Monday, May 5, 2014

There's Something About Prius, or How Not To Drive


The automotive harassment squad has been in full force within the last couple of days. Not once, but twice has my poor Focus almost become the victim of drivers incapable of utilizing their peripheral vision when deciding to change lanes. In fact, I’ll just say it is more like a blatant apathy towards checking if lanes are even clear to make a change. 

On Friday, a late 90’s model Honda Accord nearly clipped the front end off of my dearest Focus. Fortunately, I was able to use his sleek handling and my quick reflexes in a combination maneuver to veer onto the shoulder fast enough to avoid getting hit, but return soon enough to resume driving. After this car went from a high speed somewhere around 85mph to cut me off, they slowed down in their new lane around 60mph. Most people who speed to cut someone off usually do so because they want to continue going fast. I’m still trying to figure this one out.

Last night, a Prius Badass decided it would bypass all the slow traffic and cut from the fast lane over two lanes to get to the I-185 South. That means attempting to run into my car to get there. I learned something yesterday. A Prius is invincible. A Prius can defy all odds and laugh in the faces of the Car Gods because it is a Prius. Everything these environmentally elite vehicles with their low emissions lack in style and horsepower, they make up for in cockiness. Yes, after it attempted to pass me via trying to run me off the road several times over and me honking at him to not hit my car, he decides to floor it, repetitively thrust himself forward for extra speed, and make it very clear to me that if I do not slow down or move, he will hit my car. At this point, since my poor Focus has already been hit once before his first birthday, I decided to back down and let the Prius pass. I also continued to stay on my horn like a maniac, lovingly displaying finger gestures of contempt, and yelling at him, “F--- YOU, PRIUS!” repetitively until he was out of my sight.


Now, the one driver from Friday was pretty annoying. But, it seemed like with them, it was just a case of bad driving. The Prius Badass, on the other hand, well, let’s just say it was a case of elitist jerk. I am better than you. My car cost more than yours. Wherever I’m going is more important than where you’re going. Laws of traffic don’t apply to me. Laws of PHYSICS don’t apply to me. I am king of the world and you will move or I will make you move. Really, though, there’s no way that Prius could make my Focus move. Still, it was enough to anger me. If you want to change a lane, speed up and pass with a safe distance, or slow down and pass from behind. I’m still trying to figure out the logic on that one. Just remember, Prius Badass, your car may do well when it comes to being environmentally friendly, but it doesn’t handle tanks well. That’s all I have to say about that. Even a Gremlin is better than a Prius. I'm going to watch Mike Finnegan run over a Prius to make myself feel better now.