Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Worst Christmas Adventure EVER!!!

I lied. Just the drive home.

I departed for LA on Thursday morning around 9:20. I made a few stops, got great gas mileage and made ok time. I got in early enough to visit Lori and let the dogs play.

The next day we took pics with the dogs and had lunch. Lori's leg was all gimped cos she injured herself and couldn't really do much. That thing looks mean gnarly gross. But it's crazy how much better it got day by day.

Saturday I visited family, did some errands, picked Jesse up from the airport. He missed his flight cos the airlines were taking forever to check people in. But after a mini-ordeal he got on another flight and got to LA an hour later. We met up with Katrina for her birthday at Tweaker Bowl. Elizabeth, Sophie, Danielle, Joey and Katrina's bf Marshal were there. That was a night of craziness. Jesse spilled my beer on me and I was freezing but all ended ok with that.

Sunday we visited my grandma, came back, did the tree. Jesse and Charlie took a nap. We were gonna go out but were way too tired and so we just hung out and relaxed. Then in the evening, Lori, Craig, and Rene came over and we did dinner and presents. After that, Jesse and I went for a late night shoot at my old indoor range and they let us stay after they closed cos they were doing stuff. We got some vidjas and pictures and all was fun there. We were then talking to the guys at the range about Nevada and life in a state with less gun laws and making them all jealous.

Monday was our departure home. We left around 10:30 am and were making great time and mileage. Charlie started fussing when we got to Sacramento and could do for a feeding and changing but I told Jesse to wait till we got out of the city and then there was a loud noise and we had to get off the freeway. We wind up pulling over by some park and find some pump on the car blew or something. Jesse knows the details on that. Anyway we call AAA and get towed to a mechanic who says he has the part and can fix it and all is good and right in the world. He tells us how much it will cost and we can squeeze that into our budget but it would be super tight after. Then cos the shop is closed for the night he can only take cash. I go to an ATM and try to pull out money and it doesn't work. Nothing works. Apparently cos I was out of my home location and trying to pull out a large amount of money from a foreign ATM at an odd hour of the night, Wells Fargo put an automatic lock on my card as they thought it could have been stolen. So I call the bank and they say they can't do anything but to try tomorrow, which doesn't help. The mechanic gets pissed off yells at us for about half an hour and then calls some other dude and I'm thinking someone's gonna come and like beat us or something like Pulp Fiction gimp style or something. Then he tells us to get out of his shop and what not. It was a mess. We told him we would get him the money as soon as we got the bank situation fixed. So he got his money Western Unioned to him today and he was happy and surprised cos rarely do people hold true to their words.

Well as if that wasn't bad, we get out of the shop around 2 am and get to the Donner Pass and there's a snow chain requirement. No chains, no go. Fortunately I bought those chains for $20 on Craigslist before I went and it was so freezing we had to get one of the guys to help us do it cos we just weren't having any of it. At that point, we had 90 miles to Reno and could only go 30 mph tops so we didn't get home till 5:10 am. Jesse thought he had to be in at 8 this morning but then they rescheduled him for 2 - 10 and he just called in cos there was no way he was going in. We are both super tired. Cranky. Wanting sleep and maybe more sleep. Jesse says no more holiday travel and no long distance trips for a while because of this.

On the plus side, we decided to open our Christmas presents today as a way of making all right in the world. I got Jesse his 30 carbine die set, some 30 carbine ammo, and a George Carlin dvd box set. Jesse got me a sweater, some house shoe moccasins made of sheepskin, a crocheting needle set, some .380, and a new blowdryer. Charlie doesn't get to open his presents till Christmas day though.

Anyway, that's the shortened version of the weekend. Again, I'm tired and the house is a mess and I gotta unpack and get it cleaned for Christmas as we might have some guests.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Beer: It’s not just for drinking anymore!

Last night was Katrina's birthday party at Tweaker Bowl. The gang was there and it was good times. Till Jesse spilled my beer on me. Then I got grumpy from there on out. I wasn't even drunk to where it was funny. I had A beer. Then I got a second beer. I put that beer on the table and Jesse, who was a shot of Jager, a Jager bomb, a beer, and stealing Katrina's white zinfandel's when she wasn't looking away comes up to me for something, knocking my beer off the table and onto my shirt, my jeans and leave me sopping wet and smelling of alcohol. I was cold, sticky, and probably smelled totally gross and super cranky for about half an hour. Unfortunately, there was only 30 minutes of kareoke left, so, needless to speak, I was fussy. We rarely get to go out alone and par-tay. My mom drove us so we didn't hafta worry about limits or designated drivers or anything. But I was pretty bummed cos this was the first time in 3 months we went out alone without  the boy and with our friends. The first time in over a year the two of us were out with out friends together since the baby shower. And probably the first time I've ever gone out drinking with my husband. I wish we could do that again and go out somewhere and have fun. I have this sick urge to want to go out dancing tonight or something after Christmas is all said and done. For real! Call me kooky but we rarely will have a baby sitter for Charlie readily available and that doesn't charge us anything. Anyway, we only have today left. Oh well. I love my Boogar though even though he spilled beer on me. I'm over it now. Now I just look back and laugh. And I know if Lori was there she would be cracking up. She missed out. I thought she was coming but she didn't. :P

Friday, December 19, 2008

Global warming my balls

Seems like everyone and their left nut has snow right about this time of year now. So. Cal. Texas. Louisiana. It makes us northerners not feel so special anymore. I'm convinced Global Warming is something some dumb ass politician made up in hopes of getting elected into office. Or like a fad, like slap on bracelets or furbies. My point is, life evolves around cycles. Lunar cycles of full moons, quarters, new moons, and whatever the other one is. Tidal cycles of high and low tides. Weather and seasonal cycles with warming and cooling. Long story short: the world isn't going to over heat. The ice caps aren't gonna completely melt and flood away New York. There won't be some weird apocolyptic end of the world scenario. It got ass hot a while back and now it's gonna get ass cold and then it'll get ass hot again. The only reason no one ever noticed this crap is cos no one ever cared to chart it. I'm sure if you look back like 400 years ago, similar shit was going on. So environmentalists, chill. It will be alright. Nothing wrong with recycling and conserving and what not, but just cos you drive a Prius doesn't mean you're better than me and my good ol' American gas guzzling hunk of metal. It passed smog, yo! Anyway, that's all I hafta say about that. The end.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Putting things into perspective

I went out for coffee this morning with some of the moms in Charlie's group with Charlie and Lulu in tow. Interesting coffee shop, allows dogs inside. Anyway, when I got home I noticed that the outfit I wore out was really cute so I took a picture and when reviewing it, realized something I realized when I was getting dressed this morning and that being I have lost a LOT of weight. I noticed this as I put my boots on because last time I wore these boots was last winter and they were snug as a bug in a rug against my bloated 4 month pregnant calves. Anyway, for my first prenatal I was 167 lbs and when I delivered Charlie I was 200 lbs. Those are numbers I like to ignore seeing as that puts me in the obese category. Well, 7 months later, I have lost 48 lbs. OK, it fluxuates throughout the day from 46 - 48 lbs, but you get my point. Granted I gained 33 lbs while pregnant, I've come a long way since. But it didn't happen over night. The pregnancy weight did actually. I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight by 6 weeks postpartum thanks to breastfeeding, walking, and proper eating, but that was 33 lbs. It took me another 4 months to lose an additional 15. I guess my point is that there are all these things for diet pills and quick diet fads and I just don't believe any of that stuff. I mean, if it took me so many years to gain this much weight, it'll probably take just as long to take it off. I don't believe in those fad diets. I do believe a fasting detox a year is a good thing though and will be doing one once Charlie is weaned, as my body feels like it has a nice amount of toxins in it that need to be flushed out, but I don't think it should be used as a means of dieting as some people try to do with these miracle diets and what not. Anyway, I'm still classified in the overweight category but for the first time in a very long time, I am happy with my physical appearance. And that's a good thing.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Test Pattern Channel

So I feel like I've been on the war path lately. Tonight I went to do a load of diapers and we had $1.25 in quarters and like $38.00 in nickels, dimes and pennies. I sat for what seemed like a decent amount of time separating two jars of change into three jars for pennies, nickels and dimes and then counting what the value of each jar was. When doing so I managed to block out everything around me. I was in the change counting zone. I've been working on a sweater for Lulu and I was crocheting it for the past few days. I have a plastic crochet hook cos it was cheap and I didn't want to buy one of the more expensive hooks if I wasn't going to use it often. Anyway, I have been using the hook more than I planned and instead of buying a nicer one, I have been enjoying my cheap one and of course it snaps in half today. Again, when I crochet or knit, it's weird busy work I can do that doesn't require thought and allows me to go into power save mode and block out the world. Jesse always asks me if I'm ok when I'm doing it cos I guess I look mad or something but I'm really just mentally on the test pattern channel. Today when I came home from doing diapers, Charlie was super fussy. We changed him for the night into a double diaper cos he's been peeing super heavy at night. Anyway, he had a big turd in there and it was going everywhere. It soiled the new clean diaper and I went to clean that off and it got another clean diaper messed up. Basically, he got 3 new clean diapers dirty right after I washed the lot of them. This really set me off for some reason. It was like one of those moments in life where you feel like all your efforts are made in vain. Like how dare I try to get the house clean and dishes washed and diapers washed and expect it to be nice for just two minutes? Jesse was nice enough to make dinner while I was out and Charlie was asleep and I thought just once we'd have a quiet dinner where the two of us could sit and eat in silence instead of Charlie crying or trying to steal our food. Again, a thought made in vain. Like we deserve a silent dinner to enjoy amongst ourselves. Anyway, I feel pretty wound up lately. Stressed. Angry. Yet whatever the mood is that you totally aren't surprised cos you expected something to be the way it is. I don't know what that mood is but it is what it is. All I can say is that I've been greatly enjoying night walks with Lulu or mornings fishing. And I don't want to be a jerk but I want to have a night with Jesse and me, just the two of us. I don't care if we just sit outside for a few hours alone. I want away from the ruckus of a child. It's hard and I just need a time out or something. I don't even want to hear laughing even if he's happy I am fucking sick right now and just need some QUIET TIME and SLEEP. 

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dear Santa...

All I want for Christmas this year are 6 - 8 consecutive hours of sleep.

These last few weeks have been hell. Charlie is waking up 2 - 6 times a night. Sometimes he just wants his binky. Usually he's hungry. I can't keep up with him anymore. This lack of sleep is making me moody, giving me headaches and making my eyes hurt and body sore. The only peace I get is when I go on a walk in the evening with Lulu and Jesse thinks I'm mad all the time or something. I can't do this anymore. I need sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. Seriously. I feel like I'm gonna snap or something. :(

Jesse gets peed on, Lulu makes friends

This morning Jesse was changing Charlie and he was holding him up in front of the heater butt naked and was like, "Look at this naked butt boy!" And I look over and Jesse's looking at me like "heheh meh" and Charlie is giving me the same blank smile as Jesse and I look down and he's peeing on Jesse!!! I was like, "Jesse, you realize he's peeing on you right?" Jesse looks down and was like, "DAMMIT!" I was laughing so hard!!!


Since I now have a car, I was able to go to the Sparks Marina dog park and we met some other pugs. They were just on a walk but their owners told us about this first Sunday pug meet up out here and I looked on meetup.com and sure enough they do have a group posted with pics of pugs and all so we're gonna go on Sunday next month for this. I can't wait to see Lulu in her element.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Tale of Jesse’s Christmas Presents

Jesse is by far one of the easiest people to shop for. Every little thing he says throughout the year I take in and then when it is time for his birthday or Christmas or just cos, I know what to get him. This year, one of the items was very simple. Just order it online and early enough to insure it comes in on time. Another was a whole other mess though...

A few weeks ago, I saw the 30 carbine reloading die at Sportsman's. I couldn't buy it then because I didn't have the money for it at the time. So I waited. And of course when I went to go buy it, it was no longer there. So I had to try some other places. Certainly I thought Cabela's would have it as they have a pretty good selection of items. I went to the aisle and browsed and thought, "Maybe I'm having a blind moment and can't find what I'm looking for." So I go up to a sales clerk and ask them if they had a 30 carbine die and the one guy kinda had a glazed over look and asked someone else about it. The guy looked at me and asked for more information from me. I'm sorry, but I was pretty damned informative. I gave a lot of information on the item. Very specific information. The maker. The price. What the packaging looks like. Alas, the man walks off and goes to his computer to do a stock check. He comes back like 20 minutes later as I browse around bored wondering what the hell is so hard about finding a standard item but then I find him and he's helping someone else! Did he forget about my item!? I asked him what the status was and he simply responds that they have a .308 die and I tell him very matter of factly that I do not want a .308 die as that is the wrong thing and not even close to what I need and that if I wasn't aware of this that I could easily spend a considerable amount of money on something that's not even right. I don't want to be an asshole customer cos Jesse always tells me about horrors of retail customers being assholes but I thought I was more being helpful to prevent this old man from making a future mistake and selling something wrong to someone who could be an asshole. I mean, if this was a wrong item, fine I could return it. But what if it weren't returnable? What then? I'd be stuck with something neither of us could use. I politely explained the dynamics of this to the salesman who seemed like he could give a shit as his job was simply a paycheck and that it was too early in the morning for him to deal with this. I was pretty annoyed I couldn't find that item either cos I had a good coupon for it that would get me $10 off.

SO the hunt continues. I called a bunch of stores. I'd say 80% of the people I spoke to either had no clue what I was talking about and had to ask someone else, one store I was on hold for 10 minutes and asked by 3 other people, including the original person I asked if I had been helped! I decided based on that, that I would never go to that store ever. Finally after browsing the phone book and spending about 30 minutes on the phone asking several stores, I find a place in Carson City that has what I need. The catch is that the item is used. The salesman claims the item appears to be good as new and in it's used price it is 75% cheaper than what I would have paid for it new. I go down just out of curiosity sake to check it out. Turns out it actually looks like it is in very good condition. Weird, right? The packaging looks pretty old but the product looks very nice. So I know, I feel ghetto for getting Jesse one used item for Christmas but I'm pretty picky about things and if I like it, I'm sure he'll be ok with it. Besides, it's not like he hasn't ever bought a used item before. Plus I saved a good deal of money on it in this case and found a neat little store in the process.

On that note, on the trip to this store, I found a place called the Chocolate Nugget which is a candy factory. I believe one day we need to go there. Plus to the shop I went to. I saw a slew of nifty things in that store but it was just a matter of money and not having more than what I allowed myself to spend issue. So spring. If we're still out here we shall go there!

As for the other Christmas presents, well, like I said, Jesse is a super easy person to shop for. I did get an idea for one more thing and I may get him that. It's nothing pricey, just an afterthought...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

If you don’t want it, don’t bid!!

So we were short a few bucks for rent, which wasn't a huge deal cos I had some items for sale on eBay that were ending on the 30th and rent is due on the 1st. All the items I had up sold. I do paypal payments only and say that if you don't pay within 72 hours, you get bad feedback and I relist the item. I sent our rent payment via billpay cos it takes a few days to process, this way, the property management company gets the money but we don't need to pay for postage and like a check it takes a day or two to clear, in which time, my eBay payments come in, go to my account and all is good and well in the world.

Well, I put my old maternity clothes for sale and they sold for $30. I sent the people 3 invoices and told them that if they don't get their payment in today that I will relist the item and leave bad feed back. This is the THIRD invoice they got. They reply with an email saying, "Hi,we do not want this credit back,thank you".

OK, first, there will be NO credit as no payments were recieved! Second, thanks to them, our rent did go through, as did Netflix, but now I have two overdraft charges of $35 PLUS the fees eBay charges for selling items on top of the listing fees. We're looking at close to $80 I've lost because of them not buying the item, and that is in fees, it's more like $110 if you include the $30 I would have got for the payment on the item.

Needless to speak, I am pissed. VERY pissed. YOU DON'T BID ON SOMETHING IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BUY IT!!! These people have perfect feedback of 100% good buyer status so I was pretty confident they would pay. I did not expect that stupid email. Even eBay's terms say that if you don't want something, don't bid on it! And it's not like they didn't think about this because they bid at like 3 hours from auction's end. In that time, they could have retracted their bid. And even 3 days after they won they could have emailed me saying they didn't want it so I could relist the item in time to cover that money.

Anyway I'm really pissed. Losing $110 is a lot of money when you're not working. Shit, it's a lot when you ARE working. That money was Jesse's Christmas gun! Granted, I still have the money for the gun, the bills, and other stuff, but it just pisses me off so much that people don't realize what a financial burdon they are putting on others in their irresponsible bidding. I wish there were a way I could get that money from them but eBay doesn't do that stuff.

So this person has emailed me a bunch of emails saying they're sorry for the inconvenience. I explained to them the financial inconvenience of what they've done to me and my family. Maybe they'll feel guilty and pay me back or something. I'm just annoyed.

Mommy's Bladder Is Not A Toy & Other Pregnancy Pains

Out of nowhere, the Teague-tot has become very active. The last week has turned into an on and off kick and punchfest every hour or so. He went from being this calm little dude in my belly to this active little beast messing with me when I need to relax. When I'm at work or out and about or any other inconvenient time, he finds it fun to play with my bladder. And so the boxing of the bladder begins, making me have to pee. I go, and resume what I'm doing. Then 10 or 15 minutes later he'll go back to playing with the bladder again. Usually I wind up going pee 3 times in a 30 - 45 minute time frame.

But the tot, he is very strong now because he is bigger. Noticeably-feely bigger. I went from looking a little pregnant to looking VERY pregnant over night. This adds to the incompetent gimp status of me. It's difficult to get in and out of the bath. I have a hard time shaving my legs. I can barely put socks and shoes on. I can go on and on and on about normal things I was once able to do that are now big ordeals. Last night I had to have Jesse help me take off my socks so I could take a bath. Anyway, one of the hardest things for me in the whole growth stage is that he is taking up more room inside of me, thus taking away from room for other things previously inside me, i.e. stomach and lungs. Because he is getting bigger and requiring more energy from me and stealing more of my calories, I need more food. But I can barely eat as much as before because now my stomach is cramped up all high and tiny like. At times I feel as if I need to eat but then I feel faint. It's a bitch! Last night after dinner, I felt sooo pained from the food in my tummy. There was so much pressure. I felt like I was going to barf it all out as if there wasn't enough room for it inside of me. And I needed Tums for heartburn and Tylenol for growing pains and it was a world of pain for me to take those because of all the lack of room I had for them and the water to go into!

On growing pains, again we have reached a slump of discomfort. At night, I am back to the tossing and turning trying to find a comfy place and failing miserably. No matter how or where I lay, it just doesn't cut it. Here I am at work feeling as if I will pass out from lack of rest. People are telling me I don't look so good. No, I don't. I'm ending a never ending battle with yeast and bladder infections, have a growing baby who puts me in pain his father will never comprehend, and on top of it all, I can't get any damn rest! I would kill for a cat nap right now as I am finally in a state of comfort, but lo and behold I'm at work and I have meetings in 2 hours and projects up the ass. So a nap is out of the picture. Damn!

I went from glowing to looking pale as a ghost over night. Pregnancy is a trip. There's the crazy crap you deal with of the on and off pain and weird eating habits and lack of and then there's the cool stuff like feeling your kid moving around inside of you and finally knowing and realizing, yes, there is indeed a little person there. It seems like the last 3 months were just surreal. They were just concepts that there was a person inside. Then when I heard the heartbeat it became more real. Then when I saw the ultrasound, it became even more real to see that the little person was a little boy who blinked and moved. And now, I feel him moving around and I finally see my stomach growing and know there is in fact, someone in there and in 4.5 months, he will be out. I guess I should enjoy him in there while he's there because after that, I won't have any more of the silly inside kicking and moving unless we have another kid down the road. Either way, I get scared shitless sometimes but I know in my heart and in my head I would never give any of this up for the world. It's truly an experience where the outcome will be far more rewarding and difficult, but I will enjoy it so much in the long run.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

So this is 2008...

I guess you could say the year started off with a bang. I was in bed, sleeping for a change. Then, I am startled by rattling and grumbling and all of a sudden POP POP POP POP and Jesse informed me there were dozens of fireworks above downtown. I would have got up to look aside from the fact I was cramping beyond belief and I had finally found a comfy spot. After what seemed like 10 minutes or longer of non-stop fireworks, it all ceased and I was able to go to bed. I was cranky.

Sometime around early in the morning, I was laying on my back and the baby was kicking all crazy like. I put Jesse's hand on my tummy while he was sleeping so he probably doesn't know about it, but I thought, maybe he'll feel it in his sleep, who knows.

Around 8:00 Jesse had to wake up for work. My alarm told me so. I kept telling it to shut up. Finally Jesse got up and left for work. I stayed in bed another hour and a half. I got out to see if the Rose Parade was on. As a kid, this was THE big thing. As an adult, it's kinda suck ass. I was sad cos it wasn't on any of the normal channels. Instead all there was were football games and you know how much I love organized sports... I did find it on the Travel Channel though. Thanks, fancy pants cable! I watched a bit of the pre-parade show. The thing didn't start till 11:00 though. By around 10:30, I went back to bed where I laid down for a bit on the phone with my mom cos I was uncomfortable again. Lulu got under the covers and took a pug-nap behind my legs. On that note, I thought that was a good idea, so I slept for another hour.

So here it is 11:45, I'm dressed but not fixed up. Just dressed. Took the pug out to potty. She made a wee and a boom. I'm stressing out over moving and the baby and stuff. I suppose now would be a good time for Jesse and I to sit down and figure out how we're going to do things financially the next five months. We're due in 4.5 months roughly. We still don't have a name. I hafta find daycare. I'm actually at one of those points of freaking out to tell the truth. I dunno. Maybe I should just have some chocolate or something and say "it's ok!"

Who knows. 2008 just means everything is one day closer to being that much more real. I dunno if I can handle this...

Monday, December 1, 2008

Music & The Cyber Age

Remember when music used to be the most important thing in the world? Remember when you discovered a band you liked and listened to their album over and over again, memorizing every word, getting to know the band via the album artwork, buying other albums to see if you liked them as much as the one you had and then eagerly awaiting the next album? Tracking the band in the LA Weekly trying to follow every show they played cos every song they sang meant something to you and seeing them perform live made you feel like life meant something?

Then remember when Napster came out? The Limewire? Then iTunes and every other imaginable internet downloading option out there?

Does anyone else feel like their relationships with bands has come to an end in the computer age? I mean, I felt like back in '98 I was in a musical heaven and then bands started to change. Music started changing in '00. Emo started to become popular. By the early end of the millenium, indie rock was the thing, and now everyone wants to sound like an indie rock band and now you have these art bands and music just doesn't make any sense anymore cos everyone complains that this is too mainstream and these people sold out and it's almost as if people are intentionally trying to sound like they're singing around a campfire in hopes of bringing back some form of originality.

That was sort of a tangent. But ok, back to my point. I feel like everyone is so into downloading music now days that we don't know our bands anymore. I mean, how many people who download a song or collection of songs from their online sources actually do any research on their bands? Does anyone go to websites? Or look at lyrics? I mean, back in the day, you could get a real sense of what a band was like by looking at their album art. Remember back in the day, browsing through the Rock & Pop aisles at Tower Records looking for punk bands before the days of Green Hell when you would get an idea of what a band was like based on their cover? Then going over to the listening station to hear the CD and see if it was worth your while or if you were going to pass? Or reading the Thank Yous and liner notes in CDs of bands you did like to see who they liked and check those bands out?

Does anyone remember the days of the cassette tape and making mix tapes from the radio? Now people just make mix CDs of songs they like and burned, or create playlists for their myspaces or things of the sort. But remember the day of the mix tape? Remember how you were so cool if you had a dual deck cassette player cos you could copy over your tape and make one for your friend simply by playing it on one side and recording on the other side? Or how you would listen to the radio all day waiting for your favorite songs to come on and tape them for an ultimate playlist of all your favorite hits? And the best part about tapes was you could record over them over and over again! You got sick of one mix tape after a month and you could just make a new one.

Don't get me wrong, I like the whole instant satisfaction of downloading music and how available things are and easy to find but I just feel as if I've lost touch with my old favorite bands. Maybe I changed musically? Maybe some of them aren't around anymore. I just don't feel like I have the relationship I had with bands I liked 10 years ago with bands I like today. Come to think of it, there aren't too many bands around now days that I do like. I find myself listening to stuff from years ago. Possibly trying to hold on to the past? Who knows? It just makes me feel so old and so uncool. Do bands even write Thank You's anymore? I mean, where on their websites would that be? At least myspace has a section for influences. Althogh maybe the band's top whatever friends are their ways of saying thanks? Who know?