Saturday, February 7, 2009

You deserve better...

I feel I am this diseased leper who has exposed Jesse to a disgusting world of feminine mystique; the dark side of the female realm which no male should ever be a witness to. I am disgusted at the fact I am prone to yeast infections. I think I must be the only woman Jesse has ever been with that gets them let alone so often. On top of that, after I had Charlie, I am now prone to hemerhoids. However I can't tell if I just pooped too hard or if I have one. Jesse will check me and put witch hazel in it's place without complaining. I feel like every time I turn around I am getting some weird sort of infection or something disgusting and wrong on my body. I just feel Jesse deserves someone better than that. Like maybe at one time I was just some rebound girl that turned into a kindred spirit he could hang out with and have fun with but now he's stuck with this weird diseased monster. Maybe I'm being harsh on myself but I just can't help but feel down on myself sometimes and a little jealous of my predecessors. I never got to go out on all the fun dates and get dressed up and go to nice places and what not. Instead, I went shooting and to Wienershnitzel. Don't get me wrong, I like both, but I'd really like to go out dancing or to a fancy restaurant or something. I know there were several cases of bad timing, like we were together but there was no money or we were apart but there was money or we were together with money but there was nothing to do or I was pregnant and now we are together and with not a lot of money and we have a child so I give up. I'm just going to have to learn to live with the fact that I am prone to yeast infections, bladder infections and urinary tract infections and that no matter what, I am the wife, ergo, I don't get the fancy fun dates the ex-girlfriends got. At least he'll bring home dinner sometimes and a surprise here and there for me not to mention pay for doctor's visits. But still, a nice date wouldn't hurt. Am I being greedy?

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