Thursday, December 8, 2011

Shit or Get Off The Pot

One of my favorite rules of life quotes comes from play write Maria Irene Fornes and she wrote, "I have to live with my decisions, whether you like them or not." That being said, in life, people do things that upset others, but you can't go around living your life in fear of whether you'll hurt peoples feelings or not because then you compromise your own happiness. There has to be some give and take. And in my case I need to start living my life for me. I have given so much that I am now left empty handed.

First off, I want to be in shape. I want to do my marathon. I want to lose weight. It's not gonna happen by going out to lunch every day. I gained a lot of weight moving out to Georgia from living off fast food all week. I started to lose that weight when I'd sit down every day and eat my same old lunch on the Plaza and read my books and go walking. Then I got stuck in the "going out" trap. Where it seemed like every day I would be going out to eat or hang out for lunch and start spending money I didn't need to waste or eating crap that was sticking with me. I'm a compulsive person. I can't be around the fast food or the snacks. I do have to shut myself out from being social if that's what it takes. That's just the way it is.

Second, I put others above my family all too often. I'll go out at night with friends or whatever. I do my running. I go hunting. In Reno I had the gym and softball. I need to do things with the family more. If I want to stay home with my family, it really irks me when people try to guilt me or pressure me into going out. Making people have to choose over their family isn't a good thing, especially if your family is getting frustrated with you because you don't choose them. Granted, life is a giant balancing act and you make time for family, friends, work, yourself, etc. But it's even more insulting when I do make arrangements to go out and when the time comes to go where we are destined to go, the plan suddenly changes and I find myself lounging around waiting to figure out what the hell everyone wants to do. OK, if I wanted to sit around, I could do that at home. I'm going on GOING OUT strike. I'm not going out.

Misery loves company. There's the people who have things to bitch about, and I'm not talking about once in a while, because that happens, but you know the people who complain about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. If you're a world-is-out-to-get-me'er, or a perpetual pitty party animal, or someone who feels the need to have self-inflicted drama, or complain about situations in which YOU HAVE CONTROL TO CHANGE, do me a favor and just don't talk about it with me because I don't care. Really, I don't. I can understand why some people aren't very popular, usually its because they make everything in life some sort of ordeal and the world is down on them constantly. I'll be nice for nice sake, but after a while, it just gets to become a burden that isn't my problem and I'll just ignore it and the person for that matter. I hate when people complain about things that they can fix. Look, obviously if people offer suggestions on how to fix it and you ignore them, that makes me as someone suggesting help, feel as if you do not value my opinion and that what I have to say isn't important enough, or that you thrive on drama and at that point, I can see where this is going and I'm not in the mood to deal with it. It's frustrating to hear the same shit over and over again.  I was told once that you can only worry about things which you have control over and that anything else you should just sweat it off. It's not your problem, you can't change it, don't let it bother you. Anyway, things have become such an annoyance to me lately that I'm just dealing with life as it hands things down to me. See how I did that? Pretty nifty, huh?

Finally, I'm gonna say it: I am not single. Don't try to make me act like a single person. I have a husband. I have a child. Don't expect me to flail my arms and jump all excited like to hang out whenever and stay out all hours of the night. I CANNOT DO THAT. Period. This goes back to issue #2 and I've done this time and time again here and in Reno. If I can't go out with my beloved husband, don't expect me to just up and jump out and go out. It's not fair to Jesse that he has to stay home with Charlie all the time. He should be able to go out too. Additionally, I don't feel like having my marriage fall apart to cater to the lives of my single friends. I worked very hard to have a wonderful marriage and I'm not about to throw it away to hang out with friends who can easily ask any number of their other friends out. And I especially do not feel like being around divorced people. Lord keep them away from me! I am going to judge and say maybe your ex was a douche, but after seeing how some single parents or divorced people act in public when drunk, I have to question just how much of their failed marriages are their fault. An old coworker once said there's 3 types of people in the world: single people, married people, and divorced people. Four if you want to count people with children. They all tend to hang out with their peers. I do not want to be a divorced single mom, so just keep that in mind. I'm not gonna be out dancing on table tops or trying to be anyone's wing man. And yes, I will totally be a cock block and say someone is being too slutty or the guy you are talking to is a douche bag and you'll regret it later. Hate me for it, at least when I drink I still have a voice of reason in me.

No one and I repeat NO ONE is worthy of more than 5 - 10% of my time on any given day. I'm not a people person. In fact, I hate people for the most part. Anyway, long story short, I just feel like I refuse to spend so much time and effort into trying to please others. I've tried to be the nice guy for far too long and quite frankly too many straws have been placed on this camel's broken back. If I'm busy, I'm busy. If I want to be at home, go out with other friends, family, call, email, text anyone else, I don't need to justify to anyone other than my HUSBAND the who, what, where, why, when, or hows. Additionally,  I also don't want to know details of everyone's life stories at EVERY given moment of the day. I have work to do. I have a family. And I have a life of my own. I don't have every second of my day to devote to others. Not to mention, I'm not getting paid by the hour to play psychiatrist.

No one is going to rain on my parade. I just think its really shitty that people who are constantly negative try to bring others down. Whatever. I spent a lot of time and effort into making my parade awesome. No one is going to ruin it. Misery loves company and this is me RSVP'ing that I won't be going to Misery's pitty party.

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