Saturday, March 28, 2009

I'm the epitome of all that is Marge Simpson

Today we received a letter in the mail telling us to "save the date" for our friends' wedding next year. In Italy. Like there's any way in hell we'll be able to afford that. I mean, we gotta save like crazy just to get to visit folks back home and two of the three of us don't even have passports so, yeah. That's not gonna happen. Not that I don't want to go. Originally they were going to have their wedding in Catalina and I was super excited. I was thinking Jesse and I could go and leave Charlie with my mom for a weekend and it could be like a honeymoon we never got. But they decided to do Italy instead because if they did a "hokey" Catalina wedding, then they couldn't afford a honeymoon and wanted to go to Europe so they figure kill two birds with one stone and I can see where they're going on that one. But not everyone sees eye to eye on it, especially family members who might not be able to afford going out there. Some people see it as a sly way to exclude them. I know some people do destination weddings intentionally for that purpose but I know that's not their case.

But this gets me thinking about weddings. I know, I dwell on this way too much! Jesse gets annoyed at blogs of this nature. I still want a wedding dammit! Jesse swore I told him I didn't want a wedding. I clearly recall telling him we couldn't afford a wedding. I then suggested we do a chapel because I could swing that. But there was a lot of hassle involved with the chapel with a deposit, payment options, time of day and basically it worked out that our witnesses couldn't make it if we did the chapel. I even recalled calling 4 or 5 places in town, 3 were booked, one was way too expensive and the other was just jumping through hoops. So we shot machine guns instead. Shooting was fun but I just feel like part of me thinks I deserve a wedding and wearing a nice dress and walking down an aisle. I've seen a lot of people get married in my life, most of which end in divorce. I feel like I've worked so hard to be the best possible wife I can be and I even worked hard to be the best potential wife before we got married. I certainly thought that one day, if all our ducks were in a row, we would have a wedding of sorts. Alas, that has never happened. We're 6 months shy of being married 2 years now. I think if we followed our original plan of getting married on paper and then a year later having a wedding, it would have been nice. Of course we had serious financial setbacks. If we were to do something 2 years later that would be weird. Now the only thing I can think of would be if we did something 5 years later and I guess at that point we could do a vow renewal ceremony or something. But that seems tacky if it's not genuine. Like if the only reason we do it is because one of us, me, wanted a wedding and never got it because we were broke and there was a misunderstanding. So I guess this will be my life regret that the wedding I wanted since a child to fulfill my girlish dreams of getting married and being the perfect housewife will be doled out to those around me who never felt that way and could give half a shit. They'll have sleek, chic, modern, classy, traditional and destination weddings. I'll just have a lost dream to file away into my "things I wanted to do but never will be able to" box that also include such things as be completely debt free, be in good health, be fashionable, travel to fascinating locations, and own a home. Oh well. I'm the epitome of all that is Marge Simpson.

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