Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Marriage is work, but not a chore

I am always fascinated in ways to make life better than it already is. I love Dr. Laura and believe she gives the most honest, straight-forward advice, so I bought her book, 10 Stupid Things Couples Do To Mess Up Their Relationships. Granted, there's a lot in there about what people do wrong, but you can take the book two ways: either a learning experience of "OK, that's what happened" or as a learning manual of "OK, I'll make sure I never do that." We fit in the latter. While Jesse and I have a good marriage, it is not perfect. We're human. Nothing in life is perfect. We both make mistakes. We both argue. Sometimes it's just little petty stuff that could easily be over looked but is made more of a nuisance because of a bad day, sometimes more serious that require sit down discussions. Fact of the matter, for any couple to say they never argue or never have issues is absurd. It's these little flaws in life that make us human and not Gods.

Anyway, I recently invested in some relationship books, as mentioned Dr. Laura's book, as well as The Love Dare, which a friend did and loved. The Love Dare is a 40 day plan to strengthen your love (not lust, this book is about friendship, commitment, honor, respect, and spiritual connections to your spouse, not sex.)

Right now seemed like a perfect time to try out the books and in addition, I created a Year of Fun plan as a supplement to the Love Dare. While that is about the spiritual side of things, my plan is more about keeping monotony out of life. Having a child suddenly takes away from being a couple and has put a strain on things in our relationship. So my plan sees that every week we devote one night to doing something that is about us as a couple. Sometimes it's about one person doing something special for the other, sometimes it's about doing something together. The thing is, it's about us and us being happy and trying new things. Is this one about sex? Sometimes. Could be. There's dinner/DVD nights, walk nights, game nights, Mystery Date (surprise outing) nights, and so on.

Marriage is a lot of work, but not a chore. Yes, bills, children and just day to day stress take tolls on us, but it's that for better or for worse where we work on supporting each other and seeing that we keep our sanity, and making time for the family and making time for the couple that keep us happy. There are ups and there are downs, but it doesn't have to be drama constantly. So on that note, I am eager to start our Love Dare and Year of Fun and look forward to what will come in the following weeks.

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