Friday, May 30, 2008

Wow!!!

Charlie is fed. He's sleeping. I made stir fry for dinner. Jesse and I got to sit down and eat together in silence. The dishes are washed. We have silence. We have alone time. I could settle on snuggling since sex is off limits for me still. Plus I'm too tired to actively do anything. I could just go for a good snuggle/fall asleep session. Of course a back rub or foot rub would suffice.

Current gripe

Yeah, so it's been 3 weeks since sex. I want sex again. I miss it. But at the same time I'm almost too tired to have sex even if I could. Maybe in another 3 weeks when the doctors tell me I can get back to humping again I'll be good to go but in that period I hear I have another milk upgrade in store. Grrr. Nothing more attractive than postpartum sex with a dry vagina and drippy boobs. Ugh.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Geez

Theres this fat mexican girl at the lavanderia at the snack machine standing around trying to decide what to get. Meamwhile i know what i want but have to wait for gordita to make up her mind. She asks her mom for more money and is denied upon which she has a fit. She looked like she was 12.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I give up

I feel like a horrible mother. I have no idea what my son wants. I feed him, he doesn't want to eat. I go to check his diaper, its clean. He doesn't want to sleep. He doesn't want to be in his swing. He doesn't want to be held. I have no idea what he wants. I'm sick. I think he might be sick. Neither of us have fevers. I'm guessing I gave him what I have. He sneezes and one of his eyes is a little pussy. The last time he spit up, it had white and yellow clumps in it and came up with a snot like liquid, not the usual clear drippy milky liquid he usually spits up. It seemed like everything he took in from the last feeding came out. I got to the point I didn't want to feed him because I feel like what's the point, he's going to barf it back out or he'll just putz around and not eat anything and just waste my time. I started crying because I was frustrated. Jesse took the baby and started yelling at me to get my shit together because my frustration wasn't helping the baby any. Why can't he grow a set of boobs and feed the kid. How am I supposed to get my stuff together to take care of a kid if I can barely take care of myself? I have to take care of a little person who isn't capable of taking care of themselves, but who takes care of me? I feel helpless sometimes. I might not be going to work right now but I'm home taking care of the boy, cleaning house, making dinner for Jesse, all with my few hours of sleep and a cold and I get yelled at? I feel horrible. I mean, I literally feel like a crappy mom. My second night having my kid, I made the nurses take him away at night cos I couldn't deal with his crying. I didn't want to hear him or be around him cos he was just frustrating me. I haven't even had him 2 weeks and he already seems like he has a cold. I don't think he likes me very much. I don't know that we really bond. I mean, I talk to him and hold him and play with him but he just seems angry with me or like he doesn't want anything to do with me outside of necessities like feeding and diaper changes. Its no wonder I didn't deserve anything for mothers day. I just feel like a failure. I swear I've had a perpetual headache since I've had my c-section. God, I am so frustrated. I want to sleep in my bed dammit, but Jesse's working on guns. I wish I could talk to him about how I feel but I feel like he'll tell me I'm being "irrational" or to just "get over it" or that "it's not the end of the world". I'm not ok. I don't feel ok. I feel sick. I feel like I wish I had someone to take care of me. I just feel like I've done so many things wrong. I just wish I knew where I went wrong or what it was so I could fix it... again with the headache. I'm gonna lay on the couch till the baby starts screaming for something.

Eeew!!!

There's these trash cans down the alley at some apartment and they have all these dirty trashed clothes and crap like someone moved out or something and had to downsize. Anyway, these two fat white trash ladies are walking down the alley and see the pile of clothes and open the trash cans and rummage through them like they're at a yard sale or something! They were holding things up against them to see if they'd fit! These clothes are in the trash cans! Maggots live in there! And diseases and all sorts of grossness! It was so gross!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Consumed

I feel like Charlie is taking up all my time and energy. I have to hold my bladder till he's asleep before I can pee. Sometimes I need to lay in bed with him in order to get him to fall asleep. He eats all the time. Its hard.

The hardest part is neglecting Jesse and Lulu. I feel like I don't have a husband anymore. Yeah, we're in the same house but we just don't get the time together like we used to like talking, snuggling, etc. And poor Lulu sulks around the house all day long after me wanting attention. When I get a second to pet her, Charlie starts crying again and I need to leave her.

Its pretty depressing. I feel like all I do is take care of Charlie and I'm slacking off as a wife. I don't cook as much anymore. I do the most half-assed cleaning. I feel like I'm doing everything for him and making everyone else miserable. What's worse, I feel horrible physically, I want a back rub or something, but there's no way I could ever ask for one with how horrible of a wife I've been lately... that's just unheard of!!! I hope things get better soon. I can't stand crying all the time and that feeling of helplessness.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

I should get over this but...

I'm still really pissed off/upset/hurt that we didn't go out to breakfast on Sunday for Mother's Day when I got out of the hospital. I dunno. I was really looking forward to my first Mother's Day as a mom as it approached. The whole novelty of being able to come home with a new baby on Mother's Day, going out somewhere to celebrate our new little guy and my accomplishments of going through 9 agonizing months of pregnancy, a c-section, sleepless nights and I guess I was just looking forward to something special for me but never got it. I feel totally selfish for thinking this way but, on the other hand, I went through a lot and I deserve something right? So now I need to wait a whole other year again to see if maybe then I get some sort of recognition for the previous thoughts plus whatever the year has in store for me in terms of motherhood. I was gonna take Jesse to the machine gun shoot out in Fernley but that's not gonna happen now. We'll probably do something else. Shit, even Jesse got something for Father's Day last year from the pug!!! I dunno. I guess I'm pretty bummed out over all of this...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Oh YOU'RE tired???

The next person who tells me they are so tired, I swear I'm going to kick the crap out of them. That's how I feel. Jesse has been getting full nights sleep since Charlie's birth. Yeah, he goes to work, but it's not like he's up all night taking care of the baby. Sometimes he'll say he's so tired and wants to go to bed. Or other people will talk about how tired they are from going to work or what have you.

OK SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, YOU ALL HAVE THE LUXURY OF SLEEPING. I DON'T!!! I HAVE A LITTLE PERSON WHO RELIES ON ME 24/7 TO FEED HIM, WIPE HIS ASS WHEN HE SOILS HIMSELF, AND PRETTY MUCH DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY TO GET TIRED!!!!!! AND I CERTAINLY DON'T FEEL LIKE GETTING LECTURED ON "WELL YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE HAVING A BABY" CRAP BECAUSE I NEVER ASKED TO HAVE A BABY!!! IT JUST HAPPENED!!!

On top of it all, after 6 hours of non-stop nursing I told Jesse to shoot me cos I felt like I wanted to die. I had spent hours having my life force sucked out of me then I get pissed on, and he had the nerve to tell me I'm being "overly dramatic". I'm sorry, at what point in my being overly dramatic was HE up for 6 hours on maybe 4 hours of sleep having someone suck every nutrient out of HIS body?!!?!??!!!?? I don't even have time for myself to get up and pee.

Seriously, is it too much to ask for to just get some rest... and to get out of this goddamn heat wouldn't hurt either... It's just one of those things unless you've been through it, you don't get it. Sorry if I seem completely unenthusiastic about anything and like I just want to injure the world. That's pretty much how I feel. Like I'm on the war path. And on top of it all, if I don't get into some air conditioning or something soon, I will be more pissed off!!!! Next place we move to better have AC.

One of the worst things is I have been feeling a lot of hostility towards Jesse lately because I'm jealous of his ability to sleep and the fact I'm just a food source for Charlie and like I'm being used or something. Ok we live in the same place but it's just not the way it was before. Our talking consists of ways to try to figure out how to get the kid to stop crying, Jesse getting frustrated, me feeling like I'm being yelled at, me crying, me being told I'm over reacting, and just wanting to be dead so I can sleep and not feel guilty about not attending to Charlie. This is ridiculous.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Good, bad, and ugly

So sometimes you feel like the weight of the world is crashing down around you while at the same time great stuff is happening and it's hard to enjoy the good when it's weighed down by bad...

My parents went to the docs today to go over the biopsy and MRI results of the tumor that was found in my dad's neck. Turns out my dad has throat cancer. There's a tumor under his ear which we can see as the lump sticking out on the side of his throat, and then theres one on the back of his throat by his spine and goes up towards his brain. They can't cut them out cos of the fact they're near too many crucial nerve endings. He has to go in every day for a month for chemo/radiation and then go back for follow ups for the rest of his life basically to make sure it doesn't return. My mom needs to take off work for this. She's pretty freaked out cos she doesn't know how much it's all going to cost or how they're going to pay for it. I told her to sue the other doctors for malpractice at least to cover the cost of the hospital bills. I feel bad cos they're going to need a lot of help and I'd go down and help out but I don't have money to go down there nor the time with Charlie. I also feel really bad because of how far away I am like if anything happens. There's no way I can just fly down there to see my dad or anything. I feel like if he dies, the last time I'll have ever seen him will be when I was in recovery and all drugged up after my c-section and barely even remembered talking to him. Anyway, I hope he'll be ok. If nothing else, at least he got to see Charlie...

Onto Charlie. We've been having issues with breast feeding since leaving the hospital. The first night we tried it was a horrible mess. The next day he latched on and was feeding perfectly after that. Then when we got home, he was fussy and not cooperating. The next day my milk came in and I was engorged from Monday through today. I tried to feed him but he'd fuss and fuss and just cause so much pain and damage to my nipples to where I didn't want him remotely near them. So I took over pumping and would pump and bottle feed. Eventually, today, they got softer. Basically all the excess milk has been drained and they're functioning normally or how they should. At his 10:00 feeding, Charlie was trying to latch onto my pajamas and I thought, what the hell, I'll give it a shot cos he seems to be doing really good with his attempts to latch. So I try it and he latches on perfectly on the first shot. I was so happy. Relieved. I dunno how to explain it but I felt really uninvolved and depressed after his birth cos he was cut out of me, I saw him for a few seconds, then he was whisked away and I didn't see him for another 5 hours. I just heard from everyone else or saw their pictures and I thought as his mom I should be one of the people he sees the most of in his first few minutes/hours of life. Instead he was in the nursery away from me. It nearly broke my heart. The first night we tried to breastfeed, he didn't want to latch on and I attributed this to the fact we weren't properly acquainted yet. So it made me more sad. I was then hooked up to some goofy hospital pumps and felt like a cow in a milk factory just supplying the goods and nothing more. I wanted to cry. The next morning I thought I'd give it a shot again after spending the night pumping and bottle feeding. He latched on perfectly that morning and things were great from there out in the hospital. I felt happy as if it was the one thing we were able to bond over. Since birth was nothing more than a drugged up memory, breast feeding was something I could actively participate in with him and it's just such a nice feeling to be able to do something for him that no one else can do. I was really unsure of feeding him quite yet because I had got some nipple damage from him trying to latch to engorged breasts that were like rocks. I feared the pain but figured if it hurt, I'd just warm up a bottle of pumped milk and give him that. Anyway he was trying to latch onto my pajamas and I thought I'd bite the bullet and give it a shot. He latched on perfectly on his first try and it didn't hurt at all. In fact, pumping was more painful. His mouth is designed to do it's thing on my boob and they work perfectly together. The pump is too strong and too much work and really hard plastic and uncomfortable. I'm glad breast feeding is working again. More than I can explain in words. This coming from someone who had the biggest fear of breastfeeding... it's not that bad. In fact, I actually enjoy our special time together.

The end.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Jesse gets wet!!!!

Today was Charlie's first doctor's visit since the hospital. All was good. He's gaining weight so that's good. Anyway, when we left, I hear Jesse scream, "GODDAMMIT!!!" I turn around and he's standing by the water fountain and his face is soaked. Apparently, he went to get some water and the thing shoots up too high and he got drenched! I laughed and bent over in pain because even though I feel good w/ the c-section, certain things like laughing hard, coughing, or pooping hurt like hell. His only response was, "Why do I feel like there's a blog coming on?"

Because there is. And this is it. *snort*

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Heeeeeeeeere’s Charlie!!!

Hi everyone! I'm home from the hospital, after practically kicking and screaming at them to let me go! If you haven't heard, Charles Sig Teague was born Thursday May 8, 2008 at 11:54 am weighing 8 lbs 9 oz I had the grave disappointment of the pediatrician telling me yesterday he allowed for discharge Saturday so long as my doctor did. But then I found out my doctor said no so I had to spend another night and part of the morning in the hospital.

The birth was alright. Ironically enough, when I got set up in pre-op, I was having contractions every 7 - 10 minutes and they were progressing. But that wasn't bad. I didn't even feel any of them. The worst part was the suspense of waiting to have the c-section done. Once I was numbed it was a little freaky. I didn't like not being able to feel myself breathing or knowing that someone was cutting me open on the other side of a little screen. But Jesse was there and helped me stay calm. I knew Charlie was born when I could feel all the weight of my stomach relieved and then I heard him crying and I knew at that minute that boy was gonna have a set of lungs on him! Then I got kind of sad cos they called Jesse over to do dad things while I was chopped open like a turkey and having stuff yoinked out of me (including a cyst that was found on one of my fallopian tubes that was sent off to be biopsied. I'm guessing it's benign as no one ever said anything to me regarding the results of that during the time I was in the hospital.) Finally, they brought the kiddo over to me and I saw him for 30 seconds and he looked at me with his big blueish grey eyes and looked like an angry little old gnome. Then he was whisked off to the nursery and they finished me up and I spent 3 hours in recovery.

I didn't get to see Charlie till around 5 in the afternoon. Jesse came in a little later followed by Lori and my mom. They hung out for a while, took pics, etc. etc. Then Lori and my mom left. I had to try to feed the kiddo. He didn't want to eat. The first night was hard. He didn't want to eat or anything. Eventually we had to bottle feed him and he didn't like that much either. Between trying to nurse him and bottle feed him, the nurses made me get up and walk around. I didn't know I would be mobile so soon because I wasn't doing very well in recovery. It took me 3 hours before I could move my toe and they don't let you leave till you can at least move your toes.

The next morning I begged them to take my catheter out at 5 instead of 6 because I was running around, my pain meds were wearing off and it was annoying me. We did that and after I was running around taking care of the kid. Jesse came over and we tried to feed him again and he took on with no probs and ate like it was going out of style. Then he got circumcised that day and totally forgot how to eat afterwards!

Since the get-go, he has been really bad at night. Super fussy. My first 3 days I got maybe 6 hours of sleep. Finally last night, nothing was going well, I called Jesse after he went home to take care of Lulu and he answered at 2 am and made the mistake of saying he was "trying to sleep." I think he realized the sfact he said that to me as I had maybe 7 or 8 hours of sleep over a 36 hour period. He said he'd be over and he came down and stayed till Charlie ate, pooped, and went to bed at 4 am. Then he tucked me in and went back home to Lulu. Sure enough, 5 minutes later Charlie starts to cry!

Fortunately, I was looking forward to being discharged that day. I got to go home by 9. They removed my staples and everything is all good. The kiddo was a little fussy when we got home but he's doing better now. He ate, pooped, and is sleeping. It took a while but everything worked out.

In the end, I'm only 11 lbs lighter than I was before surgery, yet I feel like I'm 30 lbs lighter. I feel like I look good and Jesse thinks so too. A lot of my swelling has gone down and I feel pretty good.

On that note, here's links to all our pictures. Click for a bigger image:
http://www.teagueplantation.com/misc/charlessig/index.html

Also, here's the pics the hospital took.
http://www.our365.com/
How to access:
B-day May 8, 2008
Mom last name 3 letters: Tea
Family city: Reno
State: NV
Country: US
Hit search and click on the results for Jennifer Teague
Password: Teague357
Last name: Teague
Hit submit and you'll see the little guy in his dino jammies!

Friday, May 9, 2008

45 min per hour

Yes im up at 2am. Im one hand bloging and calming a fussy baby in the other hand. I got sleep post op and saw young mr. Teague at 5pm. He doesnt like eating but poops up a storm. Im so tired im barely able to keep my eyes open. The minute i do cave in to sleep charlie gets fussy. I can tell hes gona be a hard guy to take care of. Our birth class teacher said newborns need 45 min of care per hr... I think its more like 55 min per hr.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Miserable!!!

This morning I woke up super early. I was aching for a while throughout the night but thought it was bladder related as I'd pee, still hurt, but go back to bed. Then around 5 I couldn't stand it anymore so I got up for good. I guess. I had this dull pain on my left side of my belly that wouldn't go away. Around 7 I took a bath in hopes that would do something but it didn't. Eventually I laid in bed again and nothing was working. The pain was getting stronger but still dull and consistent. Not a contraction. Anyway 5 hours later, I still hurt, my lower back hurts, I have so much stuff to do today and I feel completely useless. I'm stuck in some weird hunched over squat in my computer chair as the pressure of my legs on my belly helps with the tummy pains and leaning forward helps with the back pain, but either way I still hurt like hell all over to where I feel like I'm gonna throw up and I have the chills... no fever though. I feel so miserable right now like I'm gonna cry from the pain or just the general disappointment of being miserable.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Belated Monday Blog

1. Doctor's appointment.
Went in to meet the doc doing the c-section. Got weighed, measured, regular tummy check crap. Blood pressure is good again. I was contracting up a storm and it hurt like hell when the doc was feeling around to see the baby's position, so they did a no stress test (NST). Sat in a recliner for 20 minutes hooked up to a bunch of crap. Contractions weren't increasing in intensity or at regular intervals. Baby was doing fine. After had an ultrasound. That hurt like hell too when the stupid thing was going around on me. Basically everything that touched my belly was hurting like hell. He's in a frank breech position so his feet are right up by his face. Stupid kid. I'm making fun of him for the rest of his life for that one. That means when he comes out his feet are gonna stick up like some kinda retard. Like I said, I'm gonna make fun of him for that for the rest of his life. I don't care, he's my son and I can make fun of him all I want. It builds character.

2. Asshole kids downstairs.
I was online and I hear all this crashing and laughing. I look outside and the little shit kids downstairs are playing in the alley with some other kids and hitting the neighbors' trucks with a soccer ball and some plastic piece of trash. It wasn't an accident cos they kept doing it and were laughing. So I knock on my neighbor's door and tell him and he goes downstairs and tells the other guy. The guy who lives across from us is an ex-Marine and a big guy, so hopefully those kids were down there, maybe he said something to them, who knows. I emailed the property manager about it cos I thought that was pretty f'd up. Plus I guess the guy across from us has complained before because the kids broke one of the mirrors on his truck and almost set the backyard on fire?

3. Fruit salad.
I get this hair up my ass for fruit salad. Since my blood pressure is better, I walk down to King Ranch Market to get some fruit. Watermelon is on sale so I get that and some other stuff and come home and make dinner. After that, I make this really awesome fruit salad. But there is so much fruit salad I don't know what to do with it all! I mean, obviously eat it, right? I have some in tupperwares so Jesse can bring me some at the hospital. It wasn't the smartest idea for me to go get that stuff though cos on my way home, I was contracting a lot, hard, and yea, it just sucked. I kept having to slow down or stop. It seemed like it took me forever to get home. When I did get home, I sat for a while to get things to stop. They did eventually. By stop I mean slow down and lighten up.

Anyway, that was Monday. Sorry I forgot to post anything about it. At this point its really hot in here and windy outside, so I don't want to open the windows because of it. Stupid wind. I'll probably crank on the fan and hope that does something. Time to try and poop and then get something for dinner and make some Rice Crispy treats... I've been trying to get to making those all day today!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Random observations

1. I'm proud of the fact I made it 9 months pregnant and didn't get fatter than I needed to. OK, yeah, I am a whale and 1/10 of a ton but, all my maternity clothes still fit me. I wasn't one of those people confined to sweats and track suits in the last 2 months. I still am capable of wearing my maternity skinny jeans (there's an oxymoron for you!), I can buy shirts from regular stores and they fit fine. And yeah, I did buy new shorts cos I know this weight isn't gonna disappear over night. But it's not like I had to go out and buy bigger sizes. Everything still fits me just fine :)

2. Today is the meeting w/ the c-section doc. I feel like a total nerd because I'm one of those people who researched things and came up with legitimate questions about hospital admission, pre-op/prep, the actual procedure, post-op, and random stuff. I have like 5 pages of questions and I swear I feel a little dumb for it, but this stupid thing is gonna cost me $10k (thank God for insurance!), and the way I see it, I'm paying for this doctor and his time, and if I'm gonna need like an hour or two of his time to get some questions answered, dammit, he owes it to me. I'm paying for his BMW and kids to go to college!

3. Being on maternity leave is kinda boring. I'm not gonna lie. I think it's cos I'm home alone all day long. I'm pretty drained physically so I can't really get myself to do anything productive. I'm a little weary about doing things cos of the blood pressure thing. I mean, I'd like to take Lulu on a walk or go down to the store and get a watermelon, but I'm just worried it might make my blood pressure go up more. Or it might be good for me. I dunno. I haven't put too much thought into that yet.

4. Today looks like it's gonna be one of those "nice days". Because of that I am almost half tempted to say screw it, and walk down to the park with Lulu and just sit there for an hour and enjoy some Vitamin D (sun). Maybe I'll do that tomorrow or Wednesday. The weather is getting ridiculously nice out here lately. I am more than certain once the kiddo is out, I'll probably be going on a lot of walks. I know that first week I won't want to do much, but I think as soon as I can get myself up and about, I am definitely going to take in the weather! I deserve it! After all, why should I be stuck at home for 6 weeks? I've been limited to my walking abilities for the last few weeks. I think if I can get my butt up and walk down to the park or Pasta Mill for a lunch, I'll do it, you know? Get out and sniff the gossip. Beats staying home. Besides, exercises is good for new moms :)

5. I know this is a little left field, but I hope Jesse gets a new job. I just want him to work with guns. I don't think it's fair that I get paid to do something I like doing for a living and he doesn't. I mean, I know he has been doing some gun work on the side, but I'd be a lot happier and I think he would too, if his main job in life were to work on guns and get paid to do it. Even if he made less than the Mexicans at McDonalds, I don't think he'd be as upset because at least he'd be doing something he likes doing...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Arg!!! Arg!!!

So tomorrow we meet the doctor who is gonna do the c-section. It's our chance to ask any questions and concerns not only go over the procedure etc. So me being the person I am, I do my usual allotment of internet and book research not to mention asking around about things from people who have been there, to see if there's anything I might be curious about. And of course I compose a butt load of questions. I go to print and the bastard printer is out of ink! ARG! Anyway, I'm torn between whether or not I'll sit and write them down or try and trick the printer to working in a few hours... Either way it's still pretty frustrating...

I should be nesting...

Instead I just want to sleep all day :(

Seriously, Sunday has looked like this:

Woke up as Jesse was leaving for work. Went online. Had a bowl of cereal. Watched tv. Swaddled the pug. Took some pics. Watched tv. Ate lunch. Took a bath. Went online. Haven't done crap. Tired. Probably gonna take a nap.

I know I should be cleaning the house cos I have that whole new baby thing happening Thursday, but part of me just can't get my shit together to do so. Maybe later in the week? I'm feeling pretty worn out and freaked out right now. I'm gonna go back to bed.

4 out of 5 isn't bad...

So it's 3:32 am and I am awake. I find myself up suddenly after 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep! Amazing! I woke up to pee. Oddly enough, I was in the same place when I woke up that I had been in when I went to bed! It was great. Of course once I went back to bed I couldn't sleep so here I am. I feel a poop coming on. I've been pooping a LOT lately. Yesterday I went like 3 times during the day that I remember. I think it's just a mental prep for birth thing. "They" say before you go into labor your body has this natural way of cleaning itself out to prep. Even though I'm not gonna labor, I think in my mind I'm still getting ready for it. One of those weird freak of nature things. Anyway... it's 3:40 now, I just got back from pooping...again. I think I'm gonna give sleep another shot. Maybe if I'm lucky, I can get another 5 hours interrupted in again! Other than that, later on today we meet w/ the doc about the c-section. I'm nervous/excited about that. I'm pretty scared that in 3 days we're gonna have our baby finally. I remember when it was months ago that it was just an idea that I was pregnant and the reality of it didn't quite hit yet. Or those first rough weeks after I found out. All the not-talking, ignoring the fact of the matter, arguing, crying. Then the following weeks of happiness, anticipation, excitement. And now fear is setting in. I think Jesse and I are more ready for this than ever but I'm still just so scared. Thursday morning is going to be pretty intense. I think Jesse works closing shift Wednesday night, which sucks, cos I was hoping he could take me out to dinner that night for my last supper before I can't eat after midnight... like a gremlin heh. Oh, I'm going back to bed now before I wind up keeping myself awake from worrying...

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Baby Update: Change of plans...

Well life has taken my boring routine pregnancy and made it go a little hari-kari. Ok, aside from general "it's normal" pregnancy pains, apparently it's not always normal. Certain things that I just looked beyond as normal pains apparently could be signs of something worse. Don't worry, the butt head is ok. I'm ok. I'm just achy and get to start maternity leave a few days earlier because of it all. So it turns out my blood pressure has been getting a little higher over the course of my last few check ups, but this week and the week before it has been considerably higher and I've had some traces of protein in my urine. So to be safe, they tell me just limit activity and start maternity leave to make sure it doesn't turn into pre-eclampsia. Normally most people who get that, it usually happens in the 3rd trimester, no one knows why or how. There are certain risk factors but I don't have any of those said risk factors, I'm just one of those people they want to take it easy to make sure that doesn't happen. Not to mention the fact it just showed up out of the blue so late in my pregnancy (at 38 weeks!)

On that note, we didn't get our c-section date we requested. It was full. It's gonna be May 8th at 9:30 in the morning now. Plus side to this: I get discharged on Mother's Day. Woo hoo! Another plus side: one day shorter I have to deal with this little kid in me! The only thing at this point that will change any of this now is if I go into labor on my own, which I strongly doubt. I do need to meet up with the doctor sometime next week to go over procedures/concerns. But yeah, on that note, I guess my prenatal exams are all done. The end!

Ice cream craving

I have had for the past week a really horrible craving for Baskin Robbins peanut butter cup sundae. No one wants to take me to get one. This is a case if I had a fucking car I would drive to Sacramento to get one if I had to. Seriously, I want my sundae dammit!!! Maybe it's cos I'm pregnant or everyone else is too damned lazy to get it, but I would go miles to get one!

The inability to sleep

I've been pretty surprised as to the fact I was able to work up till this point. Half the time I was going to work I was in serious pain but manned up and dealt with it, and was seriously fatigued because I couldn't sleep. I have no idea how I was able to function, but I did. Now, I'm up at 4:00 am because I can't sleep for various pains. I snore when I do sleep and Jesse will nudge me so I wake up and stop snoring so he can sleep. And then I notice the pains and can't sleep. Thus here I am awake. If I had to work today, I'd be in bed still fighting the ability to sleep. Instead, I don't have to worry about that. I'll just grab a nap later in the day when I'm not hurting and actually tired and appreciate it instead of try to force something that's not gonna happen now. It's rather relieving actually.