stays there like on the weekends and sleeps on the couch, this kid is full-time... and there may be 2 other kids too, or they might be friends. All I know is yesterday morning, the kid was fucking around with the trash and he spilled a bag of trash on the floor and threw his bag away and left all his trash in the alleyway on the floor. I almost tripped on their shit when I was throwing away a box today.

I'm having one of those moments I want to scream out about how I hate life and just go out and shoot something, but if I did go out and shoot something, I'd probably have some dipshit dirt bikers call the cops on me or something. FUCK!!!

Oh, on top of it all, I'm even more cranky because I'm getting fat. I know that's normal for pregnant people. Jesse always says some line from Romper Stomper as a joke "I aint livin' with no fat bitch!" However, that said enough times plus Lori telling me I'm fat when we went preggo clothes shopping, dude, not cool. In fact, that's shit that kinda stays in my head and fucks with me. Then, to make matters worse, I gained 10 fucking pounds when I was in LA. HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GAIN 10 LBS IN ONE WEEKEND!?!?!?! Seriously, I feel like a FAT BITCH. And I'm not even completely pregnant, I'm just half way there. I still have a lot more to gain. By the time I go into labor, I'm going to be some sort of huge monster. With my luck they'll say I'm so fat, I hafta have a C-section or something and then on top of being fat, I'll have a big ugly scar too. I know I'm getting bigger cos I'm getting pregnant, but it sucks. Only a pregnant person would understand it's not fun. It's not comfortable. I can't even bend over to tie my shoes! I'm only 20 weeks and I feel completely incompetent. I have this crease under my boobs where my stomach takes over and the pressure builds up and it hurts. Sometimes I hafta lay down so it can air out. But I don't have the luxury of laying down at work. I sit all day. And I spend my day completely uncomfortable. Then when I come home I don't want to do anything. I am neglecting my wifely duties. I need a hug. I have a headache. I'm done now... Happy fucking New Years.