Today I realized a flaw in our marriage. The flaw is really something more out of our control. The flaw you ask? Metabolism. Jesse's works way faster than mine. Even when he turned 30 and it slowed down and as he aged it's still far faster than mine will ever be. Just as he could probably effortlessly outrun me with my feeble squat legs next to his, his metabolism will process and digest food far faster than mine ever will and he'll poop it out daily while my body will want to hold onto it for dear life in my gut and thighs.
That being said, I've been desperately trying to lose weight for a long time now. I try to eat healthy. I try to exercise. Even when I was running 5 miles a day I didn't seem to be able to lose weight and why? One word: dinner. Breakfast and lunch are fine. They are the two meals a day I eat alone. Oatmeal from the privacy of my desk and my typical lunch consisting of a sandwich on whole wheat bread with two slices of thin sliced turkey or chicken, mustard, 1 cup grapes, 1/4 cup almonds, and 1/2 cup carrot sticks. People ask if I get bored eating the same thing every day to which I say, "No." Strangely, when it comes to lunch and breakfast, I really like routine. I like the same crap every day. Maybe it's wrong or bad and holding me down, I'm not sure. But when it comes to dinner, that is my downfall.
I try to make healthy dinners. But that's pretty much pointless. When I do make something healthy, either I wind up being the only one who eats it, or it gets eaten, but then a second dinner or snack gets made. Fail. I'm more a fan of the latter, the second dinner, because at least then the first dinner isn't being wasted. I'm not a fan of wasting food. But then comes in the laziness, my second worst enemy. When I get lazy, I fail. I get lazy by not wanting to cook two different meals. I just try to make something for everyone. Usually this goes beyond what works for my diet. You know, the Hamburger Helpers and Chili Dogs and Macaroni and Cheeses. All the stuff that likes to stay with my body for 10 years before leaving me. Those foods are like diapers in a landfill, stenching up my system, making me miserable and lazy. I love them, but they do not love me. Additionally, Jesse loves them. In fact, he probably was raised and grazed off of that stuff and all throughout his single man bachelorhood. He can process it no problem. I can't. The worst part about it is I can feel these foods taking a toll on my health. I can feel my blood thickening and slowing as I fall asleep at night as it lub-dubs through my heart ever so lazily. I'm constantly exhausted. I'm depressed from being overweight and tired and to make matters worse, I just want to sleep, eat, or be alone. I don't want to go anywhere or do anything and I especially don't want to be touched.
In an effort to eat better, I have tried just about everything under the sun and I feel as if I am lacking the support I need to be healthy. Granted I'd like to lose some weight but at this point, I don't want to be one of those people who dies in their 30s from a heart attack. I'm not morbidly obese but I've seen friends and neighbors have heart attacks who weren't morbidly obese, just slightly overweight and living off of all the wrong things. Fast food. Fatty foods. Things high in cholesterol. I don't want to be that person.
So in light of all that is wrong with foods, I decide to make a healthy bean stew for dinner. It sounds good. And of course slightly before dinner, Jesse announces he's just going to make something else because he doesn't feel like bean stew. Well what then? He's not sure but he knows he doesn't want bean stew. OK, granted I can make other stuff that can be healthy that's not a bean stew, so our options aren't totally limited. About 10 minutes later it is suggested: Buffalo Wild Wings. Maybe I should just cave and get that because it gives me diarrhea every time I eat it and it'll flush my system and then I can go cry in the corner somewhere feeling guilty for eating crap. I don't mind it once in a while but after we have Waffle House in the morning, I can't have buffalo wings for dinner. And I can't have junk food every day. And neither should Jesse.