Saturday, June 28, 2014

False Advertising!!!

An interesting bit of trivia: if you don't know me well, I am a runner. Not a good one but I do run. I had been spending too much time running and training for races that the purchase of the Satellite was devised as a foil to get me to spend more time at home. Well, as you can tell, from March to now, things have slowed down on the progress of the Satellite. Not because of the fact it has been raining a lot lately, which it has, but because race season is upon us! Specifically, trail season. So, that whole project car in place of running less thing isn't really working out quite well.

That's not to say nothing has been done on the car. I've been doing a lot of the same crap. Filling holes, repairing gaps, sanding, bondo to such a high degree of artistry and craftsmanship it is only comparable to David Freiburger's work with zipties. Har har. But really, I've taken the passenger side from fugly to functional.

I'm at the point where I don't care if it's gorgeous, I just want it driveable. You know, that whole ratty muscle car thing? I was watching The Way Way Back the other day and heard the greatest line where Sam Rockwell says, "Careful! My car's just the right amount of shitty," in cautioning his costar, who is putting his bike in the back seat. I died laughing. That sentiment was exactly what I was thinking I'd like my Satellite to be: just the right amount of shitty! Not mint, but not a total beater; just the right amount of shitty. So, we're talking a paint job that makes it look presentable, but not a good one. I'm a bit of  a Krylon junkie because it is cheap, available, and if someone hits my car in a parking lot with a shopping cart and dings my car, I'm not gonna give a crap because why would I complain about messing up a $15 paint job?

I know I have been flip flopping around for like three months on the color scheme: first it was going to be orange and black, then when I saw our neighbor had an orange 69 Nova I couldn't do that because it'd be weird to have two orange '69 cars on the block. When I got the interior parts and they were green, I thought white with black stripes, but discovered another older car downtown with the same exact paint job (which I have jokingly coined as my car's Arch Nemesis) and I couldn't do that because it'd be totally uncool to have two matching cars that close in a small town.


I toyed around with a buttery yellow and black, but then nixed that because it would be too much like the Oldsmobile's color and I can't do two of the same color schemes. Anyway, long story short after four months of photoshopping paint scheme ideas, I decided to go with a satin black body with a glossy lime hood and butt stripe.

That being said, I went to Ye Olde Walmart today and bought some paint. The black was an easy find. There's a real cheap generic brand that's only $0.99 a can, but I think I'll return those for Krylon simply because I'm convinced the cans are designed for left handed people as they don't work as well when I use my right hand. This can present a major problem. Plus it doesn't flow as nicely as the Krylon. Sometimes, it's important not to go cheap and lesson learned: you don't skimp on spray paint. Period. The next color was the lime. It looked perfect! Seriously, there was so much to love about it: Citrus Green. It says lime, it says green, it's a neon looking lime! I was so excited to see it on!

I took them home and after some priming, I thought, "What the hell, let's see how this is gonna look on the hood." I sprayed a little portion of the Citrus Green. I presented a philosophical concept: if I scowl when no one is around, will anyone know I'm doing it? It's not rhetorical: the answer is yes. I was super bummed. I hit it again with another coat and then sprayed by the fender with the black to see if the dark next to the light would change the way it looked. Nope.

Note: Looking at these photos now, the can totally looks yellow. I'm not sure why it looks yellow on screen but green in person. It's like some kind of bogus trompe l'oeil black magic or something!

My perfect Citrus Green was in fact a deceptive taxi yellow! It was such a bonk, I kept hearing the Price Is Right loser horn playing in my head. Not even close! That's not to say it looked bad. I mean, I do like how it looks and I don't think it'd look bad with the green interior, but really, it's not what I have in mind. I'm just real hell-bent on the lime green and black and this was kind of a major letdown. I'm just not feeling the weird citrus yellow. It strikes me as too chipper to sit next to the black.

Anyway, I returned the paint and plan on shopping around for the right color. In the meantime, he's a dirty little tease and looks pretty good either way. But seriously, though, I want my lime green.