Friday, April 11, 2014

Never Gets Old

Sometimes, you find yourself in a situation in life which makes you feel like being a passive aggressive asshole turns you into a bit of a hero. Said occasion happened tonight. Jesse and I had a beautiful dinner that was somewhat ruined by some yuppies sitting behind us. We couldn't help but have to overhear their absurd dinner banter, which was flawed with egregious errors.

For instance, the radio out on the patio dining space was playing a plethora of great 80s music. They started talking about The Breakfast Club and middle age yuppie lady #1 was talking about "The Rat Pack, the group of actors who were in all the 80's movies." First off, she didn't even get the BRAT Pack right. Second, she made absolutely zero reference to Molly Ringwald when discussing them, but instead decided to lump CHARLIE Sheen in there with Emelio Estevez. Later, when the poor waitress had the misfortune of dropping what was like an olive or something miniscule of the sort, elder yuppie lady and middle age yuppie lady #2 were going ape. The waitress dropped a garnish on the FLOOR. But, oh, by the way they were acting, you'd think she intentionally dumped a bowl of scalding hot soup on their laps. Totally out of line.

In the end, we gave the girl a tip that was probably half of what our bill was because she was awesome and she had to deal with that table of high maintenance idiots. Jesse joked, "I should blare Slayer as we leave just to piss them off."

Well, let me tell you something about me and Jesse. We're kind of one in the same in terms of how our brain mechanisms work. We're both those people who among our circle of friends tend to be the most outlandish and we're both somewhat convinced that when we started dating, there may have been some people against us being together specifically for the reason that they may have feared what kind of trouble the two of us would get into if we joined forces. Really, we weren't that bad, though. But we do have a tendency to get excited about the same stuff and take on the same level of enthusiasm towards mischief.

Upon entering the truck, we snickered, rolled down the windows and blared Slayer as Jesse took his sweet time backing up his truck in a 9-million point turn to make sure he didn't hit anything (given he had SO much space, but he wanted to be extra careful.)

The looks on the faces of elder yuppie, middle age yuppie lady #1 and #2 were similar to those of the dinner guests in the RATT video for Round and Round. Yuppie guy just chuckled and tried ever so hard to not laugh as he was clearly amused at their disgust. I think he kind of felt embarassed to be with them after the garnish fiasco. I don't blame him.

Anyway, dinner was great and it's just proof that no matter how old you get, you're never too old to be an asshole and sometimes, you gotta be an asshole to avenge others who can't. I know that poor waitress probably wanted to slap those fools silly, but had to remain over the top polite and apologetic to them. So, waitress lady, that Slayer was for you. Go out and get yourself something nice with that tip we left you, or a tank of gas, or whatever.

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