Friday, January 13, 2012

Lulu Pug

People who don't understand the impact of animals on people will never get it. I've heard it said time and time again, "It's just a dog." Lulu was not just a dog. Lulu was my golden child. No matter what horrible things she ever did, she was never capable of doing wrong. She was my baby and I even joked calling her my first born. I love my son, but I had never asked to get pregnant. I was happy when I had him. But Lulu, oh my baby pug, I had wanted a pug so much. I had never loved another four legged furry baby as much as I loved my Lulu.

In 2007, Lori got her papillon, Izzy. I wanted to get a dog as I was planning on moving out soon too and I wanted my pug. I had always wanted a pug. I loved their curly tails and big ol' pug dog eyes, how they'd snort and fart and I wanted a fawn pug. I spent months looking through the Pennysaver and classifieds, rescues and shelters, and even the pet stores. I had no luck with pugs. Finally, I found a listing on Craigslist out in Alhambra, CA for Lulu. Not much was said about her other than she was bought as a friend for the other pug, Obie. Obie was an alpha pug and had nothing of Lulu coming into his home, so her owners thought it would be best if she go somewhere that she could be an only child and loved the way she deserved. That's where I come in.

I emailed the gal about my misfortunes of trying to get a pug. A breeder in Lancaster, CA had one who was ready to adopt, but then they weren't ready. He had an eye infection. They were going camping. I spent almost two months hearing their excuses and my heart was breaking thinking I would never get a pug. I just wanted to come take Lulu and if she loved me, I would promise to be the best forever home she could dream of. The next day, I heard back from my email and the lady was completely touched by my story and wanted to meet me. So my mom drove me out to Alhambra (in the rare event I wound up getting Lulu, I had no way to take her home other than in my arms.) When I got out to her house, I saw a tiny little pug. This was Lulu. I learned her original name was something like Wuffie and the lady thought Lulu was a much better name for a pug. I couldn't help but agree. Lulu was far cuter in person than she was online. She was a scrawny little mutt when I saw her photos on Craigslist, but in person, she was a lot thicker and spunkier. She looked at me, growled, the hair on her back stood up and she barked like a mad dog and then ran away to hide. The lady was embarrassed and swore Lulu wasn't normally like this. She was a sweet dog. I looked at her and told the lady, "I have a feeling, despite her freaking out at me, that she will love me and we'll get along great." I gave her $300 which basically was a reimbursement for vet fees and we drove home. She said if Lulu didn't work out I could bring her back and she'd give me my money back, but I told her I don't think that will be happening. On April 30, 2007, Lulu was officially my baby.

On the car ride home, she cried. Not a dog whimper but a cry. It sounded like a hysterical infant. She was only 7.5 months old and going to her third owner now, me. I would be her last. I got her a little pug bed and some toys and food that night at Petco and set up her spot in my room to sleep. She sniffed around the house and laid in her bed moping. Or at least she looked that way. Because Lulu always had an expression of looking either sad or guilty, unless she was hot and panting and then she looked like she had a big grin. Anyway, that night, I tucked Lulu into her bed. I got into my bed and turned on the TV and watched South Park. Next thing I know, I feel a THUMP! and a little pug walks up beside me and curls up on my pillow. We look at each other and I though, "OK, so these are gonna be the sleeping arrangements?"

Within a month, I would be moving up to Reno, NV with Jesse, who was at the time my boyfriend. He hadn't met Lulu yet, but a month later, he met Lulu and we moved up to Reno. I brought half my things up one weekend and then the following weekend, Jesse was out of school and he drove back up with me and Lulu. He did most of the driving as Lulu got spayed earlier in the week and still had her stitches and was taking her post-op medications. Fortunately, we made it up in one piece.

Lulu wasn't very sure of Jesse at first, but he grew on her. I think she was still kind of torn over the moving from one owner to another to me at my parent's house to me with Jesse and she went through some really bad separation anxiety the first six months I had her. She would destroy shoes, tear the trash out and place it at various places around the apartment, share my used tampon applicators with the couch. But even still, no matter how awful she could be, she was my baby pug. She could do no wrong. No matter what she did, all she had to do was look at me with her big pug dog eyes and I could just imagine her saying, "I LOVE YOU MOMMY! LOOK WHAT I DID!" She didn't know better. I could never be angry with her.

When I got pregnant, Lulu knew something was up. No matter how pregnant I was, a few weeks to ready to pop, she was always very careful around my belly. I'll never forget when Charlie started kicking and Lulu and I were laying down on the couch watching TV one evening. Jesse was working nights at that time, so Lulu and I spent a lot of evenings watching TV or laying in bed together. She was laying parallel to my belly when Charlie kicked. She jumped and turned around to see what happened and couldn't see anything. Then she sniffed my belly to see just what the heck was going on in there.

I always wondered what would happen when Charlie was born how it would affect Lulu. I had never been away from her and when I had to stay in the hospital for three days with my c-section, it tore her heart up. I came home and she was so happy to see me. She was jumping and her tail was wagging and it was the best day of her life to have Mommy home again. And I won't lie, I wanted to be around her more than I wanted to be around Charlie. She didn't cry constantly. She wasn't so needy. She was a provider of unconditional pug dog love and I could cuddle her all day if you let me. She was curious as to what Charlie was all about. She knew he was that thing that was growing in my belly that would kick her when she laid at my side.

We all had our own special relationships with Lulu. I was Mommy. I was the unconditional love to her that she was to me. We were partners in crime. She was with me all day long. My first nights home from the hospital she laid on the floor all night staring at me as I tried frustrated to get Charlie to eat. I called her to my side and her little tail wagged that she was allowed to sit with me by the thing we called a Charlie. Instead of a Boppy pillow, she offered her pudgy pug dog services. When I would sit rocking Charlie, she would curl up into the little crevices between me and the glider. I couldn't help but question all the time how uncomfortable she must have been squished up like that, but she didn't care. She was with Mommy.

When I lost my job after Charlie was born, Lulu helped keep me sane. No matter how frustrated I got sometimes, she would look at me as if to tell me, "It's going to be OK." When Charlie took naps, I sat with Lulu on my lap, petting her till she would fall asleep and start snoring. Sometimes, she would snore so hard, she would scare herself and wake up.

Lulu and I were very close. I always considered her my dog. Yes, the whole family loved her and she loved them too, but I always felt I was the one she loved most. Jesse was the fun one. He was Daddy and Lulu loved Daddy. He did all the crazy fun play and rough housing I didn't do. Charlie was Lulu's baby. She was so proud and protective of him. But as he got older, she started to realize she was no longer the alpha pug and had to listen to him and it confused her a bit as to why she now had to listen to the child she had spent the last three years protecting.

I have never felt the pain and heartbreak for anyone or anything ever that I felt this morning when we had to say goodbye to my beloved baby pug. I had never wanted anything more in my life than to have my darling little Lulu. She was my pride and joy and in an instant, she was injured beyond recovery. It tore me apart to have to say goodbye to her, but it would break my heart even more to have to see her spend the rest of her life in pain, agony, and miserable. I wish I could go back in time and protect her. I failed her as her Mommy. It was a freak accident, but it was an accident and could have been prevented. I'm at a loss for words and wish I could do anything to have my Lulu back.

I'm sorry you had to go Lulu. I love you more than your little pug heart could ever know. You're my baby and my heart aches that you are gone. I PUG LU!
One last kiss. Goodbye, baby pug. I'll see you at the rainbow bridge.

1 comment:

Vennie said...

I'm so sorry you lost your sweet Lulu. Our pets are a part of our family, and I understand your loss. **hugs**