Saturday, September 17, 2011

I Can't Live On Chili Dogs

Today I realized a flaw in our marriage. The flaw is really something more out of our control. The flaw you ask? Metabolism. Jesse's works way faster than mine. Even when he turned 30 and it slowed down and as he aged it's still far faster than mine will ever be. Just as he could probably effortlessly outrun me with my feeble squat legs next to his, his metabolism will process and digest food far faster than mine ever will and he'll poop it out daily while my body will want to hold onto it for dear life in my gut and thighs.

That being said, I've been desperately trying to lose weight for a long time now. I try to eat healthy. I try to exercise. Even when I was running 5 miles a day I didn't seem to be able to lose weight and why? One word: dinner. Breakfast and lunch are fine. They are the two meals a day I eat alone. Oatmeal from the privacy of my desk and my typical lunch consisting of a sandwich on whole wheat bread with two slices of thin sliced turkey or chicken, mustard, 1 cup grapes, 1/4 cup almonds, and 1/2 cup carrot sticks. People ask if I get bored eating the same thing every day to which I say, "No." Strangely, when it comes to lunch and breakfast, I really like routine. I like the same crap every day. Maybe it's wrong or bad and holding me down, I'm not sure. But when it comes to dinner, that is my downfall.

I try to make healthy dinners. But that's pretty much pointless. When I do make something healthy, either I wind up being the only one who eats it, or it gets eaten, but then a second dinner or snack gets made. Fail. I'm more a fan of the latter, the second dinner, because at least then the first dinner isn't being wasted. I'm not a fan of wasting food. But then comes in the laziness, my second worst enemy. When I get lazy, I fail. I get lazy by not wanting to cook two different meals. I just try to make something for everyone. Usually this goes beyond what works for my diet. You know, the Hamburger Helpers and Chili Dogs and Macaroni and Cheeses. All the stuff that likes to stay with my body for 10 years before leaving me. Those foods are like diapers in a landfill, stenching up my system, making me miserable and lazy. I love them, but they do not love me. Additionally, Jesse loves them. In fact, he probably was raised and grazed off of that stuff and all throughout his single man bachelorhood. He can process it no problem. I can't. The worst part about it is I can feel these foods taking a toll on my health. I can feel my blood thickening and slowing as I fall asleep at night as it lub-dubs through my heart ever so lazily. I'm constantly exhausted. I'm depressed from being overweight and tired and to make matters worse, I just want to sleep, eat, or be alone. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything and I especially don't want to be touched.

In an effort to eat better, I have tried just about everything under the sun and I feel as if I am lacking the support I need to be healthy. Granted I'd like to lose some weight but at this point, I don't want to be one of those people who dies in their 30s from a heart attack. I'm not morbidly obese but I've seen friends and neighbors have heart attacks who weren't morbidly obese, just slightly overweight and living off of all the wrong things. Fast food. Fatty foods. Things high in cholesterol. I don't want to be that person.

So in light of all that is wrong with foods, I decide to make a healthy bean stew for dinner. It sounds good. And of course slightly before dinner, Jesse announces he's just going to make something else because he doesn't feel like bean stew. Well what then? He's not sure but he knows he doesn't want bean stew. OK, granted I can make other stuff that can be healthy that's not a bean stew, so our options aren't totally limited. About 10 minutes later it is suggested: Buffalo Wild Wings. Maybe I should just cave and get that because it gives me diarrhea every time I eat it and it'll flush my system and then I can go cry in the corner somewhere feeling guilty for eating crap. I don't mind it once in a while but after we have Waffle House in the morning, I can't have buffalo wings for dinner. And I can't have junk food every day. And neither should Jesse.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Importance of Closure

I've been in a funk lately. It's pretty much the same place I left off at around 8 years ago where I was expected to come up with something great and just drew a blank. I've been sitting around a lot wondering if I could have done things differently the first time around (pertaining to education) if I would have done it differently. Like instead of paint (and stay in my comfort zone), jump head first into design (new and unfamiliar then.) I realize as much as I want to be a comfort zone person, that I thrive on the adreneline rush of the new and unfamiliar. As much as we all want to be creatures of comfort, I think we all secretly long for the unfamiliar and unknown and the adventures that lie within. Anyway, I guess my depression is lurking from the fact I wish I went one way instead of the other. Instead I keep looming back to wondering why I ever stopped painting and allowed myself to become bitter and unhappy and after years and years of trying to figure out what I could have done differently, I find myself going back to the same spot as if I'll someday be able to change it to make things right and life will be ok. You know, how people like to put closure on things as a way of feeling better? I guess I feel if I'm not going to paint anymore, I want to put closure on it. And if I do not put closure on it, I want to keep doing it but where to begin? I keep going to that dark place (where, in the right conditions can catapult excellence, and if left unattended, well, just keeps me in a funk) and I feel like I want to do something great but I just feel stuck. It's depressing. I feel as if I'm stuck between a failure and mediocrity and it's a disappointing feeling.

Thursday, September 1, 2011


Yesterday my boss asked me if I blogged lately and I told him not since two weeks ago. I just haven't had much time or things on my mind. Anyway, while working on some newsletter updates, I had to do a mandatory mental time out to break away from some atrocities of fonts I couldn't bear looking at any longer.  I decided to do something long overdue and complain about some fonts I really would love see die and or never have been invented. I mean, we all grew a hatred for Comic Sans and I think that one goes beyond speaking because everyone and their mother minus administrative assistants and school teachers hate Comic Sans. If you live under a rock and have never seen Comic Sans, I strongly urge you stay under your rock and don't expose yourself to it. Lord knows I wanna punch it in the face!

It's simple, decorative, yet just enough to be slightly annoying. Plus, it seems people use it a lot and I can never remember what it's called. I want to call it Allegra or something with an A that I can't remember. Algerian. I think part of my discontent for it is the fact I can never recall what it's called but now that I'm acknowledging it in writing, I'll never forget... or I will. We'll see.

Sometimes I feel like, somebody's watching meee. Not that Rockwell. Rockwell the font, which I think has potential to be a nice font but it seems to be used and abused and just so in your face that it becomes annoying. I dunno what I'd use it for. Maybe like a word or no more than five. But people seem to like to use it for paragraphs upon paragraphs of text and they like to smush it in to fit and it feels like you're reading something that's been blobbed together. Agh my eyes hurt thinking about the blob with occasional negative space that just barely help me remember I am in fact looking at text and not some weird Mondrianesque piece! Don't forget to make it bold and red!

Seems like Comic Sans totally sold out. It was no longer good enough for bold eye-catching headers because it lost some of it's effect when people started using it religiously for body copy. Dang! Fortunately, someone managed to create an even more secretary-friendly more-obnoxious font: JOKERMAN! Even it's name alludes to it's playful (read: over the top annoying) nature! I can just imagine the gleeful smile some admin assistant has on her face as she drafts some sort of Happy Labor Day message to mass email all her coworkers and just for fun she'll make the letters alternate in red, white, and blue because that's how patriotic she is. Nothing celebrates the joyous day off for those of us who work or go to school as national holiday recognizing all those who died in Labor Union strikes against US Marshalls and the military in 1882. And said note is not complete without some sort of horrendous spelling error. It's like this font and gratuitous spelling mistakes go hand-in-hand. Oh and while you're at it, put it on a hard to read background, huh?

Matisse ITC
Here's another gem of an annoying font. It's a playful font that seems to be inspired by French Post-Impressionist Henry Matisse and his flat form paper cut out style paintings. Because after all, can't you just see this font being the creation of numerous scraps of paper? Instead of just trashing them, let's make an annoying font as an homage to a great painter! And if you ever notice when this font is used, it's often in really horrible color combinations that pain the eyes but somehow they touch the heart of the bright colors of Post-Impressionists. Ugh. Poor Henry must be rolling over in his grave over this one.

Wow. You wanna make something really awesome that feels all non-Western-tropical-like-ancient-Egypt-luau-ish? Because people seem to love this font for everything, especially menus and wedding invites. You know, because you're getting married on the beach? And you can't imagine seeing Falaffel in any other font? Maybe throw it along side some cutting edge clip art. That'd be sweet.Can you feel it all coming together?

Anyway, for the sake of mankind, I think we'd all be a lot better off if these fonts didn't exist. I really hate them and yet they seem to be standard fonts with most Windows systems for the most part. They drive me bat shit crazy and don't even get me started on Word Art. Just because you use Microsoft Word Art or MS Publisher, does not mean you are a designer. Hell, I've been doing design stuff for years and even I'm not sure I consider myself a designer (I know my strengths and weaknesses.) But I can tell you this much: I know when the Font Police should be called for crimes against typography.