Friday, July 31, 2009

Jenny & Hyde

Apparently I look totally different in my day-to-day state than when I go out. A few days ago, some kids knocked on my door because their ball went over my fence. I got it for them. Well it's the kids next door. Today I was outside with Charlie and Lulu peeing (Lulu, not us) and the kids were over there and said, "Can you tell the lady who lives in the house behind you thank you for getting our ball back?" I looked confused and pointed to the house next door to me and said, "The lady next door?" They said, "No, that house, the other lady who lives there with you" and they pointed to my house. I laughed and said, "Oh, that's not another lady! That's me! I just do my hair different sometimes!" At that point, the little girl puts her hand over her mouth in shock like she just said something horrible and I was going to shoot her or something. I found it to be the funniest thing in the world. I guess I'm now the scary neighbor who is like some sort of Jeckyl and Hyde type person who is one day grumpy and disheveled and the next composed and perky. It will amuse me for a while, this one...

Thursday, July 30, 2009

The Most Important Blog You'll Ever Read: Hannah Montana vs. iCarly

Wait? Hannah Montana vs. iCarly?

That's right. I'm comparing tween icons of dueling networks, Disney's Hannah Montana aka the Undercover Pop Star and Nickalodeon's iCarly, average girl with an internet series.

For starters, I hate Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. I think she's a no-talent skank ho that give kids a bad example of what girls her age should act like. In her show she teaches it's ok to lie to your friends, step on people to get ahead and yeah, it's Disney so they try to turn it around to teach a moral but in the end, she always gets things her way so really, there is no lesson learned. She has hideous hair as Hannah and is just a bitch either way as herself or her stage persona. She swears the world is all about her. Annoying little rich girl. Her guy friend is ugly and her bff is ugly too. And just like her, they don't have any talent. Plus, Hannah lives with her dad in a beach house (Mr. Achey Breaky Big Mistakey himself Billy Ray Cyrus)who in reality is a failed musician trying to make a comeback vicariously through his daughter.

I actually like iCarly and find it to be a watchable show. From the fact it reminds me of a jr. high type Saved By The Bell in the age of internet with less characters but the same good fun vibe of shows I remember watching as a kid in jr. high. Carly is cute. She's likable. She's not perfect, not always a genius, but a lot more fun than Hannah/Miley. Even her friends are better looking and have more substance than the empty friends Hannah has. Carly lives with her older brother in a loft apartment. No parents, yet so much more responsible.

Not to mention, the starting credits/music are better for iCarly than Hannah Montana...

iCarly opening sequence/song

Hannah Montana opening sequence/song

iCarly is totally fun, teen fun. Hannah is like a kid trying to be Shania Twain. It's just weird and wrong. And her song sucks. At least the iCarly theme is sung better and has a really cool look with the whole internet web surfing credit concept.

Anyway, yeah, that's the end of that. I am putting an end to all things. iCarly is likable. Hannah Montana is just skating on over marketing and the fact it's teenage star has questionable pics of herself floating around the internet. What's that all about? Not cool.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Giddy with anticipation

Today we are being dared to do something kind. It's not too difficult to make this a good day for Jesse. He got the right part for his carburetor finally. A new Small Arms Review came in the mail. I was thinking of making him some stir fry and brownies, but the more I thought about it, that's a little selfish because quite frankly, everyone in the house gets to enjoy that. So I'm still making stir fry and the brownies (chocolate chip brownies at that!) are baking away in the oven as I type. So what's so kind? Well, Jesse's not here and he's missing out on the best part: licking the bowl. In an act of kindness, I put a tupperware of brownie batter in the fridge with a note to my darling husband telling him how I love him so much, that I think of him when he's not around and want him to enjoy his favorite part of me making him brownies. I can't wait till he stumbles upon it because I know he will be very happy. So now I get to sit around all day giddy and excited to see him react to his surprises of a new magazine, a tasty dinner and desert and then gasp! something he didn't even see coming. I'm such a dork. Seriously, I am.

Old Ladies in Big Trucks and Cops That Go "Did You Call?" in the Night

I heard this rattling sound of a big work truck outside and saw a tiny little old lady crawl out of it. It was almost cartoonish. I mean, this lady must have been no more than 5' tall at best, yet she's getting out of one of those huge diesel style work trucks that is at least 3' above ground before you even reach the floor of the cabin. It was rather comical to say the least.

Last night, Jesse and I were spending quality time in the living room. He was looking up stuff for his carburetor that is a mess and a half and I was reading aloud from Dr. Laura's 10 Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships. It was like we were listening to her show without it actually being on. Anyway, some cars pull up in front of our house around close to 11:00 pm. We get up and look out our screen door and it's RPD. They come up to our house as we stare inquisitively and ask if we called. "Nope." Upon a quick glance, they realize that we're not the correct address and then notice the house next to ours is not the address they need either. They ask us if we know where that house is and to our best knowledge, we assume its one of the houses in the alley. They walk up and down the block with their flash lights with no luck and finally some kid comes out and I guess there was some sort of domestic issue somewhere. I just heard something about arguing with a mom and that was the best I could gather.

Apparently we must live on the street of a million domestic disputes. Which is fine with me. I'll take cops coming out here to settle quarrels any day over the crap we dealt with at our last place: unsupervised kids playing in the alley and messing with the cars, drug dealers doing deals in our parking lot, tweakers, assholes blaring bad music, etc. At least with domestic disputes, its always over some petty crap and it can be real amusing to watch. Plus, this way we have cops constantly patrolling our street so you know that chances of someone committing a serious crime like robbery, vandalism, etc. is lower because chances are there will be a cop out here. So in actuality, I see my feuding neighbors as blessings.

In other news, Charlie is now on a sleeping in kick. I like this. A lot actually. Two nights in a row he went to bed around 9:30 - 10:00 and didn't wake till 10:30 the next morning. Guess who else gets to sleep in? You guessed it! US! We like this very much.

The end.

Church on Sundays and a flag pole in the yard

The other night Jesse and I were talking and something came about church services and how someone who wasn't baptized or part of a church couldn't take part in things; but, depending on the service (if it's something that is a sacrament only to baptized parish members or just a general service) could maybe be used, and if nothing else, if a non-baptized person was married to someone who is baptized and part of a church they probably could. That made me think of Jesse in a church. He has said on many occasions that he's not a non-believer, just not into organized religion. I also thought of how I would probably get slack from the church about never having a marriage within the church and that I should (not that I don't want to, but it just never happened the first year.) Well, I like the idea of Jesse going to church. In fact, I envy families that have couples that go to church every Sunday. The whole concept of religion teaches morals, ethics and decency in human nature and how to deal with flaws and hardships. I just feel like that connection to God and faith brings a deeper meaning to vows and one appreciates their sacrament of marriage more and can truly love their spouse and children even more because when they swear in the name of God to do something, it actually means something, and isn't just lip service to some book. I want to be one of those families, but in reality, I don't see that ever happening. My own laziness (and shame) doesn't get me to go to church regularly. I haven't even had my son baptized yet because the Godparents live too far away and I haven't registered with the church yet because they don't have the forms available in the bulletins anymore and no one in the rectory seems to know how to go about to register. I tried to arrange a baptism back home, but I would need a letter from my parish up here saying it's ok and then it's back to square one of I can't find anyone who knows how I am supposed to register. We were reading one of Dr. Laura's books tonight and I was thinking of her take of remarrying after your spouse dies and that's one of the few areas I disagree with her because I feel like when you die, you will be reunited with your spouse in Heaven but at this point, part of me would greatly like to have Jesse be a full on Catholic like me so that we can both go to Heaven when we die, because as it stands right now, I doubt we'll be in the same places in the next world unless one of us changes drastically either way. Yeah, I want to be that family that gets dressed up in our Sunday bests, hops in the Oldsmobile and drives to church for that one hour a week to bask in stained glass lighting and partake in our weekly mass and then goes out to breakfast somewhere. Alas, I don't see that happening. Ever.

At the gun show, there was a booth selling flags. Julie said she wished she had a flag pole because she would want to put a flag up and I can't help but agree with her on that. I thought it would be grand to have a flag pole out front and put up it out every morning and take it down every night, properly fold it and place it in a safe spot till the next morning. Is it just me or does anyone not notice flags being such a prominent part of decor, patriotism and day to day life anymore? I don't see many schools with flags out front, just empty poles. The only places you really see flags anymore are at court houses or federal buildings, other than that, they've become non-existent. Is patriotism becoming a dying concept in this country like religion? Is it possible that patriotism will be separated from state just as the church was?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Marriage is work, but not a chore

I am always fascinated in ways to make life better than it already is. I love Dr. Laura and believe she gives the most honest, straight-forward advice, so I bought her book, 10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships. Granted, there's a lot in there about what people do wrong, but you can take the book two ways: either a learning experience of "OK, that's what happened" or as a learning manual of "OK, I'll make sure I never do that." We fit in the latter. While Jesse and I have a good marriage, it is not perfect. We're human. Nothing in life is perfect. We both make mistakes. We both argue. Sometimes it's just little petty stuff that could easily be over looked but is made more of a nuisance because of a bad day, sometimes more serious that require sit down discussions. Fact of the matter, for any couple to say they never argue or never have issues is absurd. It's these little flaws in life that make us human and not Gods.

Anyway, I recently invested in some relationship books, as mentioned Dr. Laura's book, as well as The Love Dare, which a friend did and loved. The Love Dare is a 40 day plan to strengthen your love (not lust, this book is about friendship, commitment, honor, respect, and spiritual connections to your spouse, not sex.)

Right now seemed like a perfect time to try out the books and in addition, I created a Year of Fun plan as a supplement to the Love Dare. While that is about the spiritual side of things, my plan is more about keeping monotony out of life. Having a child suddenly takes away from being a couple and has put a strain on things in our relationship. So my plan sees that every week we devote one night to doing something that is about us as a couple. Sometimes it's about one person doing something special for the other, sometimes it's about doing something together. The thing is, it's about us and us being happy and trying new things. Is this one about sex? Sometimes. Could be. There's dinner/DVD nights, walk nights, game nights, Mystery Date (surprise outing) nights, and so on.

Marriage is a lot of work, but not a chore. Yes, bills, children and just day to day stress take tolls on us, but it's that for better or for worse where we work on supporting each other and seeing that we keep our sanity, and making time for the family and making time for the couple that keep us happy. There are ups and there are downs, but it doesn't have to be drama constantly. So on that note, I am eager to start our Love Dare and Year of Fun and look forward to what will come in the following weeks.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Rules of engagement

Last night was a bit of a rough night for me. After all the lumps and bumps were set aside an issue came up in that everything that has ever happened between Jesse and I never happens intentionally but is the result of accidentally happening. I don't think we ever planned to date each other, it just happened. We never planned to move to Reno, it just happened. We were gonna stay here over the summer while Jesse interned at US Ordinance and that never happened and well, two years later, we're still here. We got married. Jesse never proposed. There was never a dinner or walk anywhere or event where he took my hand, did a one knee thing or whatever and popped the question. We just decided one day that for insurance purposes to get married on paper and then a year later we would have a real ceremony. Two years later that never happened. And it bugs me every day to wonder if we never did that if Jesse would ever propose to me or not. He says he would have but the fact that it never happened just makes me wonder. And of course I got pregnant, we weren't planning to have kids yet but it happened. Do we regret it? Not at all.

So I keep hearing about this book called The Love Dare. I saw it but didn't buy it because I didn't have the money at the time and when I did have the money, I totally forgot. Anyway, I guess it's a 40 day plan to strengthen your relationship. It sounds interesting and fun and all. I just wonder how many people do the every day things or just read and start and don't finish? It's worth a shot, right? It could be fun. I think the last thing is to write new vows or something and share with your spouse. I hear people also use this thing before they get married. Whatever the case may be, I always like to try new and interesting things as well as look for ways to make good things better.

A rant about Women's Health magazine article advice

Yesterday I got my hair cut and was reading Women's Health magazine. Naturally I go straight to the good stuff: sex advice and what men want. I need to complain for a minute about what I read.

According to their sexperts, there are a few relationship truths that they refute as myths. They say it's ok to fake an orgasm and if you cheat on your spouse you shouldn't tell. Yeah, I disagree there. First off, if you fake an orgasm, be it once or all the time, you have now trained your man that whatever he is doing is something you like. He makes a mental note of that once and does it ALL the time and you cheat yourself. Why not train him to do something you enjoy? Albeit he enjoys this lesson more than you faking pleasure. (Same thing goes to you too guys. If you like something and your spouse has never done it, it's ok to introduce new things to them. New is always fun. So long as it doesn't involve bringing in another person to your bedroom!) Then, they say that if you confess cheating, it just causes mistrust on your spouses end while making you feel less guilty. Well here's a cold hard truth: someone who cheats on someone and feels bad about it once, will feel bad about it forever so no amount of confessions will ever make that guilt go away. While someone who has cheated a few times in a crappy relationship doesn't give a shit and will keep doing so. So confessing to being unfaithful is a good thing. Yeah, it does bring up trust issues, but it also brings up some valid questions as to why did you cheat and what lead to that? Is the relationship doomed? I mean, think about it, if you were in a bad relationship but blind to the fact it's bad, wouldn't you rather wake up to a shitty situation and move on to something potentially better than to live ignorant to the fact you're the butt end of someone else's unhappiness? And wouldn't you rather work on strengthening your relationship if it was a one time accident and do something to build a better foundation so it doesn't happen again? Maybe someone has been so used to a certain routine that when something comes in and interrupts that routine, it throws them off. Whatever the case may be, people have the right to know. If you are truly sorry, you will tell and deal with whatever consequences come with it, instead of having your unwilling spouse drag along like a little life boat should your cruise ship crash.

Another issue I had was with their what men want. They say all men look at porn; deal with it. OK, yeah, all men look at naked chicks. Whatever. But there's no reason a man in a relationship should have to look at porn. Looking at porn stimulates a man's sexual needs and a man in a relationship who looks at porn waves a red flag that there is something missing in his present relationship that causes him to need to see naked chicks. Which brings me back to the cheating point. What's the difference if someone sleeps with someone else or if someone gets off to a picture on a computer, magazine, movie, etc.? The fact of the matter is you're not with the person you should be with. Is looking at porn as bad as cheating? Depends who you ask. If you think of it in a biblical sense (thinking of doing something is just as bad as actually doing it because if you didn't have the intent to try it, you never would have thought about it), yeah, it is. Because you would get sexual gratification imagining you're with someone that's not your spouse, which is to say if that person were there in your area readily available to do you and you had the opportunity to do so, you probably would do it with them and cheat. I don't have any issues with single guys looking at porn and doing what they gotta do. I mean, granted, I feel like most men can do better than that and instead of wasting their efforts over imaginary women, could make an effort to go out and get a real woman, but alas, it's just easier to fall into traps. But by no means should a person in a relationship look at that shit.

I just have issues that magazines give such shitty advice like this. Personally, I was in a relationship that was really crappy where my ex was addicted to porn to the point it affected our relationship. After that, I said that any porn became a deal breaker. You either love me and me alone as I do with you, or you're out. People have choices in life and for magazines to tell women that it's ok to allow their men to fantasize about other women, well, shit if that don't justify a potential relationship issue that would lead to a women to seek emotional and physical solitude in another person. Guys, seriously, step it up. When you have a great woman who treats you like you're the king of her world, of the entire world, don't go fucking it up with stupid shit like looking at porn like you're some high school boy who isn't getting it. 9 times out of 10 you have a woman who is willing to do whatever shit those porno gals do and you fuck it up. And ladies, don't be idiots. If your guy isn't cutting it in bed, let him know. But you don't hafta be a bitch about it. Not everything in life is perfect. Maybe hormones or stress or other factors are affecting sex. Maybe you can do things to change it. Or maybe you can get a book or something to spice things up. Whatever. The world is full of liars and cheaters. There's no point to add one more to the pot. Most importantly, don't take shit these magazines have to heart. They're written by doctors. What does a doctor know about sex and relationships? Whatever a book tells them. The only way to truly know about things is through experience. What does your gut tell you to do? There's no law that says following your instincts is a crime.

Anyway, that's the end of my rant with poor magazine article advice. The end.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Beef with Blogger

Sometimes I would love to write a private blog that only certain people have access to. Unfortunately, Blogger will let you set your whole blog up that way, but not individual posts. I don't want to block everyone from reading my blogs but at the same time, I don't want the world to know everything. Why is it that sometimes when you think you find something so perfect, like Blogger, it will turn around and disappoint you after a while like everything else in the past? Is it possible to find a perfect program in life that will do everything you want it to do and not have some sort of serious deal breaker type flaw? Why is it all or nothing? Why can't there be a happy middle ground? I loved how Myspace would let you blog with preferences for public, friends only, private group, or diary, but it was a lame platform and you couldn't import/export. Blogger has all these amazing features and I really love Blogger. It does so much for me and my blogging abilities and saves my drafts and so much more, but you can only have private group or public, no other choices. I don't like the idea of not being satisfied with what I have. I want to be happy with it and continue to love it, but when it has these stupid flaws that every other program seems to have and hasn't been able to fix, I just get really upset. I just feel like everything in life is becoming like Blogger for me. Something seems so perfect and then there's flaws and I try to tweak it to fit for me but in the end the same flaw keeps coming back to bite me in the ass. And in all honesty, Blogger is the best thing out there in my opinion. And even that's fucked up in some way. Is nothing in life golden?

Choose your battles

I just woke up a little while ago rather groggy. In my half awake state, Jesse told me he was thinking of going to "that show" and putting on clothes. He kisses me and heads out the door quicker than I can completely comprehend what's going on. He says it's Jesse time. Well last night we were supposed to have our date night and we're only out long enough to get to our destination for 2 beers and have a quick bite to eat. That's not really long enough in my mind, especially since Jesse wants to go home because he's tired. Looking back, I think it's because it's not his thing and honestly it's not my thing either but I do not discriminate against live music of any sort and alcohol. If it's a good vibe in a room, I'm totally ok. Well he's not. Today is an old skool LA punk show out in Sparks. Jesse would have never known about this show if I didn't tell him. Reason being is that I wanted to go too. I didn't realize on Friday when I brought the flyer home that the show is tonight. Apparently Jesse went to the show by himself to enjoy bands he grew up seeing. Actually, bands we both grew up seeing. And the fact he has decided that he is the only one who gets to relive his glory days has me a little upset. He's gonna go out and have fun while I'm folding laundry. So right now I'm pretty grumpy. I don't get the right to complain because I go places too, but I also go places I know Jesse doesn't care to go to. If he's remotely interested, I'll invite him. The fact I wanted to go too but he goes alone anyway makes me grumpy. But I'm sure at some state in drinking last night I probably told him he should go which makes me just mad at myself. Charlie is up crying. Life is pretty fucking sweet right now. I feel like chucking a brick at something.

Gunshow recap

We eventually dragged our asses out to the gunshow this morning around 10ish and met up with Ryan and Julie. Walked around for a bit. We met up with the guys and got a snack at the deli at Raley's. Walked back to the gun show. Cruised around some more. Saw Gia the Button Lady and talked with her about random stuff from home schooling, more Tea Parties and family owned businesses. Yeah, it's sort of my dream to have one, but I don't know how soon that will ever take off. Hopefully soon? After talking with Gia, we headed down and saw Sean was also able to crawl out of bed this morning to make it to the voter registration table. Went over and said hi and Charlie decided to do some sort of stare down. It was pretty funny. Julie and I then took Charlie to eat because he was asleep when we ate. After that we were reunited with our husbands and life was good. They got some tanerite and other crap and we went home from there. Ahhh. I told Chrissy she should have gone and we could find her a man at the gun show. She asked if I was threatened by her singleness and I said no, I just thought it'd be funny if she could have a tale of a gun show fling. She responded that she also should have a fling with a cowboy for the same reason. Ah, good times. I think we need to have another bbq but with more people and booze in the lights of a real party? But for the same purpose, I'd also like to wait till we know if an investor buys our house or what. The end.

Oh, here's a picture to end it all. Charlie having a good time.


My arm is all scribbled to shit with a map of stamps from various locations I've been to yesterday. My gun show stamp is practically faded while I can't seem to get the stamps from bars off. Funny how that works out, huh? It all seemed like a good idea last night but, I am not having fun this morning. Staying up ass late to upload pictures and blog for fear I might leave a detail out seemed like a good idea when I got home. But I don't enjoy the fact that just as I went to sleep, Charlie woke up crying and wanted to sleep with us. Or the fact that we got woken up at 8ish by a phone call from my mother in law who is driving cross country back to California and never seems to remember time zone differences. Or the fact that after that I couldn't fall back asleep and we got a phone call not too long after from gun show friends wanting us to join us. I love the gun shows. I love going out. But dammit, I hate waking up after having little sleep. We walked home because it was close by but that's just one more thing to add to me being tired. At this point, I'm just dragging my ass to get anything done. Whatever. I don't see Jesse up and getting ready so I don't feel too bad. Even still, I have always been that weird anomaly who goes out, can get completely shit faced the night before and go to bed at 4 am and still wake up no later than 8. Damned internal clock weirdness. OK, time to get ready for another day of guns.

A recount of the night before I go to sleep

Tonight Jesse and I joined Chrissy and her friend in a night of festivities that involved drinking and a bar. Well, everyone except Jesse was running late. But we got a ride and got to the bar soon enough. When we got there it was slow as shit so Chrissy and her friend went out to Sparks to go see if some of their coworkers were up to coming over later. While that was happening, Jesse and I walked to Silver Peak and got a late dinner. On my way out of the bathroom, I went to wash my hands and ran into a flock of girls trying to take a picture of themselves as a group. I could only imagine in their drunken state, they'd have a million photos of three heads and maybe a few eyes. I offered to take their pic and they got super happy like I gave them $20 or something. They were talking about how their camera was sticky but not from anything gross, just from drinks. Har har.

Anyway, after we ate, we went back to the bar and met up with Chrissy and her friend again and by that point it was nearly 1:00 am, Jesse was tired because he just got off work not too long before that. So we cut out early. On our way home, this school of douchey guys asked us about where 210 North was, even though it was right across the street. It went something like, "Hey, are you locals?" Yes. "Where's a cool club around here?" 210 North? "Yeah, that one. Are there hot girls there? What about Silver Lodge, that casino?" Silver Legacy? "Yeah. What are the babes like? We just got back from a place and the girls were all dogs." Charming. Have fun at 210. I just felt like I lost a few brain cells after hearing that discussion, but at the same time I was totally amused and thought it was pretty sad. Somewhere in the world is a desperate girl with low self esteem who just got out of a long term relationship with a messy outcome who will seek comfort in one of those tools, so may all find solitude where ever they can.

So yeah, we walked home because it's only a 1.5 mile jot from the bars to our house. It was nice to get fresh air and not nice holding my bladder that long but oh well. So is the nature of the beast. In the end, I'm a cheap date. I only had 2 beers yet I feel pretty buzzed, but that could be due to lack of sleep too. That also makes my typing abilities extraordinary. It's not like some drunk warbley blog no one understands or something you'd read the next morning and wonder, "What the hell was I thinking?"

On a total tangent, I think I looked great tonight. I totally went casual but my hair and make up and everything came together nicely. Chrissy said I looked like I was wearing a wig and was flabbergasted that my hair could look so stylized and artificial; but in a positive way. It was a compliment. Jesse looked darling as always. Chrissy wore her little hat and I love that thing. I'd get one for myself if I could pull it off, but I just don't think I could. Oh well.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

"I don't have a witty enough response to that comment."

That's what my friend Chrissy said this morning. You see, I sent her a text message around 7 something this morning that said, "I woke up this morning with my hair a different color, a mark on my neck, and a sore vag."


So last night I had Chrissy my hair to look like Narcissa Malfoy. That's Draco Malfyo's mom if you don't know. Draco Malfoy is the bad kid in Harry Potter if you don't know that. Anyway, his mom is totally stylish and I love her hair. The end.

This morning I went to the gun show, but I came home early because I was just too tired from a night of scanning photos for Phil, a day of shopping with Chrissy for shoes and then hair coloring, and a night of pizza and a quickie before falling asleep at 1:00 am only to wake up around 7:00. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, yesterday was fun, I just wish I had more energy today. Sadly, I don't so I'll hafta rest up for the gun show tomorrow. More guns to see. Gonna sleep on the idea of buying a gun. Say hi to Sean at the voter registration booth. Enjoy a day of air conditioning in an exciting environment and I believe Jesse and I and the boy have a plan for breakfast too.

Here's my hair and my cool moccassins by my veggie garden. Jesse isn't good at taking photos. Oh well.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Is it possible to live with someone and miss them?

The last few weeks, Jesse was lucky enough to work opening shifts. Before that he was always closing. Again he's closing. Lately I feel like I don't get to spend enough time with him because I try to let him sleep in in the mornings. Then at night, I'm watering my lawn and then he checks his email, 'putes, plays his game and we go to bed. The end. Is it possible to live with someone and feel like they're far away somewhere and you miss them? I wouldn't go to the extent of saying we have a troubled marriage because when we do have our time together, we're more than happy, but I just can't help but feel like things are a little distant even though we're right next to each other?

This morning I was getting ready for a job interview. I was putting on my eyeshadow. I almost wore brown, but then thought that greys would look better. Yesterday I wore brown. I also remember that back November 2005, I was going to Ralphs for something and I ran into Jesse and his ex. He said hi and I didn't even notice them when I was zoned out and walking into the store. He told me he was having a bbq for his birthday at his ex's house and asked if I wasn't doing anything if I wanted to come over and I said sure. I remember putting on my gold and rose Mac eyeshadow, brown eyeliner and brown mascara and heading over there. I just got back from a trip to Arizona the week before and brought over some bbq sauce I bought out at a shop at Goldfield Ghost Town. My ex was there and it was probably one of the few times he was ever in the valley. We bbq'd chicken and it wasn't done till long after everyone ate. I don't understand why I remember to a t the exact make up I wore that day. I just know at the time I was very unhappy.

This morning when I was doing my make up, I saw my brown eyeshadow and it made me think of the gold and rose colored Mac eyeshadow and that bbq and being next to someone who is so interesting yet so out of reach. Last Friday we were supposed to have a date night but Jesse got really sick and it never happened. I think we're going to try to redo date night on Saturday. Hopefully we get a baby sitter. I just think I need some alone time with my husband who feels like he is miles away when he's literally right next to me in the same room half the time.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A fun little story about taking chances

A month ago I saw a job listing for a company seeking an employee for their company. Prior to that, I had seen that same person looking for an employee a few weeks earlier. I applied even telling them that I noticed they have been posting repetitively with no luck and to give me a shot. I went on an interview that I thought went rather well. I was told they'd call back and follow up whether or not they go with me and never heard back. Whatever. OK, so flash forward to now, a month later. Apparently, this person is still looking for someone to hire. I guess the moral of the story here is that sometimes you need to settle for less than what you really want because if you're looking for a very specific person, chances are you'll never find that person. If that person exists, they probably have a good thing going on already and won't give it up to go elsewhere. Jesse had a similar situation happen when he applied at Century arms half a year ago. He applied around November or something and heard back in December. They told him thanks but no thanks. Then they called him back like 3 months later to see if he was still interested and wanted to hire him but pay him like $2 more than he makes at Sportsmans. And considering they're east coast and the cost of living is more, that was a total slap in the face. How come he wasn't good enough before but 3 months later he is? And you know what? Just for shits and giggles I looked at their site and they still haven't found the right person! Jesse said they wanted *some specific famous gunsmith person* and I believe he was right. Well, I guess in some cases they want specific people when someone leaves a company or gets fired or whatever and they try to find that person again and if they have no luck it just sucks. Its like that person who is in a long term relationship and gets dumped and they always try to find girls who are just like their ex but because it's not their ex, that new girl will never live up to those standards? Wow. I'm on too much of a tangent here. The end.

Monday, July 20, 2009

If you're gonna argue, do it outside at an ungodly time of the night

I would say off hand, there are 2 confirmed couples in our neighborhood that argue on a regular basis. There's the one couple across the street a few houses over who tend to argue and the girl will walk to the sidewalk and pace up and down the street arguing so everyone can hear what's happening so if the cops come, she has witnesses. Then there's this couple in this 4 or 6 plex across the street from us who seem to always have the cops come to split things up. I've seen the cops at their place 3 times since we moved in here in May and quite frankly I think there should be a law or something that if you have domestic disturbances and the cops have to come out so many times in a certain amount of time that you need to move away from the person you argue with or you'll be arrested or something of the sort. It just strikes me as a waste of cops time to come out to habitual arguers and always over the same shit. I dunno. Well last night, there was a new arguing couple somewhere. Jesse wasn't sure where they were but we heard them. All loud and clear at 12:53 pm. Basically arguing about someone feeling like they do everything type stuff. Seriously, did that argument have to happen when I was sleeping? Couldn't it have waited till the morning or happened earlier in the day? I never quite understand that about Reno how people pick the dumbest times to argue but ok. Anyway, I do enjoy a domestic disturbance every so often, so keep them coming people! Just, not all the time. Maybe like once every 2 weeks or so. And do it outside so I can watch cos it's funny as shit to see the stupid stuff people argue about. Really, why can't you just suck it up and do the work? Maybe you really are a whore who is cheating on your boyfriend or who has cheated in the past giving him suspicions? Maybe you did steal some money. Whatever. I love it!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

When you set your goals low enough, you can achieve success

I told Jesse today I have this dream of one day throwing out all of my bras, underwear and socks and buying brand new ones. Jesse said that sounds like an achievable goal.

I'm trying to clean my screen off because I need to reburn it. Apparently my emulsion wasn't even enough. D'oh. Trial 3 tomorrow. But at least I figured out a good burn time. I think I'm gonna try for 3 minutes though because 5 seemed to over expose a little too much.

Today I went to the purple festival at Lavender Ridge Ranch. It was really pretty there. Very purple. And lots of bees. If you're allergic to bees, I'd say you're safe as long as you don't pester the bees or get all up in the bees shit. The end.

At the water fall pond.

Charlie finds a really neat rock.

Charlie putters around looking at bees.

Charlie and his guy buddy Owen going down to check out the bees.

Pestering bees.

Walking with Mommy down the lavender fields.

In front of the lavender field on a fence post.

Pretty lavender. Lots of bees. Me: scared shitless of getting stung.

A big ol' fuzzy bumble bee.

Physically and Emotionally Drained

A little bit of a laundry list on this one because there's several factors involved in no particular order:

1. 2 months ago we bug bombed and sprayed the house for bugs. There were all these spiders and ants and other weird crap that freaked me out to the point of not being able to sleep. Well, now because of the heat, we have all these spiders showing up again. There was one on the floor by the computer this morning, then a little one on the blind in Charlie's room and a huge one by his toys that freaked me out. I immediately sprayed the house after Jesse killed those.

2. I am freaked out by the spiders now and wonder if I will be able to sleep. Probably not well. If fear of creepy crawlies doesn't keep me up, then the heat or Charlie waking up at night will. Did I mention he went from sleeping through the night to waking up now around 2 am again? Well he does. And to make matters worse, Jesse brings him into our bed, where him and Lulu take turns trying to kick me off the bed. Now he doesn't want to go back to sleep when he wakes up but wants to come into our bed. So I haven't been sleeping well lately.

3. My body has been destroyed by having a child. Not physically like in my appearance but like as in my actual physical state. Granted my boobs sag and I have stretch marks, but I believe I'm one of those rare people who looks better post child but make up for it by my body falling apart. I can't take a dump without it resulting in a hemmerhoid, which is an interesting fact considering I didn't have a vaginal birth and never had that forcing or straining. Although if you've ever had a c-section or any abdominal surgeries, you'll know what a bitch it is to poop after being fed practically nothing and spending days taking pain killers that constipate you. One of the most detrimental things, though, has been as of lately, sex, which was normally great, has become horrible. For some reason, my body hurts. Any area of my body which normally would be a receptor of pleasure is now only capable of receiving discomfort. This bothers me greatly because I feel like it is causing issues in our relationship. It makes Jesse feel bad and it makes me grumpy. I'm hoping it's just some weird slump or something like me having a cyst or something that's causing discomfort or maybe just the Mirena IUD. I dunno. I'm pretty crabby right now.

4. I'm still looking for work. I've heard back from a few things. One no because I applied for something that sounded like a web job but turns out its just some data entry bullshit and the person wants someone he can pay a shitty salary in cash under the table. It struck me as odd and the guy said two days ago he went with someone else, yet today I see he has a posting for that job again. Then I had an interview a month ago that I was told they'd get back to me and they never did and I've written them off as a no. I've thrown out resumes to a zillion other places from administrative work to design work. My only requirement is that I don't get less than $15/hr because quite frankly, anything under that makes it not worth it to me to go to work as my whole check would go to pay for daycare. I did have an interview this morning but if that job makes me an offer, we will have to move halfway across the country. While it will be a great opportunity for us financially, it will be hard on my family back home as it will be hard for them to visit us and us to visit them. It's already hard on my mom to not see me, Jesse, Charlie and Lulu except for maybe 3 or 4 times a year, but it would be harder for her if it were less than that. And it would be a shame to have to say goodbye to all of the wonderful people we've met out in Reno. But, be that as it may, we still have 2 weeks to find out what's going on and 2 weeks to seriously think about this. There are a LOT of pro's in the situation though.

5. I keep injuring myself. I have so many bruises and cuts and scrapes. Most of the time I'm just bumping into things but sometimes it's just really painful. Like, I keep whacking my little right toe in the dining room chairs whenever I put Charlie in his high chair. For a while, I was convinced I broke my toe, but Jesse told me if I could wiggle it, then I was fine. So according to his rule, while it was difficult to wiggle, it didn't hurt so much after a week or two so it's fine. When I sleep, the way the covers lay on my feet and Lulu laying between them, I wake up with sever pain in my ankles. I swear, I feel like an old person bitching about everything going wrong. And then my skin is itchy. I think my razors are giving me razor burn or something. Maybe I just have dry skin? I dunno.

Anyway, time for this crotchety lady to get to bed and watch Sexy City (Sex & the City) reruns and fall asleep only to wake up in, oh, 3 hours, to a crying child. Damn.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

A Shark In A Funny Hat

I just heard Jeremy say that on Top Gear. It makes for a great title, no?

So tonight I was watering my lawn, flowers and veggie garden and I couldn't help but think: why do my neighbors all have these beautiful green lawns and mine is half dead? See, the reason I wonder this is because I'm the only one who actually waters my lawn while I've never seen anyone else watering. I don't even see sprinklers or hear them. I'm very aware of my neighborhood and it just baffles me. I dedicate so much time out of the week to making sure my home looks nice and I rather enjoy my yard work, much like Hank Hill does. I keep thinking that if we get to stay here come fall, I will plant winter grass and make a serious effort to make this place have a beautiful green lawn. I'll rip that which is out completely, hoe, water, seed, fertilize, and take Lulu for walks to make sure my grass grows. I guess I just need to vent and complain for a second and wonder what the hell is wrong with the ground around me. OK, that's all.

Monday, July 13, 2009

A Sunday blog

Today was one of those days you just look back at and wonder where it went. We woke up early enough and went out shooting with someone Jesse met through work, Ryan. I was going to shoot but wound up taking Charlie on a nature walk. We saw all sorts of jack rabbits, lizards, and road kill. It was interesting to say the least. Then, as the guys were wrapping things up, Charlie puttered around picking up various shotgun shells and moving them from one side of the desert to another. It was kind of funny. Lulu watched like she could care less.

We got home and Jesse bbq'd brautwurst for us. After I ate, I went to take a nap. I can't be in the sun for too long or else I just get seriously tired. Anyway, Jesse came in a little while later and told me that we were going to have company so I woke up and took a quick shower because I felt gross and needed to wake up.

Not too soon after, we did get company. Ryan and his wife Julie came over and brought their Boston Terrier, Maximillion (sp?). Lulu and Max and Charlie played and had all sorts of fun whilst us adults hung out. Jesse and Ryan talked guns. Julie and I talked kids, marriage, vaccines, work at home moms, the gov't and things of the sort. Now, as a mild tangent, most of the people I am friends with are liberal, so I always get a little giddy when I meet conservatives, especially when they're in our age range. It's a little hard to find 20- and 30-something conservatives. Anyway, they're totally awesome people to know and are great people to add to our growing circle of Reno friends. I think we're set up to go to the gun show this month. I told Julie about my purse hook up there and can't wait to see what goodies the guy has this month. They wound up staying till 9:30ish, which was later than we realized.

I think tomorrow we're going to Wild Island but I'm not 100% on it. If Charlie is still being a butt with his teething I might call it off. He's no fun when he's cranky and if he's in pain, he becomes miserable and doesn't enjoy even the most fun of things. He has been horrible tonight. He woke up around 10:00 freaking out and didn't go back to sleep till 11:00. Anyway, I think now is a good time for me to go to bed, so the end.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Molars are a real bitch

Today was supposed to be a fun day, but thanks to two teething toddlers (try saying that five times fast), it was more of a chore than a delight. I met up with some friends and their babies this morning. We were going to check out the new strip mall at Legends (which is pretty cool and has some decent outlet stores with decent prices) and then go swimming at the Sparks Marina. Well, to start, we went on the day they were doing the auditions for America's Next Top Model in Reno. It was pretty crappy. We watched the end of it. Just a bunch of girls who were pretty but not America's Next Top Model pretty. And it was ass hot and I'm sure the heat took a toll on things that would make them look better like hair that wasn't going limp or not sweating like crazy. But yeah. After that, I took Charlie to play in a fountain, but Mr. Grumpus Gnome was teething and just cried whenever I put him on the ground to stand up and walk around. We got food because we thought maybe that would make the boys happier. Nope. Charlie barely touched his food and his buddy cut a tooth mid lunch and started bleeding and crying and it got uglier from there out. The rest of the day was the two boys crying and just being in teething hell. When I got home, I gave Charlie some Tylenol and teething tablets and later rubbed a little Jack on his gums and he was still fussy. I gave him his frozen teething toys. Let him chew on my fingers. Let him chew on my shirt. Nothing. Finally, Lulu sees my despair and comes running to the rescue. She lets Charlie pet her in hopes that will make things better. It did. She was the magic charm. She distracted him by letting him torment her that he completely forgot he was aching. Yay Lulu. Hopefully this is the end of the bad teething. Jesse wants to go shooting with some clients/new friends tomorrow and I just don't know how to hang if Charlie is a teething butt if we go shooting or even if I'm at home alone with him.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Beginning of a HUGE job

We were supposed to have some people come look at the house tonight. I had the house cleaned all spotless and beautiful and no one ever came. So around 8:30 or so, I went out to the Oldsmobile and started to pull the vinyl off. It's a huge job actually. The adhesive is on there with some fluff pretty good. And then, there's also the task of removing this stuff around the windows, but it's a lot of scraping and pulling and driving me crazy. I hope I didn't get bit by mosquitos. I'll post pictures later in the week.

Top color poll

I need some serious advice on this one. What color should I do the top of the Oldsmobile? Cream, black or the same color as the body?

Best Wife

Yesterday, while Jesse was at work, I decided to paint the driver side doors on his Galaxie. I know, I'm a good wife. While doing that, Lulu was outside with me sunning on the back porch. She got sick of that and needed shade and decided that the grass under the trees wasn't good enough and I found her cooling on the shaded front porch concrete when I threw out my painting trash. Jesse was happy with his surprise paint job I did for him. He should be. He fondled his carburetor last night while on the phone with his friend. I guess he wants to put it in this weekend. On a funny tangent, we took both cars to the A&W on Wednesday and someone said Jesse's car was the other "black primered car." Yeah, no it's not primer. It's a flat black paint. Silly lady. I'm not a fan of the flat black, but that's what Jesse likes and it's his car so I'll sit and support his choices and help him with the work. Again, I'm a good wife.

Soda: The Devil's Blood

One of the easiest things for me to do when I was pregnant was not drink alcohol because let's face it, I don't drink much. On average, I'd say my alcohol consumption is anywhere between 1 - 6 drinks in a 3 month period. And that's on the high side. The hardest thing was not drinking caffeine, particularly soda. I've heard people say that stopping soda is harder than quitting smoking and I'm sure if you look up research on that one, you could probably find scientific data of it being true. Well, I can say I'm glad I'm not a smoker or a drinker or a drug user because I can't even quit drinking soda. I've made several attempts over the past years to quit all together but that never worked. I guess now I'm at one of those middle grounds. I haven't had much soda, yet I haven't not had any. I'd say within this last week, I had 5 cups of soda. Normally I would have drank 3 times that amount, so I'd say I've been pretty good. Jesse and I try to encourage each other with our no-soda-drinking success stories. "I had one soda today." "I didn't have any soda today." I feel like I'm in AA or something. This is pretty sad.

Interview Etiquette

You know how there's this whole etiquette behind the whole job interview process? There's all that official crap about how you should do some sort of snappy cover letter, a resume that makes you sound like a real go-getter, and in the case of designers and artists, you want to send some sort of samples, whether it be a link to your portfolio. Then if you're lucky enough to get an actual in-person interview, you're supposed to show up early, dress nice, have your resume and portfolio, speak clear, answer short and direct, shake hands, thank the interviewer, etc. etc. And then there's that other end that says you should write a thank you note or something after the interview. Well, on the note of interview etiquette, I believe that if you interview someone and say you'll respond within a certain time frame and never do, well, that's just plain rude.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

A dream that left me feeling like "woah"!

Last night I had this very bizarre dream. I was single, but I had Charlie. Jesse and I weren't divorced and he wasn't dead, he just wasn't in my life as in I had never met him. I lived in what seemed like a hybrid of our house and our old apartment. My mom and sister were here too. I met Jesse in the neighborhood at the Spirit Gas station on Wells. We talked and wound up hanging out for the day and had amazing sex. I asked him about what it meant, like if we were in a relationship or something and he couldn't really come up with an answer. He then had to leave. It was going to snow and he had to get through the Donner Pass before it came in. He drove off in my Oldsmobile and I hesitated for about a minute or two and drove off after him, also in my Oldsmobile. Apparently, we each had one. We wound up at the gas station again and he walked out from inside after paying and I called him. He looked up and I told him he couldn't go because I loved him. He then walked over to me and we kissed each other in the parking lot for what seemed like forever and was the most incredible kiss I ever had in my life (well, a dream I guess you could say.) He then took me with him and we drove across the land and that was the rest of the dream, just driving in silence.

After I woke up and got dressed and all this morning, the memory of this dream came back to me and I have been since wanting to kiss the hell out of my husband. 2 years and a baby later, I still am madly in love with the man of my dreams. I wish everyone can find someone like that in life and still get all giddy at the thought of them coming home or seeing them or whatever. I love Jesse so much, I painted his car for him while he was at work today. And tonight, we'll probably have sex if that's not too much of a forward statement.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Woah-oh Dreaaaam Weaver...

So I've been playing around with Flash and Dreamweaver lately. I've been figuring out how to use them (finally!) I sorta had an idea with some flash but right now I just use it for simple animated gallery type things. You get the fun of an animation without the quality loss you'd get with a .gif. So I'm happy about that. Right now my abilities are super limited, but ok, Dreamweaver. I over complicated it before with a really crappy online tutorial I read and found an even better youtube tutorial that basically summed it all up for me in all of 2 minutes. Because I'm super overzealous, I start to look at something and soon after realize that they are dumbing things down and I am capable of more and well, I just will go on and say forget their tutorial, I think I got it from here and voila! So yeah, working on playing with things. That's all for now.

Friday, July 3, 2009


The Galaxie works again. Turns out Jesse goobered up not tightening something enough and the thing got loose and wasn't working properly. I guess that's what happens when I distract him when he's working to answer a gunsmithing call. Fortunately, he got paid for a gunsmithing job and has a functioning Galaxie now.

Sick to my stomach

I literally feel sick to my stomach. Like noxious like I'm going to throw up. I also have the worst taste in my mouth. I believe this is all the works of one buffalo chicken salad I had yesterday that seemed like a good idea then but not anymore. In reality, this starts about two days ago...

My friend Chrissy was in Montana for her grandpa's funeral. She flew up there and was going to drive one of his cars back because her car she has here in Reno has been giving her so many problems she's ready to throw in the towel with it. On her drive home, she texts me saying she's having car troubles and that she has really bad cell phone reception and service. Around 12:30 pm, I get a text saying her car broke down by Mile Marker 221 some 200 miles from Reno and she needs someone to call highway patrol. I was asleep when I got it and didn't quite comprehend what was happening and for some reason thought her mom was coming with her.

Yesterday I go by her house to see if she ever got home safe and she's not home. I call and text and nothing. I call highway patrol to see if anyone picked her up last night and they say no I and I ask them to check on it. Well, it turns out she did get picked up around 1:30 am and they took her to a tire store and she calls me at 1:50 pm and asks if I can pick her up. I go. Highlights of the drive include seeing a tumbleweed cross the highway, driving in the rain with my windows down because it was so hot, some really cool lightning, local diner color, and the Oldsmobile being very well behaved (I'm starting to think he doesn't like Jesse and is jealous of him.)I kept thinking there's a ghost town out in Battle Mountain, which is where Chrissy was at. Apparently there is, I just checked and confirmed it.

Anyway, we got dinner and headed back home. It wasn't that bad of a drive all in all. I just realized that there's a bunch really cool ghost towns near us. I'll hafta go out and check them out some day. In the mean time, my stomach has got better.

Thursday, July 2, 2009


Yesterday we put the hubcaps on because we were going to the A&W. I wasn't planning on putting them on till after the painting was done but no biggie. Much to my delight my car wasn't the crappiest one out there so I felt a little better. At the same time it wasn't a hot rod or a muscle car, but whatever. We had this joke, "What's that on your engine?" "Dirt. It's stock." *snort* Anyway here's some pics.