Saturday, July 18, 2009

Physically and Emotionally Drained

A little bit of a laundry list on this one because there's several factors involved in no particular order:

1. 2 months ago we bug bombed and sprayed the house for bugs. There were all these spiders and ants and other weird crap that freaked me out to the point of not being able to sleep. Well, now because of the heat, we have all these spiders showing up again. There was one on the floor by the computer this morning, then a little one on the blind in Charlie's room and a huge one by his toys that freaked me out. I immediately sprayed the house after Jesse killed those.

2. I am freaked out by the spiders now and wonder if I will be able to sleep. Probably not well. If fear of creepy crawlies doesn't keep me up, then the heat or Charlie waking up at night will. Did I mention he went from sleeping through the night to waking up now around 2 am again? Well he does. And to make matters worse, Jesse brings him into our bed, where him and Lulu take turns trying to kick me off the bed. Now he doesn't want to go back to sleep when he wakes up but wants to come into our bed. So I haven't been sleeping well lately.

3. My body has been destroyed by having a child. Not physically like in my appearance but like as in my actual physical state. Granted my boobs sag and I have stretch marks, but I believe I'm one of those rare people who looks better post child but make up for it by my body falling apart. I can't take a dump without it resulting in a hemmerhoid, which is an interesting fact considering I didn't have a vaginal birth and never had that forcing or straining. Although if you've ever had a c-section or any abdominal surgeries, you'll know what a bitch it is to poop after being fed practically nothing and spending days taking pain killers that constipate you. One of the most detrimental things, though, has been as of lately, sex, which was normally great, has become horrible. For some reason, my body hurts. Any area of my body which normally would be a receptor of pleasure is now only capable of receiving discomfort. This bothers me greatly because I feel like it is causing issues in our relationship. It makes Jesse feel bad and it makes me grumpy. I'm hoping it's just some weird slump or something like me having a cyst or something that's causing discomfort or maybe just the Mirena IUD. I dunno. I'm pretty crabby right now.

4. I'm still looking for work. I've heard back from a few things. One no because I applied for something that sounded like a web job but turns out its just some data entry bullshit and the person wants someone he can pay a shitty salary in cash under the table. It struck me as odd and the guy said two days ago he went with someone else, yet today I see he has a posting for that job again. Then I had an interview a month ago that I was told they'd get back to me and they never did and I've written them off as a no. I've thrown out resumes to a zillion other places from administrative work to design work. My only requirement is that I don't get less than $15/hr because quite frankly, anything under that makes it not worth it to me to go to work as my whole check would go to pay for daycare. I did have an interview this morning but if that job makes me an offer, we will have to move halfway across the country. While it will be a great opportunity for us financially, it will be hard on my family back home as it will be hard for them to visit us and us to visit them. It's already hard on my mom to not see me, Jesse, Charlie and Lulu except for maybe 3 or 4 times a year, but it would be harder for her if it were less than that. And it would be a shame to have to say goodbye to all of the wonderful people we've met out in Reno. But, be that as it may, we still have 2 weeks to find out what's going on and 2 weeks to seriously think about this. There are a LOT of pro's in the situation though.

5. I keep injuring myself. I have so many bruises and cuts and scrapes. Most of the time I'm just bumping into things but sometimes it's just really painful. Like, I keep whacking my little right toe in the dining room chairs whenever I put Charlie in his high chair. For a while, I was convinced I broke my toe, but Jesse told me if I could wiggle it, then I was fine. So according to his rule, while it was difficult to wiggle, it didn't hurt so much after a week or two so it's fine. When I sleep, the way the covers lay on my feet and Lulu laying between them, I wake up with sever pain in my ankles. I swear, I feel like an old person bitching about everything going wrong. And then my skin is itchy. I think my razors are giving me razor burn or something. Maybe I just have dry skin? I dunno.

Anyway, time for this crotchety lady to get to bed and watch Sexy City (Sex & the City) reruns and fall asleep only to wake up in, oh, 3 hours, to a crying child. Damn.


The Joo said...

Sorry about the spiders. If we didn't spray every 3 months, we'd be infested. As for the nasty Hs... I completely understand. It sucks. M&Y husband is so sick of hearing a report on how my poo went and how bad my butt hurts.

MsVennie said...

It's interesting to me what you say about every portion of your body hurting. Is it like an under the skin hurting? the reason I ask, is that I've had fibromyalgia for a little over 2 years now. Developed when I moved here to Reno. Apparantly the mold content here is extremely high, and I having a weak immune system to start, have fallen prey to it. It also highly affected my sex life because any time my hubbie would touch me, it would be excrutiating. I've been on medicinal therapy for quite some time; also eat organic & almost 100% veggie (boosts the immune system) & attend weekly sauna sessions to try and help. All three combined have been very helpful for my pain levels.