Wednesday, November 11, 2009

You know whats buuuuuullshit??? (some TMI)

Like my tribute to the Bullshit/Angry Video Game Nerd guy???

I'm not gonna go into too many details but long story short, my gyno thinks I have endometriosis. If you don't know what that is, it's a gross lady-part disorder where your uterine lining grows wrong, usually wrong places or whatever and creates a bruising effect inside causing pain and all sorts of other weird crap. I never put all the signs together. I attributed my abnormally heavy and painful periods as a teen to stress. Then I went on the pill and suddenly it all stopped. Then when I wasn't on the pill, I was pregnant. Obviously, signs of endometriosis aren't present when you're on birth control or pregnant because you're not making uterine lining then because it's in use. During c-section I had this ugly cyst that looked like a giant raspberry removed. Post c-section I hurt and thought it was because I had a c-section. Then I got my Mirena IUD (which I love!) and thought the pain was still there because of the IUD. So gyno tells me that pain shouldn't be around a year later after c-section and I'm not fevering so there's no staff infection issues. They do an ultrasound to see if there's maybe gnarly cysts or something and check Mirena position. All is good. Mirena is in place fine but I do have a small cyst. However doc says that all my symptoms reek of endometriosis and they'll only know by doing a laparoscopic exam. He doesn't have any pamphlets on it so he gives me the one on sterilization, which is also done apparently laparoscopically.

Here's where the buuuuuuuuullshit comes in...

I don't want any more kids. I didn't want a kid in the first place. Charlie was an accident but I love him none the less and was the last person to know I was pregnant and abortion never even crossed my mind when I found out. I always joked that the only way I'd ever have more kids would be if I had another accident. I have a list about a mile long as to why I don't want any more kids. A few of the top examples include:

We have one child and one pug and that's the way it is.
Charlie is too used to one-on-one attention from his parents if he had a sibling it would make him jealous and possibly create some sort of complex in him where he grows up resenting his sibling and parents.
I hated being pregnant and it hurt really bad and I was super uncomfortable and never want to go through that again in my life.
I had a lot of problems after pregnancy with thrush and don't want to experience that ever again.
Raising one child is hard enough.
I don't want to be one of those people that has more kids than I can afford to take care of.
I don't want to be fat again in my life (selfish but legit reason.)
I don't want any more stretch marks (another selfish but legit reason.)
I don't want to have to pay all those co-pays and go to the doctors every month, two weeks, week, and then pay for labor and delivery costs. Those co-pays add up and birth is expensive!

But back to the buuuuuuuullshit. I hate when other people feel it's their place to butt in and give their two cents. "What if something happens to your child? What if you get divorced and remarry and want to have more children? What if 5 or 10 years from now your mind changes?"

OK, first off, let me say that anyone who says the "what if something happens to your child?" excuse is sick. I can't imagine if something horrible happened to my son, but you know what I can't imagine more? I could NEVER EVER IN MY LIFE think of trying to replace him with another child to fill the void. I mean, that's like having a dog you love a lot, the dog dies and you get a new dog. Sometimes you get a dud, sometimes you get another that is totally different and you love. I just don't think that I would go to that extent though if anything ever happened to Charlie. I mean, he is our one and only Charlie. If anything ever happens to him, that's it. He cannot be replaced and I would never try to do that. I personally think that's just wrong. That is my personal opinion, though.

As for marrying and having children, I'm kind of an advocate against that. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'd never do it. Personally, I'm not a fan of divorce. I would do anything in my powers to avoid divorce. Granted some issues are good warrants for divorce. Cheater, Abusers, Substance Abusers, Criminals, Chronic Mama's Boys aka Men who put Mommy above their spouse and children. However, I feel like this does something detrimental to the current child(ren). It's like you get married and they have a new daddy and it's not enough to say old daddy wasn't good enough, now you are saying that old child wasn't good enough and you need to have a new child. I feel like if you remarry someone and it's not good enough for them to treat the current kids as their own and be happy, it's just kinda sad for the current kids to have to deal with this new stuff. Of course this is just my theory. There's lots of cases where step kids adapt and even enjoy siblings. But for me, I'd never do it. Period.

Lastly, when I got pregnant at 25, I didn't want kids. I had an accident, love him, but don't want any more kids. I will be 28 in 3 months and 30 in 2 years. I know that pregnancies after 30 - 35 tend to have more complications. Why would I want to have a child later in life when it would be more difficult if I had a hard enough time the first time I got pregnant when I was in my birthing prime!?

Let me just end this by saying I am extremely opinionated. I'm not gonna hate anyone for doing things I wouldn't do. That's your decision. But these are mine and they're why I want my tubes tied when in Rome looking for endometriosis. Obviously I convinced the gyno. He just wants to hear it from my husband now that he wants that too. Apparently there's all sorts of legal crap the doctor could face. But he was also the one to mention that if we ever change our minds, while the process isn't reversible, there's always invetro. Pftt yeah right! If I don't want one more kid, I strongly doubt I want 8!!!

The end.

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