Saturday, February 28, 2009

There's no way this could possibly be a bad day...

So Jesse is just in love with the new computer because it's so compact but it is so powerful. We have a bigger monitor that's not bulky and the graphics when he plays his games are great. So he's a happy camper. He played some Radio Shack (Red Orchestra - I call it Radio Shack because it's icon looks like the Radio Shack logo) this morning before work and said he was going to work happy because of it. Well it only gets better for him because not only does he get to come home to play more Radio Shack, but he also got a new Small Arms Review in the mail. I got my free panty card from Victoria's Secret today and $50 of birthday money in my name, however I used $30 of it as a present to someone for helping me out with some software situations. Yesterday I made a cake because Jesse's been pms'ing wanting chocolate a lot. I gotta do laundry tonight but I think I'll go after Charlie is fed and let Jesse do the bedtime routine. We also got the rental papers to fill out for the new apartment but we can't send them in till April if we want to move in around May just cos they only hold units for 30 days. Anyway, things are good here. I think the general mood around here is happy so that's good. That's all I got.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Faces of Charlie: a random post of cutness in a 15 minute span of picture taking

Charlie warms up to sippy cups

Since Charlie was never predominantly a bottle fed baby, transitioning over to a sippy cup was a kind of difficult process for us. He would drink from it if you held it up for him and even then he didn't quite get it. For a while, the only sippy cups he would use were those cheap ones you'd get at the dollar bin at CVS that have the plastic bottom and the clear top and look like the old skool Tupperware sippy cups. But now he's adjusting to other cups, be it for actual drinking or teething. Of course when I try to get a picture of him actually using a sippy cup he does it all wrong...

Good and bad

We ordered a new computer with part of our tax refund and it's scheduled to come in today, which means I must be home to receive it no matter what. We also got a huge external hard drive, which is scheduled to come in Monday. The down side is that I wanted to have all this up and running this weekend but it's not gonna happen thanks to the delay in the external drive showing up. I figure it'll take me a good deal of time to back up this computer. However after a little bit of thinking, I think I'll just set up the new computer today and see if I can network the two and just do some swapping or file access as needed that way. We'll see. I haven't put too much thought into this quite yet. Worst case scenario I'll just set up the old one on Monday and deal with the transfers then.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Everyday Alternative

So a few weeks back, someone posted a link to the Everyday Minerals site because they had free mineral make up samples all you had to do was pay for shipping. Well, I figure, I'm in the market for a cheaper alternative to my current pressed powder foundation (Benefit's Get Even #2 MSRP $30.) The thing I'm not 100% on is that EDM's foundations are loose powders, which I'm not super fond of because of the inability to transport easily. I'm a fan of compacts that fit in purses nicely and have mirrors. They do have a pressed powder line, but I heard those run a little dark. After trying the loose powder samples (which came in 3 days after I placed my order!) I decided to buy some of their merchandise. I got the small sized Buff Linen Base and then I got a pressed powder base in Golden Fair. For the two items, it came out to $20.13 with shipping costs included. Almost $10 cheaper than Benefit. Now, I had Buff Linen with the sample set and liked it but the Golden Fair was a huge shot in the dark. Much to my delight, it was a midground between Benefit's Get Even #1 and Get Even #2, which I switch between depending on the seasons and the color of my complexion. It seemed to be a nice all year color in my opinion. Anyway, I popped the metal tray out of the cardboard container because they ship the pressed powders in these cardboard containers, and I popped the metal tray out of an old Body Shop compact. I used an adhesive magnet (the kind you get at craft stores to stick to photos so you can have fridge magnets) and stuck one strip to the bottom of the compact and another to the bottom of the EDM pressed powder tray. I tried to take off the logo on the compact with some rubbing alcohol and nailpolish remover but it wasn't happening, so I decoupaged some fabric on top to give the thing a new look and not look like something blatantly recycled. I know there's a reason I save my old compacts! I wrote the color on the bottom with a sharpie so I'd remember what color I bought later on. So now I have a nice cheap make up alternative that is actually a great quality product that is way better than my skin than what I was using before. I don't lie. The first day or two I used it, my skin kinda reacted to it a little and broke out slightly. But then after a few weeks, it started to look amazing without make up on. The minerals did a number on my complexion in terms of evening it out and just making it healthier. I believe the reaction was some sort of responding to something new after being exposed to toxins for so long; like when you eat only junk food and then you have fruit or something and you get diarrhea but then you start to feel better, it was like detoxing my skin. Plus, there's a really good article about how Everyday Minerals compares to ID's Bare Minerals and is actually a better product for a cheaper price. I did some research (after purchasing of course, I'm a bad consumer!) Long story short, it's a nice alternative to using expensive mall cosmetics that aren't as good for your skin. I give it 2 very enthusiastic thumbs up.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Woo hoo!!!

Our tax refund came in today! It wasn't due till Friday. Anyway, I placed an order for our new 'puter and an external hard drive. Anyway, I'm psyched cos we've had this 'puter for some 7 or 8 years, possibly longer. So I am just elated about this! We still need to pay the accountant and try to save some moolah for moving, but other than that, everything's coming up Teagues!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Jesse's idiot moment!

I was on the computer checking my mail and such. Jesse had mentioned wanting chocolate. Next thing I know, I hear rustling in the kitchen. I go there after I finish my business and ask Jesse what he's making. Nothing. He says, "The potatoes are growing." OK. So? "I picked the little buds off the potatoes." I ask him if he was planning on eating a potato and he says, "No. I just wanted to pick the little sprouts off the potatoes." Apparently, the fact the potatoes were starting to grow little sprouts was bothering him. I asked him as to whether or not he was going to do something about the onions, which were also growing and he said he didn't even notice they were growing. At that moment, I nearly crapped my pants laughing. To truly appreciate this, I have included a picture of both the little potato blossoms that Jesse picked and the onions. He didn't notice the onions were also sprouting... HOW THE HELL DO YOU MISS THAT ONE!?!? Its ok, though, he only has one working eye.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Then and Now

One of the best things I ever bought for Charlie is his possum pouch. I know lots of people have lots of fancy slings, baby carriers, fill in device name here. I got mine for $15 at Marshall's at the beginning of summer. It's a 6 way carrier that works with baby facing in, out, can be a shopping cart cover, in place of a chair if there's no high chairs, baby can sit in it in the car seat if they're sleeping and it can also be worn as a back pack. Anyway, here's some shots of the pouch in use from last summer till now. It's been a good 7 months I'd say.

Another complaint about porn on the internet...

I was looking for a torrent of a program and this has absolutely nothing to do with porn, yet EVERY page with results had several obscene banner ads on the sides of each torrent listing on every site. Seriously, is it that popular that every site that involves downloading something need to have advertising for that shit? I'm getting a little uncomfortable using the internet now a days. I mean, when porn comes up in any search listing for stuff that doesn't even pertain to sexual content, I don't know if I can use the internet anymore with this blatant display of inappropriateness.

Dream Car

I was asked recently what my dream car was. Here's my answer: a '69 Mercury Cougar in olive green with a black top. Just like this picture.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

How you know you've got it all

I've spent far too much of my past dwelling upon the things I want and don't have. I spent a good part of my late teens and early 20's creating debts for myself over stupid things that didn't even withstand time. Clothes. Food. Vacations. As I now am in a place to pay back all my debts, I look back and question whether any of that was even worth it. I bought a new TV yesterday because for the first time in my life, I actually had money available when there was a sale. I wasn't looking for one. I wasn't shopping around. I was actually looking for something else, which I realized wasn't priced any better but the tv was a great deal and I took advantage of that thinking that my original purchase, since it wasn't priced any differently now than before, could wait another week or two when I have more money. I paid for my tv in cash. OK, debit card but withdrawn from available funds, not credit. My point is, I am one of those people who lived that fast paced life of buy buy buy compete with your peers, go out, get an over priced car you don't need, etc. etc. and it has had an affect on my life in a negative and positive way. The bad side is that some 7 years later, I'm still trying to pay off my ghosts of debts past. I was going to do bankruptcy, but realized if I'm paying a lawyer $100 a month, why not just spend that money on debts. Half the debts I owed offered settlements, which I am taking advantage of. I don't want to be some crumb bum who racked up all these debts when I was young and irresponsible and will let the gov't just deal with it and give me a clean slate. At one point, before I had my son, I seriously thought that bankruptcy was my only option. I thought that I would be working and paying for daycare and all these child-related expenses. Instead, I got laid off and saved money on not paying for daycare and not having to pay for formula and diapers by using cloth diapers till it financially balanced out to switch back to disposables and breastfed (still do some 9.5 months later) and make my own baby food. We used my unemployment funds to continue paying for our monthly expenses like rent, food, and so on and now we're living solely on Jesse's income and using my unemployment to pay back my debts. Ultimately, we're living below our means because with each debt paid, that means more money to our name. I started out with about $5228 in debts ranging from medical bills to old credit cards. So far, I've managed to pay back $1500 of it. I know that doesn't seem like much of a victory but it is. In fact, actually looking at bills, I've realized that just about every bill I have offers a settlement and one of them was actually a $145 bill for an urgent care visit that should only be billed my $15 copay! If I just forked out money to random debts, I'd be spending more than I need to. I know everyone has their own different ways of handling finances. Some people say pay off the high interest stuff first, some say stuff that hasn't gone to collections yet, others small bills. I guess I am just going a hybrid route. I paid off all the small bills first in order of things that were in collections. If it wasn't in collections yet, I put it back because it was still in good standing and could wait. Numerically, it looks like I've only paid back 1/5 of what I owe. But in terms of billing statements, I've actually paid off 1/2 of the people I owe. Now I'm getting to the relms of higher doller bills, but that's ok. That just means to me now that once the big guys get paid off, I will almost be done with it all.

So how do you know you've got it all? Wasn't that what this post was originally about?

I guess I had to do the financial preface to get to the point. I'm at a place in life now where I've grown out of the reckless spending sprees. Yes, I have an old (depending who you talk to) piece of crap car, but it's paid for. We have a small apartment, but the rent is cheap. I don't have designer purses or clothes, but I can get a new wardrobe per season for $60. I don't go out to eat all the time, and I'm 15 lbs lighter thanks to that. I haven't gone on a vacation anywhere fancy or fun, well, I'd like to save up and go on a really nice family vacation one day when we're situated. It took me years to realize this, but, I have everything I want. I have a place to live. I have clothes on my back and shoes on my feet. I have food in my stomach. I have my family, my friends. I have the ability to make ends meet with my means. I know how to live a frugal lifestyle so that one day when we have money, instead of blowing it away, we'll actually have some savings. And on that note, I am finally able to save money. When I deposit my unemployment check, instead of that money bringing me back out of overdraft land, it actually goes to other remaining funds. I'm not living frivelously, but I am living comfortably for sure. I know that in a matter of months, we will be moving to a bigger place but we will be able to afford it. One day we will have a house. Instead of rushing in and accepting whatever loan we might qualify for, I'd rather just wait it out till we can get a better interest rate and have our choice of houses so that we have something we really life and can spend our life in. But till then, I am definetely in a happier place and might even go as far as saying I'm happy with the way things are. Less is more.

When I get married...

Sometimes I have this weird thing where I forget I got married. I always see things and mentally make a note of "when I get married, I'd like to do..." and then I realize, "no, wait, I've already got married." The only reason I forget we got married is because we didn't have a wedding. We just got married in a court house. But I feel like such a dud that I think that and it's very often which is the worst part. Maybe that's why our marriage works out so well. Instead of feeling like we got married and the honeymoon is over, I keep thinking that one day the wedding will come along and so it just feels like we're in that engaged state or something. Who knows. I'm a weirdo.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dear Circuit City...

Dear Circuit City,
I'm sorry you are going out of business. I went to visit you today in hopes of seeing what kind of deals you have on computers or external hard drives but found nothing. You had barely any merchandise left. I almost bought a printer/fax/scanner/copier from you but then changed my mind at the last minute. On my way out, I looked at the TV's just for fun. I found a 19" lcd hdtv with built in dvd player for $187. By a weird stroke of luck I happened to have $270 in our checking account before Jesse gets paid on Friday, so I called him and asked how he felt about me purchasing a new tv to which he said if we have the money and I feel like it he's ok with it. Long story short, we now have a new tv thanks to the fact your corporate big shots don't know squat about managing their money. Thank you Circuit City and I hope you can provide me with better deals before you go for good.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Who knew drool was dangerous?!

I was in the kitchen and Charlie was at my feet crawling around. Our kitchen floor is linoleum. I was barefoot. Well he drools on the floor. I'm sorta walking and semi dancing from one point to another and then SLIP!!!! Right on the drool. So beware of drool and bare feet. It's slippery. Who knew.

No, we're not having garlic bread!

If you know me, you know that after I had my salmonella years ago, my body got thrown all out of whack from the medications and now I'm super prone to yeast infections. I get one about once every 3 months. I had one each trimester I was pregnant. And now, I had one that didn't go away with anything. I did the Monistat. In the past I've had doctors tell me to take it again, which seems bad to me. So now I'm trying the natural route. I figure nature is pretty serious stuff. Science has yet to beat nature at anything, so maybe this will work. I saw online that you can use garlic as a treatment and garlic is also pretty heavy duty stuff. So I made this garlic tampon with a clove of garlic and a tampon string and you can probably figure out what happens next. So now I'm waiting to see what happens. If Mr. Garlic and Mother Nature will be my friends in fighting off the yeast or what. I have a feeling they'll help and what's the worst that could happen to me? I get another yeast infection? My body has built up a tolerance to medicine so I'm desperate at this point to try anything. I have no sense of smell but I'm guessing my vagina smells like garlic bread, what with the yeasty smell plus the garlic smell. I just hope no one asks me if we're having pasta for dinner tonight hehe.

You didn't see the guys in Wham! with girlfriends...

1. Yesterday I walked into Gap and mentally described it as a "pastel hell". I made a note of that to the point of sending myself a message via text to remind myself of this because it was the most perfect description. I wanted to use that term somewhere in a blog about it but the opportunity never came up. Anyway, I think they're a very over rated store at best. All their clothes are boring as hell and that's me being generous. Everything in there is in a noxious shade of pastel grossness. This season's fashion in general seems like an unpromising rehash of 2005, which was just a late 60's boho throwback. You know there's serious issues with originality when that which is new is just reflecting upon something that was a reflection of something that happened twice over a few decades back already. Oh well.

2. I've been thinking about hermaphrodites a lot lately. My main thought is this: usually when a child is born a hermaphrodite, I believe the parents get to choose the sex and have one of the genitals removed and I think they usually just have the girl parts removed and stitched up. Well what about the people who are hermaphrodites with both sets of genitalia still intact? I'm curious how they have sex. Like do they have sex using their penis or their vagina? Can they masturbate using both sex organs and if they ejaculate inside themselves, can they get themselves pregnant? Is there something wrong with me that I'm curious about this in a totally scientific way?

3. My friend Katrina told me about this show Flight of the Conchords not too long ago. So I caught a few episodes on HBO recently and then Netflixed the first season. I have been following their series pretty steadily since. I can say that I think it is quite easily one of the best shows on TV now. I think it is completely absurd and hilarious. I love it. I'm not a big fan of that whole scene but I couldn't help but put the songs from the first season into my iPod as some are quite catchy. One of my favorite things about that show is the general dislike of Australians. I think that is just so funny how racist they are. One of my favorites is from Season 1 where Jemaine is telling the fruit cart guy about how Aussies are different in their accents and he's like, "Our accents are totally different. Australians are like, 'Hey, let's get in the car' and New Zealanders are like, 'Hey, let's get in the car'" or something along those lines but both accents were exactly the same! I think the character of Murray, their manager who works at the New Zealand Consolate office is brilliant! "You can't have girlfriends, you'll lose your female fan base. You didn't see the guys in Wham! with girlfriends..." Wham! Heheh, oh too funny. Poor naive Murray.

4. Forrest Gump is on cable right now. Every time it's on, we watch it. Even though Jesse has it on DVD, we still watch it. There's a small handful of movies on cable we do that with, like Dirty Dancing, Superbad, Knocked Up, Blades of Glory. Yeah. On that note, I'm gonna go watch Forrest Gump.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Jenny's Birthday Holiday Weekend!!!

This year, Valentine's Day happened to fall on a Saturday, which only meant my birthday was on Sunday. Well ho hum. If you know me, you know how much I hate Valentine's Day because they always suck. This year was slightly different. My parents came up on Friday and got caught up in a storm through Donner. Fortunately they took my advice and invested in some snow chains so they were able to drive through to Reno and got in around 11:40 PM. Before all that, though, we need to remember it was a Friday the 13th, so bad luck was kind of expected. I had my work all cut out for me then. I had to clean the house, do some last minute grocery shopping, dye my hair, plus I had to run by Jesse's work to bring him one of his guns and I did laundry in the morning too. It took forever to accomplish anything but by the end of the day everything did get done and my parents came in.

The next day, Valentine's Day, I made Jesse waffles for breakfast and he got his Valentine's Day present of a box of .40 ammo from Charlie and Lulu. Charlie had to wait till later in the day to open his present of a toy cell phone (since he plays with our remotes and anything with buttons and he loves it!) During the day, I went with my parents to Walmart to get wiper blades for their car since they froze to the window and broke on the drive up and then we went to Scraps Dog Co. to get Lulu's paw print in plaster. I also got her and Izzy some Valentine's Day cookies. Then we came back to the apartment for a bit. I went with my mom to my cheapie shop to cash in on my b-day discount with them. Then we came home for the night. Jesse brought me a boquet of roses, which I had to put in 2 old spaghetti jars because we don't have a vase around the house. Then I talked everyone into letting me do my presents that night for my birthday and I won!

So I got the coolest shirt from my sister. It says PUG LIFE and has a pug on it! Then, my mom got me some white converse and a tea pot, but Jesse also got me a tea pot and even though the one my mom got was pretty, the one Jesse got came with all these cool accessories and whistles when it's done. Ultimately, even though I'm a fan of design, when push comes to shove, I'm still more of a fan of function. The day ended with us eating Valentine's Day turkey (a tradition I think I just might carry over next year!)

The next day we went to breakfast for my birthday at Josef's Vienna Bakery & Cafe. Then we went home for a bit and to the mall. We walked around the mall for a little while but then had to go get my parents checked into their hotel room. After that, we dropped my dad off at the room and I went with my mom back to the apartment. We hung out there for a bit and then went to the casino for a few hours. I came home kinda late and did some stuff and went to bed.

That was the end of my birthday holiday weekend.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine's Day Horror Story Flash Backs I Ignore All Year Long Till Now When I Rehash Them For Your Enjoyment

So I don't have the best past with Valentine's Days. Throughout high school I never had a boyfriend. Then the one year I get a boyfriend (who was a waste of 5 years of my life), there was the best friend boyfriend drama. My best friend dated this guy who was also a dud who wasted 2 years of her life with the I wanna date you but I don't but I really do but if we do date, you're bad and all sorts of weird guilt trips. Anyway, he dumped her like the day before or after, I forget which. Anyway, I spent that weekend consoling here as well did many other friends of ours and we all talked shit about the guy and with her only to accomplish by the end of the weekend them getting back together again! Their relationship lasted a few more on and off again months before she got fed up and told him where he could stick it.

The next year I had salmonella. That was a disaster and a half. I was sick for what seemed like forever and a day. I was throwing up and going diarrhea for 2 weeks. If I wasn't barfing, I was pooping. Sometimes I would multi-task. It was the sickest I've ever been in my life and I don't want to go through that ever again. I lived on Gatorade.

The year after that, I thought, "OK, this is the year, nothing in the way here!" I was supposed to have dinner plans with my ex. I went up to his place and found him still in his work clothes chatting online. He said we'd go grab a pizza. A pizza. A FUCKING PIZZA. I CAN GET A PIZZA ANY DAY OF THE WEEK YOU MORON! Alas, we got pizza. I ate dinner and went home.

The next year, I was still pissed off at the previous year so I decided I'd spend the weekend in New Mexico with my sister. We went out to dinner at this steak house just the two of us for Valentine's Day and she had this heart attack waiting to happen steak and I had the burrito covered with a block of cheese. It was the best burrito I've had in my life and I still have tonguegasms thinking of it. Oddly enough, it was probably the best Valentine's Day I've ever had so far.

The year after that one, ex decided he'd impress me to make up for the last 4 years of crappy Valentine's Days. He got me a present. He kept ranting and raving about it and I gossiped with people about what it could be. When I saw what it was, I was completely pissed off. It was lingerie. But not like cute Victoria's Secret stuff. It was like this really trashy Canoga Park porno style body stocking shit. I was so offended. Everyone asked me what he got and I was so embarrassed. What do I tell them, "Oh, he got me some low-fi porno lingerie." Yeah, no. I pick it up, look at it, and put it aside completely unamused. It wasn't even wrapped!

So the next year, I have a new boyfriend, who winds up being my husband later on. He was in school that year, so we didn't do anything. I sent him his lucky bullet up in the mail with a card because he forgot it at my house over Christmas.

Last year we were together. I was pregnant. We didn't do anything spectacular. I got him a box of chocolate ammo and left it for him on the table before work and surprised him. He brought home dinner for us so I didn't hafta cook. We shared the chocolate ammo. Nothing huge but it was nice.

Anyway, this year I have two guys to shop for, Charlie and Jesse. They're already taken care of. Again, nothing huge, just something thoughtful. OK, Charlie has a little cell phone that makes noises and stuff since he loves to mess with mine and the remote control and anything with buttons.

You down wit G.O.P., yeah you know me!

I am by no means an Obama fan and I am definitely not a McCain fan either. I was a Ron Paul gal through and through. But it irks the shit out of me when I hear a radio commercial this morning for the Rush Limbaugh show where Rush comments, "I hope Obama fails." He says it with such conviction and hatred. OK, seriously Rush, what are you hoping to accomplish by having our current president who has a shitty situation going in to get at by failing? Did it not occur to you that if Obama fails with the financial disaster our economy is in right now that just maybe it might at some point trickle down to affect you? Obviously not. I get that as the general Republican mentality at the time being. They want to see Obama fail so badly so that next election we get another Republican in office and I seriously doubt any more will be accomplished in doing so. I mean, wasn't it their people, after all, who got the ball rolling on this whole economic downward spiral, am I wrong? Anyway, I've come to the point that I really don't care who is in office, whether I like them or not, the last thing I want is to see the leader of my country fail because guess what? That means if they fail, America loses. When Americal loses, it's the people who pay the price. I am so sick of things being about party systems and Republicans vs. Democrats. How about we just get to the point now where whoever is in charge doesn't live beyond our country's means and run the place like they'd run their own family's income. You know, balance your check book, don't spend more than you can afford to and only do so if you have to, only pay for necessary things, create a reasonable budget and stick to it, etc. etc. Anyway, I have no desire to wish failure upon anyone. I just hope that whatever happens, it is in a way beneficial to the people and that our constitutional rights stay protected.

The Genius of Skinemax Never Ceases To Amaze Me

Skinemax, in addition to airing shows earlier and earlier, is now learning to make their shows more unbelievable and outlandish. Jesse was at the car show this weekend and while he was there, I was browsing the guide to see if anything was on tv and noticed a new listing. The show: Forbidden Science. What in tarnations is this? I click the info button to read a synopsis. After all, the title of the show sounds thought provoking. I have ideas racing through my mind of something pertaining to conspiracy theories in science and history. I am greatly let down. The reality of it is: (Adult) Scientists create seductive robotic clones of real people as adult toys. OK, what?! Are you shitting me!? They have a show about people making sex robots that are based off of other characters on the show?! What genius came up with this mound of idiocracy!? This seems like a total socially inept pervert's dream show! I mean, really, it has it all for them. It has robots. It has cloning. It has boobies. Not to mention the fact you might be too much of a creepy weirdo to get the girl, but if she refuses you, you can just pay some scientist to create a robot version of her. This is just as creepy and sick and twisted as those real doll sex dolls that are supposed to be designed after porn stars. I just see the same mentality of stalker-loser saving up for 5 years or taking a second mortgage on his house to be able to get his sex robot. It's absurd. I can't believe the genius these shows are taking on now and when I say genius, I mean that in the most loveable sarcasm for absolute stupidity. I just can't help but wonder what they'll come up with next... because you know in a few weeks they'll come up with a new series to fill that 7:30 PM time slot...

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

So about asshole bugs...

I thought this deserves its own blog.

We moved up in mid May 2007 but actually were living here in June 2007. Anyway, a few weeks after we moved in, we noticed these bugs everywhere. They're about the size of a ladybug. They're ugly as all hell. And they are annoying as they never seem to disappear.

They don't do any damage to your home that I'm aware of other than not go away. They do damage to trees though. Of course we have a nice big tree in our front yard that is laden with elm beetle aka asshole bug damage.

Anyway, when we moved in there weren't any around here. Then one day they all show up. Over one day we must have found like 10 of them in our apartment. We squished them all and cleaned them up and then went to bed to find more the next day! Over the summer you cannot get rid of these things! They're somewhat year round too! They even pop up in the winter just not as bountiful. Oh and they have a tendency to be everywhere! On the ceiling. On the floor. In cabinets. On the bed. In shoes. Literally. Everywhere. Anyway, I hate them and felt like posting a blog to clarify what an asshole bug is as mentioned in the previous blog.

The end.

Lucky Ladybug

The other day I saw the silhouette of what I thought was an asshole bug (elm beetle... I finally know what they're called after 2 years of not knowing!) walking on the living room window screen, but it was actually a lady bug! This delighted me to see such a little creature in the cold of winter taking shelter in my home. I took some pictures of it and then it disappeared. Well today I see Mr. Ladybug again! I decide I'm going to take him outside so he can enjoy the nice weather and eat some plants or whatever they eat. I get him on my finger and ask Lulu if she wants to go outside to potty and she runs to the door, knocking Mr. Ladybug off my finger into the carpet or pile of books by the computer somewhere. I tried searching for him but couldn't find him. So now, Mr. Ladybug is gone, possibly dead somewhere in my living room. Oh well.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Creeks and squeeks and drips

I am convinced my apartment is too loud for me to be able to sleep at night. Jesse's radio keeps me up all night and when I can finally block it out of my mind, the apartment starts to creek. Yeah, it makes these squeaking cracking sounds. The walls moan and groan about all the stress put on them. The tv in the bedroom that is broken and hasn't been used in over a year crackles. Water drips from the faucet hitting the sink. Cars drive by. Dogs bark. Cats jump onto trash cans. The furnace downstairs grumbles. Charlie rustles in his sleep and wakes up wanting to eat. I'm just tired. I need sleep. I can't stand all the noises. I am too edgy when I go to bed. The end.

Learned un-learning

It's come to my attention recently that people are no longer in touch with their instincts. I seriously think that within the last 150 years, there has been such a huge emphasis on becoming knowledgeable of subjects that people have focused so much on learning things and in turn have un-learned their human instincts. There's so much stuff in life that is just common sense but because it's not in a book taught in school that people really don't get it. Then, there's just stuff that never existed in the past and people take it as true and golden because someone of an elite educated status says so. I've noticed that people are just so quick to believe things doctors say as true. I've been thinking about this news story I saw about Gardasil recently in which girls who are getting the shot to prevent cervical cancer are getting seriously ill or dying. Doctors recently started pushing this new vaccine (I don't use the term candidly, it is new) without knowing what long term effects are or if there's enough significant studies of adverse reactions. And now what? Because doctors said the benefits outweigh the potential side effects (in which 5000 something girls in one study had negative reactions) girls are taking the vaccine and at their own risk. People need to stop listening to everything doctors tell them as truth and listen to their bodies. Not everyone gets it. Not everyone listens to their bodies or knows how to read their instincts. I guess what I'm trying to say is that people are animals. They are born with instincts. You don't need to read a book to learn how to survive or listen to a doctor or go to school. Look at all those people in indigenous tribes in the Amazon and Africa who don't have schools or doctors and are managing to live. Instead, we go and say they have all these disease and try to help them and send in food and medical aid and guess what? When we no longer are funded to do that, we pull out and years later their people die because they're not getting their booster shots or have no food. Sometimes we should just leave things be and listen to our guts. We know our bodies better than any doctors. I gave this pharmeceutical rep in the elevator at the doctors today a dirty look as if wondering what poison he was trying to have a doctor push on their unsuspecting victims.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's dog

So the neighbors across the alley from us have this dog, Spike. I'm not sure what he's a mix of but he is the darned cutest most lovable dog ever. He's an old man dog. 10 years old. He looks like a mix of a schnauzer and something else. He's brown and white and has the most adorable face. Him and Lulu are bffs. I wish I could just keep Spike that's how adorable he is! I'm gonna feel bad the day we move because Lulu will miss her friend. Oh well. Such a lovable dog. I think some of the old crazy neighbors tried to say shit that he was vicious so animal control would take him away but that's such a load of hooey. Spike doesn't have it in him to hurt the fleas on his back. Although he is a guard dog who will attack if you are scum and trying to invade his castle.

Coffee and advice

I think I've come to a point in my life where I have no idea what's going on with me. 9 years ago I was convinced I was going to do something huge with myself and be some great artist and I had this passion for creating drivel and I wound up doing nothing and stuck with a $30,000 debt. Now I'm some kinda mom living off unemployment checks till that runs out in hopes my husband gets a job that will pay enough so I can continue being a stay at home mom. It sucks. But I've had this weird feeling that I haven't had in 9 years: I feel like I am on this earth for something bigger, something greater, something that has nothing to do with working in an office or making a lot of money but just for being notorious.

That's right. I will be notorious. Somehow I will be this hermit who lives in my little apartment or wherever we wind up living in the future who somehow becomes famous amidst a small cult following based on the fact I make a big deal about nothing. My life will become someone's obsession and not in a stalker way, but in a fascinated by my musings way. I've come to believe my life has become a car crash that others can't help but stare at even though they know they should look away.

I thought about starting up a zine again and either doing small runs and leaving them in random coffee shops and thrift stores around town or a semi-larger run asking for donations to help with printing costs in exchange for *gasp* advertisements! I know! How un-zine-cool! Advertising! So commercial. Frankly people, blogging is great, but there's something about a black and white poorly xeroxed stapled hunk of crap in your hands as you sit at a couch sipping your coffee and talking with your friends and doing a double take to see whether or not you just saw something about preparing for a revolution next to a pie recipe. I dunno. I think because I'm now in a smaller town, so to speak, this ability of becoming a pseudo local celebrity known for my little ramblings can somehow be achieved? We'll see. I'd basically see it as some sort of offshoot of my bloggings but a little like what I used to do. True stories. Just more expanded. But still the same crap. Pointless stuff most people would either not discuss or not care to discuss told in a lighthearted way that makes them seem enjoyable...

So I have a few different zines I'd like to make. One just my own thing. One maybe a collaboration with Jesse as a shooting zine about stuff that's not tactical, 1911's, safari hunting or hunting in general. Just like stuff people could enjoy. Like extreme plinking. Practical plinking. Maybe we could do a going-green plinking? Who knows. But I would love to do a segment in there as an advice column because I have always and forever been obsessed with advice columnists. You can really get a sense of the writers from their advice. Best of all, most of them seem to have all these fancy credentials. Not me. You know what my credentials will be? I was born in 1982. I have 26 years of experience living life and seeing others live their lives to go by. I didn't go to some fancy pants school and get a tell-you-what-to-do degree. So I thought it might be kinda fun to have the column, Ask The Gunsmith's Wife. It could be anything. "How do I defrost a turkey?" "Should I dump him?" "What kind of gun do you recommend for shooting rock chucks?" My slogan will be: Being a gunsmith's wife, you have certain expectations to live up to. Ask me anything and I can help you!

Other than that, I noticed I have started drinking coffee. I guess that means I'm grown up now. I never used to drink it and hated it for that matter, but I find that if I mix in a nice amount of milk and sugar, it's pretty yummy. So I'll probably merge over to the dark side of things that will disturb my ability to sleep and screw my teeth up even more.

I think my RSI is coming back. Oh and I think I may be onto something with my breathing called LAM. It's a scary thing that sounds like eventually one will die but we all die eventually so who knows. It would explain a lot though, like why doctors think I have asthma and why my lung x-rays always look fine and everyone says I'm fine but I don't feel fine. I'm the #1 believer that I know my body better than any doctor and I've finally figured out the perfect description to my breathing problems: I feel like I'm being suffocated. It's not a shortness of breath. It's an inability to get air and striving to get it in. And I seriously don't think it's asthma. One day I'll see a lung specialist. One day.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Sometimes you just grow out of a relationship...

12/2/06 I put a Ruger Mk. III stainless bull barrel target .22 plinker on lay away at Turner's Outdoors. He was my first handgun purchase. I liked him and took him out shooting a lot, alas, I grew bored of him. I needed a gun that could better satisfy my physical needs. A gun that was stronger and more exciting. Anyway, me and my Mk. III sorta grew apart and now I'm selling him. It's kind of weird because part of me feels bad for selling him but another part of me could care less. It's like moving on from someone you no longer love. There's that whole nostalgia of he was my first hand gun, but then there's the I could care less about you because I have better guns now and you don't really mean anything to me anymore. So yeah. I grew out of that relationship. I am so over him.

It's that time again!!!

For my Coldstone's birthday club free ice cream! YEAH! WOOH! Although I'm a little disappointed. They used to give you a free Love It size signature creation ice cream and now they give you a Like It Create Your Own Creation (ice cream + 1 mix-in). Boo to downsizing! That's ok I guess. Not like I need to be a lard ass or anything eating a Shamu size tub of ice cream and toppings. So at this point, I'm trying to figure out what to do...

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Bad Disney Performers

I hate any performers that are spawned from Disney. You know, Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus, High School Musical crap, etc. etc. I just spent 2 hours watching The Cheetah Girls 2 in Barcelona. The plot: The Cheetah Girls go to Barcelona for some singing contest. Lame. You know cos they're in the title of the movie they are obviously going to win. The music is horrible and acting is, mediocre at best. Better than Skinemax acting. Anyway, I'll give it to them that they finally steered clear of the Lindsay and Miley stick figure ammateur porno looking girls and got some thicker looking gals to form the group. And their lessons seem to be better than Hannah Montana. Miley teaches kids that it's ok to lie to your friends and parents and that in the end it's ok because she's an undercover pop star and that's her excuse. Cheetah girls are better because they teach that friendship and honesty and respect are more important than money and boys and what not (of course in the end they get the money and boys and what not because they're the Cheetah Girls.) But it's nice to see they're more realistic than the other bad Disney performers. I didn't know Raven Simone was one of the Cheetah Girls either. I just found that out. I just remember hearing she was on the Cosby show and then she had her own show (I think she still does?) on Disney Channel, That's So Raven, which is actually kinda amusing but a whole other blog about dumb children's programming. I'm not gonna lie. I've been exposed to a scary amount of children's shows, usually as a result of baby sitting for someone or being around younger kids or just out of sheer boredom of nothing on and curiosity of trying to decode what kids see in these shows. Anyway, there's another Cheetah Girls movie on now. Apparently it's the first time it's being aired, so I better pay attention...

Never Enough Ballroom

I think I've spoke of this on several blogs in the past but I have this weird desire to learn ballroom dancing. Oddly enough there's a billion dance studios in Reno that teach ballroom, but one in particular, Never Enough Ballroom, has classes as well as dance parties. The cool thing is they have these Friday classes that you can learn dances and then use them at the part after. I think it's like from 7 - 10 for it all but there's no contracts and what have you. I dunno it just looks like a lot of fun. I guess I was reminded of this fascination because I'm watching The Cheetah Girls 2. Yeah. Don't ask. There's absolutely NOTHING on tv right now.

Jesse must think I have an ugly face...

If pictures are worth 1,000 words, then he must be trying to tell me something... There's more of the likes I just don't feel like going through the back up file cd's to point this out.

On that note, I feel like I must be some hideous person sometimes. I've notice my own husband cuts my face off in almost every photo he takes of me. My friend who is a photographer has photographed so many of our friends and I think I was used once in high school and never again. I just feel pretty ugly sometimes.

Do you remember that episode of the Simpsons where Moe wins the Duff contest and gets his face on the calendar but they put a sticker over him because he's too ugly for print? Well I guess I feel like that. But instead of a sticker on my face, it's just cut off or ignored completely. I'm not gonna go out and get a face job because of this. I don't have the money or patience for cosmetic surgery. But damn it is just annoying sometimes. How is one supposed to feel confident in their skin when it seems like the world is a little disgusted by your presence. Thank God my kid is cute at least.

You deserve better...

I feel I am this diseased leper who has exposed Jesse to a disgusting world of feminine mystique; the dark side of the female realm which no male should ever be a witness to. I am disgusted at the fact I am prone to yeast infections. I think I must be the only woman Jesse has ever been with that gets them let alone so often. On top of that, after I had Charlie, I am now prone to hemerhoids. However I can't tell if I just pooped too hard or if I have one. Jesse will check me and put witch hazel in it's place without complaining. I feel like every time I turn around I am getting some weird sort of infection or something disgusting and wrong on my body. I just feel Jesse deserves someone better than that. Like maybe at one time I was just some rebound girl that turned into a kindred spirit he could hang out with and have fun with but now he's stuck with this weird diseased monster. Maybe I'm being harsh on myself but I just can't help but feel down on myself sometimes and a little jealous of my predecessors. I never got to go out on all the fun dates and get dressed up and go to nice places and what not. Instead, I went shooting and to Wienershnitzel. Don't get me wrong, I like both, but I'd really like to go out dancing or to a fancy restaurant or something. I know there were several cases of bad timing, like we were together but there was no money or we were apart but there was money or we were together with money but there was nothing to do or I was pregnant and now we are together and with not a lot of money and we have a child so I give up. I'm just going to have to learn to live with the fact that I am prone to yeast infections, bladder infections and urinary tract infections and that no matter what, I am the wife, ergo, I don't get the fancy fun dates the ex-girlfriends got. At least he'll bring home dinner sometimes and a surprise here and there for me not to mention pay for doctor's visits. But still, a nice date wouldn't hurt. Am I being greedy?

Friday, February 6, 2009

It takes 9 months to get big and another 9 to shrink again...

OK, I'm off by a day or two but it's almost been 9 months since Charlie was born. With that in mind, I have a theory that it takes you 9 months to get huge from pregnancy and it can take just as long to get back to normal. FYI, I was 167 lbs when I went in to my first prenatal appointment. On the day Charlie was born, I was 200 lbs. I will never want to be that weight again in my life ever. Unless it pertains to being pregnant again and even then I don't think I want to do that for sure. I wish I had the stats of my measurements before I had Charlie, all I have was how much I weighed. Anyway, here's where I was and where I've come over the last 18 months:

November 2, 2007
Weight: 167 lbs.

May 8, 2008
Weight: 200 lbs.

June 23, 2008
Weight: 165 lbs.
Triceps: 11.5"
Bust: 39"
Waist: 34"
Tummy: 38"
Hips: 42.5"
Thighs: 24"

July 4, 2008
Weight: 164 lbs.
Triceps: 11.5"
Bust: 40"
Waist: 34"
Tummy: 38"
Hips: 42.5"
Thighs: 24"

August 30, 2008
Weight= 157 lbs.
Triceps= 12"
Bust= 37.5"
Waist= 33"
Tummy= 36.5"
Hips= 39"
Thighs= 23.5"

November 4, 2008
Weight= 154 lbs.
Triceps= 12"
Bust= 38"
Waist= 32.5"
Tummy= 36"
Hips= 37.5"
Thighs= 23"

December 5 2008:
Weight= 152 lbs.
Triceps= 12"
Bust= 38.25"
Waist= 32"
Tummy= 33"
Hips= 37"
Thighs= 22.25"

February 6, 2009:
Weight= 151 lbs.
Triceps= 11.5"
Bust= 38"
Waist= 32"
Tummy= 34"
Hips= 36.5"
Thighs= 22.25"

Anyway, as you can see, over 9 months I gained 33 lbs. then 9 months later lost 49 lbs. Various parts of my body fluxuate in size. I'm slightly bloated right now because I feel like I have a period coming on one day soon. But other than that, I will continue my quest for weight loss and strive for another 20 lbs. Of course a huge part of this is also a change of lifestyle and eating habits. I don't exercise much. Well, no I do walk a few times a week. But I also try to avoid sweets unless necessary. I avoid processed foods and make home made when possible. I'm hoping that maybe by summer I'll be down another 10 lbs? Possibly? One can hope. I'd like to be that person who has a child and the summer the next year can rock a bikini. At least before I get too old for one anyway. The end.


Long ago and far away when I started working at my old job in the valley, I had this boss, Dan. We were like bff work buddies. We shared an office and joked around all of the 8 hours we were there. We listened to music all day. We went to lunch a good deal of the time. He invited me to his parties but I never went because my ex was a douchebag and I felt weird about going to parties by myself. He did go to my school once for some art thing. A few weeks before he quit, he told me he wanted to join the army. He was seeing a recruiting officer secretly in hopes of getting in. His dream was to become a helicopter pilot and then one day when he got the money start his own helicopter tour of Hawaii type gig. One day, we went to lunch and he told me he was going to quit for sure. Basically he had enough of our old boss. There were these catalogs and the old boss just wasn't on top of it and he was sick of getting crap from him and working stupid hours because the old boss was too busy with other stuff to get anything done. He told me he was going to put in his notice and quit. It was a case of "nice knowing ya". The next day, he was gone. There was a letter that he was done and went to the army. And that was it. And no one heard from him again, myself included. Everyone thought it was weird how he just up and left. But no one really knew how much he hated that place that to keep in touch with people who worked there would allow certain elements he disliked about the place to know what he was up to and he didn't want any of that. Not a day goes by since he left that I don't try to get in touch with him or find out where he is. I tried to email him and the old email addy didn't work. His old cell phone didn't work. I tried social networks and nothing. It's hard when you share an office with someone for a few years and you get to be pretty close to someone and they just up and leave one day and never talk to you again. Especially when you were like best friends. I still keep in touch with my old coworker who came in years after Dan left. People used to give him a lot of crap but in actuality, he was my other old office mate and while he's probably not the type of person I'd actively hang out with on my spare time, he was none the less a replacement Dan. An ear to listen to my crap. Someone who shared most of the time what I considered to be God awful but catchy music. A new best friend, if you could call him that. And just like everyone else who was in that office, he got thrown under the bus. I was like Dan and left while I knew it was getting bad. The other coworker was trying to get out but didn't get out in time. Hopefully he has a job in line soon. I miss my guys sometimes. It's funny they were both my guy buddies but just two polar opposites. Oh well. Anyway, I still talk to my old coworker but Dan, he's lost in the world somewhere so if you're out there somewhere reading this Dan, email me. My email addy is different, but I'm on every social network you can imagine so, just look me up. I got married. But my maiden name is in search feilds. BAMF!!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

The Loogie Monster

I went to flush something in the toilet and my finger got attacked by a slimy gob on the handle. I looked down to see a big disgusting loogie on there. I'm guessing it was the work of Jesse, who probably went to spit in the toilet before work, in a hurry, and missed or something. It was so gross and me being the person I am afraid of textures and what not throws up right there and then. Well, no first I wiped my hand with toilet paper. Then I wiped it with a wet wash cloth. Then I threw the wash cloth out of sight and walked out of the room to try and stop gagging. Then I realized it was a losing battle and I hurled up nothing as I haven't eaten much in the last day and a half. It was the most disgusting thing I've had happen to me in a very long time. I feel so sick and violated!

Faggy Gun

Jesse was working on a gun and trying to figure out where the gun was from for the guy who brought it in to him. We were taking guesses about what it was and where it could be from and I was saying it was probably either Dutch or French. Anyway, after about an hour of searching he finds it out and says it's a "Faggus" gun. I'm sick and in my sick state mumble, "Well, how do you explain to your customer that you have a faggy gun?" He was like, "Not faggot, faggUS." Ohhhh... sorry, I was sick.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


If I ever get hours of silence I'm taking Lulu with me!


So I said I feel no love right now. I lied. I love my pug dog. Lulu, poor Lulu. Charlie torments her all day yet she has the patience to deal with it. Then, when he's asleep, she will curl up on my lap and make me feel better. Little therapy pug. I wish I had her patience sometimes.

The Ticking Time Bomb

They say there is no love like that of a mother's love. I say I'm in that place where I feel no love at all.

I always get depressed around this time of year. Part of it is that I hate Valentine's Day because I never had one. Part of it is because my birthday and it tends to get overshadowed by Valentine's Day. Part of it is just the time of year and the weather. Taxes coming up. Stress. Normal stuff.

This year I have a new addition to the frustrations. Recently Charlie started being a butt. A total butt. He was like the Screamapillar. He would do this shrill crying when he was happy. When he was sad. When he was hungry. When he played. It pissed me off. In addition to that, I had been feeling a little bit depressed but more so on a real short fuse. I felt like I was ready to snap at anything. I've been grinding my teeth a lot lately, fortunately the dentists said they look good. I have been having headaches lately. I feel like if I could sleep for a week straight, I would. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I just want to rest. I feel as if I have been broken down and if anyone asks me something so simple as to taking Lulu out to pee or to make breakfast, I will snap.

I'm not looking for words of encouragement. I'm just waiting for this to go away. Instead, I'd like to have people stop inquiring about when I plan to go back to work or school. I'd really like to take Charlie to the doctors because he got sick two nights ago. He's still fussy and doesn't have a fever now, but had one of 100.1ยบ last night. He's super gassy and I think he has thrush again. But he isn't wanting to eat which makes me wonder if it's thrush or an ear infection. Or both. I'm sick of him screaming in the night keeping me up all night long requiring me to rock him and hold him as if he needs it. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. I just don't care. I need sleep too. Jesse tells me he's just a little baby and doesn't know better. If he gets it so well, why doesn't he take care of it? Oh, simple. Because Charlie hates me and wants me to be miserable. He knows that I am tired and feeling like crap lately so he insists that I be the one who cares for him. All day long he cries that he wants "Dad-Dad" but then at night when he has Dad-Dad, he wants Mom-Mom. I can't help but think of quoting Billy Bob Thorton in Bad Santa, "Are you fucking with me kid?!" I feel like that. I feel like he is messing with my head.

So I'm trying to get him into the doctors. I hate his new pediatrician by the way. I argued with her last time for almost 15 minutes as to why I don't want a flu shot and she still swore she'd win by telling me if I want one, I can always come back. I'M NOT GETTING MY SON A FUCKING FLU SHOT!!! If she asks me one more time, I swear I'm going to lose it. I don't need her telling me that my son wouldn't have gotten sick if he had the damned flu shot. I just don't have the time or patience for her. But then the stupid office is closed till 1:00 for lunch so I have to wait to call back to see if they can even get me in today.

I don't feel like anyone in this house knows how agitated I feel right now. Everyone tells me I need to relax because I only have Charlie to take care of and Jesse has more stress. That's right. Jesse works and I'm on vacation and don't do a Goddamn thing all day long. I sit at home and watch soaps and eat bon bons in between painting my nails and talking on the phone. Yesterday was the first time in a week I took a shower. Not because I choose to lack hygeine but because I just don't have the time. Jesse gets ready for work in the morning. I can't do anything once he's at work because I have to take care of Charlie. At night, by the time he gets home, it's too late. There's things that need to be done throughout the day too like dishes, cleaning, cooking. I just don't have time. I only get to brush my teeth once a day. The dentists say twice and floss. Well I don't have time to floss. They say floss in the shower. OK, well I guess if by those standards I am to floss in the shower, then that means I can floss once a week?

I feel like the walking dead. I'm a zombie in the living flesh. I can't say I could tell you how much sleep I've had lately. For that matter, Jesse tells me to sleep and I'm so tired I don't want to sleep. There's too much to do sometimes and it would just not get done if I slept. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not on vacation. I'm not some crumbum who is mooching off of my husband so I can stay home and not work. I do a lot of work throughout the day. And all my efforts get thrown to shambles. I clean and people mess things up. I wash dishes to find new ones sitting out around the house. I vacuum to find firing pins and springs and primers on the floor. I sometimes feel like I should just give up. Like there really is no point in me trying to keep order. But then I remember why I do keep some order: for me. No one cares if the house is clean or dirty. But I do. I feel better when I go to bed in a bed that has been fixed. I feel better when dirty clothes are in the hamper where they belong. I feel better when dishes are washed and food is cooked. I feel better because I know that when I see those things, that means that somewhere, something I had to do got done and that maybe tonight will be the night I get to take a shower and go to bed early.

But the night I do go to bed early, Charlie wakes up screaming and crying and sick. The next night I don't even bother. I stay up till 1:00. I'd stay up later too if Jesse didn't tell me to go to bed so Charlie could sleep. Why? He's just going to wake me up in 20 minutes anyway. I don't think Jesse gets it. If I'm going to have to wake up, I'd rather stay up. I'd rather it be on my terms. I'd rather have to go away from my few little moments of peace of crocheting something in the wee hours than be sleeping and feel like my cycle has been disrupted and have my clock get offset once again.

I guess in the end, I can't quite convey what I feel. I just don't feel love. Not right now. Maybe resentment. Frustration. Anger. But definitely not love. And I don't want to hear phones rining. I especially am ready to break the AM radio as that keeps me up all night but I won't stoop to the level of the hated step-mother and bitch about it. Even though I am in the same room, next to the radio and the radio is quote "louder than it used to be thanks to my hearing not being as good as it was". Thank you for contributing to my ability to get some rest.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Dawn of the Mom

I'm in zombie mode right now. I've been ridiculously tired the last few days. I feel like if I could sleep for 3 days straight, I would. Last night we go to bed earlier than the last few days. Around 9:30. My mom calls around that time so I don't get to bed till 10:00. I sleep for an hour and Charlie wakes up. I feed him and put him back to bed. An hour later he wakes up again. This time he has a really bad runny nose and is crying. I suck it clean and rock him to bed. The same thing happens for the next 4 hours. He wakes up, I suck his nose clean, comfort him and rock him to bed between his crying and sneezing. He has a little cold but no fever, which is good I guess. I'd say I got all of about 4 hours of sleep total last night even though I went to bed at 10. I don't know how that happened but I think somewhere between Jesse snoring, Charlie being sick, and the damned radio being on which I turned down and it magically turned itself back up later, I swear I feel like I am on such a short fuse and ready to blow. I'm ready to go to great lengths for some silence at this point.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Shooting & Mexican Food

Today Jesse and I did something we haven't done since we moved out to Reno: we went shooting at a range. I'm not gonna lie. I was really pissed off when we got out there. There was a number of factors involved.

First off, they just did a cease fire as we were getting our stuff out and checking in so we didn't have any targets to shoot at except for steel plates off in the distance. I asked Jesse if he brought Josef out and he said no, this being after I specifically asked him two days ago at Sportsman's if we had enough Mauser ammo and he said yes. I even recall telling him something along the lines of "Did you get Josef?" as we were getting ready. Alas, guess which gun didn't go? Josef! We only brought two pistols: the Bersa Thunder .380 and the Glock 23 .40. I like my Bersa a lot but it was cold and my fingers weren't feeling pistols at the time. And I won't even get into the Glock because even though I shot the Glock 17 well, I have this mental block that the boxy design and fact they're completely made of plastic is just a huge turn off and it would be like if you went on a date with a someone who was a total sweetheart but was so horrificly gross that even though you enjoy being with them you could never do it again because there is absolutely zero attraction and no hope at all for that person. Shallow analogy but that's how I feel about Glocks. My dislike of them is ignorant but that's my choice, not yours.

The rifles that did come out were the M1 30 Carbine, Mosin-Nagant, AR-15, AK-74 (not an AK-47, although we do have one of those as well), and then the 10/22 and Savage 64. I really didn't have any interest in shooting any of the rifles except the AR-15 and maybe the 30 carbine. Anyway, I'm going around looking for the 30 carbine magazines and I can't find them. Jesse says they're in the magazine pouches on the rifle case and all I can find are the AR-15 mags. I tell him I'm being blind and I swear he hands me an AR-15 mag and I'm like, "You gave me the wrong one." And then he starts to give me crap about how I have the wrong magazine and I'm like, "No shit! You gave me the wrong one!" He totally denies it and makes me look like another one of the dumb girls out on the range who are out there to try and impress their boyfriends who are barely able to shoot anything remotely near "on target" with an AR at 30 yds.

At this point, I'm pretty pissed. I really dislike looking inferior when I totally know damned well I am capable of greatness. So I need to take a fiver to calm down and gather my thoughts. So I'm sitting down with my DrPepper and Jesse comes over to see what's wrong and I told him I just need to take a break. I mean, geez, why not bring me some tissues or something and make me look like even more of a lame ass!? And it gets worse. When the range officer calls a cease fire again, Jesse and I go to put our targets out and I go out the way everyone else does over the burrows and yet I get crap from the range officers about it. Like what was it about me that singled me out to be lectured. Because I was a girl? I was so pissed off.

However once the cease fire was over and we were allowed to shoot again, I shot my Bersa for a bit. I shot 12 rounds and after that didn't want to shoot it anymore. I dunno, I just wasn't feeling pistols. It seems asinine to me to shoot pistols when you're at a range where you can shoot so far off into the distance. So I picked up the AR-15. I used to love shooting the AR because I was pretty good with it. This was when I was pregnant. I took down many a pumpkins. But then I remembered what I didn't like about it and that's the goofy twangy sound it makes when you shoot it. And now a new issue: it was too light.

I know this is hard to explain but it's the same reasoning I dislike shooting .22 rifles anymore. When you shoot with a heavier rifle, it is easier to control because the counter pressure from the weight of the rifle plus the fact you gear up for a bigger recoil, well, I just find it easier to shoot and I'm more accurate with a heavier rifle. Lighter ones seem to need more finess in the muscle to control but then at the same time they also have less recoil but in your mind you want to prepare for something bigger and then you're let down, so... yeah. You'd have to have done it to know what I'm trying to explain I guess.

OK, so I shoot the AR all good and well. There's a gal nex to me shooting her boyfriend's AR. He has some targets out 30 yds. for her and was lecturing her on how to shoot. You know how I learned how to shoot? Jesse gave me a gun and said, "Lean into the gun. Gently pull up the slack on the trigger and when you're ready to shoot, shoot." And I played with the gun to get a feel of it. Then he told me to practice by dry-firing at home and provided me a "how-to" diagram of how to line up my sights with a target. Every time I see one of those douche bag guys trying to teach his girlfriend how to shoot, I just want to slap them. They seem like they are just being bossy and condescending and barking orders instead of teaching. Most of the girls out there could care less, they're just trying to do something to pretend to have some sort of interest in what their boyfriend at the time is into. If they dated a guy who was into meth, they'd be doing meth. Point being, the girl obviously isn't going to be into competitive shooting, so why not just show her how to load a magazine, chamber a bullet, pull a trigger and let her have fun. Why make it into some sort of pissing contest. This guy knows he's better at it than a girl who is out on her first day so don't be a dick about it.

Anyway, back to where I was going on this. So we're shooting the same gun, just with a few cosmetic differences in furniture, but still the same gun. She's shooting 30 yds. away and hitting the cardboard target stand occasionally with her boyfriend barking directions at her. Then some other dude is giving her "pointers". Then I'm over there with Jesse's AR just plinking away at the steel plates at about 225 yds and 250 yds away. I'm not even trying to do good. I'm just plinking away frustrations and Jesse says I am right on target but slightly to the right. So I move over slightly and start hitting the steel plates pretty regularly.

I had tried shooting the 30 carbine at the plates earlier but with my bad eyes and a gun I had only shot once in the past, I wasn't working very well. I'm still trying to figure out the sights on that guy. I told Jesse the 30 carbine and I don't have that kind of relationship yet. I described what I currently have for a relationship with him as that of someone you don't really know and you don't get along with them really but once you get to know them better you really like them a lot. Maybe one day we'll be on that level, just not now. I also explained that some guns I meet and click with right away. Case in point the Mauser and Mosin-Nagant. I didn't know till later that Jesse brought the Mosin-Nagant, so I shot him the latter half of our day.

So here's another great one: next to us is a benchrest weenie. He's got what Jesse would guess would have been something that shoots a 22/250 and described as "Something that sounded loud but didn't kick." Anyway, yeah, he has this gun set up on a benchrest. He has the scope on the gun. He has the binoculars next to the gun and basically would pull a trigger and watch where his gun would shoot. Where's the fun in that? I don't get it! Apparently he was watching me shooting the Mosin-Nagant effortlessly with a baffled look on his face Jesse described as "wondering how it was you were shooting that gun". I guess you can shoot things off benchrests, huh buddy?

We wound up having a good time in the end. I was really happy to shoot a heavier round. I needed it. I told Jesse I'd like to get into competitive shooting. I'm not the world's best shot, but I do believe I am better than other people who I've shot around. I would rank myself in a competition of 10 shooters as possibly coming in top 5. At least top 5 material. We then were talking about guns and I told him I want to get an M1 Garand because I have a weird feeling I would fall in love with it and be really good shooting one because of how heavy they are. We also discussed the ideas of selling the lower receiver of the AR we were going to build for me. That idea stemmed from how to finance getting an M1 Garand but then I told Jesse I was thinking about selling my Ruger Mk. III because I never use it anymore and feel as if I could care less about it. There's a gun show next month, so I'm gonna sell it there probably. I'm asking for $400 if anyone is interested. It's only 2 years old, very clean, still has accessories, box, manual, and is basically in a like-new condition. I babied that gun. He's had a good number of rounds put through him but he's also very clean. I stress VERY clean.

So we get home, Charlie is happy and good and all is right and well in the world. Puppy Bowl V was on and there was a pug dog I was rooting for, Xander. He was too cute. Kitty Half Time Show was pretty good too. We missed the end of Puppy Bowl V because Hoss came through town with his dad. We went out to dinner together and chatted about random stuff. Good times. Hoss got Charlie a shirt and even cut the sleeves off of it for him. Seriously. Oh that Hoss. I can't wait to take a picture of him in it. It'll be a riot! Anyway, they didn't stay too long because it was close to 9:00 when we got back from dinner and they were headed back to Oregon. But it was nice to see Hoss again. For some reason I thought I'd have more to say about dinner but I guess my mind was so stuck on the shooting from earlier it got sucked into that.