Saturday, May 23, 2009

Is it too late to get PPD???

I think I was bit by the ppd bug at various points after Charlie was born and it comes and goes because frankly, I'm too cool to be depressed forever, it's more spurts. But Charlie is teething with molars now and has been a total butt for the last few days. On top of it all, I have a period. I'm tired. I'm bitchy. I have an apartment to clear out and clean by Monday and have a feeling Jesse is going to wait till the last minute to help with that. I got a little pissed off the other night when Jesse said to me, "I was thinking, for Father's Day, you can get me a maintenance manual for the Galaxie." Really? Father's Day is 3 or 4 weeks away and you're already telling me what you want me to get you even though Mother's Day just passed and again, I didn't get a card, a present, a breakfast or dinner or anything special other than being told Happy Mother's Day the day AFTER and you already know what you want me to buy you? Did that come off as too bitchy? The day after Mother's Day isn't Mother's Day, boog. I am feeling pretty annoyed that I don't get Mother's Days. Last year should have been my first one, but instead of going to breakfast, I got out of the hospital all ass late and ate their crappy styrafoam waffles and rubbery bacon and spent the rest of the day passed out on the couch. I didn't know it was possible to feel new mom tired after a year. I recall talking to someone recently about how you will never know tired till you are a new mom and wake up every 2 hours round the clock to feed your child which takes about 40 - 60 minutes and by the time you fall asleep again, it's time to feed again and you're just running off of who knows what. I didn't know that it was possible to feel that way again, but I guess now it is back. Charlie is getting molars and wakes up at night shrill screaming and I have the worst headache, I'm tired as hell and I could really use some sleep but alas, the time I'd relax just so happens to be the last weekend we have to clean the old apartment. I am so cranky right now. On top of it all, my sleeping problems, which I get so tired I can't sleep or I am afraid of the bugs I can't sleep. Do you know that I actually thought of the idea that there might be a demon or poltergeist or something connected to our house causing the bugs? But then I ruled that out because I don't get weird vibes about the place, if anything, I have yet to feel any weirdness. Well, I take that back. I do not like the basement/crawlspace. But I think anyone finds those places creepy. But I feel pretty comfortable in the rest of the home. Supposedly there's gonna be another real estate crash this summer. I was thinking it would be kinda neat if we could buy the house at a really low price. It's just an issue of qualifying for the loan. I've been looking at FHA loans and there's a possibility we might qualify for that as a first time home buyer. The one lender we talked to was a total bitch but she didn't mention FHA loans. She was just trying to pimp services with her company. I just gotta find out the direct source for getting a loan with the gov't (ugh) and maybe because they're so hard up with things they'd say ok to us? Who knows. All I know is FHA requires a 3.5% down payment and if we can get something really cheap, well, we be able to get that down payment. Back to things, though. I've been feeling down lately. Mostly I attribute it to being tired and unable to sleep. Funny how all things are connected. I'm gonna pee and lay in bed now. Separately. I'm not gonna pee in bed.

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